The Worst of Me

by Lisa J. Hobman

  “Aye, well that’s ‘cos it’s a gorgeous place. But it’s my place, Nick. I belong here…you don’t.” She was immediately struck by guilt when he flinched at her harsh words.

  “Yeah, well I don’t suppose you’ll ever let me forget that, eh?” The joy in his eyes only moments before was now replaced with intense sadness. “Look, I really am sorry for how I spoke to you earlier. I don’t think you’re thick. Far from it. And I don’t want to upset you but I am staying…just for a little while. Once I’ve had a chance to think things through I’ll leave and you can forget you ever met me.” He turned and walked away toward the bar and Cat’s conscience barked at her to apologise. Or that she should at least to try to be civil as he’d requested. But instead she watched him walk away with his head hung and his shoulders slumped, and tried very hard to ignore the butterflies he set to flight within her whenever he was near.

  Chapter Eight

  Catriona

  Camden tugged at Cat’s hand across the bar. “Right, I’m off, Kitty-Cat. Come and give me a kiss before I go.”

  She rolled her eyes at him as the heat of embarrassment warmed her cheeks. She had never been overly keen on the term of endearment given to her by her boyfriend. But he loved his grand, public displays of affection—the bigger the audience the better as far as he was concerned, and almost like he was continually trying to prove some grand point. But Cat felt that the name ‘Kitty-Cat’ demeaned her in some way—made her appear to be something to pet and fuss over. She felt very differently about herself, of course. Her tough and stern exterior remained fixed in place for a purpose; namely self-preservation. Camden’s pet name for her belied that strong sense of self, however misguided it may have been.

  She reluctantly made her way around the bar to the stocky Scotsman and he proceeded to pull her into his arms and kiss her passionately as if trying mark her as his for all to see. Once he freed her from his grasp she glanced over in the direction of the rock star sitting at the end of the bar. Nick was either completely disinterested or pretending to be so as he stared into his pint of Gairloch Grinder, apparently deep in thought.

  Cat gave her man a little push. “Go on, Cam. You’ll be late for lunch and you know how your mum hates that.” The mid-week ritual of the family gathering was something Camden complained about but it was clear he secretly loved being pampered on his day off by his doting mother. Cat’s best friend, Lorna—Camden’s sister—joked that their mum would end up living with them after they got married as he couldn’t function without her.

  Camden smacked her bottom and bent to whisper in her ear. “Oh God, how I hate waiting, Kitty-Cat.” He stroked her cheek in a tender gesture that made her smile. Such a lovely guy when he wasn’t fuelled by bravado and single malt.

  “I know, Cam, but it really is for the best,” she whispered, and kissed him on his dimpled chin. “Now go! Off with you!” She made her way back over to the bar and greeted Stan who sat waiting patiently to be served.

  ♫♫♫

  Nick

  He stared into the glass of amber liquid. So far no decisions had been made but the pressure to come to some conclusions was becoming unbearable. A flash of light caught his eye and he glanced over to where Cat was chopping a lemon at the back of the bar. The spotlights above her glinted on the diamond he hadn’t noticed before. Interesting. Camden seemed a decent bloke, if a little brusque and OTT, but he just didn’t seem to fit with Cat.

  He finished off his pint as Cat came over to remove the empty glass. “You want another one of those?” she asked, gesturing at the empty glass.

  He shook his head. “Erm…nah. Think I’m going to go for another walk.”

  “Suit yourself.” She turned to walk away.

  “So you’re engaged, eh?”

  She swung around. “Sorry?” She seemed startled by the question but then glanced down at her hand. Her cheeks coloured bright pink. “Oh…yes.”

  The diamond was by no means modest. A true and gregarious expression of Camden’s own perceived ownership of the young woman, Nick surmised. Although as far as he was concerned Cat wasn’t someone to be owned. She was someone who could very much stand on her own two feet and often made a point of proving that. But that was something that both drove him crazy and intrigued him simultaneously.

  She fidgeted as if uncomfortable with Nick’s observation. “Ahem, Random, didn’t your mum ever tell you it’s rude to stare?”

  Her nickname grated on his nerves as usual but once again he didn’t comment. He wouldn’t give her the satisfaction. “What? Oh, sorry. Just admiring the rock. It’s a big one, eh?”

  “Well, that’s because he loves me,” she stated plainly.

  He nodded in agreement. “Clearly. So when’s the big day?”

  “April.” She frowned as if perplexed by all the questions and sudden interest in her marital status.

  He raised his brows. “Wow, soon then?”

  She gave a half smile. “Yes. Cam isn’t one to wait for what he wants.”

  I bet he isn’t. “Right…right. So how long you been engaged then?”

  She stared down at the sparkling chunk of rock. “Since Christmas. He’s a big softy. Proposed to me under the mistletoe on Christmas Eve just before midnight mass. And then he went and told everyone I’d said yes before the service started.”

  Nick scrunched his brow. “And had you?”

  Cat’s face clouded with momentary confusion. “Had I what?”

  “Said yes…right away?”

  She cleared her throat. “Oh. Not right away but he…well he knew I would.”

  He smiled but when something akin to jealousy twinged inside him he mentally brushed it off. “Sweet.”

  Loving someone enough to want to spend the rest of your life with them was a huge, mysterious concept to Nick. His parents’ failed marriage and rocky history wasn’t exactly the best thing to base opinion on but what else did he have?

  It was Cat’s turn to blurt now. “He’s a good man, you know?” She seemed to be trying to convince Nick of the fact for some reason, but regardless of that she smiled as she spoke.

  He tilted his head to one side, surprised by her words. “I don’t doubt that for a second. He clearly adores you.”

  Her cheeks coloured yet again. “And I adore him,” she snapped as her brow creased accusingly.

  He was confused by her forceful statements but chose to ignore the niggling fact. “You must be pretty excited, eh?” She didn’t answer and so he continued. “About the impending nuptials, I mean. Exciting things…weddings.”

  She nodded fervently. “Oh yes, excited. Very excited.” She stormed off through to the kitchen before he could make any further observations.

  Hmm, convincingly enthusiastic…not.

  His phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out to check the caller I.D. It was the estate agent. He hurried to his feet and made his way outside for privacy as he answered the call.

  “Mr Dacre? It’s Neil Wetherby about Rockhill Cottage.”

  Nick smiled at the appropriateness of the cottage’s name. “Yes? And?”

  “And I’m happy to inform you the owner has agreed to a month by month rental basis starting as soon as you can move in. You’re very fortunate. He took some convincing on account of your young age, I can tell you. I think he was hoping for a somewhat older tenant and perhaps a less famous one at that. But I managed to convince him that there will be no wild parties and that he is better keeping your stardom on the down low.” The agent chuckled.

  Nick jogged from foot to foot thanks to the cold breeze coming at him off the water, but he silently pumped a triumphant fist into the air whilst managing to keep his voice calm and business-like. “That’s great, Neil. Thank you.”

  “Of course. You understand that the furniture and fixings won’t be to your…erm…usual standard.”

  “Yes. That’s not an issue. Not at all. I just…well, I need somewhere to have a little thinking time. I think Rockhill could b
e the very place.”

  “Excellent. Well, you can pick up the keys tomorrow.”

  “Great. I’ll be there at around eleven.” He ended the call and made his way back inside the pub. Cat was back in her usual place behind the bar. She glanced over and her smile disappeared when her eyes met his once again. His heart sank. Was she ever going to just accept that he was here for a while? Probably not.

  He walked to the bar and waited for her to finish what she was doing. He cleared his throat. “Erm, Cat…I need to ask a favour.” He spoke tentatively.

  She sighed and narrowed her eyes at him; a reaction that was becoming both hated and expected. Eyeing him suspiciously she asked, “What now?”

  “Can we talk somewhere…quiet? Where there are no sharp implements, perhaps?” He smirked at her, knowing it would wind her up.

  She raised one eyebrow. “Where do you suggest?”

  “My room?” He cringed, anticipating her answer to be of the “No-fucking-way” variety.

  Instead she rolled her eyes and came out from behind the bar. “I’m not going to like this, am I?”

  He smiled sweetly and led the way to the stairs. Once inside his room on the first floor he gestured to the chair and slumped down onto the bed. “Before you start to shout at me…again…would you just let me speak?”

  She lowered herself to the chair. “Oh God, Nick. What is it this time?”

  He rubbed his hands together and grinned. “I…erm…found a little cottage to rent on a month by month basis.”

  Cat’s audible sharp intake of breath was expected but the tears were not.

  She stood and held up her hands. “Nick, no…please. You can’t stay here. It’s not right. You can’t bring your baggage to this little place. It’s just…it’s not fair. Do you ever think of other people? Do you ever consider other people’s feelings at all?”

  Nick stood, rounded the bed and grasped her upper arms. “Cat, please. I’ve got to do this. I know it seems selfish—”

  Tears streamed relentlessly down her pink cheeks. “No! It doesn’t seem selfish, Nick. It is selfish. The people around here are not the same as the people you’re used to. We live a quiet life. We like it that way. The last thing we need is some random rock star storming in and spoiling it all!”

  Deep down he knew he was fighting a losing battle but he didn’t release her arms. “Whatever. Look…I have promised you several times now that I’ll protect your village and everyone in it from my… ‘baggage’ as you kindly put it. I know it’s a lot to ask and that you don’t really know me yet but please give me a chance? You’ve got to try and trust me, Cat.” He gazed into her emerald eyes. “Please?” he whispered.

  ♫♫♫

  Catriona

  Cat locked onto Nick’s pleading stare. He looked gaunt and the colour had drained from his rugged features. Terror filled his vivid blue eyes making their colour even more striking, and in that split second she felt something for him. She just didn’t want to think about what that ‘something’ was. She had made her own presumptions about the type of person he was and she didn’t doubt herself for a second. She was sure he was very much the womanising rock star she took him for. But he was also a man; a human being; a frightened and stressed human being who needed a little compassion. And Cat was nothing if not compassionate.

  She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. When she opened them again her breath caught and something shifted in the air around them. It was like a static electricity crackling in the small amount of space between their bodies and she became very much aware of the strange sensation tugging low in her belly. His chest heaved. Nick’s eyes had softened and his pupils had dilated. The panic was gone.

  He was standing so close that she could feel his breath on her face. Her stomach clenched as she gazed into his eyes and held her breath. His eyes darkened further as they gazed deeply into hers and he licked his lips. When he glanced down at hers for a split second she was certain he was going to kiss her. What would she do if he did?

  She shook her head in a silent warning to him and he clearly understood her meaning as his expression changed yet again. This time to one of sadness and resignation and her heart sank at the knowledge she had caused it.

  He breathed out a long huff of air, let go of her arms and ran his hands over his face, back over his hair then rested them on the top of his head. “Look, Cat…I’ll go. I’ll find somewhere else. I do have feelings. And believe it or not I do understand. I just…” He dropped his hands to his sides. “I just love this place, you know? I relaxed the minute I stepped out of the car on the day I arrived. But I guess I’m going to get a similar reaction wherever I go up here. I don’t know…perhaps I need to just get on a plane—”

  “No.” Cat shook her head. “No, Nick.”

  Confusion washed over his face and his brow furrowed. “No? What do you mean no? Can I do anything right—”

  She smiled, doing her best to appear warm and forgiving. “Stay. I’m sorry. I really am. Stay and I’ll help if I can. I get it. I get that you need time. I’m not an ogre, despite appearances and attitude. I just want a peaceful life, but now I see that’s what you want too. Even if it’s only for a short time. But…you should stay. I’ll keep out of your way and keep my opinions to myself. I do feel for you…for your situation.”

  Nick grabbed her and pulled her into his arms, taking her completely by surprise. She stood rigid.

  A sound akin to a sob left his throat. “Thank you. Thank you, Cat. I promise it won’t be as bad as you think…having me here.”

  She relaxed and hugged him back tentatively. The scent of his cologne and the fragrance of…well, just his overall manliness filled her senses. His soft, long hair tickled at her nose where it fell loose from the band he wore to tie it back, and she was a little disconcerted at how good she felt being held in his strong arms with his hard chest hard against her soft breasts.

  After what felt like a little too long she pulled away and cleared her throat. “Aye…well, I’d better get back down to the bar, eh?”

  He stepped back and his face coloured bright red. “Erm…Cat…can I ask you another favour?”

  She rolled her eyes in mock frustration. “What is it now?”

  “Will you take me shopping?”

  Chapter Nine

  Nick

  “I really appreciate this, you know?” Nick smiled over at Cat as she concentrated on the road. “And I’m grateful that we’re going in your car. I don’t think we’d get much in mine.”

  Catriona’s rugged four wheel drive had the space to contain the many purchases he intended to make and he was surprised at how comfortable the car was—for what he classed as a ‘utility vehicle’.

  She shrugged. “It’s okay.” It was clear she wasn’t in the mood to talk. She’d hardly said two words to him since they set off for Inverness after lunch time.

  “What’s this music?” he asked as the lilting sounds carried through the speakers.

  “Mediaeval Baebes.”

  “It sounds like something from a movie soundtrack. You know, like Robin Hood or something.”

  Cat glanced over with a frown. “I can turn it off if it’s too tame for you.”

  “No, no. I didn’t mean it in a derogatory way. I like it, actually. It’s…different from the stuff I usually listen to.”

  She huffed derisively. “I can imagine. There’s no screeching in it for starters.”

  He scowled at her words. “The stuff I listen to isn’t screechy. It’s melodic rock.”

  “Course it is.”

  He twisted in his seat to face her. “It is! Look…let me play some for you sometime. You might be surprised.”

  Cat shook her head in disbelief. “I’m not so sure.”

  “Honestly it is. There are bands like A Perfect Circle who marry electric guitars with quite haunting vocals.”

  She glanced over at him briefly. “A Perfect Circle…isn’t that something to do with insanity?”

 
He grinned. “Not the band. They’re really quite an intelligent and talented bunch.”

  “I’ll reserve my opinion until I’m forced to listen to something by them if you don’t mind.”

  “I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”

  Glancing over once more she said, “We’ll see.”

  Silence ensued as the cogs turned in Nick’s mind. He was busy building up a playlist in his head, of tracks that would prove to Cat that rock music was anything but screechy. A little APC…maybe some Pearl Jam…a little bit of Chris Cornell from his solo album maybe…

  After a while he realised she was singing along to a version of “Scarborough Faire”. Her voice had a lilting, ethereal quality that sent shivers down his spine and made the hairs on the back of his neck stand to attention.

  Wow…beautiful.

  When the song finished he took a deep breath and swallowed past the lump that had become lodged in his throat. “Wow, Cat…that was—”

  Her head jerked toward him and a look of horror masked her features. “Oh shit! I totally forgot you were in the car!” The apples of her cheeks coloured a delightful shade of cerise.

  He held up a hand in protest. “No, no…don’t apologise. It was…beautiful. I had no idea you could sing like that.”

  “Oh stop…I’m already taking you shopping so there’s no need for flattery.”

  He shook his head vehemently. “No, I mean it. It made me shiver.”

  She snorted. “That’s just the Scottish February weather.”