Love & Devotion

by Jove Belle

  “She did get to meet her new boss and see where she’ll be working.” KC touched Emma’s arm with her fingertips, then immediately stepped out of touching distance. “So, that’s good,” she hastily added.

  “How’s Berty?” Emma gestured toward the puppy.

  Trina stooped and picked up the dog. She scratched behind his ears and KC swore he smiled. Trina definitely did.

  “He’s good,” Trina said. “So smart and sweet. And Buddy loves him.”

  Did he pee on the carpet? That’s what KC wanted to know, but she didn’t ask. Really, if he helped Trina feel safe and loved, then he was doing his job. Potty training could be learned.

  “How’s Buddy like his new room?” The question was code for all the questions KC was afraid to ask yet. Did Buddy realize Daddy wasn’t here? Was he happy or sad about it? How was Trina feeling about leaving Jackson now that she’d had a few days to settle into her new surroundings? Did she miss him? Did she cry more now or before she left? Would she be able to stay away? A lot of women couldn’t. Love did a tremendous job of fucking people up. Especially when love got twisted into dark-black knots of bruises and secrets.

  “He’s settling in. He’s been coming into my bed about halfway through the night. He’s just not sure what’s going on.” Trina shrugged and focused her attention on Berty. Kendall put her arm around Trina but said nothing.

  “He’ll get used to it pretty soon. Kids are resilient.” KC had taken a handful of early childhood education classes, but none had prepared her for comforting her two-year-old nephew through the separation of his parents. And the one elective she’d taken in general psych was woefully inadequate for helping Trina make it through the stages of grieving. Hell, she wasn’t even sure if the stages applied in this situation.

  “And pretty soon he’ll have a baby brother or sister to distract him.” Trina patted her stomach. Despite being almost through the second trimester, she still didn’t know the sex of the baby. Jackson hadn’t wanted to know, so she’d skipped that part of the ultrasound. Was Trina happy about that?

  “We should figure out where we’re going to put the crib. Do you want it in the room with you? Or with Buddy?” Kendall continued the conversation, focusing on the details so they could ignore the reason Trina was here instead of home with Jackson.

  Trina took a deep breath and said, “I haven’t said thank you yet, and I need to.” She shook her head. “It’s hard to be thankful for having your life upended. Jackson…I love him. I probably always will.” Tears threatened to fall from Trina’s eyes. “But I want better for Buddy. He watches Jackson, sees the way he is. I don’t want my son treating his wife like his father treats me.” One tear escaped and traveled the distance of Trina’s cheek, followed by another. “And now with the baby…I’m glad you guys came and got me. I am. But God help me, I miss him.”

  Emma took the puppy from Trina and handed him to KC. Then she enveloped Trina in a long hug. KC’d been on the receiving end of hugs like that, so she knew when she saw Trina’s shoulders shake that she felt safe enough to let it out. Emma had chosen a career in television production, but she should have gone into counseling. She had a way of making people feel better.

  KC fidgeted with the soft hair on Berty’s neck. Trina clung to Emma and cried. Kendall, stalwart and strong, cried with her.

  After several long minutes, Trina pulled away and wiped her eyes. “Thanks.” She reclaimed the puppy from KC. “So, did y’all do anything fun?”

  “We went dancing.” KC hadn’t considered their night out fun. Torturous was a more apt description. Emma had been on display, a beautiful reminder of everything KC couldn’t have, everything she wasn’t ready for. After their dance, she’d wanted to leave, but Emma was determined to have fun. She’d danced in turn with every cowgirl in the place while KC pouted her way through drink after drink. By the time they left, KC was an emotional drunk and Emma was happily holding a stack of “call me!” phone numbers. Emma had tucked them into her purse, and KC was still trying to get them from her without looking like a jealous, controlling freak.

  “That sounds nice,” Kendall said. She, like Trina, had skipped the party phase in college and jumped straight to getting married and playing house. Owen had proved to be a better husband than Jackson, but Kendall still expressed regrets about moving too fast.

  “Yeah, it was.” Emma’s voice was flat and unconvincing. Perhaps the night had been harder on her than she’d displayed at the time.

  Trina let the silence settle for a few seconds, then said, “I’m glad I got to see you, Emma, but I’m beat. I’m going to head in.” She gave Emma one last hug then took Berty inside.

  “I’m with her. Good night.” Kendall followed and left KC alone with Emma.

  She searched for the right thing to say. Five hours of thinking on the way home from Austin wasn’t enough time for her to come up with the magic words to make their relationship all better. How long would be long enough? “I should get my suitcase.”

  Emma followed her to the car and opened the trunk. KC took her bag and set it at her feet. Emma tapped out a cigarette and lit it. How many times had Emma smoked because KC made her sad? She looked up at the stars. They blanketed the night sky, infinite and bright, but they held no answer.

  “I’m going to go.” Emma blew out a long stream of smoke.

  KC stepped closer but didn’t touch. “You could stay.”

  “Not this time.” Emma shook her head, slow and final.

  KC nodded and swallowed the lump in her throat. “I’m going to talk to her, Em.”

  Emma opened her car door and paused, half in, half out. “I hope so.”

  She nodded earnestly. “I will.” Her words wouldn’t convince Emma. After so much disappointment, Emma needed to see action.

  Emma smiled but didn’t respond. Her eyes glistened in the dim light of the dashboard. She closed her door and started the car.

  KC watched her drive away. Her heart ached with wanting Emma. It was time to get to work.

  Chapter Twelve

  KC pulled up in front of Kendall’s house but didn’t cut the engine. It was rude as hell to not go to the door, but she was a stressed-out wreck and needed a moment to breathe. Besides, Kendall was halfway down the walk before she could do much more than inhale and exhale purposefully. Kendall had been waiting for her.

  “Do you want to get breakfast first?” she asked as Kendall arranged herself in the passenger seat and set her travel mug of coffee in the cup holder.

  “Are you kidding me?” Kendall looked at her like she might smack her upside the head at any moment.

  “No, I just thought you might be hungry.”

  “You just thought you could put this off.” Kendall called her on her delay tactics. “Don’t be a coward. It’s time to deal with things like a grown-up.”

  She pulled into traffic. “You make it sound so easy. Tell me, when was the last time you broke up with someone?”

  “Don’t make it sound like you’re going steady. She’s married, for God’s sake.”

  “I know that.” She hated Kendall’s incessant need to remind her about Glen. She liked to keep him as far from her thoughts about Lonnie as possible.

  “Do you? Because I can’t for the life of me figure out why you’ve been carrying on with a married woman.”

  “Kendall, can you just…please, don’t do this.” She was a mess. She hadn’t talked to Emma since they arrived back in Fairmont Sunday night and was suffering serious withdrawal. But she couldn’t call her until things with Lonnie were resolved, and Lonnie kept putting her off. She said she didn’t have time to talk. Strange, considering how willingly she made time to fuck.

  “I’m trying really hard here, KC. I just don’t understand any of it.”

  “I can’t explain it. It just is.” She could talk until she was blue in the face and Kendall would never see her side. Kendall lived in a world of black and white, whereas KC was awash in grays. Thankfully, the hard edges were fi
nally coming into focus. “I was wrong.”

  “Okay.” Kendall nodded thoughtfully. “So what’s your plan?”

  “She’s at her office. I’m going to talk to her.”

  “And you want me to come with you?”

  “No. I have to do this alone. I just want you with me, in the car, for moral support. It’ll help.” If she had to report back to Kendall immediately, she might stay focused. She wished she was certain enough to know what she would do without Kendall there to keep her honest, but she still wasn’t sure. So far she remained intent on ending things, but she hadn’t been alone with Lonnie yet.

  “I can do that,” Kendall said.

  They drove through town without talking. Kendall sipped her coffee and KC fiddled with the radio stations, flipping to a new one every few seconds until Kendall placed her hand over hers to get her to stop. Then Kendall turned the music off.

  “What’s going on with Emma?” Kendall asked the question too casually.

  KC turned into a parking space in front of Lonnie’s office. “What do you mean?” She tried to sound just as casual.

  “I mean she left on Sunday night. Wouldn’t she normally sleep over? And Trina said she hasn’t been over since.”

  KC deflected. “She has a life. She’s busy with the move and all.”

  “And that’s another thing. Shouldn’t you be helping her pack?” Kendall pointed out one of the main staples of friendship. “If your best friend moves, it’s your job to help pack.”

  “I don’t want to leave Trina right now.” KC hit a ringer with that answer. No way Kendall would encourage her to leave their baby sister to fend for herself.

  Kendall challenged her. “Trina said she wants to help her, too. As thanks.”

  “Then why is Trina talking to you about this instead of me?” KC sounded a little more irritated than she wanted, but goddamn, her family was nosy.

  “Don’t be stupid. She doesn’t know how to bring it up. Trina is the nice one in the family, remember?”

  That about summed up the sisters. Kendall said the hard things and asked the unpleasant questions. After KC finished her MA, found a good job, and took over her grandma’s house, her mama started calling her willful instead of wild. KC appreciated the nod toward her efforts to get past her teenage reputation. And Trina, the good girl, was polite and sweet and kind.

  The more KC thought about it, the more pissed off she got at Jackson. “He’s a real bastard, isn’t he?”

  “Yeah.” Kendall nodded. “He really is.”

  “I wish we’d realized sooner. How long was it like that? Do you know?” Even though she’d been home for the past three days, Trina hadn’t mentioned word one about Jackson since Sunday night. KC hadn’t been willing to broach the subject. She figured when Trina was ready, she’d talk. But Kendall had a way about her. She and Trina had obviously discussed her situation at length.

  “It started shortly after she found out she was pregnant this time.” Kendall spoke quietly, then took a deliberate sip of coffee. “Other things happened after Buddy was born, but he just started hitting her a few months ago.”

  Trina was in her second trimester. They’d announced the pregnancy to the family about two months ago. No telling how long they’d known before that, but no matter the answer, it was too long for her to have suffered Jackson’s temper without help.

  “She should have let us know.” It wasn’t Trina’s fault, not by a long shot, but KC had failed to protect her. Kendall had been six when Trina was born, and she’d explained what was expected of KC now that she was a big sister. Things were different when you weren’t the baby. At two, KC couldn’t fully appreciate her wise six-year-old sister’s message, but the basics took hold. It was her job, along with Kendall’s, to look out for Trina. To make sure no one hurt her.

  “She was scared. And embarrassed.” Kendall sipped her coffee. “And she loves him.” She shrugged.

  “How many things are justified in the name of love?” KC couldn’t imagine hitting someone she loved. Hell, she couldn’t imagine hitting somebody she barely tolerated. Kendall had been a brawler growing up. She’d take all comers and win. KC stood safely behind her and made raspberry faces at whoever had drawn Kendall out. As a result, KC’d never learned to tolerate the feel of her hand striking another. Just the thought made her squirm. As for Kendall, she gave up fistfights in favor of pom-poms by the time she hit her sophomore year of high school.

  “You tell me, KC. Seems you’ve done a bit of justifying yourself.” Kendall’s voice was frosty and clipped. She was along for the ride to support KC, but KC would be foolish to forget how very much Kendall disapproved of her affair with Lonnie.

  “You’re right. But when you’re in the middle of it, it doesn’t feel like that. It just feels like…you’re doing what you have to.” She shrugged. Not to mention she’d never been in love with Lonnie. Not really.

  “I’m sure Trina felt the same way.”

  “Probably.” She turned off the engine. Lonnie’s Mustang was parked three spots over. She was here and KC couldn’t keep stalling. “I should get in there.”

  Kendall gave her an awkward hug over the center console. “I’ll be here when you’re done.”

  “Thanks.” KC had a grip on the door handle when Emma passed by on the sidewalk. Maria Gutierrez walked beside her. “Shit.” She slumped into her seat.

  “What? Oh, hey, Emma. We should say hi.” Kendall started to open her door.

  “No.” She grabbed Kendall’s hand. She wasn’t ready to talk to Emma. Not here. Not now.

  “Okay.” Kendall drew the word out and turned it into a question, but still settled into the seat again. “Who’s that with her?”

  “Her ex.” KC stared hard at Maria. She was too close to Emma, leaning in to listen as Emma spoke. When Maria touched Emma’s arm, KC climbed out of the car. “I’ll be right back.”

  “Emma!” She jogged to catch up with them. “Hey.” She smiled in a way she hoped said she was happy to see Emma while simultaneously telling Maria to mind her manners. If she wanted to be Emma’s friend, KC was all in favor of that, but the next time her hand moved anywhere close to Emma’s ass, KC was going to remove it for her.

  “Hi, KC.” Emma hesitated, then hugged her.

  She indulged herself, holding Emma as tight as she could without crossing the line from decent to pornographic on a public sidewalk. She swept her fingers over Emma’s back, enveloping Emma as completely as possible.

  “I missed you.” Emma whispered the words into KC’s neck.

  “Me, too.” She wasn’t sure if she spoke or not. Being that close to Emma after their several-day separation overwhelmed her sensibilities. She closed her eyes and sank into their reunion.

  Maria cleared her throat next to them. KC closed her eyes and wished for Maria to go away. Maria cleared her throat a second time. Emma released her.

  “You remember Maria,” Emma said.

  “Of course.” She kept her voice flat and nodded once. That was all the acknowledgement she was willing to give Maria.

  “KC.” Maria folded her arms over her chest and rocked back on her heels.

  KC kept her arm around Emma as she spoke. “Why are you in town?” She thought she’d left Maria behind when they drove out of Austin. But here she was, like a bad penny stuck to the bottom of Emma’s shoe.

  Emma, to KC’s surprise, didn’t shrug off her arm. Rather, she settled beneath it. “She had a few days off and offered to help me pack some stuff.”

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuckety fuck. That was KC’s job, goddammit. She needed to stop floundering and get her shit together. She didn’t want Emma to move on before they even had a chance to get started.

  “Long drive for that.” She prayed Maria wasn’t staying over at Emma’s but couldn’t keep herself from asking.

  “She got here last night.” Emma’s neck and cheeks flushed red.

  “Well, that’s nice.” She bit out the words.

  Maria looked smug.<
br />
  “It is,” Emma said softly. “It’s good to have a friend’s help.”

  She didn’t know if Emma’s statement was meant to reassure her that Maria was just a friend or if it was an indictment of her for being a bad friend by not helping. Either way, she wasn’t moving her arm from Emma’s shoulder until Emma made her.

  As she searched for something to say that would delay Emma’s departure, Lonnie stepped into view in her office window. Her arms were crossed, her eyes cold and hard. KC waved to Lonnie and increased her hold on Emma. Lonnie didn’t wave back.

  “Don’t do that.” Emma stepped away.

  “What?”

  Emma looked down for a moment, shook her head, then met KC’s gaze. “I don’t want to be used, KC.”

  “Used?” She sputtered. “No, it’s not like that, Emma.”

  “Have you told her?” Emma crossed her arm in a mirror pose of Lonnie. In less than ten seconds, she’d managed to piss off both women. God help her.

  “Not yet. That’s why I’m here now.” She sputtered again. It didn’t matter what she said, Emma needed to see her follow through, not hear more excuses as to why she hadn’t.

  “And you thought you’d show instead of tell?” Emma was working her way to angry.

  “No, Emma, I swear. I didn’t even think.” Story of her life. She didn’t think.

  “You brought Kendall with you.” Emma pointed to her car and Kendall waved merrily out the window at them.

  “Yeah…” She sensed a trap.

  “Why?” Emma asked.

  “Why what?”

  “Don’t be dense. Why did you bring Kendall? Is she supposed to do it for you?” Emma obviously struggled to keep her voice in check. She was doing that scary angry thing where she yelled without raising her voice.

  “What? No. Of course not. Kendall’s here…” She couldn’t tell Emma she’d brought her sister along to keep her from chickening out. “This is hard, Emma. Kendall’s here because we all need some help from time to time. You said it yourself. This is one of those times for me.”