Never Over You

by Ryleigh Andrews

  That next Monday, Mia called her doctor who wanted her to come in the next day. She made the appointment and waited impatiently for it to be time. Sitting in the parking lot, she waited for Ethan to join her before heading into the office.

  Her nerves were working their magic on her stomach as well as her heart rate. She needed Ethan to calm her down.

  The sudden knocking on her window didn’t help her rapidly beating heart but when she turned and saw the beaming face of her husband on the other side of the glass, she smiled in return. With a deep breath, she turned off the car and went with him.

  They were ushered into an exam room where they instructed her to fill the cup for the pregnancy test. She took care of that and sat on the exam table with Ethan sitting on the stool next to her, telling her all about his practice. About five minutes of not really listening to him later, Dr. Kendall walked into the room with a grin on his face.

  “Congratulations, Mom and Dad!”

  Shit—she really was pregnant.

  Ethan grabbed her hand and gave it a big squeeze. She looked over at him and glowed at the huge grin on his face.

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. How far do you think you are?”

  “Four to five weeks, I think,” she said after calculating it in her head.

  “Well, if you have time, I’d like to do an ultrasound to be sure.”

  Mia nodded enthusiastically. She needed to see her baby, even if it was basically a black circle on the screen. “Yes. Of course!”

  “You know the drill,” the doctor said. “I’ll be back in a couple minutes.”

  Mia, with the help of Ethan, got off the table and undid her pants and pushed those and her panties off. Ethan took them from her while she returned to the table and covered her naked lower half with the paper blanket.

  “You’re naked why?”

  “Internal ultrasound.”

  “Why?”

  “We’re early in the pregnancy. It’s normal for them to do this.”

  Dr. Kendall returned and Mia settled on the table, legs spread and waiting. She held Ethan’s hand as the doctor inserted the wand. She hated this part. It felt way too uncomfortable. She focused on the screen even though she had no idea what to look for.

  The doctor moved the wand around and fiddled with the machine until he said, “Ahh … there we go.”

  Mia focused on the screen and shook her head at what she saw—two black circles.

  Two embryos in her womb. Mia had seen that exact picture with Rory and Pierce. She knew what it meant.

  Twins.

  Again.

  “Seriously?” she asked Dr. Kendall. “Again?”

  “Again,” he said, taking pictures and measurements.

  “What again?” Ethan asked.

  “Looks like we’re having twins again.”

  “Seriously?”

  “I just said that!”

  “I’d say from the size of these you’re at about five weeks and probably due sometime in July. Let me look to get an exact date,” he said, pulling out a card with a slider on it. “Okay, the due date is July twenty-second.”

  “That’s my birthday!” Mia exclaimed.

  “Remember that’s just an estimate and you’re pregnant with twins … you probably won’t make it to that date. Speaking of twins, I’m not going to put you on bed rest right away, but I want you to take it easy. You’ll be visiting me more often so we can keep an eye on your blood pressure. I want you to limit your stress …”

  Mia internally rolled her eyes at that. She already had one set of twins to take care of, along with finishing up their latest album, plus the holidays … and she couldn’t forget the constant nausea. But she’d do her best … maybe it was time to hire that personal assistant …

  December 19, 2012

  Sitting in her local Starbucks, Mia fiddled with the papers she had on the table. This was a bad location to have all these interviews. She really wanted a cup of coffee and the hot chocolate she currently had couldn’t even compare to the taste of that sweet, sweet caffeine going down her throat.

  One month without that wonderful liquid. One month of constantly throwing up … well, except for yesterday and today. Mia hoped she was done with the nausea phase of pregnancy.

  Her incessant nausea along with the bone deep exhaustion made it so easy to limit her stress. She delegated everything. She finished up the album and left it in Allie’s more than capable hands. There just wasn’t enough energy in her body to do any of it. She had been falling asleep in the most unlikely of places—the floor, the car, and her personal favorite, standing up while holding on to the refrigerator door.

  With Ethan out of town so much the past few weeks with his west coast travel games, Mia was focused on finding the perfect personal assistant. She really needed one now.

  So here she sat waiting for one of the last candidates to arrive. None so far had sparked any need to even consider them. All were way too starstruck. She did not have time for that. Mia needed someone who had experience with high profile employers and could handle what came with it. This next candidate was the closest she had gotten to that requirement. She had been an assistant to a CEO for a big insurance company for the past four years. Mia checked her watch—one minute to three o’clock. When her eyes looked up from her watch, a woman walked through the door. This must be her, Mia thought as the woman—shit, I need to find her name—walked her way. Quickly looking at the resume, Mia found it. Cambry Fields. A very lyrical name.

  As Cambry approached the secluded table Mia had been able to secure, she studied her. Dull brown hair pulled back from her face in a tight ponytail, absolutely no makeup on her face to speak of, and an ill-fitting, even duller gray pants suit. Mia tried her best not to cringe and reminded herself of this woman’s qualifications.

  Be professional, Mia, she admonished herself. Allie really liked this one and said she’d be great for her. Allie usually was spot on.

  “Hi, Ms. Devereux?”

  Ms. Devereux?

  Whoa! Way too formal.

  “Mia, please. You’re Cambry?”

  “Yes,” she affirmed with a full-on smile that changed her face and charmed Mia. The beautiful smile was unexpected from how Cambry portrayed herself.

  “Have a seat,” Mia said, indicating the seat across from her.

  Cambry sat down and placed her aged brown leather portfolio on the table.

  Mia went over what she expected of the person hired for the position and as she did, Cambry’s resume kept popping up in her mind. This woman fit despite her non-rock world appearance.

  “This job is going to be so different than your other job. You would need to be available basically 24/7. Travel at the drop of a hat. No day will be the same.”

  “I understand that and that’s what is appealing about it. I didn’t work nine to five before. It was more like six in the morning to nine at night and I never got to do anything—see anything. I did the same thing pretty much every day and then went home only to collapse. I know that this position means more of that exhaustion but it’s all the other stuff that excites me. The travel. Not being in that bland office anymore. Doing different things …” she trailed off.

  Oh, my dear, you have no idea what you’re going to see in my world.

  This question and answer session continued and Mia got more and more excited by the thought of having Cambry as her assistant. As she answered one of Mia’s questions, a tightening of her abdomen distracted her momentarily.

  That was weird.

  It didn’t really hurt. Her stomach just felt really tight.

  She pushed it out of her head and continued with the interview. Cambry was awesome and without a doubt could handle whatever Mia may throw her way.

  “Thank you, Cambry, for your time. I’d like to offer you the job, though I don’t really have specifics. Those are in the hands of my manager. So, if you’re interested, I could have her give you a call.”

  “Oh my … reall
y?”

  Mia laughed at the woman’s disbelief. “Yeah.”

  “I would love that!”

  “Awesome! I’m so excited! I have so much work for you,” Mia said with a happy shake of her head.

  “I’m ready, Mia. Really.”

  Mia smiled at her new PA. This seriously would make life so much easier plus she had a feeling she’d enjoy having Cambry around.

  She definitely needed a nickname. Time to think about that.

  “See you after the holidays!” Mia said as Cam … Bree … ooh … Bree left the coffee shop. She liked that.

  As Mia gathered up her things, the tightening feeling happened again. This time it came with some back pain.

  Time to get home and rest. It had been a long day out with all the interviews.

  When she stood up, the room seemed like it was spinning. Clutching the table, Mia waited for the dizziness to pass. Definitely overdid it today, she thought. Bed it was for her.

  Mia

  When Mia got home, she kissed her babies and told Bridgette she needed to lie down. As she’d driven home, her anxiety levels had begun to creep up. She’d pushed herself today, but now she was home and would lay down and relax. Walking to her bed, she shed her clothes and climbed into bed in only her pearl blue bra and panties and passed out.

  Urgent kisses along her throat woke her up. Her eyes fluttered open and in the now mostly dark room, she saw the handsome face of her husband with his ever-growing beard. The tickling of that hair along her body gave her such a wonderful sensation. She’d let him keep it for now. Though she did miss his smooth skin, now wasn’t one of those times as his face came into her view.

  “Hi, suga,” he said, his lips lightly touching hers.

  “Hi. Welcome back,” she answered, wrapping her arms and legs around his body, not wanting him to leave her. No longer did she feel like she’d overdone it. He made her forget the dizziness and pains from earlier. She felt like a woman who very much wanted her husband.

  “Up for some crazy lovemaking?” he asked with a wink and she tried not to smile. She regarded that sexy face with his sparkling bright eyes and even brighter smile and thought she’d never tire of his crazy lovemaking … or him.

  “Always,” she answered.

  “Good. I missed you so damn much,” he said as his lips traveled down her neck towards her breasts. He bit the nipple through the fabric and she cried out at the pleasure of it. Pushing her bra out of the way, his hot mouth made contact with her aching nipple and her body arched further into him.

  “My little hornball,” he said, grinding his deliciously hard cock against her clit.

  “Only yours,” she agreed, lifting her hips into his.

  That movement spurred her husband into action. He ripped her panties right off her legs, his eyes locked on his goal, and then he stripped himself of his clothes and hurried back to her.

  “I hate being away from you. All I do is think of you and how much I want to be inside of you,” he said, punctuating his last words by pushing into her. “Fuck, you feel so damn good,” he exclaimed, taking one leg and placing it on his shoulder. He held it there while he fucked her good, and when he was close, he moved his hand to her clit and lit her body on fire.

  But when the orgasm should have come, a painful spasm gripping her abdomen came instead. When she should have cried out in ecstasy, she cried out in agony.

  Ethan must have noticed the difference because he immediately stopped moving. Another pain, much stronger, like her worst period cramps ever times ten, followed.

  “What’s wrong, suga?” he asked moving off to her side, his hand gripping her face. She tried to answer but another jolt of pain coursed through her abdomen and a wet stickiness coated her inner thighs.

  No, no, no, she thought as the urge to push became stronger. She tried to fight it but it hurt so much.

  “Ethan!” she called out. “The doctor!”

  Fear gripped her as instinct took over and she pushed—she was losing her babies and she couldn’t stop it. Ethan called the doctor but Mia knew it was too late. The tears rushed to her eyes just as the life rushed out between her legs.

  While laying on the hospital bed waiting for the doctor to get the ultrasound set up, Mia knew—she’d lost the babies. With her eyes trained on the ceiling, she didn’t want to look at the ultrasound screen. As the ER doctor moved the wand through the warmed gel on her stomach, she reached out for Ethan’s hand with just a small amount of hope that maybe—just maybe—it was only one baby and the other was still alive. But when Ethan’s grip on her hand tightened, she knew there was no hope. There were no babies.

  “I’m sorry, Mia,” the doctor said but she immediately started to tune him out. “You miscarried both fetuses … we would like to perform a D&C … this isn’t your fault … nature’s way.”

  Her babies were gone.

  The doctor cleaned off the ultrasound gel from her belly and covered her back up with the hospital gown and then the blanket. He squeezed her knee and left the room.

  The bed groaned as Ethan lay down beside her. She put up no resistance when he gathered her in his arms. Thankfully he didn’t say a word. Mia had no idea what to say to her husband. She couldn’t find her will to speak or think.

  Numb. That’s what she was.

  She let Ethan hold her as she lay limply in his arms and hoped this brought him comfort because that’s all she could give him right now.

  She’d failed him.

  She had lost their babies.

  The doctor may have told her it wasn’t her fault, that it was nature’s way, that sometimes pregnancies didn’t stay viable, but that answer was unacceptable to her. She knew it was something she had done. Maybe she pushed herself too hard. Maybe it was all the drugs and alcohol she’d done when she was younger.

  Her choices.

  Ethan adjusted his hold on her and brought her closer to him. Letting her head rest on his chest, her eyes landed on the door and she stared at it until her vision blurred and she felt her mind blur along with it.

  At first she didn’t notice when Luke and Allie came into the hospital room. It really didn’t register in her mind. She noticed the change in her scenery but not the cause of it. It wasn’t until Luke pulled up the stool and sat right in front of her, his eyes locked on her vacant ones that she realized he was there. He gently took her hand in his, his gaze not wavering from hers. It bore into her, pleading with her to show some sort of emotion because she knew she was void of any of them right now. She didn’t want to feel this. She didn’t want to feel this loss.

  This failure.

  Her eyes flitted to the hand on Luke’s shoulder and continued up. That hand belonged to Allie, her other best friend, whose eyes were red and glassy from tears. Her other hand was holding Ethan’s. The four of them linked together. These three people who loved her, who supported her, were all feeling this loss.

  Mia’s gaze returned to Luke’s face and the emotion—the pain—on it had her fighting to maintain the tight control she had but her breathing became quicker, more ragged, and when Luke said her name ever so softly, his heartbreak for her loss lacing her name, she lost it. Her eyes fluttered shut and big fat tears fell from her eyes. As her husband stroked her face, the silent tears turned to sobs.

  How would she ever get over this?

  Mia

  December 23, 2012

  Laying down in the basement on the very sofa that she’d slept on the first night with Ethan, Mia stared at the television currently showing a marathon of her favorite History Channel show—Modern Marvels. She should be watching Ethan’s football game but she just couldn’t bring herself to change the station.

  This room had been her refuge the past few days. After an overnight stay in the hospital, Mia had been released. Ethan had brought her up to the bedroom to rest but one look at the bed with its new bedding had her turning around and walking right out of the room. She’d just keep reliving her miscarriage if she stayed in there.r />
  Standing in the hallway, she was lost and didn’t know where to go. She went to the nursery and looked upon her babies sleeping so peacefully and her heart hurt—ached. They were the living reminder of what she had lost. With a kiss to each soft head, Mia left the nursery and found Ethan standing by the door, his eyes filled with an emotion she didn’t want to acknowledge.

  Walking past him, she got herself as far away from everyone as she could go—the basement—and she’d been there since. If she needed anything, it was there in the bar, or Ethan would bring it to her.

  After his game, he joined her on the sofa, curling up behind her, like he’d done each night since they’d returned. Except tonight, he turned her to look at him, but looking him in the eye was impossible, so she concentrated on his shirt. Her husband wanted something but she couldn’t get her brain working enough to care.

  “Mia, did you leave here today?”

  By “here,” he meant the basement, that she knew.

  She shook her head.

  “Did you see Rory and Pierce?”

  Answering that question filled her with shame and tears pooled in her eyes. “No,” she spoke, probably the first word she’d said in days.

  Mia feared his withdrawal from her with that answer, but he surprised her by pulling her even closer.

  “Bridgette is leaving in the morning to spend the holidays with her family and our families will be arriving later in the day … unless you don’t want them to come.”

  He was leaving this decision up to her, but she could hear the need in his voice. Ethan needed his family. “No, they can come, but can you tell them not to bring it up?” she asked, not able to say the word. But with his nod and the tightening of his embrace, Mia knew he understood what she meant.

  “Okay,” he said simply and just continued to hold her. She listened to his strong heartbeat and felt … loved. Safe.

  And lost when he released her from his embrace. He left the sofa and she wanted to curl into a ball. Instead, he lifted her into his arms and started walking. She moved her arms around his neck and brought her head to his shoulder. Her eyes flitted up to his face and she found his gaze on her. With a kiss to her forehead, he spoke words she so hoped to be true: “It’s going to be all right, Mia.”