Imperfectly Bad

by A. E. Woodward

  “If you want to act like a baby, then we’ll treat you like one,” Rob spits.

  “Seriously, Ty,” Shane says as he throws the emptied bottles into Tyler’s covered lap. “You can’t push us away. We care about you—”

  Rob quickly interrupts with, “That bitch is using you.”

  Tyler immediately stiffens.

  “Would you just shut up!” Shane commands, nervously running his hands through his hair. “God, you always make shit a million times worse. You have no filter. Kid gloves, Rob. We talked about this…”

  Rob and his careless mouth. He had a way with words in that he didn’t mince them. Even though he hurt a lot of feelings, he spoke the truth. And sometimes that was exactly what people needed.

  The touch of her hands brought him back. Emma. She wrapped her arms around his neck and joined him on the floor as the doctor left the room. Shane could hear the others sobbing as he clung to his wife. This couldn’t be happening. This wasn’t how it was supposed to end. Ever the optimist, Shane thought they’d get their happily ever afters, all together. How could they go on living in a life without Rob in it? It didn’t seem possible. No, it just wasn’t right.

  Sitting in silence, they comforted one another while they waited for Rob’s family to show up. After what felt like forever the doors opened and an older couple entered, their eyes reddened. Tyler had been the only one to have ever met Rob’s parents, so he was the first to reach out. Rob’s mother nodded at him, and Shane knew. With tears in her eyes she addressed them all collectively. “He loved you all, so much.”

  “Loves.”

  Shocked by the harshness in her voice, Shane turned to face Jenny, her face set in an angry hard line. “He loves them. He’s still alive.”

  “What is she doing here?” Rob’s mother asks, an angry edge to her voice.

  “Jenny?!” A young girl pushed her way through the throng of people and launched herself into Jenny’s arms. “I’ve missed you so much.”

  It was obvious to everyone in the room that Jenny and the girl, whom Shane guessed was another family member, had a special relationship, and seeing the way Jenny embraced her made him more comfortable with her being present. There were few positives that he had heard about this woman from Rob’s past, but it would appear that she did have some redeeming qualities. “Hey, Alyssa. I know. It’s gonna be all right now, I promise.”

  “Don’t make promises you can’t keep. Every time you don’t deliver on them you break her heart.” Rob’s mother glares in Jenny’s direction and the tension mounted in the room just enough to make Shane feel awkward. Thankfully the atmosphere was forgotten as the doctor opened the door. His eyes took the scene in and Shane knew he could feel the friction too.

  “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I thought you’d all like to take a few minutes to go see Robert. Keep in mind that he’s pretty banged up, and he’s hooked up to a lot of machines.”

  Tyler looked to Shane and shook his head. Despite their earlier conversation, Shane knew there was no point in pushing Tyler to see Rob. Everyone was dealing with this in their own way, and if Tyler didn’t want to see Rob hooked up to a bunch of machines, then that was his choice to make.

  Shane nodded, completely understanding where he was coming from. Rob was the most vibrant person any of them had ever known and it was rare to see him vulnerable. Even during the times when he’d dropped his guard, he’d still managed to make a joke of it. Such was Rob’s ability to hide things from them, it had taken Shane that much longer to notice that he was a mess.

  “You can go three at a time, for moral support. Talk to him. Studies show that coma patients can still hear what’s going on around them.”

  At that point the young girl, Alyssa he thought Jenny had said, collapsed into hysterics and Rob’s parents rushed across the room to calm her down. She was sobbing uncontrollably when Rob’s mother looked to Shane and said, “Why don’t you all go first. We need a minute.”

  Shane nodded in agreement and looked to Tyler. “Are you sure?”

  Tyler’s jaw tightened and he gave a curt nod. “Yeah, I’m sure. I’ll stay here and see if I can help with Alyssa.”

  Grabbing Emma’s hand and motioning for Jenny to come with them, Shane headed to the door. Jenny bent down and kissed Alyssa on the forehead. Rob’s mother glared at Jenny as Alyssa clung to her.

  The three of them followed the doctor down the hallway in silence, the strong antiseptic smell making Shane’s stomach churn. Or perhaps it was simply the stress of it all. He wasn’t sure, but he felt like he could lose his lunch at any moment. Eventually they stopped in front of a room. Shane could hear the noise of air being released in a slow methodical rhythm, accompanied by sporadic beeps and he knew Rob was in there, hanging on by a thread. Suddenly, Shane was jealous of Tyler, wishing that he didn’t have to be the rock for once. Deep down, he didn’t want to do this, but he had to. Emma needed him.

  “Remember, that he doesn’t look good.” The doctor spoke softly. “But talk to him. It can’t hurt to try.” He motioned for them to head in. Shane took a deep breath and lead the way.

  When the door swung open and he caught sight of his friend, his breath caught in his throat. The doctor hadn’t been lying. If it wasn’t for Rob’s name on the whiteboard above his bed, no one would’ve known it was him—his face so swollen and bruised he didn’t look like Rob.

  The shock of it didn’t only fall on Shane either. “Oh my God.” Emma gasped and turned into Shane’s chest with a thud.

  “It’s okay, Em. We’ve gotta talk to him, it’s the only thing we can do that might help.”

  She nodded against his chest and sniffed before turning back around to him. She’d always been one of the strongest women he’d known, second only to his mother, and he’d always thought it was one of the best things about her. He could feel his heart swell with pride as he watched her accept his challenge.

  “Rob?” she called out hesitantly. “Can you hear me?” Emma dropped Shane’s hand and carefully approached Rob’s bedside. “I know you’re in there. I need you to stay, Rob. Felix needs you, the baby needs you. We all need you.”

  Shane made his way toward the spot next to her. “Yeah, man. Who is going to put us all in our place when we need it?”

  The three of them were standing there looking at him, unsure of what to say or do next, when suddenly Jenny grabbed his hand.

  “Rob.” She kissed his knuckles carefully, avoiding the many tubes coming from his hand. “I’m so sorry, babe. I should have never left you, ever. I was selfish and mad at you. I hated that we were from two different worlds, when in reality all I wanted was to be with you. In fact, it’s all I’ve ever wanted. Not a day went by in all those years that I didn’t think of you… wondering what you were doing… if you were thinking of me too.

  “Fate brought us back together for a reason.” She wiped at her face with her free hand. “This isn’t the end. It can’t be. We’ve got unfinished business, you stubborn ass. I need you in my life. You’ve never been one to quit so don’t you start now, you hear me, Rob? I need you to fight. That way, when you wake up, we can make up for all that lost time.”

  As if on cue, the alarms on his machines started beeping furiously, the line on the heart monitor sporadically flat lining and jumping.

  “Oh my God,” Emma cried as she backed away from his bed, pulling Shane with her.

  The lights on the machines flicked on just before the nurses and doctors came barging in. They were talking in jargon, but Shane couldn’t understand a word they were saying. Standing there shocked to the core, frozen with fear, he gasped for air.

  “You need to leave!” one of the nurses yelled as she pushed Jenny away.

  “No!” she screamed. “I’ve left him twice before, I’m not leaving him again! You’ll have to kill me.”

  Shane ran to her and wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her back, kicking and screaming. As he dragged her away, Shane knew that Rob had met his match in Jen
ny—she was feisty as all get out. “Jenny,” he pleaded, “we need to give them room to work so they can help him.”

  With his words she went limp in his arms and he carried her into the hallway. The door to the room closed behind them and Jenny pushed out of his arms to peer through the glass as the staff scrambled around Rob’s bedside. “That’s it,” she said, and as her hopes and dreams crumpled she fell into a heap on the floor. “This is the beginning of the end. All because of the lies, the hate, and the bad shit. I’m cursed to live a life without Rob, again… but I can’t do it without him.”

  Emma bent down and took her hand. “Whatever it is—regardless of what you and Rob have done to each other—it’ll be okay. Because this time at least you won’t have to do it alone.”

  An extreme white light blinded me temporarily and it was swiftly followed by complete and utter darkness. From somewhere in the room I heard voices talking, but I couldn’t make out what was being said. The dull ache in my head increased as I furrowed my brow, trying to remember what I had been doing.

  Then it all came flooding back. I had been driving… to Jenny… with Layla.

  “Layla,” I called out into the darkness. When no one answered me I became more frantic. “Layla!” My heart pounded painfully in my chest. “Layla!”

  A warm hand slipped into mine. “It’s okay, Rob. I’m right here.”

  “What happened?” I asked. My eyes fought against the harsh light but eventually her face came into view. The edges of my vision were still a little fuzzy but that just made her look more angelic than before.

  “There was an accident. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, it wasn’t your fault.”

  “I tried to keep it from happening—”

  She stopped short of finishing and gave my hand a gentle squeeze. This confused me but I ignored the questions running through my head. “Are you okay?” I asked, looking for any injuries but her skin was flawless, like nothing ever happened. No bruises, no cuts, just pure perfection.

  “I’m fine…” Her words trailed off and she looked over her shoulder. She paused for a second and nodded once. “You can’t stay here.”

  “What do you mean, stay here?”

  “They need you. You’re the glue, Rob. You need to be with them.”

  “What are you talking about, Layla? I am here. I’m here with you.”

  “Here isn’t where you think it is.”

  “Well, where the fuck am I then?”

  She sighed. “This is harder than I thought it would be.”

  “No, it really isn’t, Layla. Just tell me what the fuck is going on!”

  She smiled at me and it was like looking into the sun. My face warmed, my mood lightened, and my heart swelled.

  “Oh, Rob. So full of life, even in the afterlife.”

  Panic rose within me. “What the hell? I’m dead?”

  “Right now, yes, but not for long. You’re here to say goodbye.”

  “Goodbye?”

  “To me.”

  I reached for her, but my hand didn’t connect. “Wait. You’re dead?”

  “Not necessarily.”

  “What the hell, Layla?”

  “It doesn’t matter, Rob. I made a deal and we’re running out of time, and I have something I want to say. You’re a good person. You deserve this second chance. You’re going to be happy. You’ll get passed this, I promise. But please, don’t ever give up again.”

  Tears pricked my eyes. I was so confused. This had to be a dream. I’d wake up and this would all have been one big nightmare. Layla would still be with me.

  “What do you mean, again?”

  “I used my only chance.”

  Her silhouette faded before me, as though she was vanishing into thin air.

  “I don’t understand, Layla, please.”

  “You don’t have to understand. All you need to know is that it’s going to be okay now. Jenny and you, you’re going to be happy.”

  “But what about you?”

  “I promise to look in on you every now and then. That will make me happy.”

  And just like that, she was gone. Everything around me disappeared, and it felt like I was sinking. Consumed with so much remorse, the tears streamed down my cheeks.

  I felt it.

  I was giving up.

  In the distance I heard their voices and part of me wanted to stay with them, but the sadness pressed down on me and although I pushed back with what little fight I had left, the voices grew fainter.

  The light returned, so bright it nearly blinded me. Dropping my head into my hands, I cried tears that I’d held onto for years. I was lost. Everything had gone bad.

  And then, just like that, I was gone too.

  My eyelids felt like they weighed more than they should as I tried, helplessly, to lift them. As they fluttered my eyes rolled in the back of my head, and I stopped trying for a moment to focus on the sounds surrounding me. A methodical whooshing sound was the first thing I noticed, followed by slow rhythmic beeps. My mouth was dry. Something foreign was in it. I shifted uneasily before reaching up to touch my lips with my free hand. Instead of skin, I connected with plastic and panic set in. My heart raced and the beeping matched me, beat for beat.

  Eventually, I was able to calm myself down and my heart rate evened out. My muscles were sore and protested as I attempted to move but I kept going, pushing through the pain and fog until finally I was sitting up and my eyes popped open. It took me a minute but eventually they focused and I saw Shane, sleeping, sitting up in the chair at the back of the room. My throat burned and I could feel the panic rising within me again. Layla. My Layla…

  A tear slid down my cheek and I thrashed my legs around, despite the aches and pains. I was wondering how long I’d have to wait before someone noticed I was awake just as Shane started to stir. Watching him stretch and yawn, I had a twinge of jealousy shoot through me. He was lucky. He’d had it easy. Emma had fallen into his lap, whereas Layla had been torn away from me before we even had the chance.

  It took him a minute before he spotted my open eyes but once he did, he immediately rushed to my side. “Rob?” he asked.

  I wanted to reach out and smack him. Of course it was me—who else was he expecting?

  He looked me over before speaking again. “I’ll go grab your nurse.”

  It was a flurry of activity after that. The nurse came in and took my vitals, all while speaking to me in a calm voice, assuring me that they’d take out the breathing tube as soon as the doctor gave her clearance. Shortly after, he came in and gave her the okay to extubate.

  Nervous as hell, I watched as they began the process. There was tape to be removed and strings cut and I knew it was going to hurt like hell. “Okay, Rob,” she said quietly, “I’m going to need you to breath out on the count of three. You’re going to want to cough, but just keep blowing out.”

  I nodded.

  “1… 2… 3…”

  I blew out as hard as I could, and she was right—not only did I want to cough, but I wanted to gag and vomit as she guided the endless plastic tube from my throat. “There,” she said proudly, before placing the tube on a sterile blue towel and tossing it in a bin. “You have quite the crowd waiting. A lot of people care deeply about you, Mr. Ziviani.”

  I turned away from her because I knew none of those people really mattered. The only person I wanted to be out there wasn’t. Layla was gone, and it killed me. I’d had some time to think since I’d woken up and knowing Layla had been taken from me had given me a sudden sense of clarity. It was her. She’d been the one, not Jenny. It was Layla. I’d been able to survive without Jenny for twelve years, but without Layla I wasn’t sure there was much point in living anymore.

  The nurse must have sensed my sadness because she sighed before speaking again. “Why don’t you rest? I’ll tell them you’re awake but you need some sleep before they’re able to see you.” I flinched when I felt her hand on mine and I looked up at her, completely
hopeless. She gave me a sympathetic nod, and I knew she knew. She knew that I’d lost the love of my life. I closed my eyes before the tears had a chance to spill out. Taking her cue, I listened as her footsteps faded into the background.

  Once I knew she was gone, my eyes popped back open and I let the sadness overtake me. My hand rested heavily over my eyes and let the sobs break free from deep in my chest and my shoulders shuddered as my heart broke into a million pieces.

  I was woken by my nurse frigging around with my IV. “Sorry, Mr. Ziviani. It’s time for a shot of morphine. You want to keep ahead of the pain, trust me.”

  The doctor hadn’t yet spoken with me about the extent of my injuries but I knew if they were giving me morphine they weren’t minor. I watched as she pushed the plunger and shot the drugs into my veins, the warmth traveling up my arm and into my chest, almost instantly making me feel more comfortable.

  “Feeling up for a visitor?” she asked as she dumped the needle in the sharps container on the wall.

  “I ‘upp-ose,” I said, my voice croaky from lack of use. The words felt alien on my lips as I struggled to get them out. Undeterred, I attempted to sit up but didn’t fare well, immediately being hit with an onslaught of dizziness. The nurse rushed to me and rearranged my pillow, using the remote on the bedside to prop me up into a more appropriate visiting position.

  “Talking and moving will be difficult for you for a while. You’ve suffered a brain injury, Mr. Ziviani, so you need to take it easy.”

  It made sense. I’d just tripped over my words, and almost fell out of bed from a case of vertigo. As she continued to fuss over me, I managed to nod, my brain knocking around in my head, proving her point.

  “There, all set,” the nurse chirped in a singsong voice as she backed away from me and headed to the door. “You did have quite an entourage, but most of them went home after you woke up. Needing showers and such, you know.” She looked at me one final time before closing my chart. “I’ll send someone in.”