Life After Taylah

by Bella Jewel

  “What?”

  I can hear Lena’s voice on the other end and it’s quite clear. That would be because it’s so silent in the room right now, aside from our deep breathing.

  “Where are you?” she asks.

  “I’m out,” he answers.

  “You didn’t stay long last night. I thought you would after what we did . . .”

  My world spins. He came back last night? Last night? He went to her? He . . . oh, God. He looks up quickly and sees me shaking my head and backing towards the bathroom. He quickly barks, “I’ll call you later,” into the phone before snapping it closed and taking a step towards me.

  “Avery . . .”

  “I’ll ask once, and once only, Nate,” I whisper. “Did you get home last night?”

  He nods, his eyes pained. “Yeah, I did. I needed to see Macy.”

  “And you . . .” I swallow, because it hurts. God, it fucking hurts. “You fucked her?”

  He closes his eyes and drops his head. “I didn’t fuck her, I . . . she . . .”

  “She what?” I say, my voice low and gravelly.

  “It doesn’t matter, Avery. It meant nothing. She was trying to make it better, trying to fix this and . . .”

  “What did she do?” I say, cupping either side of my head and shaking it from side to side.

  “I’m not telling you, because it’s not worth the pain.”

  “Did she suck your cock?” I cry, irrational.

  His face answers everything for me.

  “Does it...” I swallow, trembling. “Happen a lot?”

  “No it doesn’t fuckin’ happen a lot. Shit, Avery – this is the first time since you. I barely kept it up and ended up walking out half way through, making a pathetic excuse to leave. You have no fucking idea how hard it is. How could you? You’re naive and young, and you’ve never lived through what I have.”

  I take another step back into the bathroom. Reality—this is fucking reality. I’m a mistress. I’m the other woman. I’m the one he goes to when he’s feeling down, but he always, always goes home to her first and who the hell am I to judge him for that? She’s his fucking wife. Tears glide down my cheeks as I realize what a fool I’ve been.

  “Avery,” he whispers, stretching a hand out. “It wasn’t what you think.”

  “Leave, Nate,” I gasp through sobs.

  “It’s not . . . She’s my fucking wife – how can you be angry at me for that?”

  “I know that,” I sob, trying not to scream. “I should have paid more attention to that all along, and then I never would have ended up in this situation. This is my fault—all my fucking fault.”

  “Avery, don’t say that. It meant nothing. Fuck, it was empty and emotionless . . .”

  “It doesn’t matter,” I wail, shaking my head from side to side. “Don’t you see? It doesn’t matter. It hurts, Nate. It hurts like you’ve just been with another woman behind my back. It feels like you’ve cheated, and yet you haven’t. This is my own stupid fault; I am a naive, pathetic girl who should have realized sooner that you were never going to leave.”

  His eyes become panicked. “I never said that. Shit, Avery, I never . . .”

  “Leave, Nate.”

  “No. I’m not leaving until you listen; you need to listen.”

  “Listen to what?” I scream, unable to hold back. “To you telling me it’s okay? It’s not okay. Now leave.”

  I hear footsteps on the stairs and so does he. He looks torn, his eyes darting to the door and back to me. Then he closes his eyes, clenches his fists and turns, lifting my window and disappearing out of it like he was never here. A second later a knock sounds on my door. I don’t move; I don’t want to move. I can’t hold back my emotions, can’t pretend anymore.

  “Avery?” Kelly calls. A moment later, the door opens and he steps inside, followed by Max. I’m standing pitifully in the doorway, tears running down my face.

  “Shit,” Kelly says, rushing over and pulling me into his arms. “Honey, what happened?”

  “It’s nothing,” I lie. “I just had a massive fight with Jacob on the phone.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  Sorry.

  It’s not him who should be sorry. It’s me who should be sorry.

  ~*~*~*~

  AVERY

  They say bad things happen in threes. Two weeks ago my life felt real. Nate was with me and I felt a love I’d never felt before. Now it’s been three days since I told him to leave my house, and I’ve not heard from him since. A part of me, a huge part of me is praying that he’ll call. The agony ripping through my chest is something I can’t explain. It burns every second of every minute of every hour of the day.

  He’s broken me.

  Yet a part of me is so sure he’s coming back. He loves me. I love him. Maybe he’s leaving Lena; maybe he’s going to come to my doorstep any minute and tell me we’re going to be happy together, forever. That moment doesn’t come—no—but he does come to my doorstep. His eyes are broken, his face completely lacking in emotion. I know even before he says it. I know . . . I fucking know.

  “We need to talk,” he rasps.

  Those four words have so much meaning.

  He steps past me, but I can’t focus on anything else but his words. The words that are never good. They never end well. They break everything. When he turns to me and begins speaking I am still praying, with a pathetically broken piece of my heart that I’m wrong. We have something that is so amazing, so real he wouldn’t just throw it away. He wouldn’t. He promised.

  Promises are made to be broken.

  “I didn’t call and I’m sorry,” he says, his voice shaky. “I went home to leave Lena, I did, Avery, but she told me . . . she told me she’s sick.”

  Sick.

  Sick.

  He stares at his feet. He can’t even look at me.

  “She said she went back to see the doctor after she was released from hospital because of the alcohol poising. They did some blood work just to make sure she hadn’t damaged her liver, things like that, and they found something. She went back to get more tests while I was away—I didn’t know. I got home and she seemed fine, so I came to you. When I got home, she got the call—right there in front of me. She’s got cancer, Avery. It’s not good.”

  My knees tremble and I have to reach out and grip the countertop to stop myself from crumbling.

  “I can’t leave her, not right now. She needs me around; Macy needs her mother to live, regardless of how I feel. She has no one else. I can’t leave her when she’s in trouble. Please understand, Avery, that this isn’t what I wanted, but I can’t step away.”

  My world is spinning; all I can hear is white noise as my life comes crumbling down around me. I know I’m crying, though I can’t hear the sounds coming from my throat. Nate steps forward, cupping my cheeks, his calloused fingers lying so perfectly against my skin. This isn’t how this is meant to go. Through my blurred vision, I see a tear trickle down his cheek. My big, brave man is crying. How can I hate him? How can I?

  “It’s not fair what I’m doing,” he rasps, his voice thick with emotion. “How can I expect you to just sit around and wait for me? You’re not a toy, Avery. You’re not something I can just pull out of the closet when I feel like it. You’re a girl, a beautiful girl who deserves everything. You deserve so much more than me. I have to let you go, because if I don’t I’m keeping you from living with the love you deserve.”

  No.

  My knees wobble and I sink to the floor. My world is vacant and I hear nothing but the sound of my own sobbing. It hurts; it feels like my heart has been torn open and ripped into tiny shreds. My entire body aches from the inside out, every organ, every muscle, every inch of my skin. Nate kneels with me, and I feel his body shake with emotion.

  “I’m sorry, Avery. So fuckin’ sorry. Please know that I love you. I fucking love you with everything I am, but I have to do this.”

  A broken kiss is pressed to my head. Then he stands and I he
ar him walking towards the door. That’s when the desperation hits. It hits me like a hurricane swirling in my soul. I push to my feet and I take two steps forward, my arms outstretched, like that’s going to stop him from leaving me. “Please,” I beg, my voice shaking. “Nate, please. Don’t leave me. Don’t leave me.”

  He swallows, his face so pained . . . so fucking pained.

  “I’m sorry, Avery.”

  He walks out the door and I run forward, tripping before I make it. I land on the floor hard and fast, screaming with pain and agony as I hear his truck start up. No, no, no, no, no. He can’t leave me. He can’t go. I crawl towards the door, wailing, desperate. I’m crying out his name, begging him not to go. When I hear the car disappear down the street, my entire world crashes around me and I scream so loudly my ears feel like they’re going to explode.

  So this is what heartbreak feels like.

  ~*~*~*~

  “Oh, Avery,” Kelly says, rushing in and scooping me off the floor. “What have you done?”

  “It hurts, Kelly,” I scream, clutching his shirt as he lifts me. “It hurts so bad.”

  He puts his big arms around me, but it doesn’t ease the pain. It hurts so much. It’s like someone has lit a fire in my soul and it’s slowly burning.

  “There will never be anyone else like him,” I bellow. “No one. He’s it. He’s all I’ll ever have and want.”

  “He’s not yours to want, Avery. He never was.”

  “I love him,” I screech so loudly I hurt my own ears. “I love him.”

  I don’t know how Kelly found me here, but I knew the minute he lifted me into his arms that he knew. I guess Nate called him—that’s the kind of man Nate is. Everyone else before him. Just the thought of him has a raw sob rising up in my throat and escaping into Kelly’s chest.

  “It hurts, Kelly. It hurts so much.”

  “It’s meant to hurt, Av. Because it’s wrong.”

  “I love him,” I cry clutching his shirt. “Don’t you get that? I love him!”

  “That’s the problem,” he says softly. “It’s not real love, Avery. It’s a lie; that’s all it will ever be.”

  “You define love by deciding if it’s right or wrong. That’s not always correct. Love creeps up on you at the most inopportune moment, and there’s nothing you can do to stop it. Love cannot be reasoned with and it can’t be as simple as right or wrong.”

  “Nate is my love. You don’t have to agree but you can’t change what is. One day, Kelly, you might find a love like mine. And I hope you’ll never have to feel the pain I feel right now—like a broken angel, my wings torn down. I honestly don’t know if I’ll ever fly again without him.”

  “You will, Avery,” he whispers. “You will.”

  He’s wrong.

  I’ll never be the same again.

  CHAPTER 28

  NATE

  I have nowhere to go. My heart is falling to pieces. My hands are gripped around the steering wheel and I’m speeding towards the only place, towards the only person who might understand. How can I move past this? Watching her, on her knees, screaming for me—it fucking broke me. I don’t know if letting her go was the right thing for me, but it was the right thing for her.

  I had to do it for her.

  I skid to a halt at the driveway of my parents’ home. I jump out of the car. My hands are trembling and my legs feel weak. I charge towards my father’s shed, where I know he’ll be. When no one is there, that’s where he spends most of his time. I shove the door open and he spins around quickly. His eyes widen with shock before taking me in.

  “Nate, son, what’s wrong?”

  I shake my head backwards and forward, the words not forming on my tongue no matter how desperately I want them to. He gets up and rushes forward, putting his hands on my shoulders.

  “Son, you’re scarin’ me. What’s going on?”

  “I fucked up,” I croak out. “I fucked up, Dad.”

  “Sit down, tell me . . .”

  I shake my head, stepping back. My fingers go up to tangle in my hair and I clench my jaw, trying to hold the emotions at bay.

  “I’ve been having an affair,” I rasp, the words burning my tongue as they come out.

  He stares at me, his face a mask of shock and pain. “Oh son, no.”

  “With Avery.”

  He’s silent a moment. I cut him off before he can even open his mouth to speak. “I know what you’re going to say: it’s wrong, I fucked up, I disrespected Lena. I know,” I rasp. “I fucking know what I’ve done. I just . . .I just ended it with her. I left her on the floor screaming my name. I fucking broke a woman.”

  “Nate . . .”

  “I love her,” I yell, looking up at him, finally letting my walls down. A tear rolls down my cheek and I don’t fucking care. “I love her, Dad, I love her so fucking much it hurts and I just broke her.”

  My knees give way and my dad wraps his arms around me, and he sinks to the floor by my side. His strong arms are around me, and I try hard to fight the pain bubbling up in my chest but I can’t stop it from flowing out. I love her. What will I do now?

  “I got you, son, always got you. It’s going to be okay. It’ll all be okay.”

  Nothing will ever be okay again.

  I’ve lost the only thing I was breathing for.

  CHAPTER 29

  AVERY

  “What is wrong with you?” my father barks, pacing the room. “How could you give up everything for some, some, pathetic boy who rides bikes?”

  My father found out about Nate and I. Of course I didn’t tell him, but he did walk in when Kelly was comforting me and speaking with me about it. He listened. He got the full story. Now he’s making it known that I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. Like I didn’t already know that.

  “It’s not like I planned it,” I say, my voice barely above a whisper. It’s all it’s been for more thank a week now.

  “You know better,” he growls, slamming his fist onto the bench. “You gave up a good, solid man for that . . . loser?”

  I flinch. “He is not a loser.”

  “He is a loser,” he bellows. “And to think I was going to leave everything to you.”

  “I never wanted it,” I scream, my voice hoarse. “I never wanted your money, or your perfect, solid man. I just wanted my own life.”

  “Yeah?” he snaps. “Good; you’re about to get it. I’m cutting you off, Avery. I will pay you only what is in your trust. The business will be signed over to Jacob. You and Liam will have no part in it.”

  “Do you think we want your stupid business?” I yell. “We never wanted it. All we wanted was a father that showed us some love after we lost our mother.”

  “I’ve done the best I can.”

  “No you haven’t,” I’m screaming so loud my voice hurts. “You didn’t even try. I used to cry myself to sleep and I would hear you walk past, but you didn’t even stop. You couldn’t show me any comfort. Money and work is all you’ve ever cared about and all you ever will care about. Take it all, I don’t want it. I don’t want any of it.”

  I turn and run out of the room, shoving past anyone that gets in my way. The moment I reach my car, I get in, tears streaming down my face as I screech off down the driveway. The gate opens for me, that doesn’t surprise me. He doesn’t want me here, he never did. I’ve never been more than an easy way for him to set up his business.

  “I wish you were here, momma,” I croak. “I miss you.”

  I drive straight to the studio, needing the only people I have left. I get out of the car and run inside. Maggie is standing at the lockers, pulling out her shoes for todays lesson. She hears the door slam and turns to me, her face becoming immediately worried.

  “Avery, honey,” she says, dropping the shoes and walking over. “What’s wrong?”

  “I made a mistake,” I sob, crumbling to my knees. “It’s all ruined, Maggie. All ruined.”

  “Hush now, child. Tell me what’s got you so broken?”
>
  I hiccup. I can’t tell her about Nate, I can’t face her if she tells me how disappointed she is in me. I understand it. I know what kind of person I am. I don’t need a reminder of that.

  “My father just disowned me,” I whisper instead, my body shaking with emotion.

  “Oh honey, no,” she soothes, stroking my hair.

  “I’ve got nothing left.”

  “No,” she says, holding me closer. “You do have something, you have us, Avery.”

  Is that enough?

  ~*~*~*~

  NATE

  “Just tell me how she is,” I growl.

  “Fuck off, Nate. You shouldn’t be here and you know it,” Kelly says, glaring at me.

  “I’m not here with her, I just want to know. Fuckin’ hell, Kelly. Just tell me.”

  “She’s fucked up,” he barks, stepping forward and shoving my chest. “All because you’re a selfish son-of-a-bitch and you don’t fuckin’ deserve her.”

  “Push me again,” I hiss. “See what happens.”

  He shoves my chest hard and I lose it. I charge forward, raising my fist and bringing it down over his jaw. He bellows in pain, taking two steps backwards. His eyes grow wild and he lunges at me, knocking me backwards down the stairs. His fist connects with my eye, and pain radiates through my head. I roll on top of him, lifting my fist and bringing it down over and over, slamming into his face.

  “Whoa, fuck.”

  Suddenly I’m being jerked off him. I feel strong arms around my shoulders and I know it’s my brother.

  “What the hell is goin’ on?” he barks.

  “That fucker,” Kelly growls, getting to his knees, “is fucking Avery.”

  “Was,” I bark. “I fuckin’ was.”

  “You’re married,” Keanu says, his voice low and deadly.

  “I fuckin’ know, now let me go.”

  He lets me go and I spin around, glaring at him. He takes me in, letting his eyes travel over me.

  “You’re drunk.”

  No shit.

  “Fuck you, Keanu.”

  “You deserve everything you get,” Kelly yells, clenching his fists. He’s got blood running from his lip. His eyes are darkening with bruises and he’s got droplets of blood coming from his nose.