More Than I Can Bear

by E. N. Joy

  Paige stared at Norman for a moment. “Uggghhhh. Why did I have to go and invite you to church? Had I not, you might just be the devil’s advocate agreeing to go to the clinic with me. But no, you gotta keep bringing up God and His Word, convicting me for an action I haven’t even committed yet. Uggggghhhh,” she yelped again, mad that Norman’s words were seeping into her spirit, into her mind, slowly but surely changing its course.

  “Hey, you created this Frankenstein,” he told her.

  She nodded. “Yeah, I did, didn’t I? And you know what? I’m glad I did.” Paige smiled. Inviting a friend to church and introducing them to Jesus was the most priceless thing a friend could ever do for another friend.

  “So what are you saying? Are you going to be a mommy in a few months?”

  Paige looked down at her stomach. For the first time she allowed herself to imagine a beautiful life, a gift from God, snuggled up inside of her. For the first time, the thought of being chosen by God to bear life made her smile. Even if bearing life was more than she could bear.

  Chapter Five

  “Okay, so rule number seven is no—”

  “This is stupid,” Norman cut Paige off as the two of them sat at the kitchen table with a composition notebook before them.

  Norman had slept on the couch that night while Paige tossed and turned in her own bed. She was anxious to put on paper all the thoughts and ideas that were running through her head about her and Norman’s little plan. As soon as the sun poked the tip of its head from behind a cloud, she felt it was okay to go wake Norman up from his sound sleep to get to work. With pen and notebook in hand, Paige had excitedly awakened Norman from the couch and led him to the kitchen, which was soaked with the scent of the fresh pot of brewing coffee.

  “How do you know it’s stupid? I haven’t even told you what it is yet,” Paige said with her coffee mug in one hand and a pen in the other.

  “I mean this whole thing is stupid. Who makes up rules to follow in a marriage?”

  “Two people who make up a whole marriage in the first place,” Paige reasoned. “It’s not like you and I have been friends with benefits or friends who had been hiding a love and passion for one another. Norman, you and I have almost been like brother and sister.” Paige thought about that comment for a moment and then scrunched her nose up. “Yuck, I take that back. Makes this whole marriage thing between the two of us sound kind of sick. But anyway, if this is going to work, we have to lay some ground rules. And so far, I don’t think any rule I’ve listed so far is unreasonable.”

  Norman yanked the notebook in his direction and scanned over the six rules Paige had already taken it upon herself to list. “Okay, what about sex then? I don’t see any rules about sex on here.”

  Paige spurted out the sip of coffee she’d just taken, soaking and ruining the page of rules. She quickly stood with her hand under her chin to catch the coffee dripping out of her mouth. She rushed over to the counter and retrieved a paper towel and wiped her face. She then grabbed a couple more and went to sop up the spill. She wiped the table and dabbed at the notebook as if Norman weren’t even there and she was simply engaged in her daily chores.

  “You can grab as many paper towels as you’d like, but you’re never going to be able to wipe away the big elephant that’s standing right in the middle of the table.” Norman chuckled. “Since when did the word ‘sex’ get you all choked up?” Norman decided to keep teasing Paige. He leaned back and massaged his chin. “Although I’m sure the visual of you having your way with a fine stud like me can cause you to get a little choked up.”

  Paige immediately stopped wiping. “Don’t flatter yourself. That is not what got me choked up. The fact that you’d think for one moment that this marriage will include sex is what has me choked up.” Paige went and threw the soiled paper towels into the trashcan.

  “What kind of marriage doesn’t involve sex?” Norman asked before biting his bottom lip and saying, “Hmmm, I guess let my buddies tell it, pretty much all of them.” He let out a laugh.

  “This is not a laughing matter.” Paige returned to her chair. “Seriously, we’re only doing this for the sake of the baby. So that it’s not being raised by some divorcée single mother, but, instead, two loving people.”

  “And don’t forget we’re doing it for you as well.” Norman reminded Paige about her insecurity of what people would think of her as a single, divorced, pregnant woman.

  Paige snatched up the notebook and went and threw it in the garbage as well. “This is an awful idea. I can’t even believe I considered it for one moment. What were we thinking?” Paige leaned against the kitchen counter.

  “I was thinking about my friend.” Norman stood and walked over to Paige. “And the baby growing inside her belly.” He pointed, placing his index finger on her stomach. “A baby that, no matter how hard and tough she tries to act, if she gets rid of will hurt her more than anything else in her life.” Suddenly Norman felt little droplets of water hitting his hand. He looked up to see tears falling from Paige’s eyes. He wiped her tears away. “I’m just trying to make this as easy as possible for you. I’m putting my own self aside for the sake of the baby. I don’t want any sex from you. I was just messing with you. I just wanted you to see how ridiculous it is to go into something so unconventional with rules. We have to let God be in control of this.”

  “But this is a mess. And you know the saying: God don’t bless no mess.”

  “No, but God can take your mess and make it a blessing.”

  Paige placed her hand on Norman’s cheek and stared into his eyes. “I’m so tired of you making sense.”

  “I’m just trying to make you happy.” Norman returned the stare and for one second, just one second, he envisioned that Paige could be his wife and the two could raise a family together . . . for real.

  Chapter Six

  “Will you please stop biting your nails? That’s one of my pet peeves. It makes my skin crawl to see a woman biting her nails,” Norman said to Paige as he turned onto his parents’ street.

  “I can’t help it,” Paige said, sitting over in the passenger seat, staring out of the window. “I’m nervous. I’m about to meet your parents for crying out loud.”

  “Well, find some other nervous habit. The whole nail-biting thing is just disgusting. Do you know your hands, fingers, fingertips are the dirtiest part of your body? I mean they touch everything. They touched the door handle to this car, which sits outside and gets covered with all type of debris and whatnot. And now you have them in your mouth.” Norman made a face to show his disgust.

  “Then don’t look, then. I can’t help it. It was a habit I had as a child. For years I managed to overcome it, but now, today, it’s back with vengeance. See?” Paige put her hands in Norman’s face so that he could witness where she’d bitten her middle fingernail down to the skin.

  “Yuck, no!” He swerved and then regained control of the vehicle. “We’ve only been married four hours and already you’re trying to kill a brother.” He looked to Paige and then back to the road. “Was this all a setup so you could marry me, kill me, and then live off my social security? You’re probably not even pregnant. Don’t think I don’t watch the ID channel. You women are a trip.”

  “For one, no, it’s not a scam. Sorry, I didn’t mean to make you almost drive off the road. For two, look at yourself in the rearview mirror and you will see for yourself that you are no brother, so no; I’m not trying to kill a brotha.” They both laughed.

  Glad that the tension had turned to laughter Norman said, “You know what, I think we kind of just had our first fight as husband and wife.”

  The couple had taken a trip down to the courthouse just a few hours ago. Their plan was officially in motion now that they had officially said their “I do’s.” There was really no need to wait. Paige would be showing soon and before she changed her mind about the whole crazy idea of theirs, she figured there was no better time than the present to etch their vows in stone. So jus
t one week after Norman’s so-called proposal, the two were now husband and wife.

  Paige thought for a moment. “You know, you’re right. That was our first argument as husband and wife. Guess that makes it official.”

  “Oh, no. Only one thing makes it official.” Norman looked to Paige and raised his eyebrows up and down.

  “Do I have to remind you that our marriage is just like the rest of America’s? Sexless?” Once again the two laughed as they pulled up into a long, hidden drive.

  They passed lovely trees and beautiful landscaping. “Hey, what street is this? I’ve never seen it before. Where are we anyway?” Paige had been too busy biting her nails and playing out in her head what a disaster this introduction could be to pay attention.

  “We’re in New Albany. And this is no street. It’s my parents’ private drive to their house.”

  Paige perked up in awe. “This is just the driveway?” Once again she admired the surroundings that looked like she was riding down a country road and not someone’s driveway. “Wow. I’m going to have to come visit my in-laws quite often.” Paige relaxed back in her seat, some of the excitement fading away. “If they’ll have me that is.”

  “Of course they’ll have you. My parents are going to love you. I told you, they’re happy for me.”

  Paige had to admit that when she sat next to Norman while he told his parents over the phone of his nuptials just hours ago, she was surprised of their excitement and invitation for the newlyweds to join them for dinner that night. “I can’t believe you told your parents you got married, not only without them being in attendance, but with them never even having met your wife . . . and they didn’t get the least bit upset.” Paige shook her head. “No way am I breaking this kind of news to my parents over the phone. That would be salt in the wound.”

  “Well, your parents will find out soon enough since we plan on going to their house for breakfast,” Norman said. “So it seems like I’m the one who should be biting my nails. At least my parents already know . . . and they’re happy for me.”

  “Which, still, I can’t help but to find as strange.”

  “Well, don’t.” Norman took a deep breath. “Between me and you, my parents have always had this underlying suspicion that I was gay.”

  “What?” Paige asked in shock, not even trying to hold in her laugh. “With all the tail you done chased and caught, how could they possibly think that? Had they seen you in action in the Lion’s Den flirting with every woman who came and purchased a movie ticket, they’d know for sure you were anything but gay.” The Lion’s Den was the nickname Paige and Norman gave the ticket booth at the theatre.

  “Well, I’m not one to kiss and tell with my parents you know. The things I used to converse with you about I’d never share with my parents in a million years. That and the fact that I’ve never brought a girl home before.”

  “Never?” Once again Paige was shocked.

  “Never,” Norman confirmed.

  “I’m the first?”

  Norman turned and looked at Paige. She wore a dark pink crinkled linen dress with black lacy trim around the neckline and puffy short sleeves, looking like the blushing bride that she technically was. “You are indeed the first, wifey.”

  Instantly, Paige felt all warm and fuzzy inside. She felt special as a huge grin formed on her lips. Then she caught herself feeling a certain kind of way and immediately wiped the smile off her face. Reality had slapped that smug little grin right off her face. The reality was there was no need to feel special. This wasn’t about her. This was about the baby. She had to keep that in perspective so that she didn’t get caught up in a fairytale that had absolutely no chance at coming to pass. There was nothing between her and Norman besides a friendship. Yes, they loved each other. That was nothing new to either one of them. They’d declared their love for each other as friends, and it was only as friends. But they weren’t in love with each other as far as the other one knew.

  “Well, here we are,” Norman announced as they drove into a circular drive, parking behind a white convertible BMW. “Ahhh, and I see they’ve invited my spoiled, bratty little sister and her twenty-fifth birthday present.” He nodded toward the car.

  “Wow, those are the kind of presents your parents give,” Paige said. “Then, on second thought, we should have invited them to the wedding. I can only imagine what the gift might have been.”

  Norman exited his vehicle, a nice reliable Honda Accord, and went around and opened the door for Paige. He took Paige by the hand and helped her out of the car. Hand in hand, he led her up to the door as she admired the house like she was a hungry, fat kid approaching a real, live gingerbread house. Once they hit the doorstep, Norman rang the bell and then followed it with a knock.

  Within a few seconds, the door swung open. “Norman, now, child, you know darn well you don’t need to ring the doorbell,” the round-faced, slightly chubby older black woman who answered the door said. “This here is your home more than it is mine. Get yourself on in here. Your mother has been expecting you for dinner.” She pulled Norman in and gave him a long, warm hug. She then released him and stared at him. “And you look like you need a good meal. It’s only been a couple months since I last seen ya, but I swear you look like you’ve lost weight. Nothing but skin and bones. Ain’t that new wife of yours been feeding you? Speaking of which, where is this fine gal your mother has been calling up all her friends to brag about?”

  Norman reached out the door for Paige, who had stayed placed to the side out of the view of the doorway . . . biting her nails. “Why she’s right here.” Norman had to somewhat struggle to pull Paige to the doorway. “Miss Nettie, this is Paige, my wife. Paige, this is the woman who practically raised me, Miss Nettie, our housekeeper of almost twenty years.”

  “Very pleased to meet you, Miss Nettie.” Paige extended her hand. She waited patiently for Miss Nettie to extend her hand as well, but it never happened. Instead, Miss Nettie just stood there for a moment all bug-eyed, staring at Paige at if she’d seen a ghost.

  “Miss Nettie, are you okay?” Norman asked. “Miss Nettie,” he said again after not getting a response the first time.

  “Hunh, what?” Miss Nettie finally snapped out of her gaze.

  “I said are you okay?” Norman asked with concern.

  “Oh, me, uh, yes, of course.” She set her eyes on Paige, eyeballing her up and down. She finally spoke, while Paige’s arm remained extended. “So you’re the new Mrs. Vanderdale?”

  Paige didn’t know how to take this woman’s reaction. “Well, uh, yes, I am.”

  Miss Nettie stared at Paige stone-faced for a few more seconds before the stone shattered and resting under that expression was a huge Kool-Aid grin. “There is a God!” She clasped her hands together and let out the biggest yelp of laughter. “Hot dang!” She clapped again. “Child, put that arm away. You’s family now.” Miss Nettie pulled Paige in for a hug and shook her like she was her toy teddy bear. “Whoa whooo. Yes, there is a God indeed, and if we wait on Him long enough, He’ll show up and pay folks back on our behalf greater than we ever could.”

  “I have no idea what she’s talking about,” Norman said to Paige. “She’s always talked in riddles since I can remember,” he added. “No offense to you, Miss Nettie.”

  “None taken. You call it riddles,” Miss Nettie said as she released Paige, “but I call it God having a sense of humor. And with that being said”—she grabbed Paige by the hand—“it would be a true blessing from God Himself for me to have the honor of presenting you to your mother-in-law.” Miss Nettie practically dragged Paige by the hand while Norman closed and locked the door.

  Paige looked over her shoulder at Norman with her eyes pleading for help. In less than ten seconds she’d need help all right. But her help would definitely have to cometh from the Lord.

  Chapter Seven

  “Was that my boy I heard?” The singsong voice coming from the dining room was heard prior to Norman, Paige, or Miss Nettie
ever even making their way into the room.

  “Oh, he’s here all right, Mrs. Vanderdale,” Miss Nettie called out as she looked back over her shoulder at Paige while pushing the swinging dining room door at the same time. “My oh my is he here.” Miss Nettie hustled her way through that door with Paige in tow as if there were a three-alarm fire they were trying to escape. There may not have been a fire, but Miss Nettie knew one thing for certain: there was at least about to be some smoke blown. And where there’s smoke . . .

  “Son! My only son. Come give Mumsy some love.”

  Paige watched as a pale-skinned woman with blond hair, and a house coat that would have given both Maude and Mrs. Roper a run for their money, brushed by her and embraced Norman.

  “Mom, please,” Norman said as his mother began planting kisses all over his face as if he were a five-year-old child. “Come on, Mom,” he pleaded to no avail, finally just dropping his arms down to his sides like dead weight and giving in. He rolled his eyes up in his head while his mother smothered him with kisses.

  “You don’t come visit as often as I’d like, so I have to make up for times missed,” his mother said, planting one more smuckerroo right on his nose.

  “Come on, Mother, let’s not start with the whole ‘you never come by to see me’ routine. You know I make it by as often as I can.”

  “Oh, hogwash. You’re too busy at that ridiculous peasant-collar job of yours.” His mother shooed her hand.

  “It’s blue collar,” Norman corrected his mother, not noticing the offended look on Paige’s face, seeing how she worked at the same place of employment. “And don’t say it with your nose up in the air so. Miss Nettie here’s job is blue collar. I’m sure she might find that offensive.”

  “Oh please.” She shooed her hand again, never taking her eyes off of Norman as she straightened his already-straightened collar. “Nettie is family. I don’t even consider her part of the hired help anymore. It’s just like having a dog. Once it’s been around for so long, it’s like part of the family.” She chuckled, planting an unforeseen peck on her son’s lips.