Diary of a Young Girl

by Mark Anthony

  “Choo-choo!” Sonia screamed as she stopped in front of me and looked at me and rolled her eyes. She was with two of her ghetto-ass homegirls and the three of them started laughing.

  “Choo-choo!” she said again before her and her little crew walked off and went to go sit where they normally sit.

  I had a short-ass fuse and a temper that I guess I got from my father. It never took much for me to lose it. Actually I was always surprised that my short fuse hadn’t gotten me into more trouble or more fights than the few that it had gotten me into up until that point.

  After I realized what Sonia was insinuating, it was like I blacked-out with anger one minute and the next minute I was seeing red. Without saying anything to Angie I left all of my books on the lunchroom table and charged straight at Sonia and snuffed her.

  Sonia never saw me coming and neither did her girls. I charged her and tackled her like I was a linebacker trying to sack a quarterback. She and I both went tumbling into a pile of milk crates that were full of the little school milks.

  “Bitch, I’ll kick your ass!” I yelled as I grabbed a fistful of Sonia’s hair with my left hand and just started repeatedly punching her in the face with my right hand.

  “You think you funny, bitch?” I said as I kept punching her. I was laying on top of her chest and relentlessly beating her ass. There were open milk cartons around us and milk was all over my pants and sweater and all over Sonia’s clothes as well.

  Everything had happened so fast that it took a few moments for everyone to realize what was going on, but when people realized that there was a fight going on, the entire lunchroom went crazy and were gathered around me and Sonia. They jeered and cheered us on like we were two prized pit bulls that were trying to kill each other.

  “Don’t be swinging on my girl like that!” one of Sonia’s homegirls said while simultaneously landing a kick to my ribs. She followed that kick with some punches and before I knew what was what she had grabbed hold of me and pulled me off of Sonia and I was getting jumped.

  The only thing that I knew to do was reach out and grab hold of Sonia’s hair with both of my hands and I didn’t let go of it. I swung her around like a rag doll all the while her friend was still hitting me.

  Next thing I knew was that teachers were there separating us and breaking up the fight.

  “You fucking ho!” Sonia screamed at me.

  “That’s why I beat your ass, bitch!” I shouted back while breathing really heavy and being restrained by one of the teachers.

  I glanced and saw Angie. I asked her to grab my stuff for me and to keep it in her locker until I saw her again.

  The entire lunchroom was buzzing as announcements were repeatedly made for everyone to go back to their seats.

  Sonia, myself, and her friend were all carted off to the dean’s office. While we made our way to the dean’s office I felt nothing but elation as I looked at Sonia’s face and saw the bruises and the scratches that had been inflicted by yours truly.

  I knew that I was probably gonna get suspended from school but I can honestly say that I didn’t care. Getting suspended would probably be a blessing in disguise because it would distract my father’s attention from wanting BK and Mike’s personal information. The rumors about me being a ho would also have a chance to die too, especially since I had kicked Sonia’s ass. A good ass-kicking always made for better gossip than rumored sex. So I felt good about what had just transpired.

  Chapter Seven

  Drastic Actions—Drastic Measures

  My father was called by the school and briefed on the lunchroom brawl that I had. He was informed that I was gonna be suspended for a week and that he had to come to the school and pick me up and escort me home. Needless to say, when he arrived at the school he had a look to kill.

  Thankfully he didn’t act ghetto and start cursing at me or trying to hit me. What pissed me off was that when he saw me he didn’t immediately ask me what had happened. Instead he immediately confronted the dean and introduced himself and apologized for my actions.

  What the hell you apologizing for? I wanted to blurt out but I kept my mean mugging look on my face and didn’t say a word.

  My father then asked the dean if the two of them could talk in private for a moment, so they stepped out of his office and into the hallway. They had closed the door behind themselves so I couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but to be honest I really didn’t care. I was still in fight mode and my temper hadn’t yet totally subsided even though it had been nearly an hour or so since the fight had ended.

  “Again, Mr. Blakely, I want to apologize for my daughter’s behavior. I can assure you that nothing like this will happen again,” my father said as he and the dean, Mr. Blakely, had come back inside the office.

  “Like I said, Mr. Coleman, Shayla is a wonderful student. I am sure that this is an incident that will not escalate, but due to the policies and procedures of the school system, unfortunately suspension is the disciplinary action that we must take.”

  “No, no, it’s understood. Shayla, you owe Mr. Blakely an apology for the way in which you acted and disrupted his day and disrupted things in general.”

  Are you for real? I wanted to ask my father.

  But what was the use in resisting at that point? “I apologize,” I solemnly said to Mr. Blakely without making any eye contact with him.

  My father and I made our way out of the school and into his car and we headed home.

  My father still had this look to kill and I was still heated and wanted to bring it to Sonia some more. As we drove home I was actually shocked that my father literally didn’t say a word to me the entire time. Occasionally I could feel him staring at me but I refused to return any looks in his direction. Instead, I just slumped in my seat and thought about the fight and what I could have done better. I was pissed off that Sonia’s homegirl had managed to rock me with the few shots that she had caught me with, but it was all good because I knew that if she fought me straight up I would whip her ass.

  Well, the ride home wasn’t too long because we didn’t live that far from the school. As we pulled into our driveway my father told me that he didn’t want me leaving the house for any reason for the next week. He also told me to go up to my room and to just leave him the hell alone because he had a lot of shit to think about and that he was so pissed off with me that he couldn’t stand to look at my face.

  That was fine with me because it wasn’t like I was in no talkative mood anyway. So what if I couldn’t leave the house for a week? As long as I had my vibrator I knew that I would be good. In fact, I would be in heaven. A whole week of no school, no homework, no studying, and literally nothing to do but chill and do what the fuck I wanted to do? I was cool with that.

  So I made it to my room and sat on my bed for a moment. In the back of my mind I was still kind of pissed off at my father for not having even asked me anything about Sonia or what had sparked the fight and for not taking my side. He had pretty much taken the side of the school and the girls that I had been fighting, yet it had always been him who had told me to never take shit from anybody and that if somebody was bullying me or anything like that then I should stand up to them or else risk being a daily target of that bully.

  As I thought about that I realized that I had to confront my father on it because he was contradicting himself. I got up from the bed and I marched right down to the kitchen where I saw my father and Vera sitting at the kitchen table talking. In fact, I had overheard my father saying something in reference to my aunt but I hadn’t fully heard just what he was saying.

  I walked into the kitchen and headed straight for the refrigerator. I played it off like I had come to get a drink.

  “Shayla, didn’t I tell you to go to your room? I ain’t ready to look at you yet!”

  “Can’t I get something to drink?” I asked with exaggerated drama and disbelief.

  My father looked at me and told me to hurry up and get the drink and to get out of his
sight.

  As I poured myself some orange juice I spoke up and said, “Daddy, honestly I don’t think I need to be punished for this. You saying you don’t want me to leave the house but that’s not fair because you’re the one that always told me to stick up for myself and don’t let people disrespect me and bully me and that’s exactly what I did. And now you’re mad.” I said what I said and I walked out of the kitchen. I was trying my hardest to use reverse psychology on my dad.

  “Shayla, I don’t wanna hear that bullshit! Just stay up in your room until your aunt gets here. She’s on her way.”

  “Whatever,” I said under my breath and made my way back up to my room.

  My father had no sisters so I knew that he was referring to my mother’s sister Tanisha. I loved my Aunt Tanisha because she was so cool. She always took me to places like Coney Island, Great Adventure, Disney World, and all that family vacation stuff. Since I didn’t have any brothers and sisters, it was like her kids were my brothers and sisters because we were around the same age and we basically grew up together; during summer vacations and major family holidays and weddings we would always be together.

  Aunt Tanisha had gotten divorced and then remarried and although she still lived in Queens, not too far from where we were currently living in Brooklyn, I hadn’t seen much of her or my cousins ever since her wedding to her new husband. Her new husband had three kids—all boys—from a previous marriage, so with Aunt Tanisha’s three kids—all girls—from her previous marriage, their house was like a modern-day black Brady Bunch, minus the maid. I knew that Aunt Tanisha had her hands full with her new family so I didn’t take it personal when I started to see less and less of her.

  A part of me did dread the fact that she was getting ready to come over to the house. I dreaded it because I knew that my father was gonna fill her in on all of the drama that had taken place during the past twenty-four hours.

  Sure enough, when Aunt Tanisha arrived, my father called me downstairs and summoned me to sit at the table in the dining room where my aunt was sitting and waiting.

  My aunt was a gorgeous lady. She was in her early forties but she looked so good for her age. She looked like a voluptuous Halle Berry. And you always smelled my aunt before you saw her. I say that because her perfume, while it always smelled good, was always so intoxicating and filled up any room that she was in. And that day was no different. Aunt Tanisha stood up from the table and she walked toward me with her sexy high heel leather boots and tight boot-cut jeans.

  “Oh my god, look at you! I can’t believe how thick you getting, looking just like Lisa when she was your age.” Lisa was my mother’s name. “Come give your auntie some sugar.”

  I loved whenever someone mentioned me and my mother in the same breath when it was in a positive light. I cracked a huge smile and I gave Aunt Tanisha a nice warm hug. What was weird was just like that, in an instant all of that anger and hostility that I had been holding onto since the fight, it just evaporated into thin air.

  “Tanisha, you want something to eat or drink?” my father asked.

  Tanisha declined, saying that she was good.

  “Well, Shayla, I want you to know that I filled your aunt in on what has been going on with you over the past couple of days, and the truth is, Shayla, I have to admit that I’m kind of scared for you. It’s like I think I know why you’re doing what you’re doing and it’s because of your mother. With your mom not here for you you’re acting out, trying to get that love and attention that only a mother can give to you.”

  I looked at my father and didn’t say anything. I was slipping back into pissed-off mode because I didn’t need him or want him to be telling Aunt Tanisha all of my business.

  “Shayla, no matter what I do for you or provide for you, I can’t replace your mom. I just can’t. I’m a man and I will think like a man, react like a man, and reason from a man’s point of view. I think I might be doing more harm for you than good.”

  I nodded my head and looked at my father as if to say hurry up and get to the point.

  “Shayla, do you know what next Monday is?” my aunt asked.

  I thought about it for a minute and I paused without saying anything. But there was no way I could front like I didn’t know.

  “Yeah,” I quietly said.

  I knew that it was the eighth anniversary of my mother’s death.

  My aunt looked at my dad, and then she spoke up.

  “Baby, I can be wrong, and your father could be wrong, and if we are then please forgive us. But your father told me about what happened yesterday and then the fight you had today at school. I just want you to know that I still love you, your father loves you to no end, and because we love you we have to look out for you and do things that are in your best interest, especially when we see you doing things that are dangerous and not good for you.”

  I nodded my head as I looked at my aunt. I respected her way too much to even remotely disrespect her. She was talking to me as we sat at that dining room table like she always spoke to me, with respect and compassion and not casting all type of judgment on me.

  “What I think, Shayla, is that without you really realizing it, you’re looking for your mother’s love—not sex, like you had yesterday. Your anger today when you had that fight in school is just your lashing out at not being able to be loved the way you want to be loved by your mom. I could be wrong, Shayla, but I don’t think I am, and I don’t think it’s a coincidence that these things are happening right around this time of the year when your mom passed.” Aunt Tanisha looked at me with this look that said she really wasn’t trying to offend me and that she really meant well.

  I turned my lips slightly and I blew out some air. A part of me wanted to believe what my aunt was telling me, but in the back of my mind it just seemed to me that the only reason I had sex with BK and his friend was because I was horny! The reason that I had the fight in school was because Sonia had tried to disrespect me. It was that plain and simple. But I didn’t say anything, I just went with the flow. Because had I said anything about me just being horny, or me fighting because I had been disrespected, I felt like I would have also had to talk about my vibrator, and the other times I had had sex. All of that wouldn’t have made any sense to my aunt and especially not to my dad. If there was one thing that I was not going to do, that was tell on myself.

  “So Shayla, what your aunt and I think is best is if you go and live with her for a while and see—”

  I cut my father off. “Go live with Aunt Tanisha?” I asked with all kinds of confusion.

  Are you serious? I wanted to ask my father. Now you’re abandoning me too? I thought.

  “But Daddy, I’m sorry about yesterday and today! I am! I mean, okay, I know I was wrong and acted way out of line and all of that. But I don’t wanna have to leave because of that. It’s not fair.”

  My father and my aunt looked at each other and my father spoke up.

  “Shayla, look, you are too young to understand just how drastic and dangerous it is for you to be having sex—unprotected sex at that—and drinking liquor, and going to school and fighting, but it is very drastic for those things to have happened and to have played themselves out the way they did. As your father, it is my responsibility to take care of you and protect you, and drastic actions require drastic measures. What I and your aunt feel is best is if you go and live with her for a while. You don’t know it yet but it’s gonna help you tremendously.”

  I looked at my father like I wanted to murder him. I shook my head because I felt in my heart that he had just used what I had done as an excuse to ship me off, not for my benefit like he was claiming, but for his own selfish benefit. With me out of the picture he would be able to come and go as he pleased without having even the slightest sense of guilt when it came to wondering how his actions would affect me.

  Chapter Eight

  A Queens Thing

  Aunt Tanisha then spoke up and she also tried to explain why she also thought it would be good
for me to move in with her.

  “For how long? I mean, are you just shipping me off until I’m grown?” I rudely asked my father. I directed everything toward him and not toward my aunt because I knew that he had simply manipulated her into going along with his plan.

  “Shayla, I’m not shipping you off! That’s the first thing. And as far as how long, I think it should be for as long as it takes for you to bond with your aunt and your cousins and get that negative energy out of your life.”

  Negative energy? I wanted to ask my father just what in the hell was he talking about. He was trying to use sophisticated terms and shit to confuse me and I could see right through that. But instead I kept my mouth closed and just nodded my head and listened.

  If there was one thing about me, it was that I was a fighter. I also had an unbelievable will. As I sat there with my aunt and my dad, my fight mode kicked in and so did my strong will. I decided right then and there that if my father was gonna ship me off because of what I had done during the past twenty-four hours, then that was cool. That was the decision that he had come to and I would have to live with it for now.

  I wasn’t gonna beg him to let me stay or beg him to rethink what he had decided. Nope, I wasn’t gonna cry and I wasn’t gonna break. I was gonna go with his wishes and do what I had to do. I also knew that I wasn’t gonna cause my aunt any trouble but at the same time I was not gonna change who I was for nobody.

  I was still gonna dress the way I wanted to dress, I was still gonna screw who I wanted to screw, and I was still gonna stand up for myself whenever anybody disrespected me. My father’s slick power move of wanting to ship me off had opened my eyes. It taught me that from there on out I could still be me. I could still get buck-ass wild but I would just have to be smart as hell about it.

  As I looked back and thought about those twenty-four hours that had triggered the decision to move me to Queens, I realized that my mistake wasn’t that I had fucked BK and Mike, rather it was that I had been sloppy about the whole thing. That sloppiness led me to getting caught and it led to BK and Mike opening up their mouths. That was what led to me beating Sonia’s ass and ultimately that was what led to me getting shipped off by my dad. It was like one bit of sloppiness on my part had started an avalanche of events.