Silver Linings

by Debbie Macomber

  I wasn’t sure I had as adventurous a spirit as Carrie. “You’re willing to move to Alaska?”

  “We’re both writers. I love my husband and I’ll go wherever he goes, live wherever he lives. We’ve given it nearly two years to be sure this relationship will work.”

  “Congratulations.”

  “Thank you,” she said.

  I gave her the registration sheet to fill out, which she did in quick order. I took her credit card and processed it and then handed her the room key. “I have two other guests on the second floor. There’s a third floor with only two rooms. I’ll give you the entire floor.”

  “Thank you. That would be perfect.” Her gaze held mine. “Like I said, we’re newlyweds.”

  She didn’t need to elaborate—I got the picture.

  While I gave Carrie the keys to the front door and explained where to find what she needed, Finn returned with the luggage. I told him where to go and he hauled it up the two flights of stairs, taking the steps two at a time. He returned in what seemed like seconds.

  “You ready, Mrs. Dalton?” he asked Carrie.

  “Ready? Finn, please, there’s no need to carry me over every threshold we cross.”

  “On our honeymoon there is.”

  Before Carrie could protest, Finn lifted her and carried her up the stairs. Carrie looked over her shoulder at me and grinned from ear to ear before laying her head on her husband’s shoulder.

  I don’t know what it was that in the space of a single day I had been confronted by two deliriously in-love couples. First it was Gina and Rhyder and now the honeymooning Daltons.

  I was surrounded.

  Against my will, my thoughts went back to Mark for the millionth time. But I pushed the thoughts aside and focused on the fact that I was going on a date.

  It was my mother’s heart-to-heart with me that had gotten the ball rolling. Soon I’d be meeting Rich.

  Rover came to stand at my side, then went to the door, which let me know he needed to go outside. I opened the door and watched as he trotted down the stairs and then over to the gazebo.

  He turned and looked over his shoulder at me with the most mournful, sad eyes I’d ever seen. And then he did what he’d already done twice this day; he raised his head and howled as if he’d lost his best friend.

  Actually, we both had.

  All along Coco had felt she was ready to confront Ryan. When the time came, however, she was trembling in her four-inch heels to the point she found it difficult to keep her knees from knocking.

  She’d had a glass of wine earlier but decided to order something stronger. As she approached the bar, she wondered if they made a straight shot strong enough to fortify her for this conversation. Lost in her thoughts, she stood in line for a few minutes and then abruptly broke away. She didn’t need liquor to face Ryan. She’d been waiting ten years for this and she wasn’t about to ruin it by having too much to drink.

  She started across the room, focusing on Ryan. If anything, the admiring crowd that had gathered around him had grown larger. Just as she suspected, her classmates hung on his every word.

  Ryan glanced up and happened to catch her eye. Coco didn’t flinch. He turned to the runway model on his arm and whispered something and then spoke to his flock of admirers. He must have had a premonition of what was coming, because whatever he said dispersed the crowd.

  Coco continued making a path straight toward him, ignoring a greeting from another classmate. Her hands were clenched in fists. She stopped directly in front of Ryan and the bimbo on his arm.

  “Coco,” Ryan greeted her, as if nothing unusual had ever transpired between them. “I’d like you to meet my wife, Jennifer.”

  Coco briefly turned her attention to the other woman. “I hope you know what kind of man you married.” She didn’t bother to keep the sneer out of her voice.

  “I do.” The other woman’s voice was soft and cultured.

  “I sincerely doubt it,” Coco said. She might be trembling on the inside, but outwardly she presented herself as cool as an ocean breeze. She felt ready to give Ryan the tongue-lashing of his life.

  “I was hoping you’d be at the reunion,” Ryan said, squarely meeting her look.

  Coco laughed wryly. “I can’t imagine that’s true.”

  “It is,” he said, and then exhaled slowly. “I owe you an apology, Coco. When I think back on what I did to you, how I used you and embarrassed you, I get sick to my stomach.”

  Coco froze. Ryan was apologizing? She couldn’t possibly be hearing him correctly. This was the last thing she expected. “What did you say?”

  “I’m sorry, Coco. You have every right in the world to hate me and I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

  “I do hate you.” She left no room for misunderstanding. “I have hated you for ten years. I have nothing but contempt for you.” She spewed out each word. “As far as I’m concerned you’re the scum of the earth. Worse. What you did…”

  “What I did was unforgivable,” he agreed, looking contrite and miserable.

  Coco swiveled her attention to Ryan’s wife. “You know about this? Did he tell you what he did?”

  Jennifer placed her hand on her husband’s shirtsleeve and nodded. “He told me about it before we were married.”

  “And you went ahead and married him?” Apparently, the woman was badly in need of therapy. Anyone who would willingly accept a husband who could use a woman the way Ryan had used her needed professional help.

  “I did decide to marry him,” Jennifer said.

  Coco shook her head in shocked disbelief.

  “I married him because when he told me about accepting that ridiculous bet he had tears in his eyes. He said he’s regretted it every day since, and I believe him.”

  “Not every day,” Coco challenged. If that was the case he would have apologized while they were still in school.

  “I’m not the same ego-driven immature teenager I was ten years ago, Coco,” Ryan said.

  “Thank God,” she whispered.

  “I do thank Him,” Ryan countered. “I tried to look you up with every intention of letting you know how sorry I was. I yearned to ask your forgiveness but decided to wait.”

  “For what? The Second Coming?”

  “For the reunion,” he said, ignoring her sarcasm. “If I was going to ask for your forgiveness, I felt it was better to do it face-to-face. Can you forgive me? Is it possible to find it in your heart to accept my sincere regret that I took from you what I had no right to take?”

  None of this was going the way she’d hoped, the way she’d counted on and planned. “I…I don’t know,” she told him honestly. He couldn’t realistically expect her to brush off this pain she’d carried with her all these years as if it was nothing. This intense dislike that bordered on hatred had become a living, breathing appendage she carried with her constantly.

  “Can you try?”

  Without really thinking, Coco nodded. Her legs started to shake then and she felt the need to sit down. Stretching out her arm, she grabbed hold of the back of a chair.

  Ryan immediately pulled it out and helped her sit. He claimed the chair on one side of her and his wife sat next to him. He turned sideways on the chair and leaned forward, bracing his elbows on the high top.

  “Is there anything I can do to make this up to you?” he asked.

  Coco didn’t want to believe he was sincere, but from the anguished look in his eyes, she knew that he was. Did he actually believe he could give her back her virginity or wash away the humiliation she’d suffered with a few words? Nothing had ever been the same for her after that night.

  “A thousand times over the last ten years I’ve regretted what I did, regretted my behavior, and was sick at the way I treated you afterward.”

  “You wouldn’t even look at me,” she whispered, choking down a sob.

  “That’s because I couldn’t bear to look at myself. Every time I saw you I had to face up to what I’d done.”

&nb
sp; Coco bit into her bottom lip, but she wouldn’t let herself cry.

  “If you can’t forgive me, I can accept that. If I were in your shoes I don’t know if I’d have it within me to find forgiveness.”

  All Coco was capable of doing was staring at him, shocked and taken completely off guard.

  “What Ryan is really saying,” his wife inserted, “is that like you, he’s carried this weight, this guilt with him for far too long. My prayer is that there will be healing on both sides, and I know that’s what Ryan has prayed for, too.”

  Despite her best efforts, tears clouded Coco’s eyes. “I came to tell you how much I hated you.”

  “I know, and I deserve it.”

  Jennifer reached for her husband’s hand and he held it in a death grip.

  “You’re the reason Ryan signed up for the reunion,” Jennifer continued. “He gave up playing in an important game tonight—”

  “It doesn’t matter what I gave up,” he said, cutting off his wife. “What was important is what I owed Coco. I’m sorry, Coco.”

  Her throat tightened all the more until it became nearly impossible to swallow, let alone breathe. “I’m sorry, too,” she whispered.

  “You’re sorry?”

  “For hating you, for letting what happened between us nearly destroy me.”

  “If ever I can do anything for you…”

  She gave a hiccupping sort of laugh. “Like what? What could you possibly do for me?”

  “Tickets to a play-off game?” he suggested lamely. “That is, if you’re a baseball fan.”

  Coco wiped the tears from her cheeks. “I’m not, particularly,” she said shakily.

  “Well, if you are ever interested…”

  Coco was afraid if she stayed much longer she would soon dissolve in tears, and Ryan looked close to breaking down himself. Scooting off the chair, she stood and squeezed his shoulder. “We all make mistakes, Ryan. It takes a big man to admit it when he has. This was the last thing I expected from you.”

  He reached up and gripped hold of her hand in what she translated as gratitude.

  “It’s time we let this go before we give it the power to destroy us,” Coco whispered.

  “Thank you,” Ryan whispered back.

  “I don’t ever expect us to be best friends,” Coco felt the need to tell him. “But if I ever need tickets to a Red Sox game I know where to look.”

  Ryan smiled. “Yes, you do.”

  Coco walked away, her eyes blinded by tears. She wasn’t halfway across the room when she inadvertently bumped someone. He held a tumbler with an iced drink in his hand, which splashed over the edges, landing on both of them.

  Coco gasped at the shock of the coldness against her skin. “Oh my goodness, I am so sorry.”

  He looked at her in mute surprise. All he seemed capable of doing was staring at her. He cleared his throat and then shook his head. “No problem.”

  “Please, let me buy you another drink,” Coco offered, as she brushed off the front of his polo shirt.

  He continued to stare at her. “Coco?”

  Coco narrowed her gaze and studied him. “We graduated together?” she asked, not recognizing him.

  His nod was barely perceptible.

  “You’re not wearing a name tag,” she said, and waited for him to introduce himself.

  He didn’t.

  “Aren’t you going to tell me who you are?” she asked.

  “You’re even prettier now,” he whispered, and then blushed as if he’d give anything to grab back those words.

  Her curiosity was piqued even more now. “Tell me who you are,” she demanded softly. Now that she had a good look at him she had to admit he did look vaguely familiar, but she couldn’t place him. He seemed flustered by her attention and at the same time he couldn’t stop looking at her as if she were a Greek goddess. She had to admit she found his attention flattering.

  “I should go.”

  He started to turn away, but she stopped him with a question. “Did we have any classes together?”

  Some emotion flashed in his eyes that she was unable to identify.

  “We did.”

  This was really bugging her. It was clear that he’d once had a crush on her, and apparently still did, if she was reading the admiration in his eyes correctly. It sort of made sense that she didn’t remember him. Following the disastrous date with Ryan, Coco had done everything she could to make herself inconspicuous. She kept her gaze lowered and her head down. If anyone paid her attention she wouldn’t have noticed. “Why don’t I remember you?”

  He shrugged and looked uncomfortable. “No reason you should. I wasn’t exactly on your radar.”

  She thought she heard a twinge of regret in his voice, but before she could question the comment she heard her name called.

  “Coco.”

  Coco looked over her shoulder to find Brittany from the drill team. “Hey,” she said and smiled. “Give me a minute.” She turned back to continue her conversation with her unnamed admirer.

  But he was gone.

  She looked to Brittany. “Did you see who I was talking to?”

  Brittany gave her a blank stare. “No. I didn’t notice anyone.”

  Coco had the impression that whoever he was, he’d often been overlooked, and that troubled her. Their brief conversation had intrigued her and she wanted to know more.

  “What happened to your dress?” Brittany asked.

  Coco looked down and the entire front of her dress was wet. She was a mess. “I bumped into someone. I better head to the ladies’ room.”

  “Good idea.”

  Once inside, Coco grabbed a stack of paper towels and moistened them to dab at the wet spots.

  The restroom door swung open and Jennifer Temple, Ryan’s wife, came in. She paused and looked toward Coco.

  “I just made an idiot of myself,” Coco explained, feeling like she needed to explain what she was doing. “I bumped into someone and his drink spilled down my front.”

  “It’s hardly noticeable,” Jennifer assured her. “Coco, I just want to thank you. I can’t tell you how much it meant to Ryan to talk to you and have you hear him out.”

  A light feeling came over Coco. “I was all prepared to give him the lecture of his life.”

  “He deserved it. I hope you could see that he’s genuinely sorry.”

  As much as Coco would have liked to believe it’d all been an act on Ryan’s part, deep down she knew that it wasn’t. He couldn’t have been more sincere or regretful.

  As soon as she’d finished getting rid of the stain on her dress and drying it under the hand air blower, Coco returned to the party. The first thing she did was look for her mystery man, but when she didn’t see him she sought out Katie.

  Katie took one look at her. “You okay?” she asked.

  “Better than okay. I feel great.” It was in large part due to her short conversation with Ryan, but also because of the chat with her mystery man. A light feeling came over her, a sense of release and even joy. It nearly overwhelmed her.

  “I saw you talking to Ryan and the model.”

  “They’re married, and she seems really nice. I can tell she’s someone I would feel good about calling a friend.” Coco smiled at the stunned expression that came over Katie.

  “And Ryan?”

  “He shocked me. He said he specifically came to the reunion to apologize to me.”

  “No kidding? Wow, that’s great.”

  “It certainly wasn’t what I expected.” As she spoke she scanned the room, looking for the guy she’d run into…literally. “I know it’s all sort of crazy, but I’ve forgiven him. Ryan and I are fine. What’s weird is I’m the one who feels set free. I’ve been carrying a load of hate all these years and I think that after tonight, I might actually be ready to let it go.”

  What shocked Coco was the fact that she’d assumed venting her hatred, retaliating, was the only way she would ever be free of Ryan. She understood now that spewing h
er anger would have only tightened the ropes tying her down. By attending this reunion she hoped she’d feel this sense of release through insulting and ridiculing Ryan in front of their peers. Perhaps she’d have been relieved for a time, but it wouldn’t have dissolved the pain, wouldn’t have purged it from her mind.

  It didn’t escape her notice that as soon as she agreed to make an effort to forgive him, she’d run into someone who had clearly adored her at one time. If the admiration in his eyes was any indication, he still did.

  “How about you?” she asked Katie. “James show yet?”

  Katie shook her head. “No…I’ve about given up hope. Angie assured me he paid for the event, but he isn’t here.”

  “He’ll come.”

  “I love your confidence, but the night’s half over and there’s no sign of him yet. I’m afraid…I think once he learned I planned to come he changed his mind.”

  “You’ll get your chance, Katie. You have to believe and trust that the two of you will get all this settled once and for all.”

  “I’m trying.”

  Whatever this sense of lightness and tranquility was that surrounded her, Coco wished she could share it with Katie. If possible, she would have liked to bottle it.

  “Hang in there, okay? I need to check out a guy,” she told Katie.

  “What guy?” Katie glanced in the same direction she was looking.

  “Someone I talked to earlier.” Coco scanned the room and was disappointed when she didn’t see him. However, now that they’d spoken, she was on a mission to find out who he was.

  Katie didn’t actually see James arrive, but she was aware of him the minute he entered the room. Her whole body felt it.

  For probably the first time that evening her back had been to the door as she chatted with another girl, Jules Benedict, whom Katie knew through swim team. Then a tingling sensation came over her. Perhaps she’d heard his voice over the clatter in the room, although that was unlikely. In retrospect, it might have been the anticipation she’d felt all evening, waiting to see him, talk to him. Whatever the reason—she knew James had arrived at last.

  “John and I have considered becoming foster parents,” Jules was saying. “I think it’s just great that you went into social work and find adoptive homes for children. A good home—”