Denial

by R. M. Walker

  “Anything that dabbles in witchcraft and demonic things.”

  “Demonic...” Lily was thrown. Her mother was the least religious person she knew. She certainly never went to church.

  “It’s dangerous, and I want it out of here tonight. If it was yours, I’d burn it. As you’ve only borrowed it, you’re going to return it immediately.”

  “It’s just a book, Mum. Most of it is natural healing plants, like a herbalist today uses. None of the love spells work. It’s only a book of old remedies.”

  “Of course the love spells won’t work!” Lynda sniffed and folded her arms. “It’s all a load of rubbish. There’s no such thing as magic.”

  “If it’s a load of rubbish, why is it dangerous?” Lily asked her, not understanding at all.

  “Look, I’ve told you what I expect you to do. You will do it, and you will do it now. You may be nearly eighteen, but while you live under my roof, you will respect my rules. I will not tolerate rubbish like that in my house.”

  “Okay, okay.” Lily lifted her hands in surprised submission.

  “Take your tablets first. And if you get any more seizures, I expect you to tell me. We can keep upping the tablets if needed.”

  “Okay.”

  “Good. I want only the best for you, Lily. I don’t want nonsense filling your head when you should be concentrating on your finals.”

  Lily didn’t understand it at all. Her mother had never stopped her from studying something that interested her before, whether school related or not. In a way, it was an answer to her problem. She’d take the book back and explain that her mother didn’t want her getting involved in something that would take her away from her studies. If he knew she couldn’t do it then he wouldn’t say anything again. And the boys need never know. Although it was a way out, she’d mourn the loss of studying it in more depth.

  She took two tablets under her mother’s watchful eye, and then she made her way to the front door of Drew’s cottage. Despite knocking several times, there was no answer. She didn’t want to leave it on the doorstep, but she couldn’t take it back again. He’d told her where his spare key was. She could write him an explanation and leave it with the book on the kitchen table.

  She hurried down the lane and around the back into the off-road car park, his car wasn’t among the few parked. She made her way up to his back door and lifted the plant pots that decorated the patio area until she found the key.

  It was dark and quiet inside. She switched the light on and shut the door behind her. She put the book on the table and spotted a writing pad and pen lying by a newspaper. She wrote several notes and screwed them all up, not happy with her wording. Finally, she had a note she was happy with, and she stood up from the table.

  The back door slammed opened. A loud roar made her shriek as she spun in fright. The pen dropped to the floor with a clatter.

  “Lily! Merlin! I was about to clock you one!” Drew lowered his closed umbrella, his other hand on his heart. “I should have known it was you. Sorry!”

  “No, I’m sorry! I knocked, but you weren’t in, and I didn’t want to leave it outside. I shouldn’t have come in,” she babbled. She pressed her hand against where her heart hammered in her chest.

  “Don’t be silly. I told you where the key was so you could come in when I wasn’t here. Did you want to go over one now?” He had such a look of excited expectation that she felt bad.

  “I’m sorry. I came to bring it back. Mum... she... It’s my final year, and these exams are important to me. She doesn’t want anything to take away from my studying.” She bent to pick up the pen then straightened to look at him. Disappointment was clear to see on his face as he turned to set his umbrella down and shut the door.

  “I see.” He sighed. “She has a point, Lily. This is an important year for you.”

  “Yeah.” Sadness overwhelmed her. She hadn’t realised how much she wanted to go through the book until now. His disappointment mirrored her own.

  “But you can’t study all the time.” He crossed to the side and filled the kettle with water. “Tea?”

  She knew she should go back, knew she should refuse and leave, but she found herself wanting to talk to him more. “Yes, please. I just don’t think she wants me to spend time on it,” Lily said lamely and sank back into the chair.

  “No, not all your time. I understand that,” he said as he took two mugs from the cupboard. “But all work and no hobbies will make Lily stressed and more likely to fail.”

  “I won’t work all the time,” she said. “I have friends I go out with. She knows that and doesn't stop it.”

  “The boys?” he asked as he dumped a teabag into each mug. “Milk, sugar?”

  “Just milk, please,” she replied. “Yes, they’ve made me feel at home.”

  He stirred the tea bags around then squeezed them on the side. He added milk and brought them over to the table. “I’m glad you’ve found friends. It can be hard fitting in a new school with already established friendships.”

  She kept quiet, stirring her tea with the spoon he’d left in the mug.

  “Is it only your studies that’s worrying your mum?” he asked. “I can talk to her if you want. Let her know that it won’t take up any study time.”

  The last thing she wanted was for him to talk to her mum about it. “No, don’t worry about it. Honestly. It’s probably for the best anyway.”

  “For who? You?” he asked and sipped his tea. “Biscuit?” He indicated the biscuit tin that sat on the table.

  She knew what he was implying, but her mother only meant well for her. “No, thanks. She doesn’t want me to get behind.”

  “Because you’ve recently moved in?” he asked, taking a biscuit. He dunked it in his tea then bit into it, watching her.

  “Because it’s my final year.” When she saw they were her favourite biscuits, she gave in and took one, dunking it in her tea.

  “Don’t take this the wrong way. I agree this is an important year for you. Probably more important than you truly realise. But at the same time, don’t be afraid to do things you want to do. If she’s worried about your studies, let her see you doing those first, and then in your free time, come and try these out.” He placed his hand on the book.

  He wasn’t getting it because she wasn’t telling him the whole truth. “She’s not overjoyed with the subject content either,” she admitted with a small shrug.

  He snorted with laughter and shook his head. “I know what you mean. People look at the word spell and jump to conclusions. They don’t understand the truth behind what this is. And what people don’t understand, they fear.”

  “Maybe. But I can’t go behind her back,” she said, and with the tip of one finger, she pushed the book closer to him. She wanted to study it—to know more—but she wouldn’t betray her mother’s trust over it.

  “No, of course not,” he said instantly. “I wouldn’t expect you to. Of course, this book isn’t the only way if you’re interested in the natural healing properties of plants. There are lots of books on the subject without a magical spell in sight.” He smiled at her. “I don’t personally have any newer herbalist books. I know, from trips to the bookstore, that there are hundreds of them available. The library in town would be your best bet. Does finding out more interest you?”

  She swallowed her mouthful of biscuit, relieved he wasn’t offended. “Yes, it does. Very much. I recognised most of the plants in there. It’s something that I would like to do.”

  “I’m not sure the college library would have any. They might. You could try there first.”

  “I’ll do that,” she said and drained her tea. She crossed to the sink to wash her mug out and left it on the draining board. When she turned back to him, he was leafing through the book. “I’d better get back, thanks for the tea and biscuits.”

  “You’re more than welcome,” he said, smiling. “You can come here whenever you want. Bring the boys as well. I�
�ve got used to students dropping by, and I’m going to miss that.”

  His offer to bring the boys reinforced that they were wrong. He wasn’t doing anything except being friendly. And his last comment made her realise that he hailed from a different environment than a college. He wasn’t going to act like an average college teacher.

  “Ok, thanks. See you Monday,” she said and headed towards the back door. She looked over her shoulder. “I put the key back under the pot before I came in.”

  “Use the front door. Then you won’t have to walk around. It’s getting darker out there. Oh, and while I’m thinking of it, I’m going home tomorrow for the weekend to sort some things out. Do you want me to bring back any more books on medieval history?”

  These would be academic books, nothing like the one sitting on his table. There could be no harm in that, and she didn’t see how it could upset her mother either.

  “Yes, please. I’d like that,” she told him as he followed her to the front door.

  “Okay, consider it done. I’ll drop them over after school on Monday. Or you can pick them up, whichever you prefer. Let me know Monday.”

  “Thanks.” She gave him a wave and went down the path to the gate. She heard the door shut behind her and knew he’d gone in. She crossed to her own gate and was shutting it behind her when her door opened and her mother looked out.

  “Did you return it?” she asked, her eyes going to Lily’s empty hands. “Good. Tea’s ready.”

  Lily followed her into the house and locked the door behind her. She made no mention that she was going to be borrowing other books from him. She would tell her, but she’d wait until this had been forgotten. Her reaction to the book still surprised Lily, but it hadn’t surprised Drew. He’d merely said that what people didn’t understand they feared. It made her wonder if her mother was afraid of witchcraft, and if she was, that meant she believed in it to a certain extent.

  “Mum, do you believe in magic?” She washed her hands at the kitchen sink as her mother dished up the cottage pie she’d made.

  “I believe in magicians, sleight of hand, if that’s what you’re asking,” her mother replied.

  Lily turned and took her plate then followed her into the living room.

  “What about real magic?” Lily sat on the sofa. Her mother sat in the chair by the fire.

  “There is no such thing as real magic, Lily. And don’t let anyone try and tell you differently. Has that history teacher been filling your head with nonsense?” she demanded. She picked up the remote.

  “No, it was the way you reacted to that book.”

  Her mother sighed, set the remote down, and picked up her fork. “Lily, people who claim magic is real are con artists. They’re interested in one thing only: getting your money. Palm readers, fortune tellers, clairvoyants, they’re all just very, very good at reading body language. That book was the medieval equivalent of a modern day con and nothing more.”

  “You said demonic. Do you believe in demons then?” Lily persisted, not happy with her mother’s response.

  “I just told you it’s all a load of quackery, rubbish. But it’s dangerous rubbish in that it can make you think your life is out of your control. You always have control. Fate doesn’t decree your every move. You do. Believing in things like that is a cop out for people who don’t want to make their own way in life. Now be quiet, my programme is starting.” She clicked the TV on, ending the conversation.

  Lily picked at her cottage pie with her fork. She understood what her mother was saying. It made sense that she felt that way. She’d worked hard to make a life for them both, left to cope on her own when she was pregnant. She’d pulled herself up by her bootstraps and made it work. Her talent was a natural one, but she’d still had to work hard to get where she was today. Lily could still remember her childhood when her mother had struggled to sell her work and to be seen. Fate had played no part in the blood, sweat, and tears her mother had shed to keep a roof over their heads.

  She was wrong about magic though. It was real. Lily had seen it with her own eyes and now had two conflicting stories from two different people. She didn’t know either of them well enough to tell if they were lying. It left her with one course of action. She was going to have to research it herself and try and find out who was telling the truth and who wasn’t.

  And more importantly: why they weren’t telling the truth.

  Duet

  “Four?” Lily stared at her mum in surprise.

  “We can up them until we get the balance. I think four, and then, if needed, we can cut back. We need to make sure you don’t have any more seizures. You’ve had enough recently.” Her mother handed her the bottle and a glass of water. “It’s going to affect your studies if we’re not careful.”

  Lily shook four tablets out and swallowed them with the water. She would ask Jonas about the medication. If he said stop taking them, she would take them from the bottle then dispose of them when her mother wasn’t looking. She would feel guilty, but the alternative wasn’t worth thinking about yet.

  A knock sounded at the front door, and she checked the clock. “It’s probably the boys,” she said, putting the glass and bottle down. “I’ll go let them in.”

  “Are you out all day?” her mother asked, following her through the living room to the front door.

  “I think so,” she replied and opened the door. Her breath caught in her throat. Nate wore a black reefer jacket and black jeans that fit him perfectly. His hair was windblown, falling over the frames of his glasses as he smiled at her. His bright blue eyes were intense. Lily’s mouth went dry, and her stomach flipped.

  “Bring him in, Lily. Don’t let him stand there!” Her mother tapped her shoulder, making Lily blink. She flushed, realising she’d been standing there staring at him like a starstruck fangirl. He smirked at her, and her flush grew when she realised he knew it as well.

  “I was just surprised you were on your own, Nate,” she told him.

  “Of course you were, Lily May,” he murmured. He leant forwards and kissed her gently. Lily bit back a gasp and turned to her mother, but she’d gone back into the living room. She pulled a face at him to be more careful, but he just winked at her and followed her mother.

  She closed the door and went after him. He was already talking to her mother, inquiring after her painting. His entire focus was on her mother. He never looked away from her once. He did it with her when they talked, and she found it intense. Her mother didn’t seem to even notice.

  “Would you like a drink, Nate?” her mother asked, indicating the kitchen.

  “No, I’m fine, thank you, Mrs Adair. I came to see if Lily was ready. Matt’s running late and said he’d meet up with us and the twins later.”

  “And you drew the short straw to come and get me.” Lily grinned at him.

  Nate eyed her sideways and shrugged. “It’s a chore, but someone had to do it.”

  Lily laughed, pushing his shoulder gently. He winked at her, and her toes curled in her shoes.

  “Well, we’re all done here,” her mother said. “I’m heading into town later. What time will you be back?”

  “We were going to take Lily May for a pizza in town. See what’s on at the cinema. So, about ten thirty. Is that too late?”

  “No, that’s fine,” her mother said. “Let me know if anything changes.”

  “Will do. See you later, Mum.” Lily started towards the door, stopping when Nate cleared his throat.

  “Get your coat, Lily May. You’re not going out without it,” Nate ordered.

  Lily rolled her eyes and picked it up from the back of the chair. She caught her mother’s eyes and wasn’t surprised to see the humour in them.

  “Yes, Lily May, do as you’re told,” her mother murmured and leant forwards to kiss her cheek. “Tell him where to go if he gets too bossy,” she added. “Don’t take that from anyone.”

  “Oh, I won’t, Mum. Don’t worry.”
<
br />   Nate followed her from the house and fell into step with her. “We’re meeting at my place.”

  “Oh?”

  He bumped his shoulder against hers as they walked close together. She wanted to hold his hand, but it wasn’t wise in a village this size.

  “The twins are doing stuff for their mum, and Matt had to take Aunt June into town for something. They won’t be long though, probably half an hour or so. Plan of action is to visit Jonas, grab a snack there, head to the cinema, then get a pizza afterward in town.”

  “What will Jonas do?”

  “I don’t know, to be honest. He said he won’t hurt you.”

  “As long as that’s not famous last words.”

  “You get migraines after a seizure, don’t you?” He kicked at a stone as they walked.

  “Yeah, I know what you’re saying. I’d get pain either way, and if it works, I won’t get it again.”

  He didn’t reply, just nudged her shoulder with his and pushed his glasses up his nose.

  “If he hurts me, Matt can’t take the pain way, Nate. I can’t be responsible for making him suffer.”

  “That’s his call. But I can tell you that if I was him, a bloody nose wouldn’t stop me from taking away your pain.”

  Her heart skipped a beat. “You say the nicest things sometimes. When you’re not bossing me around, that is.” She grinned at him.

  They stopped at his gate, and he turned to her. Reaching out, he gently touched the dimple in her cheek. “It’s not the nicest things, Lily May. It’s just the truth. Come and see my mum; she’s baking at the moment.”

  Nerves assailed her as she followed him. She hadn’t seen May since she flipped out on her at the manor.

  “Mum?” Nate shouted as he shut the door behind him. “We’re back.”

  His mother came through from the kitchen, wiping her floury hands on a cloth. “Lily! How lovely to see you! Are you feeling better now?”

  “Yes, thank you,” Lily replied, smiling at her nervously.

  “Oh good, I’m glad. It was quite a shock,” she said and patted Lily’s arm gently. “Would you like a drink, dear?”