“What the hell is going on in here?” Joe Lanza said. She had rarely heard the man raise his voice in all the years she knew him, well seriously anyway. The three of them that stood in the entryway of the house turned and faced the patriarch; his face pretty much resembled his sons. Solemn, pained, and full of angst.
“Dad, I’ve got this. Go back inside with mom.” Luke said his voice raw.
“You’ve got what? Why are they standing in the door like strangers, and you on the sidelines waiting for war? You want to kill your mother today?” He swallowed and shook his head at his son. He grabbed Cara’s hand.
“Pop, Jake asked m…”Joe silenced his son with one bold stare, daring him to speak another word. It didn’t matter how old you were, if Joe looked at you like that, you shut your mouth, because there were very seldom times when he showed authority. Jake was a lot like his father, rolled with the punches, and didn’t let much get to him. But like Jake, when he was adamant about something, no one questioned him.
Cara met Joe’s gaze, and her heart broke for him. She had never seen him so completely undone. “I’m sorry.” She mumbled. “I just-“
“It’s okay.” He pressed his lips to her temple, affectionately and she felt like she belonged.
He took her hand and led her into the living room. She stopped, her feet wouldn’t take the next step, she was too afraid of what awaited her. She didn’t know what to expect, but by the looks that adorned Luke and Joe’s face, she knew it was worse than she imagined. She took a deep breath and stepped next to Joe. Her eyes roamed the room and stopped on Jake. He was sitting by the window, with his back towards her.
“Jake?” She breathed. Her hand dropped Joe’s and she made her way towards him, when he turned and faced her. The look on his face caused her to stop in her tracks. She raked her eyes over him. Physically he was fine, she noted. He wasn’t injured. Her eyes settled on his and she saw the pained expression that crossed his face. He wasn’t happy to see her, she didn’t remember a time when he had ever looked at her like that. Her heart broke.
“I tried to stop her.” She heard Luke say from behind her. She turned and looked at him, and saw that the sorrow reflected in his eyes. He wasn’t being mean spirited or doing it to hurt her, she realized. He was just doing as Jake had asked of him. She felt as if the wind had been knocked out of her. Cara was broken from her thoughts as Sam entered the room, with Deb’s hand firmly in hers. As soon as Deb’s eyes met hers, the woman began to cry uncontrollably. What the hell was going on? Cara felt like the plague. Sam closed her eyes and wrapped her arms tightly around her mother, walking her to the couch. Joe slipped his hands in his pockets and dropped his head.
She turned around to look at Jake once again. “I don’t know what’s wrong. But I’m sorry you’re all hurting.” She wiped at her face, feeling shunted and pitiful. “Nick, can you please take me back home?”
“Yes.” She heard him say, softly. She imagined he felt a little of what she was feeling, as he was still in the dark too.
Her eyes didn’t leave Jake’s. He may be hurting, but she wanted to see that she was too. Only she was hurting because of him.
“Cara, wait.” Jake said his voice was just above a whisper. “I’m sorry.” He threw his head back and stared at the ceiling. “I’m so sorry.” When he looked back at her, his eyes were watery, she knew he was holding back tears, and whatever this whole charade was about, was eating away at him. She ached for him. She wanted to be the one who made everything okay for him, for all of them, she thought. But he was making that impossible.
“There’s something I have to tell you.” His voice breaking as he said the words. Sam got up from cradling her mother, and eyed Luke, to take her place. Like an obedient puppy he went and sat with their mother as Sam took a seat next to her brother. She grabbed his hand and clutched it like she was radiating whatever strength she had left in her to him.
“You can say it. It’s not going to change anything.” Sam whispered to her brother and pressed her lips to his cheek. She looked around the room. “Why don’t we give them some space?”
“It doesn’t matter.” Cara said and closed the space between them. She kneeled in front of Jake, watching as Sam slipped away from them. She took both of his hands in hers. “Please tell me what’s going on.”
He reached out and touched her hair, looking at it as if he was for the first time. “You love me?” He asked as he searched her face.
“I love you more than anything.” She said so sure of herself, so adamantly.
He smiled, genuinely and she felt her eyes close for the briefest of moments as his knuckles caressed her cheek. “I love you Cara.” He leaned his forehead against hers. “I have cancer.” He whispered, and once the words escaped his lips, he dropped her face and let her process the word.
She leaned back on her heels and stared at him. Surely, she didn’t hear him correctly. Did he just say he had cancer? Cancer. She shook her head and he just nodded.
“I didn’t want to tell you, because I don’t know what stage it is yet. I don’t know what kind of treatment I’ll need.” He said softly.
She felt as if she was switched to auto-pilot. “Where is it?”
“In my lymph nodes, I have Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.”
It struck her like a Mack Truck, he had just been diagnosed with Cancer, and his first concern was keeping things from her so she wouldn’t worry. He always put her first even now. She knew him and knew what he was planning, he’d get the facts and make light of everything, so that it would be easier for her to deal with. She shook her head.
“I know you love me, Cara and it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. But I don’t want you to think you’re stuck in this mess with me. More than anything, more than getting well, and living my life, I want you to be able to live yours and live it fully. I don’t want this to bring you down, so –“
“Oh My God, shut up!” She said as she scrambled to stand up. “Let’s get some things straight okay?” She looked around at the family who was pretending not to listen, but crying because they had listened. “I want you all to hear what I’m about to say, so listen up.” Her tone was harsh and demanding, and she knew she’d apologize later for it. She turned back to Jake and took his hands in hers, kissing each of his fingertips before squeezing his hands in hers. She took a deep breath, surprised by her own strength, and her lack of tears. “I love you Jake Lanza.” She smiled at him, holding his gaze. “It doesn’t matter that you have Cancer. It doesn’t matter that we don’t know what stage it is. It doesn’t matter that we don’t know what your treatment will be. It doesn’t change my love for you. You want me to live my life and live it well? That’s great, but my life is meant to be lived with you. So we’re not going to worry about anyone but you right now, do you understand? There’s no good life, if you’re not in it.” She watched his face; he stared at her with love in his eyes as tears slid down his cheeks. “We’re in this together. All of us.” She gestured towards his family and then settled back on him. “No giving up on me, Jake. You’re going to kick this diseases ass, and leave a wake of destruction behind.” She winked at him, before wrapping her arms around him and pulling him to her. He fell into her arms and clutched her to his body. She pulled back slightly and pressed her lips to his. She kissed him desperately, willing him to fight for his life. “Say the words Jake.” She murmured against his lips.
He pulled back, cupping her face in his hands. “I’ll fight with everything in me.” His thumb traced her lower lip and he smiled at her. “No giving up.”
She threw her arms around him and buried her face in his neck. Together they were going to embark on the biggest fight of Jake’s life.
Chapter Eighteen
Jake sat in the waiting room of the Riverdale Memorial Hospital, proud of how well he had adjusted to waiting rooms, and endless doctor’s visits. The last month he had been to more doctors than he had in all his twenty-nine years. He looked beside him, at h
is mother, her glasses sat on the tip of her nose as she tried to recite the prayers in her book. He had to laugh as she wasn’t even looking through the lenses, but over the rim of the glasses. He leaned in and pressed a smacking kiss to her cheek. She looked up at him, returning the smile, as her glasses almost fell off her nose.
“What was that for?” Deb asked her son.
“It’s so good not to see you crying.” He said honestly. For the first two weeks after he had been diagnosed, he couldn’t look at his mother, without her bursting into a fit of tears. He wasn’t sure what eased her, but it seemed as after they had committed to a treatment and an oncologist, she turned around. She was the bull, that she had always been when her kids needed her. Stage Four Non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, wasn’t going to be a walk in the park, but he was determined to kick the son of a bitch’s ass, and that made his mother proud. It didn’t matter that the odds were against him, he was going to live this life he had been given to the fullest, whatever the outcome of this fight, and no one would be able to say that Jake Lanza didn’t have a will to live.
When they had first met with Dr. Capernick, he had told him the road before him was not going to be easy. He needed to undergo chemotherapy. It would take about six months. Each dose he would stay in the hospital for four or five days after the drugs were administered. Then he would be able to go home and rest his body for two to three weeks before the cycle began again. He’d suffer from side effects. After all, they were shooting chemicals into him to kill all the evil, and destroying the good in the process. He may never be able to have children. His organs could suffer. His immune system will be compromised due to the chemotherapy, he was going to lose his hair, and he still may not be healed. He could still hear the doctor’s optimistic voice as he said, “And if the chemo doesn’t work, we’ll exhaust every other possible treatment. I’ll worry about the course of treatment. You just leave your fears behind you.”
Jake put his life in the doctor’s capable hands and went with the plan. Today was his first round of chemotherapy. His family would rally around him, and his beautiful Cara. She had been the rock in all of this, and he still kicked himself for underestimating her strength. After he had told her, the following day they went to his tattoo parlor, and on their left ring fingers, they had Pete inscribe strength. He glanced down at his left hand; the script lettering of the word mimicked a wedding band. It had been Cara’s idea, and he had been blown away by the sentiment behind it. Her words rang in his head, “I’m married to the fight and so are you.” He smiled. Yeah, he was going to fight. He was going to win too and when he did, he was going marry her.
He looked up as his father bounded into the waiting room with his Sam. He laughed as he watched Sam unravel their father’s scarf from his neck. It was May and the man still wore a scarf. His father had seemed to be doing better as well, back to teasing his mother viciously.
Joe sat beside his son and patted his back. “You ready, Balboa?”
Jake grinned at him, before putting up his fists and moving them like a boxer.
“That’s my boy.” He leaned back in the uncomfortable seat. “How long we gotta wait?”
“Joe, don’t you dare start. I know where the psych floor is.” Deb shot her husband a glare over the rim of her glasses. Jake bit the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing, and instead looked at his sister.
“Why aren’t you at work, Miss?” He couldn’t help the smile that teased his lips. She was wearing a lime green T-shirt. Lime Green supported Lymphoma Cancer. He knew that now because Sam had looked it up. She had been giving out little green ribbons to anyone and everyone in Riverdale, in support of him. She was his little advocate, and he was moved by her.
“Like I could teach a bunch of kindergarteners today?” She rolled her eyes. “I’m not letting you get your first dose of chemo without your green cheerleader.”
The siblings laughed and she leaned down and pressed a kiss to his cheek. “Love you, Jake.”
“Love you too.” He pulled her ponytail to validate his big brother card.
His phone vibrated in his pocket, and he lifted his hips to pull it out. He stared down and smiled at the text before averting his eyes back to his unsuspecting sister.
“Lover boy text me,” He said as he waggled his eyebrows.
Sam rolled her eyes and plopped down in a seat across from him, picking up a magazine and pretending to read it. “I don’t know who you’re talking about.”
Joe scoffed beside Jake, and crossed his arms, one eyebrow cocked as he eyed his daughter. “Even I know who he’s talking about.”
Jake and Deb chuckled, and Sam lifted the magazine higher, shielding her face.
“Don’t you want to know what he said?” Jake asked teasingly.
“Not particularly.” She hissed.
“I do.” Joe said and nudged Jake, playing along.
“He said he has to stay at the shop, so he won’t be here in time for them to pump me with chemicals, But for me not to worry. As soon as he gets off he’s heading straight here to entertain me and make you squirm.” Jake grinned like a banshee.
“I always liked that boy.” Joe said and then Sam dropped the magazine on her lap and scowled at him.
“So much for daddy’s little girl.” She grumbled.
“You guys got room for one more?” The four of them turned around and stared up at Luke, who was still in his work clothes and covered in grease, he actually had a monkey wrench falling out of the pocket of his jeans. Jake grinned up at him and Luke winked at him before bending down and kissing their mother.
“Where’s my grandbaby?” Deb asked him.
“She’s going to go to a friend’s house after school.” He looked back at Jake. “Heads up.”
Jake held out his hands and his brother threw a Snickers bar into them. “I won’t tell if you don’t.”
“My savior.” Jake smiled and tucked the treat into the front pocket of his T-shirt.
“Jake Lanza?” They heard the nurse call his name and they all turned to her. She was an older woman, Jake figured to be his mother’s age. She smiled at him warmly. Jake just stared at her for a moment, taking a deep breath. The first step is the longest stride, he told himself. He rubbed his sweaty palms down his thighs and stood up. His parents followed suit, and he swallowed as his mother’s arms enveloped him.
“Do you want me to come in with you?” She said hugging him so tight, that he would’ve sworn she crushed his ribs, he didn’t dare complain and hugged her back with just as much vigor.
“No, someone has to keep this guy in line.” He said and motioned behind him to his father. He pulled out of the embrace and his mother kissed his cheeks repeatedly. He turned to his father. Joe gripped his shoulders firmly and looked him in the eye.
“Be the fighter, I know you are.” Jake couldn’t find his voice, too consumed by the emotion in his father’s voice. He nodded instead and then his father leaned in and kissed his forehead. “I love you, son.” He embraced him and patted him on the back, pulling back quickly. Emotion wasn’t something Joe Lanza dealt with and he was on the verge of tears so he pulled away and stepped away, reigning himself in.
“Jake!” He closed his eyes, at the sound of her voice before turning abruptly. Cara was running down the corridor. He knew she’d come, he just hoped she’d get there before he actually went in. She skidded to a stop in front of him and threw her arms around him. “I’m sorry I’m late, I had to stop off and pick these up.” She held up a bag as she withdrew from his arms. She smiled at him and pressed her lips softly against his. “Hi baby.”
It was amazing, what she did for him. That just her voice gave him the courage he needed to beat this. It still boggled his mind that he had actually contemplated not telling her about his condition. The truth was without her in his corner, he didn’t think he’d be able to do it.
“What’s in the bag?” He asked as he smiled at her, all the anxiety and fear draining from him as he took in her face. Her e
yes glanced down at her shirt, his followed. She was wearing a shirt just like she had the night they went to the track, the one that read “Team Jake” only this one read the same words in bold lime green print. He stared at her shirt, and figured he probably looked as if he was ogling her breasts, alright so maybe he was, but he was multitasking. She never failed to amaze him. He looked up at her as she pulled something out of the shopping bag. It was a baseball cap, and she fitted it to his head tugging on the rim. The words matched her shirt on the rim of the hat.
“Perfect!” She grinned and looked around at the family. “There is a shirt for all you.” Sam took the bag and immediately began to disperse the shirts.
Jake took her hands and pulled her to the side. He turned the hat that was on top of his head around and leaned down to press his lips softly against hers. “I love you.” He murmured against her soft, delectable lips.
She leaned her head against his. “I love you, more.” She smiled and glanced over his shoulder to the nurse who was smiling at them. “Come on, I’ll go with you.” She laced her fingers with his and squeezed his hand.
He smiled at her adoringly. He took in a deep breath he glanced down at their hands, and stared at their bands of strength. Here he was walking into his first treatment, fighting stage four Cancer and at that very moment, he felt like the luckiest man in the world. Ready, to face any obstacle with the love of his life by his side, together they stepped into the hospital room hand in hand.
Cara sat in the chair beside the hospital bed Jake laid in. It had been three hours since they had hooked him up to an IV and filtered the chemo through his veins. He was sleeping as she watched the chemicals drip slowly into the IV. He looked so calm and relaxed, as he rested. His hands were on his stomach, clutching the hat she bought him. She smiled sadly as she looked at it. She had bought it for him, so when he lost his hair he wouldn’t be self-conscious. Hell she would shave her head, if it helped him get through this. She still couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that Jake was suffering from Cancer.
Pieces (Riverdale #1) Page 18
