Ahdan

by Nikki Clarke

  Ignoring her outstretched hand, I turn in the direction where Niya went.

  “Enjoy your day, Ze’lah.”

  I scent her surprise as I walk away. When I enter the hall, I immediately seek Niya out. She is seated where she usually sits with my brothers and their lehti. I turn to my parents’ table prepared to sit with them, but my mother catches my gaze and shakes her head. I pause. She is telling me to be brave. She is telling me to trust love.

  I nod and spin on my heels, going to the table were Niya sits. My brothers look up, and Niya gasps when I drop down onto the bench sideways to face her.

  “I wish to say something, and I would like that you listen to me.”

  Her eyes are wide on my face, but she nods. "Okay."

  “I love you."

  She starts to speak, but I hold a hand up.

  "I love you," I repeat. "And while I know this just feels like words, please, acknowledge this."

  She presses her lips together but a moment later complies.

  "You love me," she says softly, and her eyes gloss over.

  "You are in no sense a replacement for what I had with Ze'lah. In no sense. Please, acknowledge this."

  Her mouth twists with uncertainty, and she does not reply. I scoot closer, reaching up to cradle her face in my hands and forcing her to keep her eyes locked with mine, so she can see that I mean what I say.

  "Do you know how much this one," I nod my head to the side in LaShay's direction, "tried to entice me?"

  Shay gasps in mock shock. "Damn, Legro, don't make me sound desperate."

  Niya's eyes cut to LaShay but quickly find mine again. Her scent is hopeful, and I grab hold of that hope and use it to find the words to say what I need to.

  "I did not reject her because I did not find her attractive. She is beautiful and clever and loving and brave. Her Somii has found something special in her, and I believe he knows this. I have found something special in you, and I would have you know this." I pause to ensure she still follows me. Her expression softens, and she smiles.

  "You're so sweet."

  "I speak the truth. From nearly the moment we met, I could think of nothing else. Nothing else. I walked the hall of the Bennets' home for days just to catch a glimpse of your lingering scent. I have filled more pages of more sketch books with your rendering than anyone else in my existence." When she frowns as if she does not believe me, I set my expression. "Anyone."

  When she still looks disbelieving, I scoot closer until our bodies nearly touch.

  "If there were another word to describe how we fit, I would not have used 'perfectly' twice. Had I been thinking, I would have created an entirely new word to describe how it feels to be inside of you."

  She swallows, and her scent tinges with arousal.

  "I have taken many to the flora fields, Niya. My parents, my brothers, my sa'aih, and, yes, my lehti, but no other has looked more beautiful against that backdrop than you. Every day, I think of the moments we have shared, and I wonder that I have been so fortunate to have found you. You are the best thing in my life. Acknowledge it."

  "I am the best thing in your life," she says in a barely audible voice.

  "You do not have to believe this just now, but know that I will not let you go. I will show you. Whatever it takes. Acknowledge this—please."

  She blinks, and a tear slips from the corner of her eye, making my chest ache.

  "You're going to show me," she says.

  I nod, satisfied, and release her to face the table where my eyes fall on her empty plate.

  "Eat, my heart. You should not go the entire day without sustenence."

  CHAPTER 7

  NIYA

  It's only been three days, but Ah'dan's absence is still most potent when I wake up. After the emotional intensity of breakfast, Ah'dan went off with his brothers, and I went back to my cabin for a nap, but ended up sleeping longer than I meant to. I quickly wash my face, change into my swim suit and a pair of shorts, and leave the cabin to go search for Tiani.

  “You ready for this boat ride?” She waltzes up to my cabin as I exit doing a shoulder bounce, and I laugh.

  “You know it’s not a boat ride, right? It’s rafting. That’s considered an extreme sport in some places.”

  She rolls her eyes and waves a hand. “You know what I mean. We’re going to take this nice little rafting ride, pop shit about this chick who showed up causing problems, and come back here and be fake nice to her ass because Lyqa don't believe in cutting people the fuck off.”

  I look up from where I’m sliding on my canvas shoes. “I'm really trying hard to just pretend she isn’t here.”

  Tee comes up onto the porch and puts a comforting hand on my shoulder.

  “I know, but I know Ah'dan, and what he said at breakfast is true. He’s not the problem. The problem is that Lyqa cannot conceive of the idea that it would be awkward for her to be here while you’re here with him. They're stupidly peaceful.” She flips her eyes behind their lids and shakes her head.

  “Do you know where he is?” I’m trying to keep the faith, but I still have my doubts.

  “I think he went with the other hubbies to do some art thing. I don't know.” She shrugs, and we start making our way across the camp. We pass by the benches where all the Lyqa cousins have been taking part in various craft exercises, and I relax when I see Ah’dan there with his brothers. Bati and Kwarq look like they’re woodworking, and Ah'dan has his canvas set up. They look up when as we pass, and Ah'dan drops the brush in his hand and jogs over with Bati who frowns as he comes upon us.

  "Is your vest secure?" He reaches out to tug at the reflective harness strapped over Tiani’s chest, and she swats at his hands.

  "Yes, baby, it's secure. Don't get all nervous on me. You're the one who taught me how to swim."

  Bati's mouth tightens a bit, but he doesn't say anything else. I finally look at Ah'dan to find him watching me with an unreadable expression.

  “Are you able to swim?” Ah’dan directs at me.

  I nod, and he looks like he wants to say something else, but he dips his head and shuffles from foot to foot.

  “Then enjoy your time on the water.”

  “Thanks.”

  We stand awkwardly for another moment before he pushes out a frustrated breath and steps up to me, lifting me by the waist and brushing his lips over mine. I wrap my arms around his neck and sigh against his mouth.

  “I am sorry, but I cannot be this close to you and not feel you. I cannot.”

  “It’s okay,” I assure him as I brush my nose across his.

  He exhales and squeezes me closer before dropping me back to my feet with a grin.

  “You will enjoy rafting. The waters of these mountains are invigorating.” He wiggles his eyebrows, and it’s cute and light like we were before. Everything has been so heavy for us in the past few days. Ah’dan dips his head for another smacking kiss then jogs back to where he was painting.

  Tee throws her arm around my shoulder and leads me away.

  “I’m glad you all are okay again.”

  “We’re trying,” I concede, and she gives my hand a squeeze.

  I won’t say this is my ideal situation or that it’s easy with his lehti still here, but it’s even harder to deny what I feel for Ah’dan.

  Tiani and I make our way to the path through the forest that leads to the mouth of a rolling river. I stare across the turbulent surface before looking at her in alarm.

  “You sure this is going to be a fun adventure across the water?”

  Tee tries to conjure a look of confidence but ends up seeming as unsure as I am. “Yeah, it's going to be great. Our guys wouldn't send us into danger.”

  I turn, looking to see who all’s waiting. Ebony is a few feet away handing off her little pouch to her guy. She takes out the egg, which looks slightly bigger than it did before, and snuggles it before putting it back and looping the pouch over Kyr’s neck.

  “I still cannot believe you insist on kee
ping our young in this bag as if they are currency.”

  Ebony snorts and waves her hand. “He’s fine. He’s warm in there and it leaves my hands free. He knows mommy loves him. Don't you, munchkin?”

  She croons over the pouch, and Kyr shakes his head then leans down for a quick kiss.

  “Be safe, Ebbie.” He heads back to the camp, smoothing a hand over the pouch and murmuring to it.

  Ebony turns to find me watching and shifts her eyes back into her head.

  “That egg is fine. They get so worked up. ‘Why do you keep it in a pouch?’ ‘Why did you set it on top of the cabinet to brush your teeth?’ It’s not going anywhere. That kid is chillin.”

  I stare at her kind of wide eyed but nod my head in agreement. “I’m sure he is.”

  Amina walks up from the path with the same reflective, plastic looking vest over her chest as Tiani has. She pats it down, making sure it’s snug, before looking up and hitching her eyebrows.

  “You ready to do this?”

  “As ready as I’ll ever be,” I return, but I’m eye-balling her vest and wondering if I should have asked for one, even though I’m a pretty decent swimmer.

  Kwarq approaches carrying a huge reflective raft toward the water. I watch his tall, muscular form arrange the raft at the river's edge and shake my head. Those dudes are too fine.

  Just as I turn back, Shay comes down the path. Her face is a mask of what-the-fuck as she run-walks toward our group. When she gets to us, her eyes pull wide as she turns in a half circle, scanning our faces.

  “Soooooo, why is ol’ girl coming?”

  “What?” Tee frowns, projecting all of our confusion, and Shay sucks her teeth and nods her head back. We turn.

  “What the fuck?” Amina mumbles under her breath, and in unison, the rest of us nod our heads. Strolling toward us with a wide, annoyingly kind smile is Ah’dan’s lehti.

  “This will be fun, yes?” Her surprisingly husky, lyrical voice is like a song as she stops in front of us. She’s tall, and we all crane our heads back to look at her.

  She’s also wearing a vest. When she sees me eyeing it, she shrugs. “I was never a very good swimmer. Addie tried to teach me for a time, but we never got around to much swimming.”

  She laughs—it’s a high, tinkling sound.

  “Hm, Addie. That’s cute.” LaShay's cheeks pull up in a tight not-smile and she shifts to me. “Well, I say we should probably go choose our places in the raft before this gets any more awkward.”

  She takes my arm and starts to pull me in the direction of the water, but before I can take a step, someone grabs hold of my other arm and stops me.

  “Niya?” Ah’dan’s lehti says my name softly. I look down to where she’s holding my arm, and she drops her hand. “If possible, may I speak with you?”

  “No, no you can't.” Shay tries to pull me again, but I resist, turning to her with a sigh.

  “It’s fine. I’ll be there in a minute.”

  She makes a face, and I give her a look that says we have to at least try to understand these people’s culture. Her eyebrows raise, and she sucks her teeth, turning away, mumbling.

  “I’m glad I didn't end up with these Lyqa. Ain’t nobody gonna tell me my man ain't my man.”

  I shake my head as she walks off toward the raft where Kwarq is waiting to hand her in. She glares at him, and he murmurs something, which I assume is an apology because he leans down to slide his hands along her hips and press a kiss to the corner of her mouth. When he straightens, she’s grinning like a cat and staring dreamily up at him. I snort, so much for being glad she isn't with a Lyqa.

  “I do not wish for our time here to be awkward.”

  I turn back to Ah’dan’s lehti and look to the side, pulling my lips in. “Honestly, it’s a little too late for that, considering I was under the impression you had ditched him.”

  She frowns. “Ditch. I do not know this word ditch.”

  I blink slowly. “It means you left him heart broken and alone.”

  Her cheeks flash pink. It almost looks like blush disappearing and reappearing across her face. It annoys me because instead of making her look weird, it makes her look more beautiful.

  She’s only a little lighter than I am. Her dusky skin is tight and smooth over high, angled cheekbones. Below her blunt, auburn bangs, a pair of dark brown eyes blink innocently down at me.

  “The leht was not for me,” she says simply.

  “Then why are you here?”

  Again, she blushes. Her hand goes to her chest. "Ah'dan and I are bound, and any who is with him should understand this. Every day my heart beats with his. I know he is well and safe. Recently,” she focuses on me, "my heart beats so fast that I feel I could run a league without stopping. I’ve felt—happy.”

  “That was me,” I say, and the corner of her mouth tilts.

  “I know, but I am his lehti. There are some things neither of us can avoid, even if we wish it. We are bound in every way. Has he told you this?”

  “No, what do you mea—”

  “Ze'lah,” Kwarq's voice is a gentle warning as he approaches with Tiani. He lets off a string of Lyqa, and Ze'lah clamps her mouth shut.

  “Look, we really want to be accommodating to your culture, and all, but if you don't stop throwing being Ah’dan’s lehti into my friend’s face, we’re leaving your ass here. Come on, Ni.” Tee takes my arm and pulls me away. When we get to the boat, she ushers me to the space at the front between Amina and Shay. I sit down, and Mina gives a sympathetic shrug of one of her shoulders. Shay looks pissed. She turns her face toward me and puts a hand by her mouth to shield it.

  “I will fuck that taupe bitch up.”

  “Stop,” I tell her, but she just rolls her eyes and looks to the front. “Let’s just try to have fun. I’m not worried about her.”

  I say this with confidence, but, really, I feel more uncertain than ever.

  “The waters should not be too treacherous. If there is any trouble or if you become stuck in a bend, you must comm me, yes?” Kwarq holds the side of the raft.

  “Yes, babe. I will comm you,” Amina replies with a patient smile. “Can we go now?”

  “Yes, lehti. I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  He pushes us off, and we bob along the water. I grab one of the handholds and focus ahead.

  This is supposed to be fun, but as we make our way around the first bend, everyone in the boat is quiet. I let my eyes float up to the trees hanging overhead, anything to take my mind off the six-foot-tall elephant in the boat.

  “I did not mean to cause discord among your group. I would not have accompanied you if I thought it would ruin your adventure.”

  “Too late,” Shay sings out softly, and I elbow her in the arm causing her to frown at me. “What?”

  “We can try to be nice. It’s not her fault that Ah’dan loves her, and treating her like crap isn’t going to make Ah’dan love me more. I don’t like it. Stop.”

  Shay’s lips twist, and she sighs heavily before turning a dry look on Ze'lah. “So, what have you been up to all of these years that you were away?” Her voice drips with false interest, but either Ze'lah doesn't catch it, or she chooses to ignore it.

  “Well, prior to the leht I was a dancer—”

  “Stripper,” Shay mumbles, and I cough to cover my laugh. I glare at the side of her face, but she ignores me.

  “I do not know this word, ‘stripper.’” Ze'lah looks so clueless as she says this that I feel kind of bad that Shay’s making fun of her. Really, none of this is her fault, either.

  “It’s a kind of dancer on Earth. Women and men who dance like this, they take their clothes off.”

  Shay sucks her teeth, Tee looks a little embarrassed, and Amina covers her face and shakes her head. I expect Ze'lah to be shocked, but she laughs, filling the air with her annoyingly beautiful laughter.

  “I have done this kind of dancing, yes! I was very popular in the eighteenth quadrant. I wo
n many accolades for my work.”

  “Told you,” Shay says with a satisfied look. Ze'lah focuses on her.

  “This kind of dancing is something to be ashamed of on your planet? I am to be insulted that you assume this of me?” She looks genuinely amused. Some of the bluster goes out of Shay’s expression.

  "There's nothing wrong with being a stripper. I was a stripper for a while," Tiani offers, giving Shay a look of disappointment.

  “I never said there was anything wrong with it,” Shay returns contritely.

  Ze'lah tilts her head. “Hm. I was under the impression you were attempting to make me feel shame.”

  We all turn to Shay, and I raise my eyebrows as I wait for her reply. She rolls her eyes to the side and folds her arms over her chest.

  “I don't care what you did. I just don't like you.”

  “Why?” Ze'lah's inquiry is interrupted as we bob heavily over a wave.

  I automatically reach for the side of the raft.

  “Who’s steering this thing?” I ask, realizing that we don't have paddles. I'm pretty sure we're supposed to have paddles.

  “It self-steers, I think. It’s some Lyqa tech,” Ebony says as she looks over the side of the boat. She doesn't seem one hundred percent in this response. Still, as I watch, we seem to turn with the curves in the river, so I relax a bit.

  “I just think it’s a little suspicious that you showed up just now when Ah’dan was happy. It's almost like you’re here to take her man.” Shay continues her challenge of Ze'lah, ignoring the increase in turbulence. Ze'lah frowns.

  “I cannot take what by nature and fate belongs to me," she says simply. "Addie and I did not have to remain together, but he is mine, and I am his. We are each other’s. This is a fact that no amount of love he has for another can change. And unfortunately, this is neither my nor his doing.”

  I sit stunned to hear her repeat the words that Ah’dan has used so many times to reassure me of his love. When I glance at Amina and Tee, they both look like they want to argue but can't. They have Lyqa husbands, and if the power of the leht wasn't as serious as Ze'lah claims, they would say something. As it is, they are both avoiding looking at me.