To Live Again

by Melody Dawn

  Looking at our reflection, I see she is looking down…most likely afraid to look up and face our situation. Knowing I’m doing the right thing, but feeling like a huge dick, I pull her chin up until she is looking in the mirror. Except she isn’t…I can see her face, but her eyes are looking away.

  “Chloe, look into the mirror; I want to see your eyes looking right back into mine.”

  When she does as I ask, I see the glimmer of tears and the pain in the depths of her eyes and the ice around my heart cracks.

  I know I’m hurting her, but I can’t stop. It’s one of those things where there’s some pain before relief. I’ve seen it many times working in the ER. People come in with broken limbs that have to be set and it’s painful, but once it’s done, they get relief. That’s what I have to do with her and I know it’s not going to be easy. As Connor said earlier, I have three years of conditioning that I am fighting against. But I’m determined to win this war; she’s worth it even if I’m angry with her right now.

  So I say it again, but this time with more force. “Chloe, look into the mirror. Do you see us?” She shakes her head yes and I say, “No, I don’t think you really see us. Look again.” I try to convey to her with my eyes how much I love her. The tears start to run down her cheeks and I say once more, “Do you see us this time, baby?”

  In a quivering voice, she says, “Yes, I see us.”

  Satisfied that I might be making some progress, I say, “You hurt me today. Just like you hurt me awhile back. Because you didn’t trust me; you didn’t trust us.”

  By this time, her sobs are so loud and they are gutting me, but this has to be done. Getting a tissue off of her dresser, I turn her towards me and wipe her cheeks and have her blow her nose.

  I turn her back towards the mirror and ask, “Do you see a man that is going to leave you? And answer me truthfully, I need to know what your thoughts are.”

  Looking right back at me, she says, “I don’t know. I don’t think you would, but if I were you, I would leave me.”

  And that’s our problem right there…she is predicting my behavior through her own self-judgement.

  Right now, I’m at a loss for words. I honestly don’t know how to get through to her or if I’m even equipped to do so. But I have to try one more time.

  I tell her, “I want you to really look into my eyes and tell me if you see someone who loves you or who is going to leave you. You know the answer; you’re just afraid to admit it or even say it out loud.”

  For the longest time, we stare at each other in the mirror and finally she says, “I see someone that loves me and that will never leave me.”

  Feeling my chest unconstrict, I wrap my arms around her and bury my face in her hair.

  After a few minutes, she turns in my arms and says, “Did I pass your trust-building exercise?”

  I laugh and say with a very dirty grin, “We haven’t even gotten to that yet. Turn back around and face the mirror.”

  She looks a little worried, but follows my directions anyway. I reach around to the front clasp of her bra and snap it open. Her mouth drops open and I hurriedly pull it off of her shoulders. Now we are standing there with both of our chests naked and the picture in the mirror is carnal, but beautiful. She has the best looking tits of any girl I’ve ever seen and I admire her for a moment until I move onto the next article of clothing. I begin pulling her panties off of her hips and she stops me.

  I kiss her and say, “Trust-building, remember?”

  Finally, I have her naked and with her standing in front of me, I put my arms around her chest and cup her breasts. Her nipples are already hard and her head falls back against my chest with her eyes closed.

  Now that my dick has woken up and is raring to go, I tell her, “Open up your eyes and look into the mirror. Don’t stop looking unless I tell you to.”

  She nods her head quickly and I run my hands up and down her body. Squeezing her ass, I ask, “Do you remember what I told you before we left to go to the restaurant…when you outed me to my mom?” With a swift intake of breath, she says, “yes” in a quiet voice.

  I squeeze her again and say, “I think that is the least of all the things you need to be spanked for.”

  Fear crosses her face and I almost give in, but I can also see desire in her eyes so I continue. Yes, this might turn into something sexual, but I am going to make a point as well. I don’t plan on going through something like this again. I will do everything I can to help her through the emotional baggage she is carrying, but the bratty selfish behavior has to stop.

  Leading her towards the bed, I sit and pull her in between my legs.

  Cupping her face, I say, “This is where the trust-building really begins. I want you to lay across my lap.”

  We stare at each other for what seems like hours and to my surprise, she does it.

  She lays across me and I hear her whisper, “Don’t hurt me Jayson.”

  I know she isn’t talking about physically, she means emotionally. I finally get what my mom was talking about when she said not to do anything out of anger.

  I stroke her back and say, “I will never hurt you, Chloe. Your heart is safe with me.” With that statement, I feel her body relax into mine and it feels like we might be all right.

  I begin caressing her beautiful ass and for a moment get lost in what I’m doing. What can I say, I’m definitely an ass man.

  Getting back to my original intentions, I say, “Remember I’m not doing this to hurt you; I just want you to be more aware of your actions towards us.” With that being said, I bring my hand down on her right ass cheek and say, “This is for the time you came to my bedroom and told me I must be a bad fuck.”

  Her whole body shakes and I feel her grasp ahold of my leg. I see my handprint on her pale skin and it actually hurts me a little. Instead of stopping, I continue because in some weird way, we both need this,

  I stroke her reddened cheek and once I’ve soothed her, I switch to the left side. Sliding my palm over her ass, I spank her again.

  With a growl in my voice, I say, “This is assuming that I lied to you when I said that Alyssa and I only had a sexual relationship.” Moving back, I spank her right cheek again and say in a hard voice, “This is for leaving me to go to Galveston without telling me where you were going.” Not even waiting to soothe her, I swat the base of her ass where it meets her legs and say, “This…this is for not trusting that I wouldn’t leave you when you told me your story.”

  I feel her squirming against my leg and to my surprise, arousal from her body is seeping down her legs onto mine. She hasn’t made a sound the whole time. Feeling her warmth, my dick gets harder than it’s ever been and I want to fuck her so badly. I slide my fingers between her legs and into her pussy. She immediately begins fucking herself on my fingers. I tell her, “Not yet, princess.”

  Stroking her ass one more time, I give her the hardest spank of all across her whole bottom. “Don’t you ever leave me again, do you understand me?”

  She nods her head frantically and I pump my fingers into her pussy. Moaning, she says, “Jayson, I need to come…”

  With one hand I spank her ass while pinching her clit with the other and she comes screaming all over my hand.

  I pull her up from across my legs and push her down onto the bed. Yanking off my underwear, I tell her, “This is going to be rough, Chloe. I can’t do sweet right now.”

  She pulls me down to her and says, “I don’t want sweet…I want you to fuck me so hard, I’ll feel you forever.”

  I pull her legs around my hips and say, “That I can do, baby.”

  Biting her lower lip and then moving down to her neck and shoulder, I want to mark her in every way possible. I feel so crazy after almost losing her that I want both she and the world to see the marks I’ve left. I move down to her breasts and suck her nipples into my mouth, biting down lightly. Her breasts seem even more sensitive than usual and she writhes under me as I lick and scrape my teeth across each on
e.

  Knowing that I’ve been in control this whole time, I flip us over and give into her. She takes the same path that I did licking and biting every inch of skin she can reach. When she takes my nipples into her mouth, I want to come right then, but I hold it back. She moves even further down and takes my cock into her mouth. I want to fuck her mouth, but I want her pussy more. Although it’s one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do, I pull my cock from her mouth and drag her back up my body.

  I look up at the face that I know I’m going to spend the rest of my life with and say, “Take my cock and put it in you, baby. I want you to ride me until you come around my dick.”

  My words make her whole body shiver and she does just what I ask. I help her put me inside of her and she begins to slide back and forth trying to find what feels good for her. I help her move up and down and by this time she is mindless in trying to achieve an orgasm.

  When she leans closer to me, I pull her nipple into my mouth and swirl my tongue around it. She tastes like the Velvet Sugar bath wash she always uses. Her moans get louder and I start thrusting my hips upward trying to hit the spot she needs while desperately holding off my own orgasm.

  I begin stroking her clit and right as I feel her pussy tighten around my dick, she reaches behind her back and caresses my balls. With that move, I drive my hips as hard as possible into her and detonate like a motherfucking bomb. She falls across my chest while we both try to catch our breath.

  She whispers, “Oh my God, what was that?”

  I smile and say, “That was nothing but pure fucking, baby. And where did you learn that move with my balls, I know I didn’t teach you that”

  Grinning, she says, “From my Kindle that you were gonna chuck out the window.”

  I wink and say, “We are keeping it and I’m getting you a huge ass gift card to download more books.”

  We lay there for a bit longer and she says, “I know you said that was only fucking, but there was love too, right?”

  I kiss her with everything within me and say, “There will always be love in everything we do, just like I told you in the shower.”

  She grins up at me and asks, “Even when you are spanking me?”

  I swat her sweet little ass again and say, “Especially then.”

  I pull her face up to me so I can see her eyes and ask, “I didn’t hurt you, did I”

  She shakes her head and says, “Only a little, but it was worth it. I won’t ever leave you again, J. You’re my life, I hope you know that. Sometimes I get into my head and that’s the worst place for me to be. I need for you to pull me out and if this is the way you have to do it, then I’m all for it.”

  With a look of total trust on her face, she says, “I know I have a lot of things to work through. I just need you with me.”

  I roll her under me and say, “You’re not getting rid of me again. I’ll help you through whatever you need. We’re in this together from now on. I don’t know what I ever did to deserve having you in my life, but baggage or not, we're in this together forever.” Smiling a smile that rivals the sun and stars, she says, “I wouldn't have it any other way."

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Chloe

  Evidently spanking and intense sex make you tired because we both crashed almost immediately after our talk. Waking up, I see the clock says 9:05 PM. It feels like I’ve been asleep for hours although it’s actually just been 45 minutes. Jayson is still sleeping so I take the chance to stare at him like a creepy stalker. I can’t help it! He’s beautiful and he’s all mine! I hug my knees as I grin like a crazy person. You would be doing the same if you were in my position.

  My stomach growls and suddenly I realize how hungry I am. I didn’t get to eat at the restaurant and I was too upset to eat when I got home. Also, I need a shower. That’s one thing the romance novels on my Kindle don’t often tell you…sex is messy!

  Shaking Jayson, I say, “Wake up, Sleeping Beauty.”

  He opens his eyes and smiles at me and the beauty of it almost takes my breath away.

  Not wanting him to know what a moron I am, I turn away quickly and begin climbing out of bed.

  He catches my arm and asks, “Where are you running off to and why are you looking away?”

  Damn it, I can’t ever get anything past him! Deciding that total honesty is my new policy, I say, “You look beautiful when you smile.”

  My face turns bright red and he says, “I think you need some glasses, baby.”

  I shake my head and say, “Whatever! You know you’re hot; I certainly don’t need to tell you.”

  Moving on so I don’t embarrass myself further, I say, “I need to take a shower and I am starving to death!”

  Jayson looks extremely pleased with himself and says, “Then I’ve done my job.” What? I look at him with a confused expression and he says, “Sex makes you hungry…how hungry you are afterwards gauges how good the sex was.” Did he really just say that?

  “Uh, Jayson, please tell me that is your brother talking and not you,” I say in between laughs.

  He grins and says, “Nope, that’s all me, princess.” I love when he’s like this; he can get me laughing like no one else.

  “Come on, Romeo,” I tell him. “Let’s get in the shower.”

  While I am gathering up towels and wash cloths, he continues to try and convince me of his theory. I can’t keep from rolling my eyes because it’s so ridiculous, but funny at the same time.

  As I’m waiting for the water to heat up, he says, “The next time you aren’t hungry at all, we will have sex, and then you can tell me if I’m right or not. You’ll see, you will be saying, ‘Jayson, you are so right!’”

  He says this last part in a high voice like a girl and by this time, I’m leaning over the sink laughing and gasping for breath.

  He gathers me up and turns me towards him. Leaning down and kissing me lightly, he says, “I love hearing you laugh. It’s one of my favorite sounds; well, second to you screaming my name anyway.” My mouth falls open and he laughs harder. He points to the shower and says, “Let’s see if I’m right.”

  He pulls me in under the water with him and begins soaping me up. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen this side of him and I don’t want him to ever change; I feel awful that I’ve made him so tense and serious over the past few weeks. I put it out of my mind though because I have a gorgeous naked man in the shower washing me…too bad I’m so hungry or we could test out his theory!

  After an eventful shower, where I chose to let out my inner sex vixen, and give Jayson an awesome blowjob, if I do say so myself, we both dried off and got dressed. I decided to be casual and wear my black yoga pants, chucks, and hot pink t-shirt that says, “Short Girls Do It Best.” Considering it was getting late, I put my hair up in a messy bun, brushed my teeth, and was ready to go. My one concession to makeup was some mascara and lip gloss.

  When I walk out of my room and saw Jayson waiting, I knew he was uncomfortable. It is always hot in Houston and he had on a black button down dress shirt from dinner plus dark jeans and boots. When he saw my outfit he laughed and said he agreed with the saying on my t-shirt.

  I worried my bottom lip for a minute before asking, “Aren’t you going to be really uncomfortable in those clothes?” He told me not to worry; he would make it, but I couldn’t stand the thought of him roasting. “Why don’t we call Connor and ask him to meet us halfway with some clothes for you and your things to spend the night? We can also pick up some food to take with us.”

  Relieved that he agreed with me, he got his phone out and called Connor. As Connor talked, I could see Jayson rolling his eyes. Having an idea I was the reason for the eye-rolling, I decided to give him his privacy and went looking for mine and Maddie’s big Rice University blanket that we used at football games.

  Looking through our refrigerator, I found some Queso Fresco Laughing Cow Cheese, strawberries, and bottles of water. Moving on to the pantry, I located some crackers for the cheese and
my stash of Swiss Cake Rolls. I could hear them still talking so I washed the strawberries, cut the tops off, and put them in a plastic container. Once, I got silverware, napkins, and paper plates, I packed it all in my RU tote bag. I decided if they were still talking about me, then it was time for it to stop.

  Jayson was waiting in the living room and although I really wanted to say something about his phone conversation, I didn’t want to ruin our good moods. I told him what all I had packed and that we just needed to stop and get some type of main entrée to go with what was in my bag. He tells me that Connor and Madison are going to meet us at the Holiday Inn Express close to Westheimer near the Galleria.

  “Have you decided where we are going,” I ask?

  He asks if I’ve been to Transco Park and the Water Wall.

  Excitedly, I give him a hug, and say, “No, but I’ve always wanted to go! Madison has told me how amazing it is and the pictures she took are so beautiful. I can’t believe I’m going to get to see it…especially at night!”

  Doing a happy dance and shaking my butt, he just laughs and says, “You’re a cheap date tonight.”

  I stick my tongue out at him and say, “Ha, you still have to buy me food and we are going to be in the Galleria area where a hamburger costs at least $15!”

  Taking my bag from me so I can lock the door, we walk towards the parking lot holding hands. Once we get in the truck and are about to back out of his parking space, he leans over and kisses me, taking my breath away.

  Before he lets me go completely, he says, “You’re worth any amount of money to me.”

  Without even realizing that he just knocked my world off its axis, I take a deep breath and smile into the darkness of the truck. How can a few hours make such a difference? Earlier, I thought my life was over and I would never see Jayson again, but as usual he proved me wrong. I reach over and grab his hand and we hold onto each other tightly. I feel so at peace with myself, him, and my life in general; it’s a fantastic feeling. I hang onto his hand even tighter and without words, he lets me know he’s not letting go; not ever.