Privileged

by Stevens, Madison

  “Don’t,” he said, his forehead resting on my own.

  My heart clenched at the pain in his voice.

  Without know how, my lip found his. He nibbled at my lower lip, nipping and licking the tender flesh. My arms wound around him as I pulled him into me. His taut body pressed firmly into mine, and I relished the feel of him.

  When the hard ridge at the front of his pants pressed into my stomach, I froze. Pushing on his shoulders, I put an arm’s length of distance between us.

  “Em.” He started to come at me again, but I put a hand up.

  “Stop,” I said, still panting with need. “I’m not the girl you remember me to be.”

  He opened his mouth as if to object, but I went on. “And you aren’t the man I want in my life.”

  The air stilled between us as my words set in. I might have an insane attraction to Gavin, but someone who incited that sort of fear was not someone I wanted to be with. No matter what they made me feel like.

  I watched as anger replaced the pain.

  He turned stiffly and walked away without another word. My heart ached for him or maybe that was for myself. I couldn’t tell.

  The rustle of leaves reminded me how alone I was now and I shivered.

  Not bothering to glance back, I made my way inside.

  * * *

  I lay in my bed, finally warm after a long shower and cup of tea. The wind outside seemed to reflect the turmoil I was feeling inside.

  I tried to remember a younger Gavin, but his reputation kept floating in my head. No matter how much he liked it, his actions had meaning, and I couldn't just separate them because he felt like being a good guy for a while.

  Where would I be when he decided he was tired of playing nice and went back to his old ways?

  I shook my head. I just couldn't take another Chet.

  The ring of my cell by my head made me jump and a scowled at the intrusion.

  When I looked at the face, I was surprised to see unknown flashing.

  “Hello?” I said into the receiver. Silence greeted me.

  “Hello?” I said again, thinking the phone cut me off the first time.

  Again, silence. I was starting to wonder if it was some robo-dial marketer until I heard movement on the other end, and it went dead. I pulled back and stared at ‘call ended’ on the screen.

  A chill crept through me as I remembered the sound outside. I crept to the window and peered out into the darkness. No strange movement or light. I shook my head and climbed back into bed.

  It must have just been a butt dial. After everything that had happened recently, it was no wonder I was letting things get to me. I sighed and settled in.

  Chapter Eleven

  Thursdays were proving to be my most favorite day. With only one class in the morning, I was able to get most of my work done by the afternoon and have the rest of the day to myself.

  Best of all, I had time to myself. Although I loved Grace, I was finding roommate life to be a bit trying at times. Especially when said roommate was used to having her time occupied by a certain someone.

  I sighed as I sat my e-reader on the table and took a drink of tea. I still hadn't talked to Grace about the arrangement she had with her parents. It was one thing to put social pressure on her to be with someone, but the way Gavin made it seem like they were in some sort of arranged marriage promise.

  My stomach twisted at the thought.

  I was startled from my thoughts when Grace burst through the door giggling, followed closely by Chance and another man.

  The newcomer was tall and lanky but seemed to have some muscle. It was almost shocking to see someone at this school in a cowboy hat, and yet, there he was. He smiled at me and took his hat off to reveal sun-bleached hair. He had an ease about him that made me smile back.

  My eyes shifted back to Grace, who had sat herself on Chance's lap. I raised an eyebrow at her, which was met with a dazzling smile. A smile that could only mean one thing. Mind my own damn business.

  "So," I said, glancing at the new face. "Who's your friend?"

  Chance looked over and smiled. "Cowboy."

  "Cowboy?" I looked over to the smiling man.

  "Or Dean," he said and stuck out his hand.

  "What's wrong with Cowboy? It's what you are right?" Chance grinned at the man.

  "I suppose it is," he said, smiling back.

  I watched as his eyes wandered over to the increasingly reddening Grace.

  "So, Dean." My attention was back to his smiling face. He really was a nice guy to look at. "How did you meet these troublemakers?" I smiled warmly back at him.

  "Oh I'm a business major as well."

  My eyebrows shot up in surprise.

  He chuckled. "I might wear the hat and boots, but I'm no hick. Top of my class and here with honors. Truth is, my family is looking to expand and in order for that to happen, someone needs some know how." He smiled brightly. "I'm that guy."

  "Oh that's great. What business is your family into?"

  "Cattle mainly, but that might all change in the future. Just need some time to figure out the right path." He sat comfortably next to me on the couch.

  "Cowboy here is top marks in all the classes. He and Grace are rivals." Chance smiled between the two, and I was pretty sure why Chance was interested in Dean being around.

  He had always struggled with Grace and how well she did at just about everything. I knew it had been a point of contention on more than one occasion. But for Grace to be interested, well it wasn't really like her.

  "Well good." I smiled at him and winked. "One more person to help with my econ homework."

  "Only if you're cooking." Dean winked back.

  "Oh I like him," I said, smiling toward Chance and Grace.

  "See," Chance whispered to Grace. "I knew he would be perfect for this weekend."

  Grace tensed as she looked between the two of us.

  I turned to Dean and made a face. “I think we’ve been set up.”

  He laughed. The sound warmed the room. I found myself fascinated with Grace’s reaction to the man. Typically she was so calm and composed but with him, she seemed so out of her element.

  "Okay spill," I said to the awkward silence.

  "There's this party," Chance started.

  I groaned loudly and let my head hit the back of the couch.

  "Didn't I already do this?" My head lolled to the side to look at Dean. "Nothing against you, but I’m just not a party girl."

  He nodded his understanding. "Not much a party fan myself."

  “Good,” I said looking around the room. “It’s settled.”

  “Em.” Grace pleaded with her eyes.

  I huffed at the plea. Giving in would set a pattern with her, but she had had such a shitty week. My head warred with my heart, and eventually my heart won.

  “Fine,” I moaned.

  “I knew you would come around.” She tossed a sack onto my lap.

  “What’s this?” I picked it up and peaked inside.

  “Slutty cowgirl costume,” she said when I glared at her.

  Heat warmed my face as the meaning behind the costume set in.

  Dean cleared his throat beside me and when I glanced at him from the corner of my eye, I could see embarrassment color his face. Great. Not only was I being roped into a part, but I had to dress up with someone I barely knew like we were some couple. I tossed the bag back to Grace.

  “No way,” I said, leveling my gaze on her. “I pick my own costume.”

  “Fine.” She stuck her tongue out. “But don’t try being smart and saying college student or grad student. It had to be a real costume.”

  I turned to Dean who seemed to be happy with the turn of events. “You in?”

  Dean grinned again, and I couldn’t help but return it.

  “Yup.”

  * * *

  The next day I sat in history and wondered about what sort of relationship Grace and Dean had. There was something there she wasn’t tellin
g me. The entire night one kept looking at the other when they weren’t looking. Chance, in all his oblivious glory, hadn’t noticed a thing.

  That was the other thing, Grace and Chance acted as if nothing had taken place at all. The strain on Grace’s face at times told me that she was trying much harder than she ever should. It was just such a mess. If they really weren’t happy together, why on earth would their parents keep trying? It would seem like the best course of action would be to just let them pick out a new wealthy person in their circle. Maybe I was missing something.

  I sighed. This all seemed far more complicated than it should be.

  After the class was dismissed, I shuffled through the stream of students in the hall to my next class. When a hand touched my shoulder, I jumped.

  “Sorry to startle you, Emma, but I wanted to catch to outside of class.”

  I turned to see James’s smiling face.

  “Oh, James.” I smiled and tried to slow my thrashing heart. A small piece of me hoped it would be Gavin. “Is there something you need?”

  “Well actually.” He smiled again. “I’m teaching another class next semester and wondered if you might be interested. I’ve been given the reigns to teach on my own and thought of you.”

  He paused and moved in closer, placing a clammy hand on my shoulder. I twitched to knock it off. “I’m also working with a publishing company on an internship opportunity. This might be something of interest to you.”

  My heart leapt at the chance to work at a publishing house. This was the big break that could make my career. I turned to look at James. It was just unfortunate I would have to deal with this pompous prick one more semester. His looks had progressively become more the ogling side of things, and I had noticed he certainly went out of his way to place a hand on women in the classroom. There was nothing I hated more than a handsy man.

  “Thanks,” I said, smiling sweetly. “I’d love to. What are you teaching?”

  “It’s a new class called Literature and Pop Culture.” He smiled widely at me, his thumb rubbing circles on my shoulder. “They feel that my being young will bring something to a class like this.”

  I nodded agreeably, hoping this would be the moment where he took his hand off my shoulder. I’m not so certain that I would say James was a key to pop culture, but it did sound interesting.

  “Thanks again for letting me know, and I’ll be sure to sign up.” I smiled brightly at him again. I maneuvered from under his hand and started on my way to the next class.

  “Oh and Emma, I’m always happy to do after hour sessions if you need help understanding anything.”

  A feeling of unease washed over me. I turned back and stared at him. There wasn’t any indication that he was trying soliciting anything from me, but it didn’t make sense otherwise. I smiled and nodded, bile rising into my throat at the thought.

  When I turned, a tingle of discomfort followed me until I rounded the corner. James was more than a creep, and now I was going to have to go out of my way to avoid being alone with him. I wasn’t Julia. I didn’t need to sleep my way into an internship. My grades were always at the top of the class.

  I laughed. It would be a sad day for him. I didn’t take two years of kick-boxing classes for nothing.

  My phone buzzed in my pocket, nearly making me drop the book I was holding. I shook my head. That douche shouldn’t have this much effect on me.

  I frowned at unknown caller and let it go to voice mail.

  When it rang again, my pulse jumped and my stomach bottomed out.

  “Who is this?” I stopped in a doorway to a lecture hall. My voice carried across the room.

  I strained to hear anything on the other end. I could hear distant tapping. I turned the volume up and cupped my ear over the phone. The click of the dead line met me like a closed door.

  Phone still in hand, I stared at the face. I might be able to have the phone company run a trace. It was something they could do I supposed. I put my phone back in my pocket. As much as I didn’t want to admit it, the calls creeped me out. It would almost be better if the caller said something stupid. I glanced around, like the person would be hiding around the corner, just ready to take me out.

  I laughed at the thought. Things like that only happened in the movie. This was likely a prank. As I finished my walk to class, I thought of people who would like to see me scared. Julia was high on the list, but she liked a more direct approach, and we had mostly avoided each other the semester. Maybe Gavin, but he seemed more hurt than angry. I paused at the door to the room.

  Only one person who would really like to see me get mine and that was Chet. But where had he gotten my number? I laughed again, the hollow sound filling me with rage. Would it really be that hard?

  I stomped into class and slammed my book on the bench. I’d be damned if I let him play this game with me.

  Chapter Twelve

  “I still don’t see how jeans, a t-shirt, a leather jacket, boots and a pin is a costume,” Grace mumbled as we climbed the stairs.

  “I’m Katniss,” I said for about the millionth time.

  “Yes, yes.” She rolled her eyes at me when we had reached the door. “From the movie.”

  “And book,” I added with a grin.

  She tapped her middle finger against her face as I passed her to go inside the loud frat house.

  “I think it’s pretty cool,” Dean said and gave me a wink. His punk rock outfit was the total opposite of what we had all expected from him.

  I stuck my tongue out at Grace who couldn’t help but giggle. Despite the crap I had given her about the outfit, I will admit that she and Chance made quite the couple, she in her slutty nurse outfit and him in a pair of scrubs.

  I still wasn’t sold on the two of them, but if she was happy, there wasn’t much I could do about that. Being a good friend sometimes meant keeping your mouth shut. I turned to survey the crowd.

  It was loud and packed in just about every room, but things seemed to be pretty tame.

  “How about a drink?” Dean said close to my ear.

  I followed him over to the bar and took the beer he handed me. Turning back to see what Grace and Chance wanted, I found them lost in the sea of bodies on the dance floor. Dean came up beside me, and I watched as he stared with longing at Grace.

  “Oh, Cowboy, you got it bad,” I said quietly.

  He looked down at me a smiled and shrugged.

  I grabbed his hand and pulled him toward the floor.

  “I hope you like dancing because I’ve had a bad week and need to burn some of this off.”

  His soft chuckle made me laugh. It was nice having someone to laugh with. It seemed like all I ever did anymore was worry. Not tonight. Tonight I was going to have fun. To hell with James. To hell with Chet. And to hell with Gavin.

  I took a long draw off me beer and let the rhythm flow through me.

  As it turned out, Dean was a hell of a dancer. Wasn’t really expecting that he would know much besides line-dancing and things like that, but he could get down with the best of them. I had to laugh when I pressed up against him and got more of a response than I expected. I turned to look at him and laughed when he shrugged. Settling on purely platonic, we just enjoyed each other’s company.

  On my second beer, I was feeling the full effects of being the Queen of the Light Weights, and it was nice to let go. I pulled my jacket off and fanned my shirt out.

  “It is way too hot for leather,” I shouted up at Dean.

  I giggled. He really was much taller than me.

  He nodded and nudged me in the direction of where Grace was sitting on the couch.

  The smile on her face didn’t quite reach her eyes when I came up. I plopped down beside her.

  “What’s up?” I bumped her with my elbow.

  “Just waiting for Chance to finish talking with his frat brothers.” She stared pointedly in his direction.

  I followed her path. Chance had situated himself in the center of a group and seeme
d to be enjoying himself. My eyes narrowed as a slutty bunny moved in closer to his right, and his hand landed on her knee.

  I turned back to Grace and found her downing the contents of her cup.

  “Oh, Grace.” I put my hand on her leg.

  “Come dance with me,” she said, popping up from the couch.

  I stared, confused at the sudden change.

  “I just,” she took a deep breath and let it out, “I just want to dance and have fun. Come dance with me.” She put her hands out and pulled me off the couch.

  I stared into her green eyes and noticed how very much they were like her brother’s. With a nod, I shook my jacket.

  “Just let me put this in your car, and I’ll dance with you,” I said, taking the keys she handed over. “In the meantime,.” I pushed Dean in front of me, “please take my very excellent dancing partner.”

  I winked at them both as I bolted for the door.

  Okay, so I might have been playing a little matchmaker, but honestly, someone should be getting what they wanted tonight.

  I sighed when the cool night air hit my heated flesh. The house had been much warmer than I ever anticipated, or maybe the alcohol was far more effective than I suspected.

  After threading my way through the stream of cars, I rounded the corner and froze. My heart pinched in my chest.

  Julia, her fake red dye job, visible from a mile away, had Gavin pressed into his car door, her face on his. I could feel the sting of tears and blinked to keep them locked away. This was not worth it. He was not worth it.

  “Em?” He seemed to have realized they weren’t alone. “Em, wait.”

  I didn’t wait. I rushed around the corner and through the sea of cars until I found Grace’s. I climbed in and shut the door, trying to force myself to breathe normally. Why was this so hard? This was exactly why I didn’t want to be with him. He claimed to have feelings, but what I saw is what he really felt.

  The driver’s side door opened. H climbed in beside me.

  I grabbed the handle to leave, but he hit the locks. His hand found mine, and he locked onto me.