39 Weeks

by Terri Douglas

  Having completed the essentials on my chart and hung it on the end of my bed she disappeared leaving us on our own again, saying only that a doctor would come and assess how far along I was. I could have saved them all the bother, I was at my wits end, that’s how far along I was.

  We didn’t have to wait too long before a doctor breezed in, all jolly and in holiday rep mode, as if he was there to organise a karaoke sing along or a sandcastle competition rather than the serious business of helping to bring a new life into the world. But annoyingly jovial or not, he did seem to know his stuff and got right down to the business of checking me over to see and feel if Ella was in the right place and was doing whatever it was that she was supposed to be doing. Another midwife, or maybe this one was a regular nurse I mean how could you possibly tell and what was the difference anyway, strapped me up to a monitor that would tell them, and me after they’d explained it, when my next contraction was coming. It was on the tip of my tongue to say ‘guess what I don’t need your stupid monitor to tell me that, the pain I’m feeling every time is a pretty big clue’.

  I had another contraction just as they were finished strapping me up to yet another machine, this one evidently recorded the baby’s heart rate, and Doctor Red Coat smiled happily as he and the new nurse midwife waited until it had passed before telling me everything was progressing nicely but I was only four centimetres dilated so it would be little while yet.

  A little while! What did that mean? Ten minutes or ten hours? After my Braxton Hicks scare last week I remember thinking smugly that the pain wasn’t too bad and what was everyone going on about. But what did I know then? Nothing it turns out. It suddenly became crystal clear why all those women shouted a lot in labour and looked like they were in agony, because agony was exactly what they were feeling. Another ten hours of this and I’d qualify for a purple heart.

  I asked for drugs, lots of drugs, but apparently even though the birth was possibly hours away, I was too far along for drugs, I could though have gas and air if I really felt the need, and trust me I really did. So when the next contraction started the nurse midwife helped me hold a mask over my face while I breathed in the pain numbing concoction. As I floated off, high on whatever it was, the nurse felt the need to keep up a running commentary on how intense the contraction was and whether it had reached its peak yet, and then when it was beginning to pass. But high or not I could still feel it and hardly needed her to give me the heads up. She seemed like a nice person though, and had a soft lilting Irish accent, and the sound of her voice was kind of comforting in a way.

  Dad said if I was okay for five minutes he’d go outside and try and phone Mum again, and he’d let Rob and James know that I was okay and what was happening. I was okay and it was probably going to be another five minutes before the next contraction started and now I felt safe with my nice nurse, Kate she said I should call her, he could take his time. Well a bit of time.

  ‘So are Rob and James your brothers?’ Kate asked as she fiddled with the monitors.

  ‘No. Rob’s my . . well was my . . boyfriend I suppose you could say, and James is just a friend.’

  ‘I see.’ Kate said diplomatically, although clearly there was no way she could possibly see, but she must come across all sorts of weird and wonderful set-ups and relationships in her line of work I thought, and for all I knew she’d been trained not to react no matter what you said.

  Maybe it was the gas and air, or maybe I just needed another woman to talk to, I don’t know, or maybe it was that whole female bonding thing given the situation, but I burbled on as if we’d been friends for ages. ‘Well I thought James was just a friend but he seems to think otherwise, I thought he was over it, he said he was, but judging by tonight he obviously wasn’t. Him and Rob almost ended up hitting each other earlier when all this started.’

  ‘I see. And the other man is your Dad is he?’

  ‘Yes. That was my Dad.’

  ‘Well it’s nice that you have so many people who care about you, some of our mothers come in on their own.’

  Another contraction was beginning. As it intensified I grabbed the gas and air mask and held it over my face breathing deeply. God that stuff was good. Rob stuck his head round the door as the pain began to fade, and froze while he waited for it to pass completely.

  ‘How are you holding up?’ he asked still with just his head round the door.

  ‘Okay. This gas and air stuff is helping a lot.’

  ‘Can I come in for a minute?’

  I looked at Kate to check that was alright and not breaking any of the maternity units commandments, to which she nodded and said ‘sure’, so Rob came in and sat in the visitors chair next to the bed.

  ‘Did they tell you how long you might be . . ?’

  ‘No they don’t know, nobody knows, it takes . . well as long as it takes I suppose.’

  ‘We seem to have spent a lot of time in hospitals one way and another don’t we, and here we are again.’

  ‘Well I suppose this time it was inevitable, I mean if you’re having a baby you’re bound to end up here sooner or later.’

  ‘Yeah I suppose.’ Rob laughed but not very convincingly.

  We silently watched the monitors blipping away. It was kind of hypnotic in a way and strange to think they were recording Ella’s movements that I couldn’t feel, well not right at this moment anyway.

  ‘Is James alright?’

  ‘I guess. Why is he here exactly? Did you ask him to be here, you know when it happened?’

  ‘Rob for the hundredth time James is just a friend, and no I didn’t ask him to be here when the baby was born.’

  ‘Well he seems to think you did.’

  ‘Well I didn’t. I can’t help what James thinks.’

  ‘I knew he was lying. Arrogant interfering arse.’

  ‘Rob please . .’

  But I couldn’t finish, another contraction started and this time Rob handed me the face mask and held my other hand until the pain receded.

  ‘Whoa that was a long one, they seem to be getting a bit longer each time.’ I said through my teeth that were still clenched tight.

  ‘Isn’t that what’s supposed to happen?’

  ‘Yes it is. Listen about James, do you think you and him could manage to . . get along for the time being at least until after the baby is born. You know call a truce or something?’

  ‘I guess so. It’s just that . . well if I could just be sure how you really felt and whether you . . I mean if you have feelings for him or . .’

  ‘Oh my God. I love you, you idiot. I don’t want to get married at least not for a few years anyway, maybe one day but not now and certainly not just because of Ella, and James is just a friend, has only ever been a friend.’

  ‘Do you really mean that?’

  ‘Do you know what, in labour or not I might get up off this bed and clobber you in a minute.’

  ‘No don’t do that . . I’ve been an idiot haven’t I?’

  ‘Yes you have.’ I said with feeling.

  We smiled at each other’s awkwardness, not knowing quite where that left us. I mean was everything back on again, or was it still all up in the air?

  ‘My dad’s taking a long time, is he alright?’ I said realising he’d been gone for a lot longer than the five minutes he said he’d be.

  ‘Yeah he’s phoning everyone.’

  ‘Um what do you mean everyone?’

  ‘Well everyone.’

  ‘His friends, Stella, people like that you mean?’

  ‘Yes and some of the other people in your phone.’

  ‘He’s going through my phone?’ I said almost hysterical.

  ‘Isn’t that what you wanted him to do?’

  ‘No.’ I shouted.

  ‘But . . he said he . .’

  ‘I was going to phone everyone after Ella was born. After, not now. The only person he was supposed to be phoning was Mum.’

  ‘But he still couldn’t get hold of her, so he thought .
.’

  ‘You don’t suppose they’ll all come to the hospital do you?’

  ‘Um . .’

  ‘Oh my God, well go and find him. Tell him . . ‘

  But I didn’t get to finish what Rob should tell my dad, another contraction had started and that put an end to anything I was trying to say. But I guess Rob got the gist as he gave my hand a squeeze and left.

  Two minutes later Dad crept back into the room looking sheepish and waited until I’d finished with the face mask before saying sorry, and that he thought he’d been doing the right thing phoning everyone.

  ‘So now they’re all coming?’ I said in despair. ‘How many people did you talk to?’

  ‘I don’t think everyone’s coming. Some people where tied up and couldn’t just drop everything at such short notice, but . .’

  ‘Oh great, just what I need an audience.’

  ‘They won’t be in here watching, they’ll be in the waiting room.’

  ‘Still though. I feel like a performing seal or something.’

  ‘I’m sorry Love. Do you want me to phone them all back?’

  ‘No you can’t do that.’

  The first Nurse came back, sorry make that midwife, to check on my progress. I was five centimetres. Which was good . . but not good enough. Still a while to go yet.

  45

  28th February – Week 39 + 2 Days

  I knew those books had lied. Nearly five hours later, two o’clock in the morning and I was still puffing and clenching my way through the contractions that were coming every two minutes now, and to describe them as ‘painful’ would be like saying the Sahara was a bit warm, you know true but didn’t even begin to explain just how hot it really was.

  Rob had sat with me for a while, and Dad had sat with me for a while, even James had put in an appearance but Rob really wasn’t happy about it, and to tell the truth I don’t think James was all that comfortable either, by the time the second contraction started during his visit he’d turned decidedly ashen and made an excuse to leave, which Rob of course found highly amusing and wouldn’t shut up about.

  I got reports from the three of them that my ‘audience’ had turned up. First Shelley and Nick, then Tricia and Short Fran, then Doreen from work, then Marsha back from visiting Mac’s parents, Mac had stayed home to look after Flora and Harry. Heaven knows what the waiting room was like, it must have been like a Judy supporters convention in there. But I didn’t really think about it too much being as I was rather preoccupied with my own issues.

  Finally my mum had turned up, seemingly she’d turned her phone off by accident, and by the time she realised it she’d received about twenty messages. Course she came straight in to see me and was all apologies, but by that time Dad had appointed himself chief ‘Labour Partner’, and a great job he was doing at it too, and he wasn’t about to relinquish the position to anyone, even Mum. Funny how things turn out, I mean having a baby you automatically assume you’ll need your mum, but turns out you could just as easily need your dad.

  Most of my impromptu audience came and went after about an hour, well Rob and James stayed, and my Mum, but everyone else drifted off once they knew I was alright and was in for the long haul.

  The gas and air was still doing its job, but I barely managed to put the face mask down in between contractions before I had to hold it over my face again when the next one started. If it hadn’t been for that, the Sahara desert I was talking about would have been hotter than hell. All I could think was how, or why, would anyone willingly put herself through this more than once and go on to have more children. I mean once you knew what you were in for why on earth would you do it again?

  My nice nurse Kate went for a tea break, funny to think of taking a tea break while all this was going on but you forget that for the nurses it’s just a job, and I currently had the first nurse, make that midwife, in with me. Her name was Margaret she’d grudgingly told me, but Kathy Bates would have been more appropriate. Talk about missed your calling, what she should have been doing was directing operations at a concentration camp, but maybe jobs like that were in short supply and she’d had to settle for the next best thing, namely torturing maternity unit inmates.

  Doctor Red Coat came back, still all sunshine and light, and after another check decided it was nearly time, Ella was crowning. That meant, so it was explained to me by Margaret a.k.a. Kathy, that they could see the crown of Ella’s head.

  This was it then and stupidly I thought to myself there really is a baby in there. I know mad or what, of course there was a baby but now the doctor and the nurse could see her head, actually see it, it wasn’t just words and weird feelings in my stomach, this was a real person being born.

  Kate came back from her tea break just in the nick of time and took over the key position at the business end with Doctor Red Coat, leaving Kathy Bates to get back to her beloved form filling. Dad was at my side holding my hand while I had wave after wave of contractions that all ran into one another. The Doctor said I’d feel the urge to push and I did.

  I pushed with all my might and everyone kept telling me how well I was doing, but to be honest I was only doing what my body felt it had to do, I, as in my last surviving brain cell, had very little to do with it and couldn’t have stopped or controlled it in any way even if I’d wanted it to.

  After two or three really strong contractions, and pushing for all I was worth, they told me Ella’s head was out, and that I should take a minutes rest before the final push.

  One last push and there she was. My daughter had been born. I couldn’t see much of what was happening given that I was laying down, but Kate held her up as much as she could and I struggled to half sit up. The pains had stopped, just like that. One minute it was extreme torture and the next nothing.

  Doctor Happy asked Dad if he’d like to cut the cord and Dad beamed as if he’d just won an award or something, and looked to me for confirmation which I gave him straight away. I guess some blokes would have already passed out by now or balked at the idea of cutting the cord, but not my dad, he was magic.

  Kate helped him and together they cut Ella’s cord, or should that be my cord? Anyway whichever it was, Ella was now free and Kate clamped her tiny belly button and laid her across my chest so I could finally hold her and gaze at her perfect little face.

  ‘She’s beautiful Judy. She looks just like you did when you were born.’ Dad said.

  I smiled so much my face hurt, but words were totally beyond me, so the pair of us just grinned at each other and at Ella while the doctor and nurse Kate cleaned me up.

  I had another couple of mild contractions for the afterbirth, but really I barely noticed so caught up was I in holding my precious new daughter.

  Eventually Kate took Ella from me and cleaned her up as well, and then put a tiny nappy on her that seemed huge, and wrapped her in a blanket almost mummifying her, and gave her back to me.

  Dad and I were still inanely grinning like a couple of demented idiots, and then Dad said he ought to go and tell the others.

  I’d done it. All those months of worrying and being scared, but I’d done it. It had hurt, a lot, but weirdly the memory of all that was already fading, almost as if it had happened to someone else. And now, for these few precious moments it was just me and my daughter Ella. I had no idea it was possible to love someone this much, within seconds of seeing her, meeting her, holding her, I loved her so much it hurt.

  46

  28th February – Week 39 + 2 Days - Continued

  Rob, James and my mum all came into the delivery room together. They all looked how I felt, happy but shattered after being up all night. I let Mum take Ella from me and for a moment I was forgotten as everyone crowded round to see her. Then Rob turned to me and asked if I was alright.

  ‘I’m fine.’ I said and meant it.

  James came round the other side of the bed and held my hand and a look of pure hatred flitted across Rob’s face but he said nothing.

  ‘Where’
s Dad?’ I asked.

  ‘He’s phoning everyone again.’ Mum said without taking her eyes off her new grand-daughter.

  ‘Now! But it’s the middle of the night isn’t it?’ I said. I’d lost all track of time but it was still dark outside so it had to be pretty early.

  ‘We tried to stop him, but . .’ Rob said.

  ‘Oh my God.’ I groaned. ‘Everyone’s going to hate me.’

  ‘No they won’t. Everyone said they wanted to know as soon as there was any news.’ Rob said.

  Rob asked Mum if he could hold Ella, and Mum passed her over. I guess for the next few days at least she’d be passed around from person to person like a tray of hors d'oeuvres at a party, at least until everyone’d had a turn and the novelty wore off.

  ‘Do you know what I need right now?’ I said watching Rob with Ella.

  ‘What?’ James asked eager to be of some use.

  ‘A cup of coffee. It’s been about six months and I’d kill for a cup of coffee right now.’

  Mum started laughing to think I was so soon over my tea craving and back on the coffee, and James went to get me cup from the vending machine in the waiting room.

  As I sipped my unusually divine coffee for vending machine stuff, but after six months any sort of coffee was bound to taste heavenly, Mum said ‘your father said he’d cut the cord?’

  ‘Yes, he did.’

  ‘I’m glad he was here for you.’ Mum said and sounded as if she really meant it.

  ‘He was great Mum. I’m sorry you couldn’t be . . I mean . .’

  ‘It’s okay. If only my phone hadn’t been switched off, but that doesn’t matter, all that matters is that you’re alright, and Ella of course. You are alright aren’t you, no complications or anything?’

  ‘No I’m fine Mum, everything went fine. I’m a bit tired but that’s all.’

  ‘How long are they going to keep you in?’ Mum asked.

  I looked at Kate who was still completing all the hospital forms and asked her.