by L. P. Maxa
“Sweets.”
She resisted me for all of three seconds, and then she turned and buried her face in my chest, letting it all go. I rubbed her back, holding her while she cried herself to sleep.
***
“What the fuck, Beau?”
There was that damn phrase again. What was that, like, five times in the last twenty-four hours? I opened one eye and watched Cash climb into Halen’s window with practiced ease. “What are you doing in here?”
“What am I doing in here? Really?”
We were both whispering, trying not to wake Halen. I peeked over her, checking the time on my wrist that was pinned to the bed by her body. It was two o’clock in the morning. “Yes. Really. What are you doing climbing into Halen’s window in the middle of the night?” I wasn’t jealous of their bond, of their closeness. Well, I wasn’t only jealous.
“Crue told me that you came to pick her up from the party and I wanted to check on her, make sure she was okay.” He had his hands on his hips, looming over us like a pissed-off father. “Now why are you in here?”
“She was upset.”
He snorted quietly. “Which I’m sure you had everything to do with.” He jerked his thumb toward the still open window. “Get out.”
I jerked back. “Excuse me?” She was my responsibility, my best friend long before she was ever his.
“I’ll stay with her. You can go.” He sneered at me. “If Halen wakes up and finds you sleeping next to her like that she’ll lose her shit. We both know it. She can’t stand the sight of you.”
He peeled his shirt over his head and I fought the urge to slit his throat. Instead, I spoke slowly, through clenched teeth. “I need you to put your shirt back on, climb the fuck back out of my girl’s window, and go home.” I hadn’t meant to say my girl, because she wasn’t. But Cash was making me feel territorial, not to mention pissing me off. I knew there was nothing between them. I knew they were as close as brother and sister. But at that moment, I damn well didn’t care. “I’m not leaving. And if you fight me on this, I’ll kick your ass all the way back to your front door.”
“This isn’t a pissing match. She’s my sister and I love her. I’m just trying to do what she would want, what would make her the most comfortable.”
And just like that, the fight drained from my body. I wasn’t being fair. I’d left, and then I’d asked Cash to watch out for Halen. Watch over her. I was sure he felt protective and he felt like I was overstepping and going against her wishes. “I know. I’m sorry.” I looked down at the sleeping girl in my arms. “But I’m not leaving her. Not tonight.” I met his glare, letting him see the emotion on my face. “I’ve missed her, every damn day. I’ve dreamed of this, of lying next to her and holding her. Just give me one night.”
“She’s gonna be fit to be tied when she wakes up, man.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right.” I laid my head back down and pulled her tighter against me. I didn’t care about what would happen in the morning. All that mattered was tonight, was right now when everything I’d been missing was back where it belonged.
I was being selfish, but I just couldn’t make myself leave her this time.
Chapter Thirteen
Halen
“What the hell are you still doing in my room?” I whisper-yelled at a sleeping Beau while simultaneously smacking him with my pillow.
“I fell asleep. Like you did.” He put his hands over his head and curled up into a ball. “What time is it? Come back to bed, Sweets.”
“Don’t call me Sweets.” I hit him again, harder. “And I want you to get out.” I’d woken up with a smile on my face. Without thinking, I’d cuddled deeper into the body lying against mine. The scent and feel of Beau was so familiar it’d taken a few minutes for everything to register.
I hated that I loved having him in my bed. I hated that my body craved his touch, his closeness.
And I hated that I didn’t hate him.
“The sun’s not even up yet.” He was still in the fetal position, trying to go back to sleep. “No one else is awake on this whole damn compound. Just come lie down and I’ll leave in thirty minutes. Promise.”
I wanted to do what he asked. I wanted to crawl under the covers and burrow my body under his and fall back asleep to the sound of his heart beating. But I couldn’t. I wouldn’t let myself. “I’m going to take a shower, and I want you gone by the time I get out.”
Finally, he uncurled himself and opened his eyes. “I’m not sorry I stayed, Hales.”
“I know you aren’t.” I shrugged. “The only person you care about is yourself.”
“Hales, that’s not—”
“Leave.” I walked into my bathroom and shut the door, throwing the lock in place for good measure. If this was two years ago and we were arguing, he’d follow me. He’d pin me in the shower, holding my body against the wall with his, forcing me to listen to him. I’d give in, and we’d end up making love against the cool tile. But this wasn’t then. This was now.
And if he tried to follow me, I’d use my razor to cut off his balls.
***
Once again, I was sitting at the table for breakfast. Only this time it was a full house. My parents, my sisters. Crue, Cash, Jett, Uncle Luke, Aunt Lo. And Beau. Somehow he’d ended up in my dining room. He claimed that it was because he’d missed breakfast at his house, but I doubted that. Cash was shooting him dirty looks over the biscuits and I was trying not to make eye contact at all. Last night was a mistake, a moment of weakness. I should have never let him comfort me, never let him hold me. Stupid vodka.
“You guys got in pretty late last night. Must have been a fun party.” My dad was making his way around the table, looking us all in the eye. Searching for signs that we were hung over, or that we had something to hide. He did this all the time, and yet he never got a confession out of any of us.
Early on in Landry’s dating life—yeah, we watched and learned—it was clear our fathers knew every sneaky trick in the book. Based on old articles we’d read on the Internet, before our moms had come into our dads’ lives, they were dawgs, druggies, and boozers. We’d learned to be doubly clever and now we got away with almost anything.
“What time did you three come home?” Uncle Luke set his sights on his boys. “It wasn’t past curfew, was it?”
Crue grinned. “We were all back on the compound by midnight.”
That was curfew. There were guards at the gate of the compound, and they would call our parents if we weren’t all safely on the grounds by twelve o’clock sharp. Little did they know that just because we were near home, didn’t mean that we were tucked in our own beds. Crue stayed with Avory almost every night, just like Beau had done with me.
Cash had basically lived with me after Beau had left, and we made sure no one ever noticed. Marley and Jett were usually up riding around, doing whatever the hell it was they did, until the sun came up before they scurried home. And Landry? She used to check in at the gate and then head back out over the fence where we’d had a ladder hidden behind some cedar trees on the other side of the ranch.
“Halen, did you have a good time, honey?” My mom sent me a warm smile and I returned it the best I could.
“Yeah. I did. I’m glad I went.”
“Benson has been texting me all morning, begging for your number.” Crue winked at me from his spot to my left. “You made quite the impression last night.” I wanted to hide my aching head. Who knew what kind of impression my drunk ass made?
“Is he the kid she was with when I came to pick her up?” Beau’s jaw was tight as he spoke to Crue.
“I thought you said you had fun, Hales. Why did Beau have to come get you? Did something happen?” My mom did that, turned on a dime, from friendly mom to FBI interrogator. She was fishing, just like my father had been. The only difference? Occasionally she caught us.
“No. I, uh, I got tired. But no one else was ready to leave so I called Beau and asked if he’d give me a ride home.”
/>
My dad clapped a hand on Beau’s back. “Thanks for doing that, son.”
“No problem.” Beau’s smile was forced. “Now. Who is Benson?”
Crue and Cash both got a wicked gleam in their eye, and I knew where this conversation was headed. And I knew their hearts were in the right place, but I was really praying that they would let it—
“Benson’s family owns that big ranch on the other side of town. His dad is some cattle baron. And Benson was into Halen last night, couldn’t take his eyes off of her.” Crue glanced at me, his grin seemingly innocent. “He’s a great guy, Hales. Can I give him your number? I know he’d love to take you out.”
“You should give him a chance, sweetheart. It’s been so long since you really dated anyone. It might do you some good to get out of the house more.”
My dad was making me feel like a lonely spinster with thirteen cats. I wasn’t there yet. I didn’t even like cats. Like I said, we were dog people. “Dad, Benson is still in high school and—”
“Well, did you enjoy spending time with him? Is he hot?” My mom made me blush. From what I remembered, Benson was handsome. He was flirty, but in a very non-threatening way. I’d had a good time with him, at least until I’d gotten sloppy drunk and my younger cousin had sent me home.
“You should go out with him, Hales. He’s one of the good ones.” Cash grinned at me and then turned a subtle fuck-off glare toward Beau.
“Since when do you two want me to date? You’ve pretty much run off anyone I’ve tried to go out with in the last six months.” I stared daggers at my twin cousins, kind of irritated with myself for not just letting it ride. They thought they were helping by trying to piss off Beau, by trying to make him jealous. But they weren’t.
“Those guys were all douche canoes. Benson is—”
“Crue, don’t say douche at the breakfast table.” My Aunt Lo gave him a slight shake of her head.
“Those guys? How many guys have you gone out with, Sweets?” Beau was staring at me, his eyes wounded. Why? I had no fudging clue. He was the one who left me. And he used Sweets in front of parents when he knew I couldn’t get mad at him for it. He was really testing my patience today and it was only nine o’clock.
“Like you have any room to talk? I’m sure you’ve banged chicks from sea to shining sea over the past two years.”
“Halen Grace. That was uncalled for.” My mom scolded me like I was still a child.
And, like I was still a child, I rolled my eyes. “What? My love life is open for discussion over breakfast but Beau’s isn’t? That doesn’t seem fair.” I sneered in his direction. “I’ve been on like three dates in the past two years. All of them over the last six months or so, and all of those guys were run off before they could even attempt to kiss me, by those two jerk faces.” I pointed at my cousins, who grinned. “You know what? I had a great time with Benson. Why don’t you go ahead and give him my number. You’re right, Dad. Maybe it is time I started to date more. Put myself out there and see where it goes.”
Beau scrubbed his hands down his face and then got to his feet, staring at me. “I just need you—” He clamped his mouth shut, clearly realizing his mistake, then forced his gaze to move around the table to address the whole family. “Uh, all of you to know that I have not spent the last two years whoring my way across the country. I haven’t been on one date. I haven’t been, um, with one chick.”
Crue snorted. “You’re joking, right?”
“Nope.” Beau pressed his fists down on the wood, his knuckles turning white.
“What a waste.” Crue made a disgusted face.
“Crue, don’t be that guy.” Uncle Luke gave his son a slight shake of his head, like Aunt Lo had mere minutes ago.
My dad folded his hands under his chin. “Well, um, Beau I think that’s great. Good for you, for, um, focusing on yourself and your art.” He winced like saying those words almost pained him, then he met my eyes. “And Hales, sweetheart, I think that you should call Benson. If your cousins are giving him the stamp of approval, then I’m sure he’s a great guy.”
“Fine. I will.” My assent made me sound like a girl about to go on a date. My tone made me sound like the condemned about to walk the plank.
“Okaaay…” My dad seemed confused.
“We’ve got to head out. We have practice.” Crue stood up, his chair scraping the floor loudly.
Avory rose, a small smile on her face, not meeting the eyes of anyone else in the room. Which told me she was about to lie. “Yeah, uh, cheerleaders too.”
My dad glanced at his watch, checking the date. “I thought today was an in-service day at school? They still make you guys practice?”
“Yeah, they’d never let us miss a practice this close to our first game.” Cash put his hand on my shoulder. “You want to come? Benson will be there, and we can go get lunch afterwards.”
“No thanks.” I could feel Beau’s gaze boring holes into the side of my head. “You guys text me when you’re done, though. Maybe I’ll come over and meet up with y’all.”
“Beau, sweetheart, we really need to spend some time in my studio today. We need to go over which shots you want to use for the next show at the gallery.” My mom picked up her plate and headed into the kitchen. “Halen, you want to tag along? You haven’t seen any of Beau’s latest work.”
What had my life become? Every person in my family felt the need to hand out pity invitations like I was some loser with no friends and no hobbies. I wanted to scream at them that I wasn’t lame, that I wasn’t this sad, pathetic girl. I’d had my heart broken, and I’d been depressed. Then the fudging instant I’d started to come around, started to live again, the heartbreaker himself had walked backed in the door wearing his sexy jeans and his sweet little smirk. Calling me old nicknames and holding me while I cried. Well, fudge him. And fudge the rest of these people too.
I stood up, putting a big smile on my face. “I actually have some plans this morning, so…” I hadn’t really thought too far past that, so I just decided to leave them guessing and walked out of the house with my head held high.
Chapter Fourteen
Beau
I followed Aunt Lexi across the compound on my bike. Halen didn’t have any plans; she just didn’t want the rest of the family treating her like some charity case. Offering up activities so she wouldn’t have to be alone had ticked her off. It was written all over her face, even if I was the only one who’d seen it. I always knew what she was thinking. I revved my engine, popping a small wheelie in frustration. And who the fuck was Benson? Was she actually going to go out with that guy just to save face? Just to prove that she could?
Holding her last night, waking up to her beautiful face, had been the best thing I’d done in a really long time. I was starting to realize that staying away from Halen wasn’t going to work. I’d hurt her. Badly. I knew that. But I was home now, and maybe packing up as soon as the memorial was over wasn’t what I wanted anymore.
How would she react if I stayed? Would she hate me? Ignore me?
Would I ever get her to forgive me?
I knew that getting her back wasn’t going to happen. That ship had sailed and it was no one’s fault except my own. But we’d been best friends from the beginning. Maybe I could at least get that back. I’d missed my family. I’d missed my home.
And with everything I was, I’d missed Halen.
I parked my bike and headed into my aunt’s studio. It had a top-of-the-line dark room, not to mention holoprinters, large touch-screen monitors, hyperprocessors and a framing station. I was lucky; I’d gotten to learn from one of the best in the industry.
After Aunt Lexi had started photographing my father’s band, her work had become famous. She had musicians contacting her nonstop, asking if she’d do their shoots. She rarely said yes—she was too busy at Riffraff and too busy being a mom.
“All right, bud. I started tagging some of the images I knew would work.” She pulled up a folder on her computer. I h
ad used film. I’d sent her the rolls, and she’d developed and then scanned them to have a good working file on what we had. It was easier than thumbing through a bunch of prints. “The stuff you got in New Orleans is really great. It’s so dark, so harsh.” She pulled up a picture I’d taken a few weeks ago. It was of a homeless man and his dog, sitting against the side of St. Louis Cathedral.
“Yeah, that city has definitely given me a lot to work with.” I watched over her shoulder, checking the images she’d bookmarked. “I like showing the grit of the French Quarter. The stuff the tourists are too blinded by Bourbon Street to see.”
“I agree.” She took a step back and crossed her arms over her chest, still looking at the large monitor. “Is that what you want to show? We can just pick your favorites and I can have everything ready by the end of the week. Maybe you can stick around and actually come to one of your openings?”
Maybe I could. Maybe that would give me more time to work with Halen, more time to win her friendship back. An idea started to form in my head. “What if we show some juxtaposition? Not just dark, but some light too?”
“Do you have any light from New Orleans? I don’t think I saw anything.” She started scrolling through images, a frown on her face.
“No. Not New Orleans.” This idea was starting to snowball. It’d either be the best idea I’d ever had, or the absolute worst. “What if we take my darkest, grittiest images from my last two years on the road—the ones we’ve never showcased before—and then, I get some shots here at home. Life alone, and then life surrounded by family, the people I love.”
She tilted her head to the side, thinking. Sometimes I could see Aunt Lexi in Halen. In the expressions they shared, in the way they bit their lips or furrowed their brow. And this was one of those times. I knew that look; the one that said her brain was firing at a million miles a minute. “I think you might be on to something, buddy.”
I smiled. “My art shows what I see, right? Life on the road was dark and lonely. But I’m home now. And home is full of sunlight and wild flowers. Smiling people.” Halen.
