Silver Linings

by Debbie Macomber

  A shiver went down Katie’s spine and her heart started hammering like one of those giant Chinese gongs. Right away her throat went dry. “Will you excuse me?” Katie said, cutting off the other woman.

  “Oh sure,” Jules said, looking surprised.

  Katie reached for her drink and took a deep swallow. She spotted him at the table collecting his name tag. Thankfully he’d come without a date. After signing in, he walked into the room.

  It didn’t take him long to zero in on Katie, she noticed. Their eyes locked for just an instant before he forcefully looked away. He peeled the back off his name tag and stuck it to his shirt. Then he veered deliberately in the opposite direction from where she was standing.

  He’d changed from the teenage boy she remembered—he was slightly taller and his shoulders looked broader—and he’d filled out in other areas as well. His hair was shorter now, too. He was good-looking, but not strikingly so. No one was likely to ask him to pose for a calendar. In Katie’s eyes, however, he was everything she remembered and more.

  Ten years and she felt this pull toward him as strong as it had ever been. She’d never loved anyone more than she loved James.

  It went without saying that he wasn’t going to voluntarily seek her out. Any chance she had of talking to him would need to be initiated by her. Katie’s nerves were already on edge when she approached him. James was chatting with Bill Watson, one of his friends, and when she came to stand beside him, James ignored her.

  Bill glanced her way and smiled. “Katie, good to see you.”

  “You, too.” She kept her focus on James, who continued to pretend she was invisible.

  Thankfully, Bill was quick to pick up on the undercurrents flowing between her and James.

  “Good to chat with you, James,” Bill said. “I’ll catch up with you later.” He briefly made eye contact with Katie. She read the silent message he sent her, which seemed to more or less wish her good luck.

  Bill left, but it took James a couple uncomfortable seconds to acknowledge Katie.

  “Hello, James,” she said softly.

  Then and only then did he turn his attention to her. “Katie.” His greeting was as stiff as his spine. He stood straight as a two-by-four, holding on to a bottle of beer.

  “I’m glad to see you.”

  He focused his attention on the other side of the room and didn’t respond.

  “You’ve changed,” she said. She found it incredibly painful to see and feel his coldness. She wanted to believe it was an act.

  “We’ve all changed, Katie. It’s been ten years. That’s the way of life.”

  He was right, of course.

  “I wanted to talk to you, to explain things.”

  “Whatever you have to say isn’t important.”

  “It is to me. I’ve tried to connect with you before and you’ve blocked all my attempts.”

  “I’d hoped you would have gotten the message, then. I’m not interested in reconnecting.”

  “Whether you want to hear it or not, I need to say it.”

  “Why?” he asked.

  “Because I know I hurt you, and I’m so very sorry. I wanted to explain.”

  He arched his brows.

  “It nearly killed me to leave you the way I did, but it was the only viable option at the time. I—”

  James looked decidedly bored. “Listen, Katie, if you want my forgiveness, fine. It’s yours. I got over you a long time ago, so there’s no need to worry. What’s done is done, so let’s leave it at that, shall we?”

  “I don’t know that I can,” Katie said, and resisted the urge to wrap her arms protectively around herself. “I need you to hear me out.”

  “I deserved an explanation ten years ago. Whatever you have to say to me now is pointless.”

  “You need to understand that I couldn’t tell you then,” she rushed to say.

  “You’re not hearing me, Katie. None of it matters any longer.” He stared into the distance and seemed decidedly bored.

  “Your mother—”

  “Katie, stop,” he said, turning to her, his eyes hostile. “I don’t want to hear it. All I know is that you decided to dump me when I would have sacrificed my entire future for you.”

  “That’s just the point. I couldn’t let you.”

  “The decision was mine. Not yours. You took that away from me. But that said, it all happened a long time ago. Let’s just leave it in the past where it belongs.”

  Not knowing what more to say, Katie hung her head and placed her hand over her chest. “Then tell me, why does my heart hurt like this? Why can’t I let go and move on as easily as you?” she asked in a whisper.

  He looked beyond her then, as if eager to leave, as if all he wanted now was to escape. “I imagine it’s guilt, but really, you have nothing to feel guilty about—like I said, I got over you a long time ago. I’m sincere when I say this, Katie. I wish you well.”

  “That’s it?” Katie couldn’t hide her dismay. This had been her greatest fear. She had accepted that James might never love her as much as he did ten years ago, but she’d expected him to at least let her tell him what had happened. “That’s all you have to say to me?” she asked, struggling to hold on to him for a few minutes longer.

  “Should there be more?”

  “I’d hoped…I’d wanted…”

  “This is it as far as I’m concerned.” Then, for some reason, for just a moment, his look gentled. “You look good, Katie.”

  “Thank you…you do, too.”

  “All that’s important is knowing that I got on with my life and you did the same. Like I said, if you’re looking for absolution, you have it. Hashing everything out isn’t going to change anything. Now, if you’ll excuse me.”

  Seeing that nothing she said would make a difference, Katie stepped aside and James walked away.

  She felt numb. For months she’d built up their meeting in her mind, hoping, dreaming, wishing to set matters straight with him. There remained so much more she wanted to tell him, so much more that was in her heart. But James had no desire to hear it. No desire to have anything more to do with her.

  She remained frozen, unable to move. It was difficult to breathe as the regret and discouragement washed over her.

  “Katie?” Coco was at her side and gently wrapped her hand around Katie’s elbow. “Come on, let’s find a quiet corner.”

  Katie managed to answer with a nod.

  Coco led her away to an open table, pulled out a chair for Katie, and then scooted one out for herself. “I saw you talking with James.”

  Again Katie nodded.

  “I told you he’d show.”

  Katie forced a smile.

  “Were you able to explain what happened?”

  “A little. He wasn’t interested in listening.”

  Coco patted Katie’s hand. “What did you expect?”

  “I…I don’t know. Not a…such a cold shoulder…total indifference.”

  “Did he know you were signed up for the reunion? I mean, was seeing you a shock? Because that might explain his reaction.”

  “I…don’t know if he did or not. He didn’t say.”

  “Give him a chance,” Coco urged. “Even if he knew you planned to attend, I’m sure it was pretty intense seeing you again.”

  “I couldn’t reach him. I don’t think he even listened. He said he got over me a long time ago.”

  “It’s been ten years,” Coco reminded her gently.

  “I’m not over him.”

  “You will be, Katie.”

  “I can’t believe how cold he was…” James was right, they’d both changed. He wasn’t anything like what she remembered.

  “Katie—”

  “I want to go,” she said, cutting off Coco.

  “Go? Go where?”

  “Out of here…back to the inn.”

  “Okay, but I want to say good-bye to a few people first.”

  Apparently, Coco didn’t understand. “I don’t want yo
u to leave…you should stay. I’ll walk back to the inn. It isn’t far and I could use the fresh air. I need to think.”

  Coco frowned. “You’re sure?”

  Katie stood and gave her friend’s hand a squeeze. “I’ll be fine,” she lied, and forced a smile. “I’ll see you back at the inn.”

  Coco’s frown deepened. “I don’t know about this.”

  “Stop worrying. You’re right. I’m being unfair to James. We both need time to absorb seeing each other again.”

  Without giving Coco a chance to argue, Katie left the room. Once downstairs, she saw that the restaurant and bar area were busy. Every table was taken now and the room was filled with the sound of chatter and music coming from the jukebox in the back by the pool table.

  The evening was cool and Katie was grateful for her light sweater. Dusk was settling over the waterfront and drew her in that direction. She crossed Harbor Street and walked the short block to the marina, past the library to the totem pole.

  Katie lost count of all the times she and James had walked along this very sidewalk, holding hands, lost in each other. The setting sun sent pink shadows shimmering over the water’s smooth surface. Not a ripple in sight. It astonished her that the cove could remain calm while her heart was in turmoil.

  Coco was right, of course. Her expectations had been unrealistic. In her mind, Katie had envisioned James eagerly listening to her explanation or at least being open to hearing it. It was important that he understand that she’d broken off their relationship because she loved him and wanted the best for his future, at no small cost to her own.

  Back then he hadn’t believed her, hadn’t taken her at her word when she said she didn’t want to be tied down to one boy. That was why he’d written her those letters. What he didn’t know was that it had nearly killed her to get those letters. There’d been emails too, plenty of those, but the letters had been the one constant for months on end, until she’d finally asked him not to write her any longer.

  In the face of so much evidence to the contrary, she couldn’t let go of the belief that his feelings for her hadn’t changed. What they shared was too deep, too real, too profound to fade no matter how many years had gone by.

  But apparently she was wrong. Apparently it was too late.

  I walked into the living room to find Coco had returned from the mix and mingle and was pacing the area in front of the fireplace, her movements rapid and agitated.

  “Oh hi,” I said, surprised to see her. “I didn’t realize you were back.”

  The instant she saw me she blurted out, “Have you seen Katie?”

  “No. Is everything all right?” Coco looked more than a little concerned.

  “I don’t know.” She rubbed her palms together as if she was seeking warmth. “She left before me. And then I thought she probably shouldn’t be alone, so I decided to head back myself. But now she isn’t here.”

  “Did she say she was coming back to the inn?”

  “Yes.” Coco continued to pace, with frequent stops to look out the window.

  “Have you tried calling her?”

  “I texted her twice and called, too, and she’s not responding.”

  “I’m sure there’s no need for worry,” I said, and I believed that. “It’s such a lovely evening, my guess is that she decided to take a walk along the waterfront. I often do that myself.”

  Coco didn’t look reassured.

  “Why don’t I brew a pot of tea, and if she hasn’t shown up by the time we’ve had a cup the two of us can go look for her.”

  Coco hesitated and then nodded. “Okay, good idea. The tea might help calm me down.”

  I went into the kitchen and put the water on. I’d been in my office, checking online for spin classes. If I was going to broaden my horizons, make new friends, then there was no better place to start than by joining a class. For now it was easier to focus on the physical aspect of this new page in my life.

  The water had just started to boil when I heard the front door open.

  “Katie, where have you been?” I heard Coco ask, her relief obvious.

  “Walking.”

  “You left forty minutes ago. I was worried. I tried to call you and was freaking out when you didn’t respond.”

  “It’s okay. I’m fine…really. I couldn’t fit my phone in my clutch, so I left it in my room.”

  In my humble opinion, she didn’t sound fine. I put the tea leaves into the pot, set it on the tray with two cups, and carried it into the living room area.

  “How does hot tea sound?” I asked, as I set the tray down on the coffee table.

  “Sounds great.”

  Katie sat on the sofa next to her friend. “Please, join us,” she said to me.

  I thought the two might prefer time alone and didn’t want to intrude. I looked from one to the other to make sure the invite was sincere, and it seemed like it was. “I will, thank you.” After the topsy-turvy emotional day I’d had, I would appreciate the company and the conversation. Mark hadn’t been gone twenty-four hours and I already missed him, missed our times together.

  Rover wandered in from where he’d been asleep in my office and curled up in front of the fireplace, resting his chin on his paws.

  I brought out another cup from the kitchen and sat in the chair across from the sofa.

  “So how’s the reunion so far?” I asked. One look at Katie told me it hadn’t gone so well.

  Coco looked at Katie and then spoke first. “I got a real shock,” she said. “I came intending to confront a boy who broke my heart and humiliated me. I was going to call him out as the scumbag he was, but before I could say a word, he apologized to me.”

  “Sounds like a guy who has done a bit of maturing,” I said, as I leaned forward and reached for the teapot, filling each of our cups. Steam rose from the hot liquid.

  “I’ve despised Ryan all these years and now I have to learn not to hate him.” She appeared to find this amusing and laughed. “Actually, it was a bit of a letdown, you know? Everything I wanted to say was on the tip of my tongue. I was ready to beat him down to the ground and then he took the wind out of my sails.”

  “Is that a bad thing?” I asked.

  “No, but I’ll admit it takes some getting used to. The truth is I’m happy. I know it sounds odd, but I actually feel like something heavy has lifted off my back. For years I had to keep feeding that hate for Ryan and now…now it’s out of my hands.” She laughed a little, as if at a loss to explain this transformation. “I wasn’t ready to accept his apology, but I could see that he was sincere. I realized it couldn’t have been easy for him to talk to me, but afterward we both felt better. I know I did. Does that make sense?”

  “It does,” Katie assured her.

  “I agree,” I chimed in.

  I tasted the tea, which had steeped beautifully. It was one of my personal favorites, a blend sold in the Seattle area called Market Spice, named after the Pike Place Market.

  “What about you, Katie?” I asked, raising the cup to my lips and blowing into the hot tea to cool it down before taking my first sip.

  “The party didn’t go as well for me as it did Coco,” she said, holding her own tea with both hands and peering into its depths as if looking for some prediction from the leaves. “I saw an old boyfriend with the hopes that we might be able to reconnect. But that, unfortunately, isn’t going to work.”

  “Give James time,” Coco urged.

  “It’s useless,” Katie whispered. She sat back on the sofa, cradling the cup. “He could barely stand to look at me.”

  “Don’t be so sure,” Coco said. “After you left, I watched James.”

  Katie’s head came up. “And?”

  “He looked for you.”

  “He did not,” Katie insisted.

  “Okay, fine, I don’t know for sure, but a couple of times I saw him searching the room. I really think he was hoping to see you. Don’t get me wrong, he wasn’t blatant about it, but I got the feeling James isn�
�t as immune to you as you think.”

  Katie’s shoulders sank with defeat. “I doubt that’s true.”

  “When did you become such a pessimist?” Coco asked.

  Katie’s smile lacked any real amusement. “Tonight.”

  I leaned back in my chair, too. “I’ve had a pretty rotten day myself,” I told them, knowing misery loves company.

  Both Katie and Coco turned their attention to me.

  “I lost a friend today,” I elaborated.

  “Lost as in died?” Katie asked, her voice gentle and full of compassion. Sensing her genuine concern made me realize what an excellent social worker she must be.

  “No, he didn’t die,” I clarified. “Mark was my handyman and my friend. Over the last couple of years we’ve become close…but not in a romantic way,” I explained, and then added, “Well, not until recently.”

  “Did you have a misunderstanding?” Coco asked. “I don’t mean to pry, if you’d rather not talk about it.”

  “Actually, I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but it’s nice to be able to unload a little.”

  “Please,” Katie urged. “Hearing about your troubles will help take my mind off my own.”

  I clung to my teacup and looked into the amber liquid. “My husband died in Afghanistan almost two years ago, and Mark and I became friends, good friends. Then, out of the blue about a month ago, he announced that he’d fallen in love with me.”

  “Did you know how he felt about you?”

  “No, although in retrospect there were signs. But I was caught up in my grief and oblivious to his feelings. What’s so strange is that right after he told me how he felt about me he said he was leaving Cedar Cove.”

  “Leaving?” Katie echoed.

  I nodded.

  “Did he say why?”

  “Not a word. It’s all very odd.”

  “Today is the day he left?” Coco wanted to know.

  A deep sense of loss settled over me. “He headed out this afternoon. He’s never given me any indication of where he’s going or why.”

  “What did he say when he left?”