Causing Heartbreak

by Regina Bartley

  Being back inside my room took that all away. I was miserable and lonely inside these four walls. I had to get out. Whatever it took.

  Mom was in the kitchen when I came home, but I hadn’t stopped to tell her about my visit because I wanted to wait until her and my Dad were together. Not that I was afraid of what she might say, but I figured it would be better to tell them together. They were expecting me to go back to school, so I wasn’t sure how they’d feel about the whole working-moving out idea.

  She startled me when she yelled from across the hall that Supper was ready. I supposed it was time. Time to get this whole crazy conversation over with.

  “Hey honey, how was your appointment?” My dad asked as he sat down to the table. He wasn’t much for small talk, but he tried.

  “Fine,” I took a small sip of my water. “Actually it went better than I expected.”

  Mom pulled out her chair and sat down next to me. “You look better, so it must haven’t went well.”

  I bobbed my head but didn’t respond. I started to chicken out about talking to them, but then I thought about how uncomfortable it would be for me and the baby to be cramped up in my small bedroom.

  “I wanted to talk to you guys about something kind of important.” I started. When I had their full attention, I continued. “I want to move out.”

  Mom’s hand was already flying up in the air in protest so I was quick to explain.

  “The baby and I really need a place of our own. I know that it’s sudden and that I would need so much help from you guys, but I feel like it’s what I need.”

  “I don’t know Wren.” Mom proceeded. “You don’t have a job, and with the situation with Dane I’m just not sure that it’s the right thing to do right now.” The pained look on her face told me that she was worried, but I tried not to let it get to me. She was always worried.

  “I discussed it with the Doctor today, and he made a really good point that the move would be something for me to look forward to. Something I could get excited about. He thought maybe that it might help take my mind off my worries.” Lord knows my head was full of them.

  “What about school, and how do you plan to pay for this new place?” Mom questioned.

  This was what I had been preparing myself for while I paced my bedroom earlier. I knew that she would be full of questions.

  “I was hoping that you guys would help me, and I managed to snag a part time job with the Doctor. He said that he and his wife needed a nanny. It would be just a few days a week, and it would be great practice for me.” I through that in there, and wanted to pat myself on the back. “As far as school goes, I’m just not ready to go back. I’m not completely throwing the idea out the window so don’t freak out on me. I just know that with the baby coming it wouldn’t be good for me to go back yet. If I get sick or God forbid anything else should happen, I would miss too much to catch up. After the baby is born, I’ll consider going back.”

  “Sounds like you already have your mind made up.” My father whispered as he leaned back in his chair and folded his arms across his chest.”

  I really did.

  Mom still had that skeptical look on her face.

  She looked at my dad and him back at her. I knew they were silently battling with one another, so I continued to eat and didn’t say a word. Once I looked up at my Dad and he winked at me with a smile, I knew that he’d won her over. Two against one were bad odds for Mom.

  “Okay,” she hesitated. “But only if you promise that you’ll think about school again after the baby is born.”

  “I will.”

  “And I want to be there with you for the first couple of days when you have the baby. You may need advice or help, and I want to be the one to help.” She pouted.

  “Of course you can. I need you. This baby needs you.” I explained.

  That was all it took. A little reassuring.

  “We’ll go look for a place tomorrow,” my Dad said. Both Mom and I were shocked. He would normally just hand over the money and say go get what you want. “What?” He smiled. “I want to make sure it’s a safe place. I can’t have my baby and my grandbaby in some rough apartment complex with a bunch of crazies running around.”

  I fought back the tears. That was the first time I’d heard him say grandbaby, and boy did it sound nice. It felt right for once, like everyone was finally excited and ready for the baby to be here. My brain was telling me it was an awesome and amazing thing, but my heart was still feeling sorry. It was telling me that I wasn’t allowed to be happy. That my love for Dane would always hurt, and nothing would heal it.

  After I finished I went back up to my room.

  My escape.

  My personal Hell.

  I laid there on the bed for a while just tossing and turning, wondering if I could get up the nerve to call Saw, but I was still a chicken. A fat, flappy, chicken. She probably didn’t want to hear from me anyway. She had Travis to help her, and she was grieving. She didn’t need me bringing her down even more.

  Instead, I flipped open the journal to the next blank page, so that I could write Dane.

  Dear Dane,

  I’m not that mad at you anymore, but I’m still so sad. I wish you could write me back, but I know that even if you could you wouldn’t.

  Love,

  Wren

  Sleep found me quickly, and tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.

  “I AM NOT TELLING YOU ANYTHING about her. You know I can’t.” My Dad’s voice was echoing across the living room.

  “I’m not asking for much. Come on.” I begged. That girl was all I could think about. She was so gorgeous. All that long red hair and those big brown eyes.

  He glared at me from the recliner. “I don’t care what you’re asking. I’m not telling. I can’t. You know that.”

  “Ugh,” I growled. Wren was her name, and I knew that she was pregnant. That’s it. That wasn’t enough. I wanted to see her again so bad. When I asked Dad if he had a red-headed pregnant girl as his patient, he just glared at me. I knew that he did. He didn’t even have to answer. There were only three doctors in the building so the chances were good.

  He wouldn’t tell me anymore though. I figured.

  “Son,” I looked over at Dad. He was staring at me over the top of his newspaper. “You are asking me about a pregnant girl.”

  “I know.” So what if she was pregnant. I didn’t care. She was still the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. My family had only lived here for about four years, but you would think that I would have seen her in that amount of time.

  Even working at the supermarket in town, I had still never seen her. Of course, I worked odd hours being a stock boy. But dammit, with a face like hers I would not have forgotten.

  “She’s pregnant.” He said again.

  “I know.” Geez.

  “You still have this love-struck look on your face, so I don’t think you are understanding what I’m saying.”

  “I do,” I groaned. “I really do, but I don’t care if she’s pregnant.”

  “You know nothing about her.”

  I walked over to the end of the couch and plopped down. “I was trying to, but you won’t tell me nothing.” I smiled trying to lighten his grumpy mood.

  “I can’t. If you want to know something about her, you have to ask her yourself.” He stared back at his newspaper.

  “I will if I ever see her again.”

  He never replied. Never looked back up from his paper. I didn’t understand what the big deal was. So she was pregnant. Oh well. It’s not like I was planning on marrying her. I would just like to get to know her a little better. And I would definitely like to see more of those lips of hers.

  I would see her again somewhere, and when I did I planned on making a much better impression.

  MOM WOKE ME UP EARLY. DAD wanted to look at places before he went to work. Not that it mattered since he was the boss, but he liked to set a good example.

  The three of us looked at a co
uple of places before we finally decided on one. It was only about ten miles from my parents, and close enough to town that I could walk if I wanted. Dad said since it was the nicest place we’d seen that it would work, but I still don’t think he was pleased. He’d prefer I were somewhere with twenty-four hour security. Or rather locked up at home in my bedroom. However, I will say that he handled the search much better than I thought that he would.

  The two bedroom, two bath place was very nice and very expensive, but Dad wouldn’t have it any other way. Since he was forking over the cash, he chose. Lucky for me he had expensive taste.

  Walking through each room, I could picture myself there. I could see the baby bed in its place and I knew exactly where I would put the couch. While Dad signed the paperwork and spoke to the landlord I scoped the place out. It wasn’t furnished so we would have to get a few things to get me started. Over time with my job, I could buy things as I needed them.

  I stood there staring out the window towards the street, watching the passing cars go by. This was going to be the start I needed.

  Despite feeling grateful and excited, I knew that my nights would be lonely and my thoughts of Dane would haunt me. Bedtime was the worst. Every night was the same. Tear filled memories, until I could finally drift off to sleep.

  It had to get easier.

  It had to.

  I snapped a few pictures on my phone, so that I could show Sawyer later. If I ever got around to calling her. As bad as I felt, I knew that she was much worse. That first phone call was going to break me into a thousand little pieces. I just knew it, so I’d been avoiding it like the plague. But soon I’d have suck it up and call.

  She was my best friend.

  “Why don’t we go to the furniture store to pick out a few things? They can deliver them here while we pack at home. Want to?” Mom wrapped her arm around my shoulder.

  “Sounds great Mom.”

  Dad handed over the keys to my new place, and I couldn’t stop smiling.

  I was going to have to thank Doctor Miller for suggesting this.

  I texted Sawyer today. That was a ginormous step for me. All I said was that I was thinking about her and that I missed her. Almost instantly, she texted telling me that she loved me and missed me more. That was it. But it felt like so much weight was lifted off my shoulders. She didn’t scream at me for not calling. She did beg me to call her and ask how I was. It was just the answer I needed. A few more days was all I needed. Then I was going to try my hardest to see her. I wasn’t purposely keeping her away. I was just trying to make it easier on the both of us.

  Today was my second visit with Doctor Miller and he said that I needed her. That two people with a friendship like ours don’t just cut ties and part over broken hearts. We were too much like sisters. Something would bring us back together. He never said what that thing was, but I assumed it was the baby. It was going to be her niece or nephew.

  Forever.

  Now that I had two visits with Doctor Miller under my belt, I felt like it was becoming easier. Of course, it was still a bit uncomfortable at times, but easier than it was the first time. I couldn’t wait to tell him about my new place. I hadn’t officially moved in yet because we were waiting to have all the furniture moved in. But Saturday was the big day. I’d been looking forward to it all week. Everything was boxed up at home. I had been living out of them for a few days. It wasn’t bad, but that room was making me want to scream. I didn’t leave it, and I was in desperate need of a change of scenery.

  Lucky for me Doctor Miller was allowing me to start today. He and his wife were going out to dinner and a show for their anniversary and he asked if I would want to come over this evening and sit with the kids. They weren’t planning on being gone long and it would give me a chance to get to know the kids.

  I agreed, mainly because I was sick to death of sitting in that house.

  He gave me the directions and asked me to meet him there at seven.

  Sitting outside of that house made me second guess my decision. I was so quick to jump into this job, and now the nerves were practically eating me alive. I hadn’t babysat since my freshman year of high school and it was for a four-year-old girl who I spent hours playing Barbie’s with.

  This was two boys.

  Boys.

  What the hell was I thinking?

  These kids were going to eat me alive.

  I stepped out of my car and ran my fingers through my hair. After a deep breath, I was ready. Or so I thought.

  I stepped on the porch of this picture perfect home. It was as if someone clipped it out of a magazine and pasted it right there. I thought if I rang the doorbell it was probably going to sing the national anthem or something. It couldn’t have been more perfect.

  Just as I was about to reach for the door-bell, the large wooden door opened and the prettiest blonde haired woman stood there. She had to be Doctor Miller’s wife. I wouldn’t have expected anything different. She was beautiful and she smiled big at the sight of me. Her straight, perfectly white teeth shined bright enough to blind me.

  “Hey, you must be Wren.” She reached out her hand and I placed mine in hers. “I’m Layla, Greg’s wife.”

  I assumed Greg was Doctor Miller’s first name. Otherwise, I was in the wrong house.

  She stepped aside and waited for me to follow her inside.

  “It’s nice to meet you,” I said as I carefully made my way inside her home. The foyer alone was bigger than my bedroom. We had money, we had never been hurting for it, but their home made mine look like a garage.

  “Greg did not mention how beautiful you were,” she said.

  “Thank you,” I smiled. But my eyes quickly drifted from hers. The place was immaculate. I was so busy gawking that I hadn’t even noticed when the Doctor walked in.

  “Hey, there Wren. Thanks for coming.” He said.

  When I turned to face him, I was a bit surprised, taken back. He looked so different in his button down shirt and tie. I could tell he’d spent a lot of time and a lot of gel on his hair. He looked nice.

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Come on, and I’ll introduce you to the boys.” He waved me around the corner and I followed closely behind. I noticed lots of family portraits along the wall but didn’t stop to really look. From the outside looking in, you’d think this family had it all. At least wealth wasn’t an issue for them. That was for sure.

  The boys were downstairs in the basement/game room. I could hear them before I could see them as they were very loud. I expected nothing less though. Boys were much rowdier than girls.

  “Guys,” Doctor Miller yelled. I would not be able to call him Greg. It just sounded too weird.

  Both boys stopped what they were doing and turned to face me. They were a little younger than I thought they’d be. But staring at them I realized that they had to be twins. I could barely tell them apart.

  “Twins,” I whispered in the Doctor’s direction.

  He nodded. “Double trouble,” he whispered back. “Boys this is Wren.”

  I waved a hand at them but didn’t speak. So many thoughts were running through my mind. Freaking twins.

  Please don’t let them kill me. Please don’t let them burn this house down. Please let them be kind of good. That’s all I ask. That’s not too much.

  I tried not to let the fear show on my face.

  “It may be kind of hard to tell them apart for a while, but you will learn soon enough. That little monster in the back is Carter, and that one there,” he pointed to his other son. “That’s Cooper.”

  “How old are they?” I asked.

  “Eight.” He sighed. “Going on eighteen.”

  “Hey,” they both said in unison.

  “Hey,” I answered.

  “Come on, I’ll show you where you can find everything.”

  He led me back upstairs and into the kitchen. The big, beautiful kitchen.

  “Here is both of our cell numbers in case you need anything. Ther
e is plenty of food around this joint, but in case you can’t cook, here is some cash for pizza.” He smiled and placed a fifty on the counter. “There are a couple of bathrooms on this floor, but the closest one is right through there.” He pointed at the second door off the kitchen.

  “Do they have a certain bedtime or bedtime routine?” I was mentally taking notes.

  He laughed.

  “What?” Why was he laughing?

  “Bedtime is at nine, and there is no routine. They don’t ever go to bed when they’re supposed to so don’t freak if they don’t listen.” He explained. “Yell if you have to. You can even spank them if you want.” The grin stretched all the way across his face.

  There was no grin on mine. I wasn’t going to spank these kids. What kind of operation were they running around here?

  “Don’t listen to a word he says. He’s just trying to scare you.” Layla stepped into the kitchen. She rolled her eyes at her husband as she stood there and put in her earrings.

  I looked back at Doctor Miller and he was bent over the counter laughing. I wanted to smack him for that one.

  “Not funny.” I tried to hide my smile.

  He continued to laugh. “Yes it was. You should’ve seen your face.”

  I looked back at Layla, and she was pointing her finger at her husband. Their playfulness was sweet.

  “They are not bad kids, just a little rambunctious.” She clarified. And it certainly helped. “They’ll go to bed when you tell them, but please make sure they brush their teeth.”

  “Yes ma’am,” I said.

  “We should be back before midnight. The couch in the family room is great to rest on, if you’d like to sleep when the boys go to bed.” She insisted. She reached out in the direction of my belly. I knew what she wanted and shook my head to let her know it was okay.

  Her fingers brushed against my tight tummy. “I miss this.”

  “Not me, let’s go woman.” He kissed her cheek and tugged her hand.

  You could tell that they were so much in love.