Causing Heartbreak

by Regina Bartley

  It was exhausting, but I couldn’t just stop being her friend. I told her that I’d always be. It was just those times when she looked at me like she cared that made me want to grab her up and press her against the nearest wall I could find. I wasn’t fucking blind, and quite frankly her hot and cold was pissing me off.

  After dinner was over, Mom agreed take her home. She waved and said goodbye, but it was half-hearted, and it took everything I had not to say something. To tell her to take her feelings and shove em. All those freaking feelings had me twisted up inside. I wanted to just be angry.

  Only angry.

  That was too easy.

  Dad volunteered us for kitchen duty which sucked, but I was thinking that maybe in that time we would have a chance to talk. Some things needed to be said, and I was finally ready to talk to him about it.

  “Can we talk?” I asked. “And I want to talk to Dad, not the Doctor.”

  He half smiled, and that uneasy feeling in my stomach settled. Sometimes the Dad side of him could be a bit testy so that half smile gave me a little hope.

  “What about?” Dad continued clearing the dishes from the table.

  “School, and Wren.”

  “That sounds like a loaded conversation.”

  “It is,” I replied.

  “So talk, I’m listening.”

  “I haven’t told anyone yet, but I applied for a position at the mill. An operator position.”

  “What about school?” He asked.

  “I don’t want to go back to school. I hate it. It’s not for me. I’m not smart like you and Mom. It doesn’t come easy to me.”

  “So you want to work at the mill for the rest of your life.”

  “Maybe not the rest of my life.” I had to bite my tongue. Sometimes my hot temper would get the better of me. “People have regular jobs all over the world. It pays really well, and I’m content with just working hard every day and going home like ordinary people.”

  “Content,” his jaw clenched, and he stopped what he was doing. “Your mother and I didn’t work hard and bust our asses so that you could be content. You have all the potential in the world. It just seems that you’re taking the easy way out.” He looked at me like I was letting him down, but that wasn’t my intentions.

  “I’m sorry you feel that way because I don’t see it like that. I would be working hard every day. My starting pay would be double what I’d be making now.”

  “Dammit,” he threw the dish towel across the table. “I don’t give a damn about the pay. This is your future.”

  “And my future is not your future” I growled.

  That disappointed look was back on his face. I hated it, but he had to know.

  He pulled out a chair from the table and sat down. I walked around from behind the bar and sat down next to him.

  “I’m sorry,” I said. I hated arguing with him. He’d always done so much for me and it hurt to know that he was upset with me.

  “Me too,” he admitted. “I just don’t want you throwing your life away.”

  “I know, but you’ve got to understand that throwing my life away would be me not trying at all, and that’s not what I’m doing. I’m trying to better myself. I won’t be at the mill forever, and even if I am, I will be the best mill operator they ever had. I’ll always work hard. Always. You did teach me to be the best man that I could be.”

  He nodded and patted my knee.

  “Besides you have two more sons and with any luck one of them will be the best damn Doctor Pennsylvania has ever seen.”

  “Maybe,” a small laugh escaped his lips.

  “I want you to be proud of me, and I hope that one day you will be.”

  “I am son, I’m sorry that I freaked out. At least you are working and trying to better yourself in some way. It could be worse.”

  I leaned an elbow on the table. “Thanks,” I said.

  “What else is there?” He eyed me curiously. “No more upsetting your old man.” He leaned forward resting his arms on the table.

  “If I get the job, I want to move out.”

  “Okay.”

  Just like that.

  “Okay”, I raised a brow. “You’re not going to fight me on that too.

  “What’s the use? You’re going to do it whether I want you to or not.”

  “True.” I laughed.

  “What else?” He asked.

  “Wren,” I loved the way her name sounded on my lips.

  He ran the palms of his hands over his face roughly. “What? Let me guess. You’re going to get married.”

  I burst out laughing. “Not quite. I have to get her to like me first.”

  “Yeah,” A wide grin spread across his face. “That’s a pretty important step.”

  “I don’t know what to do. There are times when she looks at me and I recognize that look because I look at her the same way. Then for days she won’t even speak to me or look at me. Like she is fighting her feelings or something. I don’t know what to do.” I plopped my forehead down on the wooden table. “I’m losing my damn mind.”

  “That’s women for you. They’re ardent on flipping our worlds upside down, sideways and any other way. Just to make sure that we never have control of any emotion or situation. We can’t help but love them for it.”

  He was right. She’d done exactly that. Like an emotional rollercoaster that never stopped. “What do I do?” I questioned him.

  “There is no right answer, but if she is worth the wait then, you have to let her come around.”

  “But what if she never does.”

  “She will, or she’ll cut you out completely. She’s not the type of girl that will string you along for the hell of it. There is obviously some kind of feelings there or she would have pushed you all the way out of her reach.” He said.

  “I want to tell her how I’m feeling,” I admitted.

  “In my opinion, I would wait just a little longer. Don’t scare her away. Not if you want to keep her in your life for as long as you can. When the time is right, you’ll know.”

  I sighed heavily.

  Women.

  “Okay, but am I wasting my time.”

  “Do you feel like you are?”

  “No.”

  “Right, you know best.” He stood up from the chair and squeezed my shoulder.

  “Hang in there, and fight for what you want.”

  He mumbled something as he walked past. It sounded like he said, “even if she is a girl with a baby.”

  He’d shocked me when I admitted to him not long ago of my feelings for her. He didn’t put up too big of a fight like I thought he would. My powers of persuasion worked. I honestly believed that you couldn’t help who you fell in love with, and you were a lucky bastard if you found it in one short lifetime.

  “Where you going?” I yelled after Dad, who was far enough down that hall that I could no longer hear his footsteps.

  “You need some time to think.” He laughed. “Alone.” He laughed again. I heard the door to his office shut.

  Bastard.

  I laughed.

  DEAR DANE,

  You should see me now. I look like I swallowed a beach ball, and I can barely see my toes. Thankfully Sawyer painted them and she says they’re pretty. I wouldn’t know. Everything with the baby seems to be okay, but the doctor still insists on seeing me every week. I’ll just be glad when she gets here. It’s a long time to wait to see her face.

  It’s almost Thanksgiving. My mom is hosting a dinner and invited Sawyer, Travis, and Waylon. She even invited Uncle Jake, but I’m not sure if he’ll come. I sure hope so. It won’t be the same without you.

  Everyone misses you so much.

  I still miss you every day. I don’t cry as much anymore, but the pain is still there. I hope that someday I will be able to let you go. But I know in my heart that no matter what I will always love you.

  Love,

  Wren

  Several weeks had passed and my stomach had gotten big e
nough to require its own zip code. It was enormous. I swear. It made normal everyday functions ten times harder.

  Sawyer and my Mom were planning a small baby shower even though I fought them on it. They were persistent. They wanted my help with the planning, until I suggested we have a DJ and play nonstop Taylor Swift and a rousing game of I-don’t-give-a-crap. So they’ve told me that I could come along while they shop, but the planning was all on them. That was we were doing this afternoon; finding the best cake and invitations. More or less they were just dragging me along to get me out of the house, and secretly torture me.

  Shoot me.

  Just shoot me.

  On the bright side, things had smoothed back out between Bentley and me. He texted me all the time to check on me and baby B (he calls her.) He even stops by still but never for very long, usually to bring me food. To fatten me, which was working. I tried not to give off any more mixed signals and made sure not to send him sex kitten eyes no matter how hard my hormones raged.

  At first he seemed a bit distant which was because I was avoiding him, but then he came around. It only took him a couple of days before he started texting me and popping in. I enjoyed his company and I’d be lying if I didn’t say that he made me feel better when he was around.

  Sitting in my mother’s kitchen while she and Sawyer were going over baby games and icing colors for the cupcakes was not my idea of a great time.

  My phone beeped and when I flipped it over, I had a text from Bentley.

  Bentley: What do you have planned tonight?

  Me: Nothing I guess. If I ever get rid of Momzilla and her evil sidekick.

  Bentley: Lol. I’m sure it’s not that bad.

  Me: They’re a planning a game where people have to sniff candy bar flavors from baby diapers. Kill. Me. Now.

  Bentley: Is that normal. I mean is that a game that people normally play.

  Me: Hell if I know. Only baby, remember.

  Bentley: Well that sounds disgusting.

  Me: Yep, it does.

  Bentley: You could always pretend to be sick that day.

  Me: Thought about it, but Sawyer already warned me. She said no matter what that I wasn’t getting out of it.

  I peeked up from my phone to see them engrossed in planning. Neither of them even knew that I was sitting here, let alone on the phone.

  Bentley: Well dammit.

  Me: I know. So what’s up with tonight?

  Bentley: I was thinking that maybe we could go out for dinner this time. If you want.

  Me: You know I don’t like seeing people.

  Bentley: We don’t have to go anywhere around here. Lincoln is only 30 minutes away.

  Me: Okay. Sounds good.

  Bentley: Great, I’ll pick you up later. Let me know when you are free of the committee.

  Me: Alright, I’ll text you later.

  Bentley: Ok.

  See.

  Everything was perfect.

  Right?

  “You are not getting out of everything Wren.” Mom said. She pushed the tiny frame of her glasses up on her nose. “You have the best handwriting so you can fill out the invitations.

  “Can’t wait.” I lied with a smile. Sawyer rolled her eyes, and when Mom wasn’t looking she flipped me off.

  I just kept on smiling.

  For the next hour or so I hand wrote 25 invitations. I assumed this was going to be a small event, but Mom kept adding names to the list. Aunts, cousins, and people I hadn’t seen in years. Several I tried to talk her out of, but she just told me not to be ridiculous and keep writing.

  I walked Sawyer to her car to say goodbye, but she had other intentions.

  “Your Mom and I were talking about you the other day.” She said.

  “When?” I asked.

  She tossed her bag in the passenger side of her car.

  “I called her to ask where the best place would be to pick up the invitations, and she said that you seemed to be doing so much better.” Her eyes widened. “I have to agree with her. You have been a smart ass all day, and that is the old Wren.”

  “I do feel better.” I kicked up the rocks under my feet.

  “I’m glad. Is there someone to thank for your new found happiness?”

  I looked at her and bit down hard on my bottom lip. My mother and her big fat mouth. This was the last thing that I would want to talk about with Sawyer. She wouldn’t understand. She’d think I was horrible. Besides there was nothing to talk about. We were only friends. I wasn’t do anything wrong.

  “It’s not what you think, and I don’t want to talk about it.”

  She held her arms out for a hug. “Okay,” she pulled me tightly to her. “But I’m here if you want to.”

  I nodded my head against her shoulder. “I love you.”

  “I love you too.”

  I GOT THE JOB.

  I was taking Wren out tonight to celebrate. She didn’t know yet, but I couldn’t wait to tell her. I wish I would have told her sooner that I was applying for the job, but I wanted my parent’s to know first. They were the ones that I had to convince. Wren would’ve been supportive no matter what.

  Now that I had the job, things would be perfect. I had so many plans. First I would convince Wren that she and I were meant to be together. That idea would take some work. Then I needed to get my own place and move the hell out. I was almost twenty-one. It was time. Independence smelled like chocolate cake.

  Ir-freaking-resistible.

  After my shower Wren texted to tell me that she was back home. I told her that I’d be there soon.

  I dressed in my dark jeans and black V-neck shirt, with my light brown jacket. Wren loved the jacket. She’d said so several times. Slipping on my Vans, I grabbed my wallet and turned off my bedroom light. I couldn’t wait to get there.

  Mom was in the kitchen when I came downstairs.

  “Don’t you look nice,” she waved her wooden spoon in my direction.

  “Thanks. I’m going out to celebrate.” I couldn’t hold back my excitement. “I got the job.”

  “Oh Bentley, that’s great news. Congratulations.” She jumped from around the counter and nearly tackle hugged me to the floor.

  “Thanks, mom. Will you tell Dad when he comes home?”

  “Don’t you want to tell him?”

  “I’ll be out for a while. I’m going to pick Wren up and we’re going to dinner.” I said. I grabbed my keys that were hanging next to the door to the garage.

  “Okay,” she smiled. “Be careful.”

  “I will. I’ll be home later.”

  “Bye,” I heard her say as I closed the door to the garage behind me.

  The drive to Wren’s was short. Probably even shorter since I sped through town. I parked my truck next to her car in the lot. Stepping out into the cool evening, I fixed my shirt and straightened my jacket. I ran my fingers loosely through my hair.

  Good enough. I thought, looking at my reflection through the driver’s side window.

  I knocked lightly on her door and waited. There was a screeching noise and then a loud thump, followed by shattering glass.

  “Wren!” I yelled through the door.

  There was no response.

  I turned the knob and luckily it was open.

  Storming through the door, I found her on the couch with her leg in the air. Her eyebrows gathered and the look on her face was evil.

  “What the hell happened?” I yelled.

  “My toe,” her lip pouted.

  “Really,” I barked. “I thought something bad had happened. You scared the hell out of me.”

  “I’m sorry. I was walking through the hall and I hit my toe there on the stool and knocked over the vase. It hurt like hell, and I couldn’t see it if it was broken.” She pouted.

  That explained why she had her leg cocked up in the air. That was the funniest shit ever. I had to laugh. I couldn’t help it.

  I bent over still laughing.

  “Shut up, you big…” She growled. “
You big butt-head.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “No you’re not.” She was fighting back laughter too. “At least look at it and see if it’s broke.” She held her toes up in the air.

  I walked a little closer to the couch and took her tiny foot in my hand. “Which one?”

  “The little pinky toe.”

  I examined it a little closer.

  “And the one next to it.” She called out.

  I turned to the side so that she could see my nostrils flair. I tried to look aggravated, but I was failing miserably. She was helpless but so damn cute.

  Lifting her foot a little closer, trying not to hurt her, I took a closer look and with two of my fingers lightly touched her toes. She didn’t scream which was a good sign. I moved them back and forth as easily as I could.

  “Good news,” I looked over at her. “They’re not broken.”

  “Shew,” she released a breath. “That would have been bad.”

  I leaned down and kissed the soft skin on top of her tiny pale foot. “All better.”

  I slowly set her foot down and caught her looking at me with a surprised look. Quickly I changed the subject before she took off running to lock herself in her bedroom. “You still up for going out to eat, or does your toe hurt too badly? I can go get us something and bring it back. We can eat here.”

  “No, no that’s okay. I’m okay. Let me just slip on some shoes.” She let her legs fall to the side of the couch and with a little work finally stood. I didn’t try to help her. She was so independent and any signs of romance that I showed her, she’d freak out.

  My plan for the night was to show her a great time. To share some laughs and good food. Then maybe by the end of the night after she had an amazing time, then she wouldn’t smack me when confessed my feelings.

  It seemed like a crazy thing to do, but I just couldn’t wait anymore. Hopefully with a preoccupied mind she wouldn’t hate me when I was done. I wasn’t expecting her to return my feelings. I just wanted her to know. I felt like it needed to be out in the open, so that if she ever decided that she was ready to loosen that noose around her heart, that she’d consider me as the man to help make it whole.