by Laura Gibson
Chapter Fourteen
Phillips Academy
Charleston, West Virginia
October 13th 2008
Ryan
Ryan wasn’t sure where the compulsion to go to the library had come from, but he followed it because he had nothing better to do with his time. And because, like all good compulsions, he thought it would to lead to nothing in particular.
He really should have known better.
In plain sight of everyone in the quad, Ryan Prescott watched Jefferson Williams kiss his girlfriend.
Now, Ryan was left with two very different options. He could either A: do absolutely nothing and pretend like it didn’t happen. Or B: he could storm up to them and cause an even larger scene.
The reason Ryan chose option B over option A was not for any of the reasons a normal person would choose option B.
Ryan had had a difficult early semester. He wasn’t doing as well as he hoped in any of his honor roll classes and he was looking for someone to blame. Naturally, his parents’ house guest could take the fall and no one would really bat an eye. But Kelly had taken a lot of falls lately and Ryan just felt bad throwing him under the bus for yet one more thing.
It was true he had been under more stress from avoiding his parents because he was avoiding Kelly and it was also true his parents had repeatedly asked him to bring home his girlfriend, the one that had just been kissed by his best friend in the quad, so that they could meet her properly.
Ryan knew his parents would like Rachel right away. It seemed everyone did these days. He knew she would hit it off with them and his mother would request they have more dinners together. As a family. Whatever that happened to mean to her at the time.
Rachel hailed from a wonderful family. She wasn’t a legacy, but when you have parents that rich, and breeding that good, it didn’t really matter. Jefferson must have thought so as well, or else he wouldn’t be planting his lips on her right at this very moment.
It wasn’t like Ryan didn’t know that Jefferson liked Rachel. Of course he knew. Everyone knew. Jefferson had this weird infatuation with the girl that no one really understood, except for Jefferson, who thought he was hiding it quite well.
Really, Ryan only dated Rachel because Jefferson told him it was good idea. That he should go for it. Ryan didn’t know at the time Jefferson’s plan was to try and steal the girlfriend Ryan didn’t even want in the first place. A fact Ryan found a little bent and immature.
Jefferson didn’t need to prove anything, in fact, if he had just said something Ryan would have gladly given up the chase with Rachel and moved on. There was a very nice woman in his Health and Wellness class he was particularly fond of.
But now, Jefferson was standing there, looking like he just won something. But he hadn’t won anything because he didn’t know Rachel found him to be creepy. And not just your regular average, ‘please don’t talk to me’ creepy, but more along the lines of ‘he probably murders puppies’ creepy. Ryan knew this because Melody told him. Melody knew this because well, it was Melody. How did she really ever find anything out?
So why then, did Ryan choose option b over option a? Because it was simple. He had had enough.
Ryan was a man about to break. From having Kelly back in his life, to Jefferson wanting to talk about Kelly all the time, to Rachel wanting to talk about Kelly all the time and Ryan was expected to go along for the ride like he was a supporting character in this whole thing. It was a wonder he didn’t lose control any sooner. God only knew how many times he thought to himself, ‘just shut the fuck up already.’
Ryan felt his legs pull him forward at a rapid rate, and he saw Rachel’s surprised eyes stare at him while she opened her mouth to explain away what just happened.
“So, do you want to tell her? Or should I?” Ryan asked, looking at Jefferson, but not waiting for a response. He turned to Rachel, “Jefferson’s been helping me and Caleb here make a lot of money selling test answers to students who don’t feel like studying. It’s a lucrative business we don’t feel like getting rid of.”
Rachel’s eyes were even wider now. He didn’t know eyes could get that shocked. He smiled, feeling pleased.
Jefferson stayed interestingly silent.
“Is this true?” Rachel looked from Ryan back to Jefferson, her tiny little head putting all the pieces of the puzzle together.
“Sort of.” Jefferson had been successfully blindsided by Ryan who felt rather pleased with himself and the issue he had caused.
Jefferson wanted to steal his girlfriend that he didn’t really want? That was fine. But Ryan wasn’t going to make it easy for him. And the last thing Rachel would want in a boyfriend was one who didn’t apply himself as much as she did.
“That’s terrible.” Rachel had gone into lecture mode. Rachel’s lecture mode was like feeling your brain slowly seep out of your ears, it was painful and it could bore you to absolute death.
“It wasn’t my idea.” Jefferson tried to defend himself; he knew his obsession was slipping away.
“Yeah, but you’re hurting other people!” Rachel was really upset now.
Ryan looked back to Jefferson for a response.
“I’m not hurting anyone, it’s not like I’m forcing them to buy the answers. They’re just doing it themselves.” Jefferson was becoming indignant.
“Yeah, but that’s like dealers saying they’re not responsible for an addict’s behavior, they’re not forcing them to do drugs.” Rachel’s eyes were narrower now. Very accusatory.
Ryan raised his eyebrows and looked at Jefferson, had Rachel hit the nail on the head? Did she just so happen to know where Anna had gotten that last little bit of heroin that had done her in?
“It’s not like that, Rachel.” Jefferson was dismissing Rachel’s points in the argument, “But if that’s what you think, I won’t do it anymore.”
“And what about the people who’ve already benefited from this business? What’s going to happen to them? They didn’t earn those grades.” Rachel was shaking her head, “I’m going to have to tell Grear about this.”
Grear? Ryan was curious if this tiny girl really had the guts to stand up to a guy like Jefferson. She didn’t even know what he was capable of.
“Please, Rachel, don’t say anything. I promise we won’t do it anymore.” Jefferson’s tone was softer; he thought he was going to get away with it.
He clearly didn’t know Rachel.
Rachel shook her head, “I’m gonna have to think about this.” She turned and hurried away. Or ran. It was sort of a jog. A hurt jog. An upset jog. A jog with stiff shoulders and hurt feelings.
“What the hell?” Jefferson was turning on him then.
Ryan hadn’t really thought this part through, but he spit out the only logical thing he could think of, “You kissed my girlfriend. I figure we’re even now.”
Agoura Hills, California
June 13th 2010
Rachel
They had fallen asleep in each other's arms that night and she almost didn’t want leave the warm cocoon. But she knew she had too. It was a new day. A different day.
Nothing had changed and she knew she needed to prove it. She still had to protect Kelly and that meant letting him go. They were going back to Charleston together but that didn’t mean they would be together in the conventional sense.
How did you tell a person that you loved them and because of that, you couldn’t hold onto them? Was that too cliché? Was saying the words too teenage drama chic?
Rachel made some strong coffee and leaned against the countertop, listening to the chrome machine percolate. She wanted to have everything and none of the consequences, but that wasn’t the way life worked out.
She couldn’t be afforded that amount of happiness because she didn’t deserve it. Or at least, that’s how she felt, and who was she to deny herself feelings? Feelings were free. Acting on them was not.
It was after she poured herself a cup Ethan appeared from the basement, his eyes bl
urry from a lack of sleep.
“Hey.” Ethan approached like the kitchen like Rachel was a wild animal, trying not to startle her.
“Listen, Rachel.” Ethan began before Rachel had the chance to escape back upstairs. “Kelly told us a while ago, about Jefferson and how he’s the reason you left Phillips.”
“Ethan, I got kicked out of Phillips for stabbing Jefferson in the shoulder with a pen. I didn’t leave on purpose.” Rachel corrected him, hoping he wasn’t going to victimize her. She was too far committed to believe she was a victim anymore.
“Yeah, I know.” Ethan shook his head. “And ya know, Kell didn’t really tell us anything but we’re here now. I’m here, Rachel.”
Rachel shrugged and shook her head, “Ethan, this isn’t your fight. I mean, you don’t have to pretend like you care.”
Ethan looked hurt, but he understood what she was saying. They never really had a real relationship. They had gone three years without speaking and that felt normal to them.
“Listen Rachel, I know I wasn’t around for a lot but I’m here now, and I’m coming to Charleston with you. I don’t care if you don’t agree, or you don’t think I should. I’m your brother and its time I start acting like it.” Ethan’s voice was stronger than Rachel was used to. This was the Gunn resolve she was afraid he hadn’t inherited.
“Ethan, you don’t know everything-” Rachel tried to point out but he shook his head and grit his teeth.
“Doesn’t matter, Rachel. You’re my sister, that’s all I need.” Ethan was firm in his decision, “I already did the math, we can take the beast and we’ll be there in less than forty hours. Just in time for the memorial.”
“You want us to take your van?” Rachel was frowning now. What in the world could Ethan possibly be thinking?
“Yeah. It’ll give us time to bond.” Ethan cleared his throat, “You know, like proper siblings.”
Rachel didn’t know what to think or say. Ethan had never cared about her before, what changed his mind now? Could it really be what Kelly had said got to him? No. Logan said Kelly had just mentioned the regular scandal, not everything that happened after. That wasn’t something to worry about, or care about. It was over.
“What about Logan? We can’t just leave him here.” Rachel protested.
“Nope, that’s why he’s going to come with us.” Ethan reasoned. “We’ll all take turns driving, it will be easy. Plus when it’s all done, we can even stop in Hartford to see that author you like.”
Rachel’s frown deepened, “David Warren? How did you know I liked David Warren?”
Ethan shrugged, “Mom told me.”
Rachel wanted to cry. Her whole family was so screwed up. But they were hers, so what could she do?
Rachel laughed, “Alright, fine. But don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.”
This wasn’t going to end well.
Chapter Fifteen
Phillips Academy
Charleston, West Virginia
October 15th, 2008
Rachel
Rachel hadn’t heard the meeting that went on between Ryan, Jefferson, Caleb and the headmistress, but she had been sitting out in the hall long enough to know what they had done wasn’t going to be taken lightly.
About an hour after everything had started two people Rachel had never met before walked by, each looking at Rachel with the same amount of disdain.
Rachel recognized the dark hair and the sharp features; they must have been the Williams that everyone was so worried about. Jefferson’s parents.
The Williams were some of the wealthiest people in America and they really managed to live by the idea that money couldn’t buy happiness, but it could buy you whatever else you wanted.
Grear had called them when Rachel was in her office and then told Rachel she could wait outside. Now, she had sat here for what felt like forever, waiting for everyone to walk out, to know it was her who said something. That is was Rachel who betrayed them.
Rachel uncrossed her legs and repositioned herself, trying to get the feeling back in her lower half.
Jefferson had asked her not to say anything but Rachel just wasn’t that type of person. Phillips had an integrity as a school and she wasn’t about to let some adolescent boys ruin that integrity. She knew it probably meant the end of her friendship with Jefferson and Ryan, Melody too, but it was the right thing to do and that’s all she had. Rachel didn’t ever want the right thing to not be an option.
After two grueling hours the door finally opened. First the Williams exited, not even bothering to glance in Rachel’s direction this time around. Then Caleb and Ryan, also pretending as if Rachel didn’t exist.
Lastly, Jefferson left the office and a cool breeze followed him, chilling Rachel’s back as it brushed over her.
He looked down at her and she saw the malice in his eyes, the anger and the hatred. They would definitely be talking about this later, whether Rachel wanted to or not.
After that Grear stood in the doorway, looking at Rachel, “You can come back in now.”
Grear informed Rachel the boys had learned their lesson and there was no need to worry about it anymore.
When pressed for more information Grear’s lips became a thin pink line on her face and she reminded Rachel they were essentially good boys and had never really been in trouble before. Why punish them for such a small mistake?
Rachel stared at Grear and knew this would be a moment she would be revisiting for some time in her mind, wondering what that old woman must have been thinking.
Fear does a weird thing to everyone. Whether or not people admit it, they’re all affected by it. And Rachel could see Grear was afraid. Like Rachel she recognized the Williams for what they were and she was afraid.
At this point in time in her life, Rachel had never felt this kind of fear before so she wasn’t sure what to do with it. She followed Grear’s example and tried to ignore it. Will it away and maybe that’s where it would stay.
Agoura Hills, California
June 14th, 2010
Rachel
They had loaded the van with little to no words. No one was sure what they wanted to say to each other and now, there was nothing left to say.
Peter made a brief show of fatherly affection, hugging Rachel and wishing her good luck. His goodbye to Ethan was more bittersweet. They both went in for a handshake and hardly a smile.
Ethan handed him an envelope and shrugged before getting into the van, shouting that everyone should, “hurry the hell up!” because he didn’t want to waste any more time out west than he had too.
Rachel knew he was still angry with Peter, their fight had never been resolved, but what she could do now? They were their own people and she couldn’t control their feelings towards one another.
Now, they had been on the road for close to fourteen hours and it was Kelly’s turn at the wheel.
Rachel was tired, but she couldn’t imagine sleeping in the back of the van where Logan and Ethan could be heard snoring softly, so she sat in the passenger seat and pretended like she wasn’t going to her funeral.
“I’m sorry about what happened with Melody.” Kelly said, never taking his eyes off the road. “I know she was your friend.”
“She was your friend too.” Rachel pointed out, looking out her own window.
“A long time ago, maybe, but not for a while.” Kelly answered, as if the truth hurt to say, “She was more Anna’s friend than mine. But you knew that.”
Rachel kept looking out the window, she did know that. She had found out more about Anna than she had asked for and still, she knew there was more. There would always be more. Between Jefferson and Kelly, you just couldn’t walk away from someone’s life and not expect it to follow you.
Rachel nodded, “I wish I would have ended things differently.”
Kelly made a face, “Me too.”
Rachel looked at him and gave him a sad smile, “That’s because you’re a good person.”
Kelly’s lip t
icked up in half a smirk and he chuckled low in his throat, “No I’m not, Rachel.”
Rachel rolled her eyes. It was the argument they always circled. The question of whether or not Kelly was a good person.
“I’m not that different from Jefferson and you know it.” Kelly continued, “I’m just-” He stopped himself and cleared his throat, but didn’t finish his sentence.
“You’re nothing like Jefferson Williams.” Rachel’s voice was softer, like she was still trying to convince herself. Kelly had so many secrets, she wasn’t altogether sure she knew who he was, but she knew one thing, he was better than Jefferson. He strived to be better, even if he didn’t want to admit it.
“Rachel, when we get to Charleston a lot of things are going to go down.” Kelly licked his lips, “And I want you to know, it’s okay, you don’t have to protect me anymore.”
Rachel looked at him and wanted to reach out to him, to let him know no matter what happened, she owed him her life, she would always protect him. She opened her mouth to protest, but he shook his head.
“Rachel, I’m not a good person and its time you accepted that.” Kelly rubbed his face and concentrated on the road, “Jefferson was my best friend for years. Try to remember that.”
Rachel shifted uncomfortably but didn’t say anything.
She had put the letter from Jefferson in her purse that was now next to her feet and she could feel the pressure from it against her leg. She hadn’t read it yet. Couldn’t read it. Didn’t want to know what it said.
Rachel looked at Kelly and sighed, it was time.
Slowly, tentatively, she grabbed the purse and unzipped it. The letter was there, of course, sitting on top, right where she had put it.
Now was the time to find out what he wanted to say.
Rachel bent one corner and peeled open the envelope. Slowly, with cold shaking hands, she pulled the letter out and unfolded it.
