Broken in Twilight

by Kim ten Tusscher

  These men all wore the same red canonicals, but the fabric hadn’t been dyed red with madder. It had gotten its colour from the blood of Margal’s followers. All of the men had clean-shaven heads and chins. Winsu’s skull was covered in little cuts. He had done that to himself, because he had put up quite some resistance when Seraph had shaved him. Seraph knew that he’d learn soon enough that there was no use fighting. Sooner or later, all prisoners resigned themselves to their fate.

  With these small adaptations, Seraph tried to make the priests look more like the man who had Purified him and Nander. Still, the hatred that raged in his heart was never placated. The only way to achieve that was to capture the real culprit.

  Seraph had hunted down the hateful priest for a long time. For years, he had roamed through Naftalia in search of the bald man who had poured acid on his face without any trace of emotion. Later, he found out that the search had been in vain. The man had died of an illness soon after the attack on Seraph’s village. The Naftalians believed that Margal’s Parents had called him, because he had performed his task properly. The thought that this man was now living a perfect life in a heavenly kingdom, as a reward for torturing people, only fuelled Seraph’s resentment.

  He was startled by a noise. Winsu had lost the fight against his rumbling stomach and was pulling the plate of food towards him. Before he could take a bite, however, Seraph got up and took the plate away from him. The prisoner reached out in desperation. Seraph put the plate back down on the ground, just outside the prisoner’s reach. Then he turned around and left the cave.

  “Please. I’m famished.”

  Seraph didn’t respond. He realized with glee that the priest was going to keep trying to reach the plate. He wouldn’t succeed, and at long last he was going to have to watch the rats take off with his food. That knowledge relieved his pain slightly.

  Seraph jumped when someone put a hand on his shoulder. Kasimirh was standing next to him, contemplatively looking at the door.

  “Does it help you, doing these things to them?”

  Seraph shrugged. The sorcerer nodded. He had known from the start that Seraph was hunting the priest that had caused him and Nander so much pain. Kasimirh had allowed Seraph to take prisoners after the Purified man had found out that the priest had died. Their loathing of men who had so readily followed the false Goddess was something they had in common, after all.

  “There’s something I want to talk to you about. I have an assignment for you.”

  They were silent as they walked through the corridors. Kasimirh watched Seraph slump into a chair, and walked to a cupboard. “I’ve sent some servi to the border with Merzia to keep Yvar occupied. That will give me time to gather up an army. The minute that Yvar’s army leaves Merzia, I’ll hear about it.” He took two glasses and a wine decanter. He sat down and poured the wine into the glasses. Before he handed Seraph a glass, he picked up a little flask. He added the contents to the wine. Seraph eyed him suspiciously.

  “It helps you forget.”

  “I don’t want to forget. I want to nourish the anger, otherwise it might seem that it wasn’t so bad what they did.”

  Kasimirh shrugged.

  The Purified man hesitated, but then he picked up his glass and emptied it in one draught. “What do you want me to do?”

  “I’ve given some thought to your advice. You were right. I need to recruit more soldiers. Without Lilith, however, it will take much too long to build an army that is strong enough. Therefore, I want you to get her back.”

  Seraph shook his head emphatically. “My duties are here in Naftalia. Send someone else. I’ll help you recruit your army.”

  Kasimirh got up and with his face really close to Seraph’s he said, “If I let you do that, half my army will die!”

  Livid, Seraph stared back at him. “You can’t keep me away from the Naftalians. This is my battle too!”

  “The sooner you get Lilith back, the sooner you can focus on the Naftalians again.” Kasimirh sat back down. “You know exactly where Lilith is, so it won’t take much of your time. With a bit of luck, she has already found her own way to return home. In that case, you’ll be back even sooner.”

  “Why is she so important to you?”

  “I can’t leave her to her own devices. She’s confused and she needs me. And I need her, too.”

  “We will realize our dream, Kasimirh. Even without the dragon.”

  He nodded in assent. “But this is what Jakob wants.” He grabbed Seraph’s wrist and pulled him close. The Purified man resisted, but couldn’t prevent Kasimirh from putting a wristband on him. Seraph tried to get it off, but to no avail.

  “What is this?”

  “Just a reminder of your assignment. The moment you lay hands on Lilith, you will be able to take it off again.” Then the sorcerer gave Seraph a pouch. “This is a new amulet. Make her wear it.”

  8

  The first thing that Lilith noticed was the softness of the liquid world around her. She had difficulty comprehending, so she opened her eyes to see where she was. Rays of sunlight penetrated the underwater world. Above her, she saw long, dark shadows. Lilith didn’t know what they were, but because the servus was squeezing her arm, she realized that he was nervous.

  Out of nowhere, something dropped into the water. The servus turned on his back and the object missed Lilith’s cheek by a whisker. Astonished, she watched it disappear in the deep: it had been a sharp point with a rope attached to it.

  More harpoon points followed, but they all missed their target. The servus increased his speed with large, nervous strokes. The water was swirling because the shadows followed in pursuit. Now and again, faces appeared underwater only to gaze at Lilith and then disappear again. It seemed like a nightmare, but if it was, then why couldn’t she wake up?

  Suddenly, the creature let go of her. The water turned dark and the servus was dragged away from her. He struggled to free himself from the harpoon and managed to cut the rope. He took off as fast as he could. Weakened, Lilith flailed her arms to follow him, but to no avail. Trying to call out to the servus to come back, she inhaled large gulps of water.

  Then someone grabbed her and turned her around. There was a man swimming next to her, who pushed her to the surface. Lilith looked around for the servus, but all she saw was a school of fish.

  Once she reached the surface, Lilith took in deep breaths of air. A boat came towards them, and she was hauled on board. The boat rolled violently when the man was brought on board as well. Lilith retched. Immediately, she was helped back up, and someone held her partly over the edge of the boat. The vomiting made her feel somewhat better. Hopeful, she gazed along the horizon, but the servus had truly left her behind.

  “Meistri!” she yelled. The wind blew away her cry. Lilith clasped the edge of the boat and stared into the dark water below her. She dismissed the plan to jump out of the boat. There would be no salvation for her in the water.

  Someone shouted something from another boat. The call was answered by someone closer by.

  “Who are you?” Lilith wiped the hair out of her face. Her fingers were white and wrinkled because of the water. She couldn’t bring the faces around her into focus.

  A man came to sit next to her. His weather-beaten face was framed by a hood with a fur collar. The hairs of the fur moved in the icy wind. The man looked at her and smiled. He said something. Lilith couldn’t understand the language he was speaking. Where on earth was she?

  “Jakob, why do You let this happen to me? I was back on the right track, wasn’t I?”

  The man standing near her head gestured at someone, as if he was telling them to hurry. The boat rolled again, and someone threw a blanket over her. The man pulled it further over her shoulders, and tucked her in properly. He did the same with her head. She lay down on the bottom of the boat to find shelter from the wind.

  The man near her head lifted a paddle over her. In the beautifully carved wood Lilith recognized the faces she had seen underw
ater. The paddle disappeared over the edge of the boat and the men started to row. The clouds drifted by faster and some seagulls screeched.

  An unexpected bump told Lilith they had reached the beach. The number of voices increased, but this time they were female voices. Lilith propped herself up to look at them. Dogs were barking excitedly in the background.

  Two men lifted her out of the boat and laid her down on the ground. A woman kneeled beside her and gave her something to drink. Lilith spat out the first draught to rinse her mouth, but then she drank greedily. Water had never tasted so sweet.

  The women kept calling and it dawned on Lilith that they were addressing her. Confused, she shook her head. Someone came closer and repeated the words.

  “Kinauvi? Qanuipi?”

  Lilith could tell from her hand gestures that the woman expected an answer.

  “I don’t understand you,” Lilith said in Naftalian.

  The only effect was that the humans looked at each other in confusion. Some of them shrugged.

  “I don’t understand your language,” Lilith tried desperately, this time in Merzian, but the humans didn’t understand that either.

  The woman sitting next to her tapped her own chest and kept repeating, “Wasmée. Wasmée.”

  Lilith assumed that was her name and repeated the word. The woman laughed. Then she poked Lilith’s chest. “Kinauvi?”

  “I’m Lilith.”

  The women whooped with joy, and Lilith heard her name repeated several times.

  A second woman joined them. She caressed Lilith’s cheek and shouted something at the other women. Her wrinkled fingers felt rough on Lilith’s skin. The woman conferred with Wasmée before they helped Lilith to her feet. Lilith understood the calming noises they made, but they didn’t put her at ease. She pulled herself free and only then discovered how weak she was. She staggered before the women grabbed hold of her again. Lilith hated that she hadn’t full control of her body yet – especially with all these women around her – but there was no other choice than to follow them.

  Wasmée and the others brought her to a tent, where they tried to strip her of her wet clothes. Lilith tore herself loose and pulled her tunic back down. “Don’t touch me!”

  She staggered again, but regained her balance. One of the women put her hand on Lilith’s shoulder, but Lilith knocked it away.

  “Go away!” Lilith gave her such an intimidating look, that the woman took a step back. Lilith gave her a shove to make her back up even more. If she couldn’t use words, she would use other means to get her message across. She wrapped the blanket tightly around her body.

  Wasmée kept making calming noises, but that only infuriated Lilith even more. The woman was plucking at her own clothes to make clear that she wanted Lilith to undress. Lilith had understood that much, but she wasn’t going to comply. Then the woman picked up some dry clothes and unfolded them. She pointed at Lilith, who stubbornly shook her head.

  The two women conferred briefly with one another. Wasmée was clearly in charge. The other woman nodded. Then they resolutely walked up to Lilith. One of them got a firm hold of Lilith, while the other removed her wet clothes. Wasmée rubbed Lilith dry with a warm, soft piece of cloth. When she got to Lilith’s back she briefly hesitated, but then started to pat her dry. When Wasmée wanted to help her get dressed, Lilith jumped at the opportunity to snatch the clothes from her hands. She quickly threw them on and crossed her arms in front of her chest. As the other woman left the tent, she kept staring at Wasmée.

  They both remained silent for a long time. Just when Lilith had made up her mind to attempt another escape, the other woman returned. She had brought a man with her.

  “You don’t have to be afraid of us.” He sounded uncertain and was looking for the right words. “My name is Icamm. All we want is to help you.”

  “What do you want from me?”

  Icamm squinted and thought. “I’m not sure if I understand you right.”

  “What do you intend to do with me?”

  Before the man could answer, Wasmée started to talk. Since she was rubbing Lilith’s back, she had to be talking about the traces left by the flogging in Nadesh. Then Wasmée pulled up Lilith’s sleeve to show Icamm the wristband. Curious, he came closer and looked Lilith in the eye. He said something to Wasmée and then apologized to Lilith.

  “The women mean well. But I can tell their intentions don’t really come across. I’m sorry, but please believe me when I say that they are worried about you.”

  Lilith didn’t believe a word of it, so she shook her head. “What do you intend to do with me?” she asked again. After all, she hadn’t received an answer yet.

  “I don’t understand why you’re so suspicious. We saved you from the servus.”

  “Saved…” Lilith muttered. “You have no idea what you’re saying. I didn’t ask for this. And now you are keeping me here.”

  Lilith wasn’t looking at him any more. Instead, she let her gaze wander across the tent. The two women stood near the opening, so she couldn’t escape through there. They had demonstrated earlier that they were quite strong, and Icamm would surely not stand by and do nothing in case of a fight. It was a shame that she didn’t have a dagger, because she could have used it to slice through the canvas and escape. Maybe the servus had returned and was waiting for her somewhere. In that case, she could continue her journey.

  “We’re not keeping you here. You’re free to go where ever you want. We were convinced that the servus had taken you captive, because we’ve had bad experiences with those creatures. If we made a mistake, I’m truly sorry.”

  Lilith looked askance at him and ran for the tent opening. An icy wind hit her face as she pushed the flap aside. The women didn’t intervene.

  “At least stay here for the night,“ Icamm said as he came to stand next to her.

  Lilith looked outside again. It was starting to get dark. She was able to make out a few lights a bit further away, but the heavy fog made everything blurred. She could also hear the faint sound of howling wolves. It was madness to even consider spending the night outside, so Lilith nodded. She took a step back. Wasmée closed the flap.

  “Do you swear that I’ll be free to go tomorrow?” Lilith asked, still not entirely convinced.

  “Of course. I don’t understand why you think that you’re our prisoner.”

  Lilith decided not to tell them that being a prisoner was all she knew. She resolved to leave first thing the next morning. She was going to find a way to get back to Kasimirh. She had to, because it was her destiny.

  Lilith got up quietly. From the other side of the tent came the sound of Wasmée’s husband snoring, and by the looks of it, the woman was still asleep as well.

  Lilith had been staring at the canvas, but now it had become so light outside that it was time to go. She sneaked towards the exit. She saw coats hanging there and was tempted to take one, but she changed her mind. She wasn’t going to make the same mistake as she had made in Merzia. The tunic she was wearing was nice and warm, but she left it behind as well. Her own clothes had dried, and it was best to only take what she really needed from these humans.

  At that moment, Wasmée woke up. Lilith glanced at her and hurried outside. Yelling, Wasmée jumped up and ran after her. Lilith wanted her to stop screaming. She was going to wake up the entire camp with her noise, and Lilith preferred to sneak off unseen.

  More and more people came out of their tents. Icamm called her name a few times before he strode up alongside her.

  “You told me I could leave!” Lilith screamed.

  “You can,” the man answered as he stopped. Then he called after her, “But you won’t get very far like this.”

  Lilith walked a short way onto the beach. The sea stretched out as far as the horizon. Behind her was the camp, surrounded by a dense coniferous forest. Lilith turned around. In the distance, she saw high mountains with snow crawling down the slopes.

  The humans were staring at her from a d
istance. Icamm was the only one who had followed her. “Merzia is on the other side of the sea. I want to help you and bring you to one of the larger harbours, but I have to go home first to deliver yesterday’s catch.”

  Lilith didn’t believe him. She looked left and right, but the scenery looked the same on both sides. After a short moment’s hesitation, she chose left and started to walk. Now she at least had the wind at her back.

  “If you really want to do it like that, you’d better walk the other way,” Icamm yelled after her. “If you keep following the beach, you’ll reach the harbour in about a week’s time. Possibly longer, because we’re in for some heavy gales.”

  Lilith turned around and walked in the other direction. Wasmée appeared beside her and pushed something into her hands. She gestured that it was food. The other humans did nothing.

  The loose sand made it difficult to walk. The cold wind slapped her cheeks, making her eyes water. She was trying to come up with a plan. She could walk for a week, she was used to that. And gales didn’t scare her. How could they be any worse than the snow storms in Merzia? Reaching the harbour wouldn’t be the problem. But then what? How could she make someone take her to Merzia? Or better, Naftalia?

  She kicked at a piece of driftwood. Why did these humans have to interfere? Lilith looked at the sea and for one moment thought that she saw the servus. Elated, Lilith lifted up her head, but it turned out to be a seal that quickly submerged when she looked at it.

  Lilith took a few more steps before she lowered herself to the ground. The humans were still staring at her from the camp. Lilith opened the parcel that Wasmée had given her and looked at the raw meat. How was she going to prepare this along the way? How was she going to survive until she reached the harbour? What would be waiting for her after that? It was all uncertain.

  “Jakob, show me the right way. How can I return to Kasimirh, so that I can serve You?”

  She got back up, determined and willing to fight to reach her goal. The storm increased. It was nigh impossible to walk against the wind. Panting, Lilith held still, and the wind immediately pushed her back a few steps. Maybe this was a sign from Jakob.