I Take It Back

by Liza James

  A few people started laughing around us, and I swore I thought I was about to pass out from shock. But just then my focus was broken by the sound of a fist slamming into someone else’s body.

  Ooohs and oh shits were falling from the mouths around us as I snapped my head up to see Cade pinning Dan down to the ground, his fist crashing down on his face multiple times, drawing blood. Fear erupted inside of me, but it wasn’t fear of Cade, or fear of the people around me, it was fear of what would happen if Cade was arrested for assaulting this piece of shit named Dan.

  I shouldn’t care what happened to Cade, I really shouldn’t. I was beyond pissed at him for running his mouth about us. But he also didn’t understand how intimate of a moment that was for me, he didn’t know that had been my first orgasm and that it rocked my freaking world. He had no idea how I felt after he touched me.

  And he didn’t care.

  It stung as the thought crossed through my mind. But if he did care, he wouldn’t have blabbed about it in the first place. I got it, though, I’d told him right before I left that our fooling around was a no-strings-attached kind of deal. But that didn’t give Dan the right to be such a massive douchebag about it, that’s for sure. However pissed I was at the both of them, though, Cade had to stop before legal stepped in.

  “Stop!” I screamed as loudly as I could. In that exact moment, Cade’s fist stopped mid-air as he snapped up to look at me. “Stop,” I said again, exhausted and this time barely above a whisper. Slowly, Cade stepped up and backed off of Dan who was scrambling to get back on his feet. He pulled his hand up above his face and began wiping the blood off of himself.

  Cade’s breathing was heavy, his shoulders rising and falling in long, weighted strides. His eyes were on me but he said nothing. There was nothing to say ... and I knew that.

  I did my part, I got Cade to stop pummeling this guy in the Café. It was easier than I had expected, that was for sure. But now the reality of the situation was cascading around me, and I think Savannah could see the overwhelming attention was becoming too much. So, she gripped my arm and drew me backward through the crowd. She used all of her strength to shove people aside and, once Jake came into view, he latched onto my other arm as we hurried out of the café, heading back to our dorm in Callaway.

  Chapter 16

  “How the hell did they even know?” Savannah was pacing back and forth in our room. The short, light tan carpet was starting to show traffic lines where her feet continuously shuffled back and forth. I had a splitting migraine, no doubt due to the stress and embarrassment of this situation, so my hands were busy rubbing slow, tedious circles over my temples.

  “Cade obviously ran his mouth, Sav. There’s no other explanation,” I said through gritted teeth. I could feel my jaw becoming sore from grinding my teeth too much.

  “Honestly, I don’t think he would do that ... he’s never been that kind of a guy.” Logan was hesitant when he spoke. He could see how livid Savannah and I were, and he chose his words carefully.

  “You obviously don’t know him as well as you thought you did, babe. There’s no other way anyone would have found out. Shit, Em, I’m so fucking sorry. This is bullshit, and it’s all because I pushed you to let loose.” Savannah finally stopped pacing and took a seat next to me on the couch. She wrapped her arms around me and pulled my head into her lap, taking over the head massage duties. Jake pulled my feet onto his lap and started rubbing my feet. As horrible as a situation as this was, I really did have the best friends and I was so thankful for them.

  Logan didn’t push it, but he continued to listen and watch us in silence.

  “I’m a fucking idiot.” I sighed, wishing that I could take back the last week of my existence. I’d redo basically everything. I wouldn’t take back meeting Tyler, though, because I genuinely enjoyed his company, and if there was some sort of chemistry between us, I could honestly say I would have liked to explore that. But I just didn’t think that was the case, and definitely wasn’t a great idea now that everyone was talking about what I did.

  “No, you are not. You’re fucking amazing. You did nothing wrong, you hear me? Absolutely no—”

  Savannah’s pep talk was quickly interrupted by a loud, aggressive banging on our door and we each snapped our heads in that direction.

  “Emma, open the door. We need to talk about this.” I instantly recognized that deep, throaty voice and tried to contain the fury that was bubbling up in my stomach.

  “I can tell him to leave, Ems,” Savannah said as she shifted to stand up and headed toward the door.

  “No, let me take care of this.” I was pissed—beyond pissed—at him for running his mouth about us, and I wanted to let him know it. I was tired of hiding behind friends and ignoring things until they went away. This would be old news in a few weeks, I was sure. But that wasn’t the point, it should have never happened in the first place.

  Cade continued banging on the door until I finally turned the knob and pulled it open.

  “Bambi—”

  “Don’t fucking call me that,” I spat. I didn’t miss the flicker of pain in his eyes when I said it. But I wasn’t sorry. He didn’t actually feel anything for me, otherwise he wouldn’t have told all of his friends how I was basically a slut at the frat house.

  “Come on, you know that wasn’t me, right?” He leaned forward and placed his hand on the doorframe. God, his smell alone sent my mind into a frenzy and that natural reaction inside of me made me even angrier. But I closed my eyes briefly and focused on the task at hand.

  “Really? Then who would it be, Cade? I’m not an idiot. No one else knew and would have ran their mouths about it.” I was trying to keep my voice down because I didn’t want to cause a huge scene in our dormitory, but my anger was starting to get the best of me.

  “No, I would never tell anyone what happened. That’s not my style. I don’t kiss and tell. It had to be someone else. Why do you think I wanted to beat the shit out of that guy for what he was saying?” Cade’s face was wracked with guilt, but I was sure it was only because he knew he said one little thing and it spread like wild fire. This was his mess, and he had to deal with consequences just like I did.

  “No one else was there! Everyone was asleep. I get it, okay? I know you’re some big deal here on campus and unfortunately, I fell into that stupid web that you spin. I knew it was a bad idea and here I am, dealing with the consequences of my own mistakes. So, go back to your bunnies, continue doing whatever the hell it is you do, and leave me out of it.” I moved to shut the door but his hand slammed on to it, stopping it in its tracks.

  “No, I didn’t spin some damn web, Emma. And I didn’t run my mouth about what we did that night, okay? Yeah, I do hookup with girls a lot. But I don’t talk about it to the guys at the house. I’m not even close with any of them. I don’t know how the hell they found out, but they did, and I’m ready to deal with it, with you. I’ll make any of them shut up, you know I can.”

  There was a fire burning in Cade’s eyes. I could tell he was frustrated, but after hearing that guy talk about how I should hookup with all of them? I didn’t really care anymore if Cade was mad. He could be mad all he wanted. I just wanted to go our separate ways and forget this even happened. I hated how attracted I was to him, I hated that I fell for whatever it was that every single other girl on this campus had fallen for. I couldn’t let that happen again, and I was going to fight it for as long as I had to.

  “No, don’t go around trying to punch everyone who says a word. I’m a big girl and can handle it myself. Just leave me alone, alright? I’m over this. We should have never met Cade, and you know it.” My words hit him hard. He recoiled as if I had slapped him, and the hurt in his eyes was evident. I had to do everything in my power to mask the pain in my own eyes because I hated how much this was hurting me, too. But it did, I accepted that, and now I was going to move on from it.

  In that moment, I felt Logan come up behind me and edge his way between Cade and me. He s
lowly took Cade’s hand and moved it off of the doorframe.

  “Alright Cade, I think the girls have had enough. You should head back to the house.”

  I appreciated Logan’s initiative more than I could put into words. I couldn’t take standing here any longer, staring into Cade’s eyes and continuously having to fight how I was feeling or what I was saying.

  I turned to head back over to Savannah and Jake, who were both are seated on the couch listening to our conversation intently. Both of them looked sorry and the negative tension in the room was palpable.

  “Logan, you know I didn’t do this ...” I heard Cade growl. But I ignored him and laid back against Savannah again, letting her continue to massage my head while I sifted through these conflicting, jumbled thoughts and feelings.

  “I know, but they need time, okay? Just give them time.” I could tell Logan truly did believe his friend, and honestly, I didn’t expect anything less of him. He had always been incredibly loyal to Savannah, even when they argued or broke up. He was always sitting back, waiting for her to simmer down and come back to him.

  Cade pounded his fist against the door one last time, only now it was in defeat as he dropped his head. He glanced over to me on the couch and gave me one last, pleading stare before turning on his feet and leaving.

  Chapter 17

  It had been approximately eighteen hours since D-Day, as in Destroy-my-reputation Day. At least that’s what I was calling it now. I had noticed several people look my way and whisper something to their friends when they passed me on campus. I had been keeping my head down, purposefully ignoring every single person, every single snicker or loud whisper. I swore some people thought they were being quiet, but I could hear every goddamn thing they said.

  That’s the chick that banged Cade and Tyler in the same night.

  Heard she gave Tyler a wicked hand job and then blew Cade fifteen minutes later.

  I can’t believe how much she sleeps around, what a slut.

  That’s what happens when neither of them would date her, she was pulling out all the stops.

  This was the rumor mill, folks. It kept going and going, spinning larger and larger details until it was something entirely different than what actually happened.

  Yes, I did fool around with Tyler and Cade in the same night. I didn’t deny that, I couldn’t and I wasn’t ashamed of it. I was at freaking college, and I wanted to have fun. I did have fun. But that fun wasn’t worth all of this, and I shouldn’t have picked someone so high profile as Cade. That was my mistake at the end of the day.

  I went to all of my classes, I wasn’t going to let these people dictate my grades or my success, that was for damn sure. I sat where I usually sat, not in the front row but toward the front of all of my classes. I engaged in conversation with my professors when it was warranted, and even though I kept catching people stealing glances in my direction, I kept my head forward and pushed on through the day.

  Around four in the afternoon, I headed toward my dorm where Savannah and Jake both told me they’d meet me. We all decided to head into the city tonight, grabbing dinner off campus and away from all of these rumors.

  Sav: Meet us @ the car! We’re ready 2 go

  Me: OK, almst ther.

  I hurried through the doors of Callaway Hall and found them both leaning against Savannah’s bright red Ford Focus hatchback. It wasn’t Savannah’s favorite car when she’d bought it, but we had both grown to love it. It got fantastic gas mileage and had always been incredibly reliable. Plus, it had decent room in the back to haul all of our stuff when we left for college.

  “Thank God, let’s get out of here! I’m starving!” Savannah chirped. Jake slid into the backseat; he always let Savannah and I take the front two. I wasn’t a fan of driving, so I usually always let Savannah take the wheel. We sped out of the parking lot and hit the road, headed into Brooklyn. We didn’t go into town very often, but after the last couple of days we’d all had, I was beyond ready to get a break from all of this.

  “I figured we could go check out that new restaurant, The Screen Door.” Savannah and I had been wanting to eat at that place. It recently opened, and we had been hearing about it non-stop. It was known for its southern food and was supposedly owned by a sweet couple from Georgia who used all of their family recipes for dishes like Chicken and Waffles, hushpuppies and even home-made pies.

  “Definitely. I’ve been dying to eat there,” I said, leaning back against my seat and propping my head against my hand. It was about a twenty-minute drive to the city from our hall.

  Jake agreed to the restaurant as well, he also had heard a lot about it, and we continued the drive talking about theater, our monologues and Savannah’s upcoming psych project where she had to literally go interview three prison inmates and then write a detailed evaluation of each one before presenting it to the class.

  “That’s intense. Were they assigned to you? Or do you know what they were charged with?” Jake asked, clearly enamored by idea of exploring the minds of inmates.

  “They were assigned to me. I think they’re a part of some program where psych students get to evaluate them, because I spoke to a guy who is a year ahead of me. He had to do the same thing with the same three people. I actually don’t know what they were charged with yet, I won’t know until I get there and start the evaluation.”

  I fell silent as the two continued conversing about the minds of criminals, including killers, addicts, and those who have been charged with domestic violence. I knew these kinds of things interested Savannah, and I was usually interested in what she thought about them, too, but tonight I was exhausted, both physically and emotionally. I didn’t get much sleep last night because my mind continued to wander back to Cade, no matter how hard I tried to forget him. The look on his face when he finally left yesterday seemed to stick in my mind. His words and the way he spoke them so intensely. Like he was feeling every single syllable in his core, like he was fighting for me to believe him.

  Hell, maybe I did believe him.

  In some ways I did, the fact that Logan also defended him told me that there was a slight chance he was being honest. But it didn’t matter. Even if he was, it still would never have worked out between us. We both wanted something casual, and that was what we got. It was over and done now, and that was okay.

  So why couldn’t I stop thinking about him?

  Besides, Cade was probably on to the next girl or the next fight.

  A feeling shot through me, and I thought it might be jealousy, but I forced it back down and willed myself to think about something else. I decided to start running lines for my monologue in my head, that would keep me actively thinking about something other than Cade Davenport.

  We pulled into the parking lot of the Screen Door and realized just how popular this place really was. The lot was jam-packed with cars, and it took us several minutes to find a parking space way in the back.

  As the three of us slid out and made our way toward the front door of the restaurant, I was surprised by how many college students I saw milling about. Some were sitting in their cars, chatting with friends, some were crowded outside, smoking cigarettes while the thick smoke wafted through the air. There was a clear, long line of people waiting to enter the restaurant and I found myself hoping, no praying, that no one recognized me from Grandview.

  “Are we even going to be able to get a seat in here?” I asked as I pulled open the actual screen door that graced the front of this restaurant. Clever.

  Savannah and Jake intentionally ignored my question and stepped ahead of me, arms linked with each other. Jake reached behind and grabbed my hand, pulling me close behind him. The three of us slowly worked our way to the front of the line and a wave of nerves began to wash over me.

  How could they have gotten us a table here?

  We reached the hostess, and Savannah immediately won over the shy girl’s full attention. I felt bad for her, she was looking a tad overwhelmed with the amount of people trying to g
et in. Her cheeks were flushed and her head was bouncing back and forth constantly between several people who were frustrated and taking it out on her.

  Thankfully, Savannah had that aura about her. She demanded the attention she needed, and this young waitress was quick to oblige. Savannah stated her name and the young girl hurried ahead, taking three menus in her arms as she led us to our table.

  The restaurant was definitely going for that Southern Charm kind of a vibe. All of the employees were dressed in short-sleeved diner dresses, both blue and a soft buttery yellow. Each one had a white apron on, as well, which was stuffed with straws, silverware or checks awaiting their final destination. The light was warm and slightly dimmed, allowing my eyes to adjust rather quickly. Almost every single person I heard talking had that stereotypical Southern drawl, and I wondered if learning that accent was a requirement of being hired.

  As we came to a small, black booth seated in the back of the restaurant, I realized we actually had the best table in the house. It was quiet around us and we could overlook the entire restaurant from here. I loved people watching, so this was literally perfect. I realized Jake and Savannah must have felt the same way because all three of us shared the same, excited grin on our faces.

  We sat down and the waitress serving us sported that familiar, diner’s dress with a small name tag that read SADIE. Her personality was the opposite of the anxious hostess’s before her. Sadie was calm and had the perfect, welcoming smile plastered on her face.

  “Hi there ya’ll, I’m Sadie, and I’ll be serving ya’ll tonight.” Just as I expected, her sweet voice and spot-on accent made her sound like she was the perfect Georgia Peach. She whipped out a small black booklet and took our drink order. She hurried off and, when she returned, she brought us three tall glasses of iced sweet tea and a complimentary bowl of hush puppies.