Dating Dilemma

by Brownell, Rachael

  "I can tell you're upset, but this conversation is far from over. I asked you if you could stay late, and you said you were free. You shouldn't have made plans after you committed to being here for this. Now, we have a few things to discuss with you about your position with the company. If you need a minute to call and cancel your plans, please do so now."

  There's no way Kyle will believe I'm really stuck at work.

  He's going to think I'm making up excuses.

  He'll think I'm still avoiding him.

  If I don't text him, it'll be easier on everyone. He'll think the same things, only this time we'll be done for good. I'm letting him go. I'm choosing my career. This is what I've always said was more important. Love gets messy. It gets in the way. There's no room in my life for both right now.

  Judging by the look on Maggie and Mr. Phelps faces, if I choose to walk out of here, I won't have a position to come back to tomorrow morning.

  He doesn't need me anymore.

  Maggie's back.

  She can write her own column.

  Pulling my phone from my purse, I do the one thing I never thought I would do.

  ME: Kyle sent me flowers. Seven dozen flowers. He asked me to dinner and I'm stuck at work. Maggie called a meeting and showed up late. If I text him he won't believe me. I give you permission to call him.

  ABBY: I'm on it.

  ME: Thank you.

  ABBY: Is this job really worth it?

  Mr. Phelps clears his throat just as Abby's last text comes through. I don't have time to respond, but I know the answer to her question. I'm about to find out if this job is worth it or not.

  "Now, let's talk about the column," Mr. Phelps starts. "Maggie, why don't you explain the situation to her?"

  "It's fairly simple. I'm not coming back. We need someone to take over the column, and I'd like it to be you. There are conditions, of course."

  "I'm flattered, but I really don't want to take over the column. I was only helping because I wasn't given a choice in the matter," I reply, looking directly in her eyes. I want her to see not only am I serious, but that she's the one who put me in this position in the first place.

  "You always had a choice," Mr. Phelps chimes in. "You could have said no."

  "And if I had, you wouldn't have had a position for me anymore. This," I say, motioning around me, "was my choice. If not this, I was headed home to my parents’ house and that wasn't going to happen. Are you telling me I'm back in the same position?"

  "Of course not," he replies defensively. Shifting in his seat, he glances in Maggie's direction, but her attention is focused on me.

  "Then what are you saying?"

  "That we'd really like you to consider this offer." Maggie's tone is sickly sweet. She's being nice to me for the sake of trying to get what she wants. She's faking it. Her eyes give her away. She's angry I'm not jumping up and down, thanking her for the opportunity.

  "If I say no, will there still be a position for me here? The position I originally was hired for?"

  "We don't currently have a position for you, Lauren," Mr. Phelps says, his voice weaker than I've ever heard it.

  That's when it becomes clear who's running the show right now. Maggie. I know she's part owner and founder. Apparently, she's also the one who makes the decisions. She's the one who will decide my fate if I turn her down. A fate that's already been decided.

  If I tell her no, I'm fired.

  20

  Kyle

  Did I go overboard?

  Even the florist was surprised when I ordered that many flowers.

  I wanted her to know I was thinking of her. I needed it to be obvious I'm still waiting for her. There can't be any doubt in her mind that I've moved on to someone else. After the conversation she had with Hope on the phone the other day, that was my biggest concern.

  I get a notification that my flowers have been delivered just as I'm about to walk into my final meeting with investors. If this meeting goes well, I should be able to part ways with Ron by the end of next month. The company will be mine and mine alone. I won't have to see him or Kristen again.

  Speaking of Kristen.

  Yesterday was the four-year anniversary of when we started dating. I didn't even realize what day it was until she sauntered into my office to remind me. It was the first time I had seen her since the wedding. It was not a friendly reunion.

  "What the hell do you want?"

  I ignored her for a few minutes, hoping she would go away on her own. She obviously had other plans, taking a seat across from me, waiting for me to acknowledge her presence.

  "I thought you might want to see me today," she coos.

  "Nope."

  "Not even today?"

  She's baiting me. There's something she wants, and no matter what she says, I'll do everything I can to make sure she doesn't get it.

  "Not yesterday, not today, and not tomorrow. You know where the door is. You can show yourself out."

  “But it’s our anniversary,” she coos. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her relax back into her chair and cross her legs, the short skirt she slipped into this morning riding up higher on her thighs.

  I don’t give her the reaction she’s looking for. Ten minutes later, she finally gets the hint and walks out the door, slamming it closed behind her. I made the mistake of making eye contact when she walked in, but I wasn’t watching as she left. If I had known it was her when she knocked, I wouldn't even have bothered to look up. She thrives on attention. If I can see anything clearly about our relationship these days, it is how much of a taker she was. She took attention away from anyone around her. She felt things were owed to her. I needed to buy her things because I loved her. I needed to take her places because I loved her.

  My love for her paid for a vacation in Hawaii last year. It paid for her breast lift when she claimed they were starting to sag. It paid for every little detail of the wedding that she had to have. The wedding she never intended to show up for.

  All she knows how to do is take from others. A few months after the wedding, I warned Ron. He didn't seem to care. He has more money than he'll be able to spend in a lifetime. He's happy to share everything with her. Once she leaves him for someone younger or richer, he'll rethink that.

  Right now, the hate I have for her is what's going to buy them their next vacation. Once I buy him out, I'll have the one thing I want in life that money can actually buy. I'll have my business.

  As for the things in life money can't buy...

  Come six o'clock tonight, I'm hoping I have that, too. As long as she shows up, there's hope. That's all I'm asking for.

  My meeting runs long. It's six o'clock when I leave the office. Picking up my phone to call her, I see two missed calls from a California number I don't recognize. There's only one person it could be, but why is she calling me?

  "Hello?" Abby says, picking up after the second ring.

  "It's Kyle. You called me?"

  "Oh, good. I thought I recognized the number."

  "What's up? Is Lauren okay?" I ask, starting my car.

  "She's fine, but she won't be at dinner."

  I'm about to put the car in reverse when her words slap me across the face. She's not coming.

  "Oh. Well, thanks for letting me know," I reply, the hope I've been holding onto all day slipping away.

  "Wait!" she screams as I'm about to hang up. "She asked me to call you because she's held up at work. Something about a meeting with Maggie running long. I don't know all the details."

  Maggie? Why do I know that name?

  "Who the hell is Maggie?"

  "You know, Dear Maggie. The advice column. The one Lauren's been writing since Maggie disappeared. Well, I guess she's back and called a meeting tonight. She can't leave, but she wanted me to tell you she still wants to have dinner with you."

  She writes the Dear Maggie column. The one Hope wrote to. The one Hope shared my shitty relationship situation with. The reason I went on the dating site to
begin with. Lauren was behind all that.

  "I don't think dinner is a good idea after all."

  "What? Why? What about all the flower?"

  "What about all the lies?" I counter, clenching my hand into a fist.

  "What lies?"

  "Let's see... she didn't mention she was Dear Maggie."

  "She's not. They forced her to fill in while Maggie was gone. She didn't tell you?"

  "No. Apparently it slipped her mind. Did it also slip her mind that she advised my sister to have me sign up for online dating? Or that we met on the same dating site? Is that really a coincidence or was this all part of her plan?"

  My voice rises along with my anger.

  "Wait, Kyle. I didn't know she hadn't told you. She wasn't supposed to tell anyone. The only person who knew, besides her boss, was me. I assumed she told you, but I was wrong. Please don't hold this against her until you talk to her. As for the online dating thing, I think she was trying to play the part. She really doesn't have much experience and was expected to be an expert. She needed to do a little research. She didn't expect to like you as much as she does."

  Abby continues to defend Lauren and pleads with me to talk to her, to let her explain. I'm not sure I care to hear her explanation for any of it. I'm not sure I want to walk back down that road. I thought I had found someone who was worth fighting for. Someone who understood me. We had fun together, but that was probably a lie, too. She used me. I was research for her column. What else did she lie to me about?

  Dear Maggie,

  * * *

  I'm gaining weight and my boyfriend said something about it. I already eat healthy and work out a few times a week. We've only been together for a few months. Do you think he's going to break up with me if I can't shed the extra pounds?

  * * *

  ~Amy

  Amy,

  * * *

  I don't think a few extra pounds are going to be the deciding factor in whether you and your boyfriend stay together. However, if it's that big of a deal to him, maybe he's not the right person for you to be in a relationship with. You should be with someone who accepts you for who you are, not who they expect or want you to be. It needs to be deeper than a physical attraction, although that is still important.

  Keep working hard on being the best person you can be, inside and out. If he isn't happy with it, I say you shed more than a few extra pounds. Try shedding two-hundred by getting rid of him.

  * * *

  ~Maggie

  21

  Lauren

  My eyes have been leaky faucets since I left my meeting with Maggie and Mr. Phelps the other night. I called Abby as soon as I could to find out if she was able to get in touch with Kyle. When she told me how the conversation went, the flood gates opened.

  I should have warned her I hadn’t told Kyle who I was. Not completely. We hadn’t talked about our jobs except for a few times, and until yesterday, I wasn’t sure it was necessary. Now, it doesn’t matter. In his eyes, I lied to him. I pretended to be someone I’m not. I used him to further my career.

  Sure, it started out that way, but after our first date, it wasn’t about that anymore. I went out with him because I liked him. He became more than just research.

  Abby is on her way here. I begged her to stay home, but she insisted. She feels responsible for what happened. I tried to explain to her that omitting information from him was my fault, that I had intended to tell him eventually. To her, it didn’t matter. She spilled my secret when it wasn’t hers to share.

  What she doesn’t know is, more than anything, I was hoping I would never have to. With Maggie back in town, I had hoped the problem would resolve itself.

  That's not the case. Now I'm going to have to pull myself out of the giant hole I've dug.

  I had no idea his sister wrote in. It was my first column. I never put two and two together until Abby mentioned it. I didn't realize I was giving advice on his love life. I was so caught up in listening to him that the column was the last thing on my mind.

  He was all I was focused on. I was in a trance. I was flying high every time I was with him.

  If I had only made the connection…

  What then? Would I have come clean? Probably not. Things would have ended right then and there, I’m sure.

  In the end, I lost him anyway.

  My life is in the shitter right now. I have one week to decide if I'm going to be the voice behind Dear Maggie. If I say no, I'm headed back to California.

  Far away from Kyle and any chance I might have at reconciling. It took me a long time, but it's what I want. More than anything. I want to be with him. Any way he'll have me. At the moment, I'm not above begging for a second chance. Or even just the opportunity to talk to him and explain everything. On my hands and knees if necessary.

  It's late when Abby's plane finally arrives. I have to work tomorrow, and as much as I would love to call in sick, I'm still contracted to write the column. Maggie made it perfectly clear I wouldn't be able to get a job in this industry if I didn't finish out the next two weeks.

  Counting tomorrow, I'm responsible for showing up for six more days. Three more columns to write. Then I can leave if I want to. Or I can stay and keep doing what I'm doing. Writing a column I'm not passionate about. Breaking the one promise I made to myself—to never let my passion die. To only write what I want to write.

  "Hey," Abby says, pulling me in for a hug.

  I didn't bother to get dressed to pick her up. I'm not trying to impress anyone, and judging by the look on her face, she can tell.

  "Nice yoga pants."

  "Thanks."

  "You know everything is going to be okay, right?"

  "If you say so."

  "I do, so cheer up, bitch. I've got a plan."

  "The last time you had a plan, we didn't talk for days," I remind her, taking her bag and slinging it over my shoulder. "Are you sure you want to take charge on this?"

  "Of course. I've got this. I promise," she says reassuringly.

  I want to believe her, I really do. My faith in humanity is lacking right now, though.

  "Whatever you say, Abby. Let's get out of here. One of us has to work tomorrow."

  "We need to talk about that, too."

  I'm sure we do. All I want to do right now is crawl back in bed and shut the world out. I'm grateful she's here, but I have a feeling I'm going to hate her plan. Nothing is going to change my situation. Kyle will never forgive me. I might as well tell Maggie to shove this job up her ass and crawl home to mom and dad. Hearing them tell me my degree is worthless sounds better than listening to Maggie right about now.

  "I'll be back about five o'clock. We'll go out for dinner," I say, snagging my purse and keys off the counter.

  "Sounds good. See you then," Abby replies, taking a sip of her coffee, attempting to hide her grin from me.

  "Are you sure you'll be okay by yourself? I can try to come home for lunch if you want."

  "I'll be fine, Lauren. I'm a big girl. Just make sure you're ready to talk when you get home. You can't hang up on me if I'm in the same room as you, remember?"

  Yes, I'm aware she's here. Live and in living color. Vibrant yellow, green, and pink to be exact. Her leggings are blinding me they’re so bright.

  The office is quiet when I arrive. This weekend is some huge festival downtown, and a lot of people took an extra day off. Fine by me. The quieter it is, the quicker I should be able to get things accomplished.

  Last week, when I was still under the impression Maggie would be taking her column back, I started to do some research on a local outreach center. Hoping Mr. Phelps reconsiders his stance on letting me go, I'm moving forward with the article. I'm hoping to finish my research today, and I have an interview scheduled with the director next week.

  Most people would call this a puff piece. Happy news stories generally are. What they don't realize is how much work goes into putting a piece like this together. Aside from interviewing people, I had to request
financial information and read every piece of literature they have. That’s what I enjoy doing. Actual research. Or at least I did until Maggie sucked all the joy out of being a journalist.

  I work straight through lunch, attempting to get out a little early today. My gut tells me that as much as I don't want to have this conversation with Abby, it's probably better to have it as soon as possible. She still hasn't filled me in on what her plan entails. All she said was by the end of the weekend, I would feel much better and the tears would be a distant memory.

  First, I need to get them to stop. I started crying in the shower this morning for no good reason. One second I was fine, lathering my hair, the next I was wiping tears from my cheeks, rubbing shampoo dangerously close to my eyes.

  Dear Maggie,

  * * *

  Why is he not saying, "I love you" back? He said it first almost a month ago but hasn't said it since. I feel like maybe he didn't mean it or maybe saying it scared him. How do I get him to say it again? I'm going nuts thinking about it.

  * * *

  ~Nina

  Nina,

  * * *

  My guess would be his feelings scare him. If he's never been in love before, the first time can be incredibly scary for anyone. He may need time to understand how he feels and why he feels that way. I'm sure he'll say it again, but it might be a while. Let him get used to it, and you should, too. I'm sure it made you feel great the first time, and it'll be just as great next time he says it. Hang in there.

  * * *

  ~Maggie

  22