Fighting For Our Forever

by Heidi McLaughlin

  “Girl, you’re so damn lucky. I wish I had a man who tattooed my name on his body.”

  I scoff at her. “You have Fletcher, and while he may not be the type to get a tattoo, he’s madly in love with you. You’re just too blind to see it.”

  Dhara shakes her head. “I’m not blind, Jamie. I see him. I see every part of him but am afraid of ruining our friendship. He’s been my friend for so long… what if we try and fail? I lose my best friend, and nothing is worth that.”

  “Not even a chance at love?” I ask her. “I could give up on Ajay, knowing full well that he’s my soul mate, out of fear that we won’t work because we’ve been apart for too long or because of his job, but then where does that leave me? It leaves me searching for a love that may or may not come. Ajay and I can be together and the ticket is Evelyn.”

  “What?” she asks. “You going to use your daughter to trap him?”

  I laugh. It sort of feels that way, but no. “Absolutely not. Right now, he’s worried about her getting attached if we don’t make it. I’m not. I think once Ajay is part of our lives, those lingering feelings will disappear. He doesn’t want Evelyn hurt in any of this. He still remembers his mom choosing a man over him — the wound is fresh, and it’s not what he wants for Evelyn. He wants her to choose him.”

  “So, what’s your plan?”

  “That’s just it, Dhara. I don’t have one. I know Ajay is getting a few days off coming up, but he says he’ll be in Los Angeles doing some press tour things so coming here isn’t possible and there’s no way I can go out there.”

  “Why not?”

  “Money. I looked up flights and I can’t swing two tickets. I thought about asking my parents, but my father isn’t keen on me taking Evelyn to see Ajay, so I’ll have to wait for him to come here.”

  “Have you withdrawn your petition for the divorce yet?” she asks.

  I shake my head. “No, I haven’t.”

  27

  Ajay

  The tour bus travels down the freeway after our last show, heading toward home. It’ll be nice to sleep in my bed for the first time in… I don’t remember how long. But the idea of being home is very appealing. It’s where I think best and right now there are a few decisions that need to be made about my life.

  Since leaving Bailey, I haven’t felt right. It’s not that I’m sick, I’m pretty sure I’m heartbroken even though it’s of my own doing. Ever since I told Whiskey I couldn’t stay I’ve wanted to take the words back, but haven’t found the words to do so. I really couldn’t stay, but only because of my job, not because of her or her daughter. I want to be there — or I want them here — I’m just not sure Whiskey’s willing to move to California.

  I can’t sleep. I stare out the window at the passing signs, each one getting us closer to the studio which is our central drop off location. Dana, Hendrix, and Keane will go their own way, while Quinn, Elle and I will ride together to Malibu. I’m hoping Ben will be there to drive us because we’re due to arrive in the middle of the night.

  Every so often my mind plays a trick on me and I think I see “Bailey ten miles” or “Prineville Next Exit” only to realize they’re actually signs for upcoming streets. That’s how you know you’re in the city besides an upswing in traffic: You’re no longer looking for towns but the right street exit to get you closer to your destination.

  The bus slows down as it moves through the city streets, careful not to hit any of the parked cars along the road. When we’re about a block away, the interior lights come on, and Elle and Keane start to stir. I think I’m the only one fully awake right now, unable to sleep because my mind won’t shut off. After our last show, I packed my bags and carried them to the front of the bus. Why? I have no idea. It’s not like I can leave until Elle and Quinn are ready. Maybe it’s because I’m eager to get off this bus and start figuring out my life.

  We come to a stop in the middle of the road, due to cars parked along the curb in front of the studio. Even with the streetlights, the red flashers from the tour bus are bright and somewhat mesmerizing. Our driver opens the door and I step off into the stifling night air that is Los Angeles.

  The only people out right now are the transients and a few walking home from a late-night club or after party. Thankfully, no one seems to care that we’re here, which is nice.

  As a group, we work to unload our equipment and get it back into the studio. We were lucky enough and grateful that 4225 West lent us their sound and lighting equipment for the tour, otherwise we probably would’ve had to rent some which would’ve lowered our paychecks in the end.

  Once everything is back in place, the sun is about to rise. The sky is pink and gray as the night sky starts to burn off. I’m tired and ready for bed. Today will be nothing more than a day to sleep, do laundry, watch television and lounge around in my boxers while I take pity on myself for being alone. I should’ve taken a flight back to Bailey to surprise Whiskey, but honestly, our relationship has felt a bit off since I left.

  Oh, who am I fooling? What relationship? I all but shut her out when she was telling me that she wants to try. I know trying is the next realistic step, but I want it all. I want her here, living this life with me. She’s the one who encouraged me to follow my passion, the one who believed in me as a person and yet she’s the one who isn’t here. I want her to be, but I can’t ask her to uproot her life to appease mine.

  I doze off briefly on the drive to Malibu, opening my eyes as the Pacific Ocean comes into view. It’s fucking gorgeous and a sight that everyone needs to see once in their lifetime.

  Nola greets us at the door and inside, the house smells like breakfast. As much as I want to go hide in my room, I sit at the table and eat with the two people gracious enough to let me live in their house. After I finish, I help clean up the kitchen and finally make it down to my room. I pull my curtains to the side, open the sliding glass door, and flop on my bed like a fish out of water.

  Just as I’m about to fall asleep, my phone rings. I’m tempted to let it go to voicemail and shut the damn thing off when I look at the number. I don’t recognize it, but I know it’s a North Carolina area code. My first thought is that Whiskey’s in trouble for doing something to Harvey’s house again, but then I think she wouldn’t do anything stupid like that because of her daughter. Still, I can’t help but wonder.

  “Hello?” My voice is groggy, a combination of sleep and exhaustion.

  “Oh shit, did I wake you up? Fuck, sorry. I can call back.”

  “Um… no. I’m up. Who is this?”

  “Huh? Oh, it’s Dhara. Sorry, I figured you’d have my number.” Why the hell would I have her number?

  “Is Whiskey okay?”

  “She’s fine, why?”

  “I don’t know, you’re calling me out of the blue and… well, we aren’t exactly the best of friends.”

  Dhara sighs. “True, but I figured since you’re nabbing pictures off my profile, we might as well have a little chat.” I smile at what she says about the pictures. That means Whiskey told her and the fact that she’s talking about me is a good thing.

  “Anyway, I’m calling because you left our girl heartbroken.”

  That makes two of us.

  “And I think that if you’re in love with her, like I have a feeling you are, you need to do something to show her.”

  “And I’m guessing you’re going to give me an idea of what that ‘something’ should be?”

  “You’re damn straight I am.”

  I get out of bed and go sit on my little patio. I can’t see the ocean from here, but I can hear it. It’s peaceful and the waves are much more active here than they were when Quinn and I tried to surf in North Carolina.

  “Bottom line, she wants to come see you while you’re on break, but she can’t afford to fly her and Evelyn out, pay for a hotel and all that — and there’s no way in hell she’s going to ask you to pay for them, so you’re going offer.”

  “I am?” Don’t get me wrong, I’d d
o anything Whiskey asks me.

  “You are,” Dhara confirms. “She wants you to get to know Evelyn.”

  “Look, it’s not that I don’t want to know her daughter or spend time with her, I do. The problem is—”

  “That your life is there and hers is in Bailey. And you’re afraid Evelyn will get attached and you won’t be able to make it work, am I right?”

  “In a nutshell.”

  “Have you asked Jamie what she wants? I do believe she’ll move to be with you, if you want her. There isn’t anything holding her to Bailey.”

  “Her family, friends and her job are there.”

  Dhara scoffs. “But the man she loves is in California and I don’t know about you, but I think love trumps all.”

  “I wish it were that easy.”

  “It is. Now, listen to my plan.” Dhara starts in on her idea and while it seems farfetched, it could work. Of course, she’s thrown herself and Fletcher into the mix and has asked for tickets to the 4225 West concert at the Hollywood Bowl next week. And because Dhara doesn’t want Whiskey to know that I’m paying for everyone’s flights, she’s going to tell Whiskey that she won a contest. I, however, am supposed to play it off like I won’t be in town.

  “I hope you’re right,” I tell her. “I’m not sure Whiskey will fall for this.”

  “She will,” Dhara says. “I am a die-hard fan and before you stormed into town, we had tickets to see you guys in concert.”

  “Wait, Whiskey was going to go to my concert?”

  “What, no,” she scoffs. “Logan, Fletcher and I were there, sort of. Jamie would’ve never agreed to go, but now that she wants to bang the drummer, she’d probably change her mind.” Dhara giggles and I can’t help but grin like a fucking fool.

  “Are you in?” she asks. I tell her I am, and that I’ll be in touch with travel arrangements for them. She squeals and tells me I’m the best. I have a feeling it has nothing to do with me and Whiskey, but rather Dhara’s desire to meet Liam Page. As soon as we hang up, I send an email to Elle asking her if she can pull this together for me, and then send one to Harrison asking for the tickets. I haven’t told anyone about Whiskey’s daughter.

  Back upstairs, Nola’s out on the deck reading. “Hey,” I say, interrupting her. “Can I talk to you for a second.”

  She closes her book and sets it down on the table in front of her. “What’s up?”

  “Is it okay if Jamie stays here for a few days?”

  “Yeah, of course.”

  I nod and think about how to ask the next part of my question. I have no idea whether she and Quinn even like kids or if they want one running around the house.

  “Thing is, Whiskey has a five-year-old daughter who will come with her. If you’d rather they stay in a hotel, I completely understand.”

  Nola’s eyes go wide as she grins widely. “How come you didn’t tell us she had a daughter? She could’ve come to the beach with us.”

  I run my hand over my hair and half smile. “I didn’t know until my last night in Bailey. I sort of had an idea, but Whiskey was so evasive with her answers about her life that I didn’t come out and ask her.”

  “Have you met her?”

  “Briefly.”

  “Does this complicate things for you?”

  I nod. “It’s easy to ask Whiskey to move here, but to ask her to uproot her child, that’s a whole other situation.”

  “Yeah, and I’m sure the girl’s dad might have an issue it.”

  “The Dad isn’t in the picture. Whiskey says he’s married with a family and wants nothing to do with Evelyn.”

  “Evelyn? That’s her name?”

  I nod.

  “Oh, it’s so pretty. I can’t wait to meet her.”

  Honestly, neither can I. At least a meeting that equates to more than just a quick handshake between us. Still, I fear that I will want more, and Whiskey can’t give it to me. She wants me to stay in Bailey, and I can’t.

  “So, you’re okay with her being here?”

  “Absolutely. What are you going to do while she’s here?”

  “I don’t know. Before I came out to ask you, I had just gotten off the phone with her best friend who told me in no uncertain terms to shit or get off the pot where Whiskey’s concerned. Thing is I haven’t asked Saul to file the appeal. I meant to, to give Whiskey her life back, but I like saying she’s my wife and haven’t been able to say that for a long time. When I had to chance to call her that, it was short-lived. Now things could be different, but I have her little girl to worry about as well.”

  “It’s an instant family, lots of responsibilities. Are you up for it?”

  “I think so, unless her kid hates me.”

  “Not possible,” Nola says. “Look at Chandler, she seems to adore you. Maybe call Keane and see if y’all can hang out together. The girls are close in age.”

  “Yeah, that seems like a good idea.”

  “What is?” Quinn asks from behind. He steps out onto the deck and instantly goes to Nola to kiss her. They make me jealous. I want what they have and while I know it’s within my grasp, I don’t know how to pull the trigger.

  “Ajay’s wife has a daughter; they’re going to come visit.”

  “She does?”

  “Yeah, Evelyn, she’s five,” I tell him.

  “Damn, married and a step father,” he pauses and starts laughing. “You’re the ‘ninety-day stepdaddy’.”

  I glare at him while Nola’s eyes go wide. “Oh, I think I have that book.” She bolts from her chair and heads back into the house while Quinn and I stare at each other. He finally sits down and looks at me.

  “What are you going to do?”

  I tell him what I know about Evelyn and her father and how I’m concerned with all of the impending decisions I need to make. I want Whiskey as my wife but not at the expense of her daughter’s happiness.

  “Take it from me, if her father doesn’t want her and you fall in love with this little girl, adopt her. My mom adopted me, and it was the best thing for my life.”

  I hadn’t even thought about what Quinn is suggesting, but I like the idea. However, I’m not going to think too much into it until I can spend time with Evelyn and see how well we mesh. I won’t put Whiskey in a bad spot where her daughter is concerned. I love her too much to hurt her that way.

  28

  Jamie

  The idea of waking before the sun is up is not my idea of a good time, even worse is trying to rouse Evelyn out of bed. This child refuses to budge and keeps slapping my hand away when I try to tickle her. I should’ve told Dhara no, that I didn’t want to go to her stupid concert with her, but Ajay convinced me to come even though I will only see him for a day. Technically not even a full twenty-four hours, but something more like five. Five hours together after not seeing him for six weeks feels like a lifetime apart when I don’t take into account our earlier separation. But I’m trying to forget that period of my life and focus on the future, which is challenging considering Ajay’s elusiveness. I have hope that once I’m out there, things will be different. I’m going to use my time wisely to show him that the three of us deserve a chance at happiness with each other.

  “Evelyn, don’t you want to go on the airplane?”

  When Dhara told me about the contest she won, I called bullshit. It seemed obvious that she didn’t actually win but rather found something to hold over Ajay’s head to get tickets. That was until he told me Sinful Distraction wasn’t even going to be in town, but that he’d find a way to come see me while I was in Los Angeles. I tried to tell Dhara that I wasn’t going, that it was a waste of my time, but she cried and went on about how she already gave them our names and things were nontransferable. I finally relented but am still leery of the whole thing. It’s just too convenient to be a coincidence.

  “Mommy, I tired,” she says, rubbing her eyes.

  “I know, sweetie, but you’ll be able to sleep on the plane, and I think it’ll have a TV so you can watch some show
s. You’ll be able to color and read your book.”

  “But no math?”

  “Nope, no math. Not on this trip.”

  Evelyn sits up but keeps her eyes closed. She lifts her arms so I can remove her pajamas and put her sundress on. “It’s warm in California,” I tell her. “But not humid like it is here.”

  “What else is there?”

  “Well I don’t know, but I imagine it’s a lot like North Carolina with palm trees and the ocean.”

  “Sounds boring.”

  “I know, but Auntie Dhara asked us to go to a concert with her. It’ll be fun.”

  While she’s still in bed, I sit behind her and pull her hair up into a ponytail. Normally, I’d ask her what she wants but this is just easier for the trip. I’m afraid she’s going to be miserable. Not only is this her first flight, but mine as well, and despite reading testimonials from people who have flown before, I’m not certain I’m ready for this.

  The loud knock on my door has me scrambling through my darkened living room. Fletcher and Dhara are standing there under my porch light and the only one who looks even remotely happy is Dhara.

  “I think I’m still asleep,” Fletcher says as he enters my house.

  “Me too. Evelyn’s a zombie. I’m really afraid she’s going to be unbearable.”

  “Y’all are worrying for nothing. We’ll be fine. We can sleep on the plane and we have a really nice hotel where we can nap and have room service,” Dhara says as if winning a big contest is an everyday thing for her. “Where are your bags? I’ll put them in the car,” Fletcher asks. I point to my room and he disappears down the hall.

  “I’ll go get Evelyn but be prepared, she’s crabby.”

  “Eh,” Dhara says as if a tired five-year-old means nothing. Instead of waking her up again, I scoop her into my arms. She’s heavy but I only have to carry her to Fletcher’s car. Dhara locks up after I step out onto the porch and when Fletcher sees me, he comes rushing over to take her.