alices_nightmare

by Jonathan Green

  372

  “How dreadfully savage!” exclaims Alice as the Automaton sends a piston-driven fist hurtling towards her, missing and fracturing the flagstones at her feet. (The Abominable Automaton has the initiative.)

  ABOMINABLE AUTOMATON COMBAT 10 ENDURANCE 10

  If the Automaton injures Alice, roll two dice (or pick a card); if the number rolled is 10, 11 or 12 (or the card picked is a picture card), the poor child is also scalded by a rush of super-heated steam from the kettle which causes an additional 2 Endurance points of damage.

  If Alice survives her encounter with the Carpenter’s creation, turn to 402.

  373

  Alice does not have to wait long before the image in the pool changes again.

  She sees a resplendent throne room, a hideous woman, short and plump, squatting like a toad upon her royal seat. She is speaking to a tall man, with angular, aquiline features, who wears a tabard emblazoned with embroidered hearts.

  Somehow, instinctively, Alice knows who these two villains are; the Queen of Hearts and her loyal lieutenant the Knave of Hearts. And neither of them seem as scary as she first supposed them to be.

  (Reduce Alice’s Insanity score by 1 point.)

  And then the scene shifts once more, and now Alice is looking at the looming trunk-like stems of a fungal forest.

  What should Alice do now?

  Enter the heart-shaped pool? Turn to 403.

  Leave the heart of the maze by passing

  beneath the topiary arch to the north? Turn to 340.

  Continue on her way by passing

  beneath the topiary arch to the south? Turn to 170.

  374

  “Shut up!” the Cook barks at the yowling baby again, as its sobs start to sound like a piggy grunting.

  “Here! You nurse it!” the cannibal crone screeches at Alice, plucking the baby from its cradle and flinging it at her.

  Alice deftly catches the infant, even though it is a queer-shaped creature and holds out its arms and legs in all directions. The poor little thing is snorting like a steam-engine, and keeps doubling itself up and straightening itself out again, so that it is as much as Alice can do to keep hold of it.

  “Don’t grunt,” Alice scolds the child. “That’s not at all a proper way of expressing yourself.”

  The baby grunts again, and Alice looks anxiously into its face to see what’s the matter with it. There can be no doubt that its turned-up nose is more like a snout than a real nose; also its eyes are getting extremely small for a baby. Alice does not like the look of the thing at all.

  “If you’re going to turn into a pig, my dear,” says Alice seriously, “I’ll have nothing more to do with you. Mind now!”

  The wretched creature grunts again and kicks Alice, so violently that she cannot help but drop it on the floor. As Alice watches the baby’s blanket appears to swell, as the infant inside undergoes a hideous metamorphosis. First a great twitching snout emerges from beneath the knitted shawl, followed by a set of curving yellow tusks. Cloven feet that were once an infant’s hands and feet kick free of the woollen mantle as the creature shakes itself free of the blanket.

  Standing before Alice is a large, porcine beast, covered in stiff black hair and with a murderous fire in its eyes. With a triumphant guttural grunt it charges at her.

  If Alice is still able to use The Pen is Mightier ability, and you want her to use it now, turn to 352. If not, turn to 137.

  375

  Arming herself, as best she can, Alice prepares to fight the feisty Frog. (Alice has the initiative.)

  FROGCOMBAT 7 ENDURANCE 6

  If Alice bests the ferocious Frog in battle, turn to 395.

  376

  “It is you!” utters the Cheshire Cat in delight. “You really are the right Alice.”

  “What do you mean, the right Alice?” the child asks, suddenly suspicious.

  “The Alice who will save us from the Nightmare.”

  “The Nightmare?”

  “The one you are living through right now. The mad monarch must be deposed or psychosis will consume the realm leaving behind nothing but a wilderness of phobias made flesh and crippling anxieties.”

  Alice feels the cold hand of fear grip her heart. “But how am I supposed to save Wonderland?”

  “You must make your way to the heart of madness, within the Palace, and dethrone the Queen of Hearts. But to reach the Queen’s Palace you must first navigate the Maze. Upon reaching the centre, to find your way out go north, then east, then south, then south again, west, south and south again.”

  (Add 1 point to Alice’s Logic score for gaining this useful piece of information.)

  “Now be on your way,” says the Cat, as it starts to vanish, beginning with the end of the tail – “Time is wasting.” – and ending with the grin, which remains some time after the rest of it has gone.

  And so Alice sets off on her way once more.

  Record the word ‘Bonkers’ on Alice’s Adventure Sheet and then turn to 216.

  377

  Snorting in rage, the Walrus tries to gouge Alice with its spear-like ivory tusks. Let battle commence! (The Walrus has the initiative.)

  WALRUSCOMBAT 8 ENDURANCE 8

  If Alice is victorious, despite the seemly impossible odds, turn to 414.

  378

  Alice loses herself in the winding passageways of the Queen of Hearts’ Palace, hoping to do the same with the Red Queen. And her plan appears to be working, as very soon the vampire’s banshee screams of frustration fade into the distance, becoming nothing but distant echoes.

  Turning a corner, a panting Alice suddenly runs slap bang into a tall man, wearing the heraldry of the Queen of Hearts, a cold steely look in his unblinking black gaze. Alice’s first reaction is one of shock until she realises that a servant of the Queen of Hearts might prove an effective ally now.

  That is until a cruel smile spreads across the Knave of Hearts’ face, revealing elongated canines and Alice spies the two puncture marks at the villain’s throat.

  Turn to 196.

  379

  The Caterpillar’s call fading into the distance, Alice opens the door and goes in.

  The door leads straight into a large kitchen, which is full of smoke from one end to the other: the Duchess is sitting on a three-legged stool in the middle, nursing a baby; the cook is leaning over the fire, stirring a large cauldron which seemed to be full of soup.

  “There’s certainly too much pepper in that soup!” Alice says to herself, as well as she can for sneezing.

  There is certainly too much of it in the air. Even the Duchess sneezes occasionally; and as for the baby, it is sneezing and howling alternately without a moment’s pause. The only things in the kitchen that do not sneeze, are the cook, and a large cat which is sitting on the hearth and grinning from ear to ear.

  “Please would you tell me,” says Alice, a little timidly, for she is not quite sure whether it is good manners for her to speak first, “why your cat grins like that?”

  To which the cat replies, “We’re all mad here. I’m mad. You’re mad.”

  “How do you know I’m mad?” says Alice.

  “You must be,” says the Cat and starts to vanish, beginning with the end of the tail, and ending with the grin, which remains some time after the rest of it has gone, “or you wouldn’t have come here.”

  “Well! I’ve often seen a cat without a grin,” thinks Alice; “but a grin without a cat! It’s the most curious thing I ever saw in my life!”

  And then she is standing in front of a large house, with chimneys shaped like ears and its roof thatched with fur.

  There is a table set out under a tree in front of the house, and the March Hare and the Hatter are having tea at it: a Dormouse is sitting between them, fast asleep, and the other two are using it as a cushion, resting their e
lbows on it, and talking over its head. “Very uncomfortable for the Dormouse,” thinks Alice; “only, as it’s asleep, I suppose it doesn’t mind.”

  The table is a large one, but the three are all crowded together at one corner of it: “No room! No room!” they cry out when they see Alice coming.

  “There’s plenty of room!” says Alice indignantly, and she sits down in a large arm-chair at one end of the table.

  “Have some wine,” the March Hare says in an encouraging tone.

  The Dormouse slowly opens his eyes. “I wasn’t asleep,” he says in a hoarse, feeble voice: “Did you ever see such a thing as a drawing of a muchness?”

  “Really, now you ask me,” says Alice, very much confused, “I don’t think –”

  “Then you shouldn’t talk,” says the Hatter.

  This piece of rudeness is more than Alice can bear: she gets up in great disgust, and walks off.

  “I’ll never go there again!” she says. “It’s the stupidest tea-party I ever was at in all my life!”

  Just as she says this, she notices a tree in front of her with a door leading right into it. “That’s very curious!” she thinks. “But everything’s curious today. I think I may as well go in at once.” And in she goes.

  Turn to 389.

  380

  To go north, turn to 261. To go east, turn to 146. To go south, turn to 282.

  381

  Entering the house Alice finds herself in a gloomy entrance hall. In the half-dark she can make out a portrait in an oval frame, hung on the wall in front of her, of a proud looking hare and underneath it, on the frame itself, has been painted the name, ‘March Hare’.

  Making her way further into the house, Alice finds furniture overturned, plates broken, and pictures hanging askew from their hooks. These are clear signs of a struggle, but what has happened to the inhabitants of the house?

  If you think Alice should keep searching the house, in the hope of either finding its inhabitants, or at least more conclusive proof as to their fate, turn to 401. If you think she should get out of there as quickly as she can, turn to 194.

  382

  Taking a deep breath, in an attempt to avert total arachnophobia, deciding that the best form of defence is attack, Alice braces herself, just as the Spider springs at her. (Alice has the initiative in this battle.)

  SPIDERCOMBAT 7 ENDURANCE 6

  If Alice overcomes the Spider, turn to 260.

  383

  “Think!” Alice bullies herself. “There must be a way out of this pickle I’ve got myself into.”

  Take a Logic test. If Alice passes, turn to 411. If she fails, turn to 275.

  384

  The Cook tugs a large cleaver from a chopping block on the kitchen table, and it is then that Alice catches sight of the hunks of bloody meat that are in the process of being butchered upon it. There is something distinctly unsettling about the shape of those pieces of meat.

  The child finds her eyes drawn to the bubbling copper over the fire as something bobs to the surface. It is a human head, its hideous features locked in a permanent state of shock. The look of shock on the dead woman’s face is mirrored by that of Alice’s appalled expression. (Add 1 to Alice’s Insanity score.)

  Alice has seen little since tumbling down the rabbit-hole to match this house of horrors. If you want her to use the Curiouser and Curiouser ability in the hope of saving her sanity, turn to 374. If not, turn to 148.

  385

  “Curiouser and curiouser,” says Alice, meeting the Frog’s bug-eyed gaze. “I have never seen so large an amphibian.”

  The surface of the pond heaves again and a second huge Frog leaps from the pond to land on the path beside the first.

  Alice is hopping mad at this change in circumstances. Arming herself, as best she can, she prepares to fight both the belligerent bullfrogs. (Alice has the initiative.)

  COMBAT ENDURANCE

  First FROG 76

  Second FROG 67

  If Alice defeats both of the greedy Frogs, turn to 395.

  386

  The Guards drag Alice down to the deepest, bat-haunted dungeon of the palace and there throw her into a cold dank cell, with moss creeping up the wet walls, slamming the door behind her. There is the sharp click of a key turning in the lock, followed by the sound of retreating footsteps, and Alice is left alone in the near-dark of the prison cell.

  But Alice is a resourceful child and does not intend remaining a prisoner any longer than she can help it, and, fortunately for her, the simple-minded Guards did not think to search her before locking her up in the cell.

  If Alice is in possession of a Skeleton Key, turn to 396. If not, but Alice still has a tot of Shrinking Potion left, and you want her to drink it now, turn to 457. If Alice has neither of these things, turn to 416.

  387

  Since the bottle is not marked ‘POISON’, Alice puts it to her lips and takes a sip. The liquid, which is now a pinkish-red colour again, tastes like cherry-tart.

  “Delicious!” says Alice and takes another swig. It has the most wonderful flavour, like a mixture of cherry-tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffee and hot buttered toast.

  “What a curious feeling!” the child declares as a curious feeling overcomes her. It feels as if her organs are contracting inside her, her skeleton shrinking in response, followed by the rest of her. “I must be shutting up like a telescope.”

  And indeed she is, as the table soars above her, its glass legs growing to the size of tree trunks. When she is only ten inches high, Alice finally stops shrinking.

  Curiously, the bottle has shrunk along with her, as have her clothes, and it still has one measure of the potion left inside. (Add the Shrinking Potion to Alice’s Adventure Sheet.)

  What should she do now? If you want Alice to continue trying the doors around the hall, turn to 406. If you want her to open the glass box (if she hasn’t already), turn to 260. If you want her to use the Curiouser and Curiouser ability to resolve this reversal of fortunes, turn to 141.

  388

  Knowing that not only her life but her very soul depend on her getting away, Alice runs from the throne room, hoping to lose the Red Queen within the labyrinthine passages of the Palace.

  Take a Logic test and an Endurance test. If Alice passes both of these tests, turn to 245. If she fails either test, turn to 378.

  389

  Alice finds herself standing in a most unremarkable drawing room. It least it would be unremarkable but for the white-haired, uncommonly fat, old man performing acrobatic stunts. One minute he is standing on his head, the next he is turning back-somersaults, and before Alice knows it, he is polishing off a platter of roast goose, bones, beak and all!

  Alice is so amazed by his antics that she cannot let what she is seeing pass without remarking upon it, but what should Alice focus on asking about?

  The old man’s ability to stand on his

  head? Turn to 412.

  The way he can turn back-somersaults? Turn to 432.

  His ability to devour the goose,

  including the bones and the beak? Turn to 442.

  390

  A little further on the path forks again. Should Alice go east (turn to 400), south (turn to 410) or west (turn to 370)?

  391

  “How strange,” says Alice, as she regards the sundial, for rather than the hours of the day, around the rim of the circular brass dial plate are marked the letters of the alphabet. Standing on tiptoe so that she might see better, Alice rests a hand on the triangular gnomon and feels it move at her touch. “Curiouser and curiouser.”

  Around the rim of the plinth on which the sundial stands Alice can make out the words of an inscription, half-hidden by patches of orange and white lichen. It reads:

  A sundial is the timepiece with the fewest moving parts,

 
; So what, pray, is the timepiece with the most moving parts?

  Take a Logic test and if Alice passes, turn to 409. If she fails, turn to 429.

  392

  “Did I hear you say you used butter to grease your gears?” Alice suddenly asks the three-headed Automaton.

  “Yes, but some crumbs got in as well,” replies the Hatter.

  “And treacle,” mumbles the Dormouse.

  “Treacle?” exclaim the Hatter and Hare together.

  “Well I think they’re clogging up your steam regulator,” says Alice knowingly.

  And sure enough, the workings of the Automaton do appear to be jamming shut the pressure release value. The whole contraption starts to vibrate and rattle about furiously, so much so that Alice fears the boiler might explode at any moment.

  “I want a clean cup!” shrieks the Hatter, as the Automaton appears to lose control of its actions, its arms flailing in all directions while it struggles to remain on its feet.

  Darting past the rattling Automaton, Alice dashes away along the corridor.

  “Oh my ears and whiskers!” she hears the Hare say, and the Palace is rocked by a splintering explosion that sends pieces of twisted metal and shards of hot pottery skimming over Alice’s head, causing her to duck, lest she lose her head altogether.

  Turn to 402.

  393

  “I wonder if that’s the reason insects are so fond of flying into candles,” Alice says after she has taken a good look at the insect with its head on fire, “because they want to turn into Snap-dragon-flies!”