Impossibly Love

by Morgan, Shane

  “You lied to me.” Realization hit me hard. Momma was the reason I was so mad at my Dad. When she cursed him, I did the same. When she hated him for breaking her heart, I did too. Why? Because she was my Momma and I loved her more than anything in the world.

  She lied to me.

  Momma had been lying all that time.

  My chest started to heave. Anger grew within me so much it began to seep out in sobs, “I can’t believe you kept him out of my life, even when you saw me hurting so badly, even those birthdays when I cried for him to be there. You lied!” I gritted my teeth. “How could you do that? How could you make him out to be a bad person? How could you make me hate him?” I cried even more, getting to my feet. “How could you make me believe he didn’t love me?”

  I couldn’t stop screaming at her. She was my Momma. I never raised my voice at her like that before. Right then, I was disappointed in her for what she’d done. Not only for preventing a good relationship with my father, but for causing me to be too afraid of trusting any man.

  “Oh, baby.” She stood as well and tried to cloak me with her arms. “I wish there was a way I could fix it. Only, you were always so mad whenever I brought him up—”

  “Whose fault is that?” I pushed her hands away. “What if I didn’t get this interview at his jewelry store? Would you have said anything at all?”

  Momma eased away from me and placed her hands on top of her head. “Baby, please, let’s talk calmly about this. I could invite him over if you want—”

  “No! What’s the point now? You’ve already destroyed every part of me that needed him when I was younger. All that’s left is hate. There’s nothing you can do now.” I rushed past her and around the corner to my bedroom, slamming the door shut behind me.

  I fell to my knees, crying. Getting that upset with Momma and hearing how wrong I’d been about my father all came flooding down on me. I wanted more than ever to be held and comforted.

  I wanted Branden.

  I took my cell phone out my pocket and brought his number up on the screen. But why would I call him? After all, he had cowardly backed away from my feelings.

  I started to remember how much it hurt when he told me he couldn’t be with me, then fresh tears burned my eyes, mixing with the ones already there.

  I could call my best friend for support. Then again, I didn’t have the strength to explain it all to Vanessa. I would coil up in a ball on my bedroom floor instead, and cry my heart out. Eventually, the pain would go away. Soon I’d grow numb to it.

  Unexpectedly, my phone started to vibrate. I decided to ignore the call, thinking it was probably Teresa, calling from my father’s jewelry store. When I checked the screen, though, my heart felt as if it was going to leap out of my chest.

  Branden was calling me.

  I wanted to answer. My heart guided my fingers to the screen. Then my head regained control and I ignored him. No one was going to trample on my feelings and assumed I would still pick up his calls.

  Why was he calling me, anyway? Did he suddenly have a change of heart? No way. I refused to be toyed with. Branden would know exactly how it felt to be left hanging on, alone.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR

  Branden

  I wasn’t surprised when Moya ignored my call. Who was I kidding? After what I’d said to her, why would she ever speak to me again? That sucked a lot, especially since my surgery was scheduled only three days away.

  I had discussed it with Doctor Henderson without my parents. That didn’t go so well when I told them I made the decision in their absence. After seeing my chest scan from the last visit, it was imperative I did the surgery soon before the flooded channel erupted.

  My chances of recovery were slim, they had to work closely to my heart; but I had to go through with the surgery. First, I had to tell Moya. If the surgery wasn’t successful and I ended up dying, at least she’d know how I felt about her, that I loved her.

  Feeling tired from lying in bed all day staring at the empty ceiling, I went downstairs to get a snack from the kitchen and watch television. I ruffled through the cupboards, only spotting organic chips and fiber bars. I hated those. When I got to the refrigerator, I glimpsed Mom out of the corner of my eye, sitting out back alone. She was staring into space.

  I closed the fridge after finding nothing of interest in there as well, and then walked outside and sat down next to her.

  She looked startled, seeing me. “Branden, are you alright? Do you need something?”

  I squeezed her hand. “Mom, I’m alright. Why do you always ask me that?”

  Mom sank deeper in the chair, her eyes closed from exhaustion. “Because I’m your mother, Branden, and I want to take care of you.”

  We stayed quiet for a while, the sound of crickets reverberating around us. I was about to get up and leave her with her thoughts, when suddenly, Mom gripped my hand and I slid back in the chair.

  “I wasn’t upset when Doctor Henderson told me what you wanted to do, only afraid it might not work.” She said.

  A tear ran down her cheek and I wiped it away, hugging her right after. “It’ll be okay, Mom. I’ll be okay. You’ll see.”

  When I released her, Mom smiled weakly. I took her hand and we both walked back inside the house. Leaving her at the bottom of the stairs, I headed up toward my room.

  She called out in an afterthought, “Branden, Doctor Henderson told me the real reason behind your decision. I’m actually surprised at how I’m taking it. I’m not troubled at all.”

  I rotated and looked down at her. Mom continued, “That girl, Moya, when I saw the look in her eyes that night we were in Berlin Heights, I think I knew then she had impacted your world someway.”

  Mom tilted her head and smiled sincerely before going into the living room. I wasn’t sure where that came from, but I was glad she hadn’t fumed about me wanting to risk death for a girl.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  Moya

  Deciding to drive back to school early Sunday morning, the first thing I did when I woke up was call Vanessa to let her know. She suspected something wasn’t right from my tone and said she’d drive back with me.

  I had completely lost my appetite after Momma’s confession the night before. I hadn’t eaten dinner. There didn’t seem to be much point to eating breakfast, either, no matter how many times Momma knocked on my bedroom door.

  I’d have to I face her, soon, but right then all I wanted was to drive back to Harrington and get away from Momma and anything having to do with my father.

  I gathered some stuff I needed, along with the books I brought with me, and then headed to the kitchen to get my keys. I nearly collapsed when I saw the man sitting around the oval table waiting for me.

  Momma was standing at the kitchen counter. She straightened as I entered, tightening her jacket around her. “Moya, before you say anything, please, just listen.”

  I couldn’t hear a word she was saying. I was unable to break my gaze from the familiar almond shaped, dark brown eyes peering at me. I swallowed hard as he rose from the chair—my favorite one at that. “Hey, baby girl.” He smiled, and my heart rejoiced. How I had missed that smile. “Well, I guess I shouldn’t call you that anymore. Look at you; you’ve grown into a fine young lady.”

  Shaking off the vulnerable girl within and replacing her with the angrier me, I quailed when he moved closer, as if he believed we were on good terms now that Momma had told me the truth.

  “What is he doing here?” I growled, looking over at Momma, clenching the towel anxiously in her hand by the sink. “So you think this makes it better, bringing him here?”

  Plucking my keys off the counter, I stormed out the kitchen and out the front door, slamming it behind. I rushed to my car, stopping at the end of the walkway as the front door flew open abruptly.

  Vanessa turned on the corner toward my house then. “Girl, what’s up, why are we going back so early?” She gaped as my father ran out. “Oh my God, is that—”

&n
bsp; “Yes, let’s get out of here,” I shouted.

  He walked over, holding his hands up in the air as if I held a gun on him. “Moya, please, let’s talk for a while.”

  I had no words for him. I’d been too bitter all those years believing he was some deadbeat Dad. Now that I knew the truth, I felt a little ashamed, even though it wasn’t my fault or his.

  Too nervous to meet his eyes, I looked down the street as I said, “I can’t…I know she lied about you and kept you from me, but I still feel like you should’ve tried harder.”

  Vanessa looked from him to me, utterly confused by what was happening before her eyes. “Um, maybe you should stay and talk for a bit?” she suggested.

  “No.” I moved around the car to the driver’s side and told her to get in.

  “I swear, y’all are like a soap opera around here,” she muttered, settling in the passenger side.

  My father hurried around and rested his hand on my door. “You’re right, and I should have,” he admitted. “When I started my business and it did well, I wanted more than ever to share that with you, baby girl. Your momma told me you hated me and didn’t want to see me, and I didn’t think I could convince you otherwise.” He dropped his head, falling silent for a moment until a ghost of a laugh escaped his throat—the sound wry and bittersweet. “You always did choose your momma’s side when she and I fought. I knew she’d get you to hate me.”

  “Stop,” I shrieked. “Don’t you dare use that, there’s no excuse. The truth is you gave up.”

  He touched my shoulder lightly. “Oh, don’t you see, baby girl? Even though she told you the truth, you’re still clinging to what she told you then. You’re still taking her side.”

  His words sank in, and I hesitated putting my foot on the gas.

  Seeing I wasn’t driving off, he continued, “Let’s start over, Moya. I know I’ve missed a lot and I can’t make up for that time. I’m asking for a chance now. Please?”

  My heart wanted to reach out and accept, tell him I’d missed him, too, that I needed him. But the other part of me, the stubborn part, couldn’t let it go.

  I turned to look him straight in the eye. “It’s too late,” I said, my words came out soft.

  With a twist of my keys, the car engine roared to life, drowning out any possible response as I stared straight ahead. I could feel his dark eyes—so like mine—on me as I drove off.

  I reached the end of the street and waited at the stop sign, glancing in the rearview mirror to see if he was still standing in the spot I’d left him. He was, as if he was hoping I would change my mind and turn around.

  Vanessa sighed, then asked, “You alright, girl?”

  I looked away from the rearview mirror and continued driving. “I’m fine,” I whispered. “Everything’s fine.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

  Branden

  The next day I woke up in agony. The meds weren’t kicking in. If anything they made the pain worse. I’d hoped to see Moya that night before class on Monday. It didn’t seem like that was going to happen now.

  Mom called Doctor Henderson to let him know I was on my way to the hospital, and I feared I’d have to do surgery sooner than anticipated.

  When I got to St. Joseph’s Medical Center, I was admitted and Doctor Henderson did another chest x-ray.

  I remained in a room with my parents and Ashton afterwards, still consumed in pain. Then Doctor Henderson walked in, looking calm. “We have to get you ready for surgery tonight. There was another doctor I wanted present – which is why we scheduled for Wednesday – but, I’m sorry, Branden. Your condition is progressing at a much faster rate than we expected and it’s imperative we act tonight,” Doctor Henderson said, his eyes meeting mine with candid sincerity that left his unspoken words hanging in the air.”

  Mom gasped. Ashton moved away from the bed and towards the window. I knew what Doctor Henderson couldn’t say. That didn’t bother me so much as knowing I wouldn’t have the chance to speak to Moya before doing surgery.

  Dad walked over to Doctor Henderson and grabbed his arms. “Listen to me, Doc. You do everything in your power, you hear me? You make sure my son makes it past tonight, because if he doesn’t… if he doesn’t…”

  I couldn’t believe my eyes. My father, a man who was always so unyielding, so put-together, was breaking down.

  Ashton hurried over to him and scurried him out of the room, while Mom remained at my side.

  Doctor Henderson cleared his throat as me came closer to me. His lab coat wrinkled where Dad had grabbed him. Neither Mom nor Doctor Henderson seemed to notice. “We’re preparing the OR for you now. It’ll be about another fifteen minutes and we’ll be good to go.”

  He looked down at my face, compassion in his eyes as he reached out to give my shoulder a firm squeeze. With a nod for my mother, he turned and left without another word.

  Mom clutched my hand and looked at me with the bravest face she could conjure. I whispered through the agony, “Mom, if I don’t make it, could you please tell Moya that I love her?”

  She raised her eyebrows. “Of course you’ll make it, then you can tell her yourself. If you want, I could call her for you before Doctor Henderson comes back.”

  I turned my head and stared out the door. “She won’t answer. She hates me right now. Maybe it’s better that way,” I said under my breath.

  Mom had a confounded look on her face. She made to inquire further, only Dad and Ashton returned.

  Dad walked over to the bed, struggling to compose himself. “Branden, you’ll be alright, son. You will.”

  Ashton jerked his shoulder and stepped closer to my side. “Jeez, can you both get a grip. He’s finally going to have this aortic dissection crap out of his life for good.”

  My parents nodded at each other and at me. The room stayed silent until Doctor Henderson came back, bringing with him a nurse and another doctor that bore a marked resemblance to the actress—Julianna Margulies—who played Nurse Hathaway on ER. The whole scene reminded me of the popular television series.

  “This is Doctor Moore, she’ll be assisting me during surgery,” Doctor Henderson explained. “Doctor Ramirez couldn’t be here on such short notice.”

  The Julianna lookalike greeted my parents then observed me as the nurse set up an IV.

  I started to feel tired from the pain. The nurse asked everyone to leave the room so she could get me ready for surgery.

  Dad treaded away and Ashton followed behind. Before stepping out, though, Mom eased down and kissed my cheek. She whispered, “I love you, Branden.”

  I smiled and replied, “Remember what I said.” Then instantly after, I was overpowered by fear as the momentous hour drew close, comforted only by Moya’s fiery brown eyes and the loving way she once stared at me.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN

  Moya

  When we got back to school, I told Vanessa everything that happened, why my dad was at my house after all this time. I told her the entire story and by the end she was flabbergasted, and just as upset with my momma as I was.

  Vanessa shook her head in disbelief. “Dang, I can’t believe Ms. Marie blocked your dad outta your life. That was straight up wrong.”

  She dropped down on the bed beside me and rubbed my back. “I’m sorry girl. That must have been really tough to find out. Then your dad was suddenly in front of you…wow.”

  I rested my head on her shoulder and we sat quietly until my cell phone vibrated.

  “You wanna get that?” she asked.

  I sucked my teeth and fell back on the bed. “It’s probably Branden calling me again. I don’t want to talk to him.”

  Vanessa rose in dismay. “What? What happened with him? You guys are having a lover’s quarrel already?”

  I shook my head. “Trust me, it’s bigger than that. Branden and I are through, and I don’t ever want to speak to him again.”

  “Uh-Oh, you want to tell me what happened with him?” she asked. “It’s probably another misundersta
nding, girl—”

  I cut her off, sitting up again, “How is ‘I can’t love you’ a misunderstanding?”

  Vanessa’s jaw dropped. “He said that? You know what, let me talk to him. I’m answering the phone.”

  She hurried to my desk and I sprang from the bed and tugged on her arm. “Vanessa, leave it alone. I told you it’s over. Don’t answer his call.”

  “Well, then, why is he still calling? I want to find out for myself what’s up.” She broke away from my grasp and snatched up the phone from my desk before I could reach it.

  Vanessa checked the screen before answering. “Oh, so it really is him.” She prepared herself to cuss him, resting her weight on one leg and pursing her lips. “Branden, you better have a good reason for saying that…” Her voice trailed and her forehead creased. “Who’s this?”

  I moved closer and mouthed, “What is it?”

  Vanessa held up her index finger to signal for me to give her a sec. While I waited, I noticed her expression changed between appalled, raised brows, to a creased forehead.

  The longer she was on the phone, the more nervous it made me.

  Then suddenly, Vanessa’s hand slowly moved from her face, her eyes gazed down at the carpet. She was utterly stunned.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked, touching her arm lightly.

  Vanessa looked up at me, frightened. “Some woman said she’s Branden’s Mom.” She sounded unlike my best friend. Not like the bubbly girl I was used to.

  “Why is Branden’s Mom calling me?” I asked in a curious voice, taking the phone from her hand. Mrs. McCarthy had already hung up.

  Vanessa grabbed my car keys from the desk. “We have to go, girl, now!”

  She pulled me towards the door.

  I slowed her down and asked, “What happened? What did she say?”