Life After Taylah

by Bella Jewel

  “You don’t think I know that?” I roar. “I love her, Kelly. It wasn’t just some cheap, easy fuck. I fuckin’ love her.”

  His body jerks at this and he growls out, “She ain’t yours to love. You have a wife. Go love her.”

  “Fuck you,” I bark.

  “Enough!” Keanu growls. “Kelly, go inside.”

  Kelly gets to his feet and scowls at me before turning and storming inside. Keanu turns to me and his eyes are hard.

  “You fucked up, little bro.”

  If only he knew just how much.

  CHAPTER 30

  AVERY

  “What happened to your face?” I gasp, staring at Kelly.

  “Nate happened.”

  Just the mention of Nate’s voice has my entire body coiling into itself with agony. My heart hurts all day, every day. There is no break. No time for me to just forget. I don’t know if I’ll ever forget.

  “N-N-Nate did that?”

  “It doesn’t matter, Av,” he says, reaching out and touching my cheek. “It’s not for you to worry about.”

  I look away.

  “You haven’t eaten,” he says, moving his hand to my shoulder. “Shit, Avery, how long has it been?”

  “About three days.”

  “Fuck, sit down. You need to eat.”

  I shake my head. “I’m trying, Kelly, but I can’t keep it down.”

  “You’ll kill yourself.”

  “It doesn’t matter.”

  Suddenly his hands are pressed against my face and his expression is frantic. “Don’t you say that. Don’t you ever fuckin’ say that.”

  “What do you want me to say, Kelly?” I whisper, exhausted. “That it will all be okay?”

  “It will be okay.”

  “For you, perhaps.”

  “It’ll get easier, Av, you have to believe that.”

  I nod, too tired and too broken to argue. He pulls me into his arms and I let him. Right now I’ll take any comfort I can get. My broken heart just needs something to make it feel better, just for a moment. My tears slide out and soak Kelly’s shirt.

  “It’s going to be okay, honey,” he soothes.

  He pulls back and looks down at my tear-stricken face. He uses his thumbs to wipe those tears away, then gently whispers, “I’m going to make you some tea and put you to bed, okay?”

  I nod, collapsing down onto the couch as he goes and makes me a cup of tea. I slowly sip it when he hands it to me, and we sit silently on the couch together until I’m finished. Then he takes me upstairs to my bed and tucks me in. He stares down at me with a worried expression. “You going to be okay?”

  “Kelly?” I croak.

  “Yeah?”

  “Will you . . . will you lay with me until I go to sleep?”

  “Of course,” he says, dropping onto the bed beside me.

  He tucks my body into his and he lies there with me until my eyes flutter closed from exhaustion. Then he stays with me all night.

  I’m grateful to him for that.

  ~*~*~*~

  I shouldn’t be here.

  I shouldn’t be here.

  I duck down behind the crowd as Nate’s name is announced. I’m here, at his race, knowing that I shouldn’t be, but I had to see him. I just had to see he was okay. I can’t think of anything else but him, and I need to know that he’s surviving without me. I just need to let my eyes fall on him.

  I sound crazy, I know. Hell, I feel crazy, but I couldn’t stay away.

  I hear the loud rumbling of bikes and a moment later he’s in view. My breath hitches in my throat as I watch him from my position in the crowd. I can’t see his face, but it’s him: I know that man and that bike. My throat grows thick and my body aches as the timer begins and he speeds off. My hand goes to my chest. Keep it together, Avery. Keep it together.

  I watch, my eyes fixed to him and only him as he goes around the track. It’s going onto late afternoon now and he’s the last race of the day. His score today means a lot in his overall chance to make it to the States for championships. The sun is just dropping over the horizon and the sky is turning a flaming red. I watch Nate near a jump and my heart leaps into my throat. It’s a big jump. He pushes the bike forward and launches off, soaring across it.

  Please. Please.

  He deserves this.

  He lands and his bike bounces, then right before my eyes he soars over the handlebars. The crowd gasps, and then everyone falls silent. I stop breathing as his body is sent flying across the dirt before landing with a thump. Oh God, Nate. I rush forward, trying to get a better view but the crowd is pushing forward like animals, all desperate for a piece of the action.

  I’m shoved backwards towards the vans and trucks. I rush into them, wondering if there’s somewhere I can get a better view. God, what if he’s hurt? Or worse? I run around the side of a massive truck and come out at a different location, but there’s still too many people. Frantic, I push on further, getting closer to where Nate landed. The crowd is thick around that location, leaving no room to view him.

  “Is he okay?” I ask a man who is walking out of the crowd and towards the trucks. He stares down at me.

  “He’s fine, up and storming off. Typical.”

  I breathe a sigh of relief and duck back behind a truck, pressing my back to it. I shouldn’t be here; I don’t know why I am. It’s dangerous, risky, and it only makes me want to rush to him. He’s not mine. He didn’t choose you. I hurry down through the trucks again, rounding a corner and finding myself confused. I look up, trying to remember where I was sitting. I turn and head back the other way, planning to retrace my steps. These grounds are huge and if I exit at the wrong place, I could be walking for hours before I find my car.

  I step around behind another large truck when I hear an almighty crack. I jump backwards and stare towards the sound only to see Nate. Oh, God. He’s got his fist raised and he’s pounding it into the side of a giant, red truck. He’s covered in dirt and there’s blood trickling from a gash on his knuckles. I want to turn and run away, but I’m frozen to the dirt. It’s been weeks since I’ve seen him, and being this close to him again has everything in me sparking to life.

  As if he can feel me, he turns and looks my way. I gasp as I see his face. He looks tired and worn, his eyes dark and tired, his cheeks high because his eyes are sunken. His expression turns to one of pure shock for a second as he turns his body towards mine.

  “Avery?” he croaks.

  “I . . .” I begin. “I’m so sorry. I was trying to . . . I wanted to get out and I was lost. I didn’t mean for you to see me and . . . I . . .”

  He walks towards me, his body big and powerful, his expression determined. When he reaches me, his hand lashes out and curls around my neck as his eyes scan my face.

  “Tryin’ to forget you,” he rasps. “Tryin’ to make myself stop feeling. Can’t . . . Fuckin’ can’t.”

  “I . . .” I whisper, staring up at him. “You scared me out there.”

  “Fucked up my race,” he growls. “Fucked it up because my head is gone. I can’t think. Can’t fuckin’ feel. All I want is you—fuck, all I need is you.”

  “Nate . . .”

  “Just for a second,” he says, his voice low and pained. “I want to stop feeling this pain. Is it so much to fuckin’ ask for one second?”

  Tears leak from my eyes as I stare up into his. I want him so desperately, but I know I can’t. I have to go. I have to leave.

  “Nathaniel?”

  The sound of a male voice causes him to stiffen and turn. There’s an older man standing at the end of the trucks. He doesn’t even notice me as he steps forward. “What the fuck was that out there?”

  “Nothin’,” Nate growls.

  I take a step back and Nate’s hand drops from my neck. I have to leave. I have to go.

  “That’s the second race you’ve fucked up,” the man barks. “It’s not good enough.”

  “You think I don’t fuckin’ know that?” Nate
roars.

  “Then try harder.”

  Another step. Then another.

  “Get your shit together, Nate,” he snarls. “Or you’ll have no fuckin’ career.”

  He turns and walks off, and Nate spins around, driving his fist into the side of the truck again. I want to run, but seeing him pounding the hard metal, causing more blood to appear on his knuckles, has everything in me aching. I can’t leave him like this. I rush forward when his fist rears back, and I curl my fingers around his arm. He flinches and looks down at me, his eyes wild, his body heaving with each ragged breath he takes.

  “Stop. You’re scaring me,” I whisper.

  “Scaring you?” he barks, spinning around and lifting my tiny body off the ground before slamming me against the truck. “Scaring you? I wish to fucking God I scared you, Avery. Because then maybe you wouldn’t look at me with that kind of fuckin’ love in your eyes. The kind of love I can’t get out of my head.”

  My lower lip trembles as I look up at him, terrified, broken, and desperate.

  “L-l-let me go, Nate,” I say, my voice small and trembling.

  “So you can run? So you can pretend seeing me hasn’t fucked you as much as it has me?”

  “Just let me go,” I cry, squirming. “I don’t want to be here. I don’t want to . . .”

  “Liar,” he roars. “Don’t you lie to me, Avery. You want this as much as I do; you always did. Admit it. Admit it fuckin’ burns.”

  “It does burn,” I scream, squirming harder. “I can’t survive without you, but you gave me no choice. You fucking promised me, and you gave me no choice. I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want to breathe without you. I just want you, because I fucking love you. I know how much it burns.”

  Suddenly, his lips are on mine. I don’t even see it coming. His tongue is brutal as he parts my mouth, and I can’t even begin to fight him away. I don’t want to. I need him, every large, muscled, perfect inch of him. His fingers tangle in my hair and he jerks my head back, deepening the kiss. It’s so hard, so raw, so desperate that I taste blood in my mouth. God. Yes.

  Everything moves so fast, so fast I don’t have time to stop and think about it. His hands are on my backside, pressing me against the side of the truck, and then he’s yanking my dress up. He tears my panties clean off, tossing them on the ground before reaching down between us and jerking his jeans down. Then he’s inside me, deep and hard with no warning.

  I cry out, clutching his arms.

  He pulls out and drives back in, fucking me hard and fast. He’s grunting against my mouth, his fingers are biting into the flesh on my ass and my pussy is convulsing around him. He fucks me like this is our last day on earth, as if he’ll never see me again. Maybe he won’t. Maybe that’s reality. I cry out his name when he tilts my hips, driving in so deep it almost hurts. But he finds that spot—that amazing, sensitive spot.

  “Oh God,” I cry. “Nate.”

  He growls against my neck as I begin to come around him, my orgasm ripping through me like a hurricane, sending me over the edge. I don’t care who hears or who sees—I let myself go, I let every feeling in. He follows soon after, growling his release into my mouth as he slams his lips over mine again. His cock jerks as he empties himself into my aching flesh.

  Then I’m on the ground and he’s pulling out, taking a few steps backwards and running his hands through his hair. I can see regret and my heart tears apart all over again. “Fuck,” he roars, jerking his jeans up. “Fuck.”

  “Nate, I . . .” I whisper.

  He spins and glares at me, so angry, so wild, that I flinch. Why is he mad at me? He kissed me. I coil backwards and my entire body shakes as I see that all too familiar regret in his eyes.

  “Don’t you ever, ever fuckin’ come near me again. Do you hear me, Avery? Leave. Leave me the fuck alone.”

  His words are like a slap to the face. I watch, my entire body numb as he disappears, leaving me alone. I slowly crumble to my knees, my fingers running through the fresh dirt on the ground as I break. I finally break. I scream his name, clawing at the ground, desperate and pathetic. Alone and used.

  He said he I wasn’t a toy—he was wrong.

  That’s all I am.

  ~*~*~*~

  NATE

  What have I done? What have I fuckin’ done?

  I fucked her and then I watched as I ripped her heart out a second time.

  I don’t deserve this. I don’t deserve her.

  I don’t deserve anything.

  CHAPTER 31

  AVERY

  “I can do this,” I say to Maggie and Lyn, as I walk through the halls to the dressing room.

  “Avery, you don’t have to. The girls can do it without you.”

  “I’ve practiced,” I protest, though my voice is emotionless. “I’m helping them with this concert.”

  Both women look at each other, then back to me. They nod but I can see both don’t want me on that stage. The girls need me, though; it’s their end-of-year concert, and they’ve been excited about this. I’m the main dancer in their set, and if I don’t join in they will be let down. I won’t let them down.

  “Avery!” they cry when I step out into the back dressing room.

  “Who’s ready?” I say, putting on my best fake smile.

  “Yeah!”

  I run through the routine with them once more before making sure they’re all dressed, their hair is done and they’re ready to go. When the concert starts, I prepare myself to go on stage. I’ll be doing an introduction dance and then they will join me. The moment my name is called, I take a deep breath and step out. I can see Kelly and Liam in the crowd, and my heart warms that they’ve come to watch me.

  I move across the stage, doing the routine we practiced. I dance and twist, gliding as best I can. When the girls join me, I smile as they perform beautifully. Moms and dads cheer, and people clap when the girls do amazing little moves. I beam with pride, knowing I taught them that. I glide off the stage when it comes to my best ten-year-old’s solo. I catch a glimpse of Max before I go, talking closely with Liam. He must have just arrived.

  I wonder what they’re talking about? Max is glancing down at his phone, then back to Liam. Then I hear the shrill sound of it ringing before he takes the call. I can’t focus too much more, because I really have to make sure this concert ends smoothly. Max disappears mid way through my performance, and my heart sinks a little.

  By the time it’s my turn to close the concert, Liam is gone – only Kelly remains. My heart kicks up a notch as I try desperately to pay attention to my dancing. I’m mid-way through my performance when Max returns, without Liam. He stares up at me, and I watch him as I lean down and then jump. It’s in that moment I see his face, really see his face and I know . . . instantly I know. He has that look, the look people have when they’re about to tell you someone is dead.

  I crumble on the stage, my legs giving way beneath me.

  I land harshly, and the crowd goes silent. I lift my eyes and stare at Max again, and I see the exact moment a tear rolls down his cheek. Suddenly I can’t hear anything but white noise. My vision blurs as I feel arms wrapping around me and lifting me. I’m dragged off the stage and pulled out the back, but I’m still staring at nothing.

  “Avery,” Maggie cries, slapping my cheeks.

  Why did he look like that?

  “Avery?” Lyn demands. “Look at me.”

  Why is he crying?

  “Avery!”

  Why did Liam run?

  I force myself to my feet almost robotically as I move towards the exit. I hear Lyn and Maggie’s cries but I don’t stop. I push through the backdoor and step out into the cold, my outfit barely covering enough to protect me from the weather. I round a corner and see Max and Kelly rushing towards me. Kelly’s face, oh his face, it’s telling me everything I need to know before I even get to him.

  Something bad has happened. No, not just something bad, something horrible. Something life-changing. I stop i
n front of them and I lift my eyes to Max, still feeling nothing.

  “Avery,” he rasps, “tell me you’re okay?”

  “Why were you crying?”

  Is that my voice, that monotone, empty sound?

  “Avery . . .”

  “Tell me why you were crying?”

  “Max, not here; not now,” Kelly pleads. “Look at her, she’s not even there.”

  “Tell me!” I scream, shoving Max’s chest. “Tell me.”

  Max looks desperately to Kelly, who sighs and wraps his arms around me. Why is he holding me? Why is he telling Max not to tell me?

  “Avery, honey,” Max begins, “I got some news tonight about your mother.”

  My head begins to spin and my knees wobble. Now I know why Kelly is holding me. He’s holding me because he knows I’ll fall.

  “You remember,” Max whispers, his voice broken, “how I told you she was having an affair? It turns out she wasn’t as secretive as she thought. That particular day she went out, she was followed. When she left, that person followed her and when she realized, she pulled over and got out of the car. She . . . recognized the car.”

  Was it his wife? Oh God. Did she find out about the affair? Did she kill my mother?

  “Avery, baby, the person who pulled over and followed her was your father.”

  What? What?

  “We questioned him a week or so ago, but he gave us nothing. He denied stopping. We finally gathered enough evidence and tonight we arrested him. He confessed everything, Avery. He told us that . . . he killed Taylah.”

  My knees go and not even Kelly is enough to hold me up. His body crashes down with mine. I scream, I scream so loudly my ears burn and begin to ring. My mind crashes closed and my entire world begins going black as grief, shock and heartache rip through my body. I hear voices but I can’t make out any words. All I can hear is the last three things he said to me: “He killed Taylah.”

  Then I am swallowed into darkness.

  ~*~*~*~

  He was suspicious.