Never Over You

by Ryleigh Andrews

  Step by step, she knew where he was taking her—their bedroom—and she would let him. That night she slept in their bed in the cocoon of her husband’s embrace and when she awoke, it was his eyes and smile that greeted her.

  “Come join me in the shower,” he asked, a mischievous glint to his eyes.

  “I’m not ready …” she responded, thinking about the last time she had sex.

  “For a shower?” he asked, and then sniffed her and grimaced. “I think you are.”

  An unexpected laugh bubbled out of her mouth at his silliness. Without fail, he could always make her laugh.

  “Just a shower, suga. If you want more, then we can. Whenever you are ready. I won’t pressure you.”

  His words made her want to cry with how absolutely wonderful he was and she couldn’t deny him this. “Let’s go,” she said, taking his hand.

  The shower with Ethan helped to start her healing process. He held her as the water washed over her, camouflaging her tears, though as she cried he brought her in closer to him, his head resting upon hers. Those tears of hers fell faster when she felt Ethan’s hitting her shoulder, those drops felt so different than the water droplets from the shower. Each one that touched her seared her husband’s pain into her soul. He lost those babies too.

  This was not just about her. This didn’t happen to her alone. He was hurting just as much as her and because she was stuck in her own grief she didn’t see his.

  “I’m sorry, Ethan,” she said, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling his head to hers. “I’ve been—”

  He didn’t let her finish. His mouth found hers with enough force to push her back against the shower wall. There was no passion in this kiss—just him seeking comfort from her. He just held her lips with his, not moving them, but there was force behind them—urgency.

  I’m sorry I did this to you, she thought, opening her mouth to his and tugging on his upper lip. His eyes shot open in surprise and with her nod, he lifted her body higher, knowing what she meant. She wrapped her legs around his waist, feeling his cock against the bottom of her ass. He wasn’t hard but he was getting there.

  “Let me help, Ethan. Let me be there for you.”

  His cock twitched at those words. “Are you sure?”

  “Whatever you need,” she responded, their eyes locked on each other. She meant it; she’d go through hell to make him happy—to keep him whole.

  “I love you,” she said as the tip of his cock sought entrance inside of her. With one sure stroke, he and she were one and his eyes reflected that. They weren’t as turbulent as they’d been.

  “I love you too,” he responded, slowly grinding into her.

  And in that enclosed space, they gave the comfort the other needed and began to heal.

  After their shower, Ethan hurriedly got ready. His mother and sisters would be arriving any minute. Mia sat down at her vanity table and slowly put on her makeup.

  “Take your time. You don’t have to play hostess,” he told her. Recognizing Ethan’s grief and having sex with him didn’t mean she was ready to be with their family. Meeting his eyes in the mirror, she put a smile on her face and nodded. He kissed her cheek before dashing out of the room.

  With a meticulous hand, Mia applied her makeup. After she was finished, she walked to her closet and tried on outfit after outfit, tossing each rejection in a pile on the floor—nothing felt right. Fed up, she chose a pair of black skinny jeans and a long, baggy white sweater. Walking over to Ethan’s side of the closet, she grabbed a pair of his wool socks. They were way too big, but a care could not be found.

  Grabbing her glasses and putting them on, she took a deep breath and left her bedroom. Just yesterday she didn’t even want to be in here, and now, she really didn’t want to leave it. Interesting how the tides change.

  As she walked down the stairs, the loud noise coming from her kitchen stopped her. They seemed to be having fun. She could and would join in it, she told herself as she continued down. She would get through this holiday for the two babies she did have and for her husband.

  Mia turned and their large tree was the first thing she saw, presents of all sizes beneath. How did all these presents get there? They had been stashed in the basement storage room. She had no idea when Ethan had done it, but she was so thankful that he had.

  Mia moved towards the noise. Everyone was either in the kitchen or the keeping room, chatting and/or eating. The smell of the food hit her nose and immediately her stomach growled. With hesitant steps, she continued further into the kitchen. And with her arrival, the noise level dramatically decreased.

  Every set of eyes were on her and she felt like a deer in headlights—frozen to the spot. Getting the lay of the land, she spotted Ethan’s sisters with their families, his mother with Pierce in her arms, Luke and Kaitlyn sitting with Allie, and Ethan sitting with her father who was holding Rory.

  Ethan stood up from his seat and walked over to her. “Hey, suga. You hungry?”

  “Starving,” she said quietly, not wanting to draw any more attention to herself.

  “Good. I ordered something especially for you—banana pancakes.”

  “There’s bacon too?”

  “I’m a Southern boy. Of course there’s bacon.”

  He set about making her a plate and her father approached her. Mia glanced around and found Rory now with Allie.

  “Joyeux Noël, ma fille,” he said before wrapping her in his arms. He may have simply said “Merry Christmas,” but he had meant so much more and she could feel it all in his embrace. That hug threatened to break her.

  “Joyeux Noël, papa,” she said after winning a major battle not to cry.

  He pulled back and studied her. She had no idea what he saw—a woman feeling so much guilt she wondered if she might collapse from it all? A woman fighting not to fall into that abyss in her mind that had claimed her in the past?

  Her father saw every bit of it and brought her in for another quick hug and then kissed her forehead.

  “Tout ira bien,” he whispered and then stepped away. Ethan came with her plate of food and led her to the sofa. She repeated what her father had said, trying to translate. She couldn’t think of the verb … ira. She really hated conjugating verbs. All … every—then it hit her.

  Everything will be fine.

  Searching the room for her father, she found him with his eyes on her. She blew him a kiss and mouthed, “Je t’aime.”

  Mia nourished her body in peace with the thoughtful plate of food Ethan had made for her. But to be honest, she kind of felt like a leper. People stared at her and stayed away. She thought her father coming close to mentioning the miscarriage was bad, but the sad, sympathetic looks paired with radio silence was even worse.

  Standing up, she walked over to the sink and put her dish in it and went about finding the person she knew wouldn’t treat her like that.

  As she made her way to Luke, she passed Kaitlyn playing with her sons, but didn’t linger. Luke was on the sofa talking with Allie. Bonus. Without a word, she plopped down on her best friend’s lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. “You gonna talk to me at all or you gonna be like everyone else?”

  His arms found their way around her before he spoke. “Well, Ethan said not to mention the miscarriage …”

  “So, that equates not talking to me at all?”

  “Obviously.”

  “Luke …” she said in warning.

  “Sweets,” he said, hugging her to him. “They want to hug you like this; they want to tell you that they love you and are there for you. They don’t want to make you upset … so, yeah, they don’t know what to say so they don’t say anything at all.”

  Allie scooted over and threw her arm around her. “Let them comfort you. Let them ask if you are okay.”

  “Why can’t they just let it go?” Mia asked both her friends.

  “Family doesn’t do that, sweets,” Luke answered. “You are their family. Something awful happened to one of their o
wn—”

  “It wasn’t—”

  “It was awful, Mia. I cannot imagine what you went through.”

  “I’m okay—” she began and when she saw his arched brows, she added, “Now. I’m getting there. I’m talking. I took a shower. I ate. That’s more than I was doing.”

  “What were you doing?” Luke asked in a voice that told her he already knew.

  “I was allowed that time! Goddamn it!” she said, each of her words louder and louder. “I lost two babies! I felt them leave my body! So if I don’t want to talk about it, you fucking let me!” Mia tried to get out of the Luke and Allie embrace but they weren’t having it. “Let me go, Luke!”

  “No. I won’t.”

  “Let me goooo …”

  He didn’t say anything, just held her tighter.

  “I hate you right now. Why are you doing this?”

  “Go ahead and hate me, but I need you to feel this. Feel the pain, feel the love of every single person in this room. I need you to know that we are here for you. I need you not to run away.”

  Where the hell was her husband? Why was he doing nothing about this?

  “You need to feel this,” Luke added.

  Grabbing her head with both hands, her fingers digging into her scalp, she groaned in frustration. “Fuck you! I don’t want to feel this. I don’t want it to be real …” she cried out, finally breaking down, tears streaming down her face. “It’s not fair,” she sobbed.

  “No, sweets, it’s not.”

  “I wanted those babies so much,” she croaked, crying into his shoulder. His grip around her fell away to be replaced by the strong arms of her husband. He pulled her off Luke’s lap and into his. Mia threw her arms around his neck and curled up in his embrace. She felt his nod and then the couch dipped on the other side of her.

  “Mama?” came the sweet voice of one of her babies.

  “Ethan …” she pleaded. Why were they making her face this? Didn’t they know how much this hurt?

  “No, suga. Answer Rory.”

  With her leg bouncing madly in Ethan’s lap, she wiped at her eyes and faced her son who was sitting on her father’s lap. The curiosity on his little face had her plastering a smile on her own. He didn’t need to see his mama fall apart.

  “Hi, sweetie.”

  He held out his arms, his mouth opening and closing, making popping noises like the “p” in “up.”

  “Up?” she asked and he gifted her with his big, gummy grin that warmed her beaten heart. Mia held out her arms and her father helped Rory stand up and he threw himself into his mama’s arms. She breathed him in … her sweet, sweet baby … and wondered how she’d ever stayed away from them.

  Mia

  February 2013

  After Mia made it through the holidays, she focused on the promotion of her new album—video, photo shoots, performances, interviews. The boys were along for the ride. With Cambry starting, plus having Bridgette with, it wasn’t as hard as she’d thought it’d be having her sons with her. She could have left them at home with Ethan but she needed these babies. They made her feel like less of a failure. She’d created those two wonderful boys.

  Over the next month, they spent more time away than at home and she was glad for it. She needed the craziness of being with her bandmates—the music, the lights, the attention, the screaming fans. It kept her mind off of the miscarriage—her failure to give Ethan those babies.

  But she missed her husband greatly. They spoke daily, Skyped as often as they could, but she needed his arms around her, and when it was finally time to go home, they couldn’t get there fast enough.

  Though when she arrived home, Ethan was at practice. After feeding her sons, she put them down for a nap and then went to wait for her husband in their bedroom. For about an hour, she curled up in front of the fireplace, reading a book on her iPad, thinking about how good it felt to be there.

  Things would be better, she thought as her husband walked into the room, a happy grin spreading across his face.

  “You’re home.”

  “I am,” she said, putting her iPad on the table then beckoning him to her, her arms open, waiting for him. After dropping his bag, he crossed the room, his strides confident. He knelt in front of her, his smiling eyes roaming all over her until they stayed on her face.

  “Hi, suga.”

  “Hi,” she said back, slowly leaning forward until her face was a mere centimeter from his. His gaze momentarily slipped from her eyes to her mouth before returning back again. She wanted his kiss and was too impatient to wait for him. Closing the distance between them, she placed her lips on his. He leaned into her and gently pushed her back into the sofa, his body above hers as he increased the intensity of the kiss.

  His mouth left hers and blazed a trail of wet heat along her jaw and her neck. “I missed you,” she moaned, wrapping her arms around his strong shoulders and not wanting to let go. She spread her legs and he sank between them, his body hot and very hard.

  The last time they’d had sex had been on Christmas Eve, almost eight weeks ago. Nothing bad could happen tonight. Hopefully, only good things. Hopefully she got pregnant. She wanted to give this man another baby.

  “I’m glad to hear that,” he said as his hands traveled up and under her baggy sweater and not stopping until he cupped one of her breasts, rubbing the nipple through the silky fabric of her bra. Mia pushed into his touch, not realizing how much she’d missed this between them, this amazing chemistry.

  “Now, welcome me home!” she said, reaching for the elastic of his black training pants and sliding her hand inside, claiming her prize.

  Mia

  New York City, March 2013

  She had been home for five days … five days of reconnecting physically with her husband. Well, not just physically. Emotionally. Letting herself be reminded of the many reasons why she loved his man.

  Mia returned to her media tour filled with love and hope—hope that she was pregnant, that things would get even better.

  This time out, the boys stayed with Ethan. She was flying all over the world and they thought it best if the twins have the stability of home with him. The band had been over in Europe for two weeks before heading back stateside. Now they had a few appearances in New York City before they were done with band responsibilities until the summer tour.

  As the limo drove them to the hotel, Mia thought to ask Bree where they were staying. With a couple swipes on her phone, Bree had the info.

  “The Ritz-Carlton.”

  You’ve got to be kidding me.

  “Central Park?” Mia asked, dreading the answer.

  “Yup,” she answered, not knowing Mia’s history with this hotel. New York was not one of Mia’s favorite places. It seemed all the bad times she’d had with Ethan occurred here—the crazy ass snowstorm that had kept her in New York and not with him and his family for Christmas, then the time he hadn’t visited her and had gone on a date with Kristen instead. Both those times, she had been staying at the Ritz-Carlton.

  “Don’t ever book this hotel again.”

  Bree looked crestfallen and Mia quickly tried to make her feel better. “It’s not your fault—you didn’t know, but I can’t stand this place.”

  “I’ll make a note,” she responded. “Want me to see if I can change it?”

  “No, I’m not the diva that everyone jokes that I am. It’ll be fine, but for future stays …”

  “Got it,” Bree said, going back to her phone.

  They arrived and luckily Mia was booked in a different room than in the past. Later that night, the band and some friends went out to dinner before their non-stop, crazy day began tomorrow.

  When she woke up the next morning to the multiple alarms Bree had set for her, Mia shuffled into the bathroom and set about getting ready for the day. Sitting on the toilet, she did her business and as she wiped, she saw red. So she did it again—even more red.

  Her goddamn period.

  Mia had hoped to be pregnant
, especially with all the sex she and Ethan had had. When she returned home, she had hoped to tell him that he’d knocked her up.

  But it wasn’t meant to be.

  She fucking hated this city and hadn’t ever had one good time there.

  Flushing the toilet, Mia climbed into the shower, but the moment the water hit her, the tears fell. She wanted to be pregnant so badly, to give Ethan the baby he so wanted—to see that big, happy grin when she told him the news.

  She needed to educate herself on this. One time shouldn’t stop her from trying. They both loved sex with the other. It wasn’t like it was the worst thing to do.

  After she showered and got dressed, she called Bree to get her supplies, then she went about her research. She searched for an app on her iPhone to help her track her periods and her fertility. Then she read up on how to tell when she was ovulating and also the best ways to get pregnant. In a week, she’d be home and she and Ethan would try again.

  Mia

  Chicago, December 19, 2013

  “Ethan, are you ready?” Mia called out, running up the stairs to their bedroom. Their label was hosting an employee party tonight and she unfortunately got caught in traffic coming back from getting her hair, makeup, and nails done. All she had to do now was change into her dress and they could leave. When she rounded the corner and saw him laying in bed in his workout clothes, she pulled to a stop.

  “Why aren’t you dressed? We need to leave in ten minutes,” she said, undressing as she headed to the closet.

  As she pulled her dress off the hanger, he spoke. “I’m not going.”

  His quiet voice had her stalking back into the bedroom. “What?” she asked, standing in front of him in her underwear. He didn’t even look at her. He always looked at her, especially dressed as she was.

  “I’m not going to go. Tell everyone Merry Christmas from me.”

  No—he needed to go. She needed him with her tonight. Didn’t he know what today was?