Broken in Twilight

by Kim ten Tusscher

  “I might be able to imagine that, but that wasn’t the reason why I was raised by the sorcerer.”

  “What was the reason?”

  “He could use me for his plans.” Ohinde wanted to say something, but Lilith beat her to it, “Let’s just say that he didn’t take my interests into account.”

  There was a heavy silence between them.

  “Can I help you with something?” Lilith asked.

  Ohinde looked around before she shook her head.

  “In that case, I’m going back to bed. I’d like to be alone for a while.”

  “Of course, I’ll try not to disturb you.”

  Lilith retreated into her corner, where it was much darker than in the rest of the hut. She stared at the roof. On the other side of the cloths Ohinde was pottering about. A creaking sound revealed that she had sat back down in the chair by the fire.

  Lilith was consumed by doubt. She felt that she had to make a choice, but how could she make the right decision? The only time she had ever chosen anything, she had eventually ended up in Nadesh, and that had only led to trouble as well.

  Lilith decided to stick to her plan. The certainty of knowing what was in store for her once she returned to her master helped put her mind at ease, and she fell asleep.

  9

  “Are you absolutely sure that you want to trust Zuzeca?” Ferhdessar asked.

  Yvar thought for a long time. “Do I have a choice?” he answered. They had gone over the treaty once more this evening and had made a few final changes. “He gives me the creeps, but that’s because of his attitude, not because I’m afraid of him. If Zuzeca agrees with this, we can sign the treaty tomorrow, and he can return home.”

  “Will you send Nigesanla back with him?”

  Yvar looked alarmed. “I had completely forgotten about her!” He stole a glance at the clock. “Perhaps I can speak to her tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow at the morning prayer, Ferhdessar.”

  Yvar sent Ghalatea to summon Zuzeca’s daughter. Meanwhile, he studied a map of Naftalia. During the meeting with his generals the decision was made to attack Kasimirh in a place with little or no water, where the sun would shine down mercilessly upon the armies. This would put the servi at a disadvantage. The map that Yvar was looking at was an accurate depiction of the country, but it didn’t yield the answer he was looking for.

  Just as he started to wonder what was taking Nigesanla so long, there was a soft knock on the door.

  “Enter!”

  Timidly, Nigesanla entered the room. She held her arms crossed in front of her chest.

  “Thank you for coming. It’s late, but…”

  The woman curtsied and lowered her arms. Yvar was stunned into speechlessness. Only now did he notice that the woman’s garments were see-through. Her breasts pressed against the fabric. For a second he was struck by the beauty of her body, but then he noticed her clenched fists. Nigesanla had averted her head. The joy he had felt was replaced by shame.

  “I’m sorry, Nigesanla. Perhaps I shouldn’t have called for you this late. This wasn’t my intention. I think it’s best that you return to your room to change into something else.”

  Nigesanla’s eyes widened and she shook her head. “That would be a terrible disgrace. I beg you, don’t do that to me.” She hesitated briefly. “But if that is what you really want, I will of course obey you.”

  Yvar beckoned her, and she followed him into the bedroom. Nigesanla sat down on the bed and looked up at him expectantly. She moistened her lips with her tongue, as if in an attempt to be seductive. Shaking his head, Yvar walked to the cupboard. He took a dressing gown from a hanger and threw it on the bed. He rummaged between his other clothes, but gave up on that fairly quickly. “Pick something that you can wear. Everything will probably be too big, but just pick something.”

  “I can’t get out of this dress by myself.”

  “And I’m not going to help you,” Yvar grumbled.

  Then the door to the other room opened again. Yvar left the bedroom. The Ancilla Princeps put a tray on the table. “Ghalatea, I want you to help Nigesanla get changed. She’s in the bedroom.”

  Ghalatea gave him a look of surprise before her gaze wandered to the bedroom. “Certainly, my lord.”

  Yvar walked onto the balcony. The stars looked bright against the dark sky. Everything was so calm and peaceful. There was no indication that Merzia would soon go to war. He half expected the sky to cloud over and to be struck by a bolt of lightning. If there was truth in Kasimirh’s preachings, wouldn’t Jakob do something to stop Merzia? Perhaps this proved that the prophet was nothing but a liar.

  “It’s incredible that some of these stars are long extinguished, and that we can still see them through a telescope.”

  Nigesanla came outside. She stood as far away from him as possible. Yvar regarded her closely. The hem of his dressing gown trailed along the floor, and the sleeves covered her hands. Her dark, curly hair framed her face. Most of the tension had disappeared from her countenance, but Yvar sensed that she was still afraid.

  Her remark about the stars surprised him. Ferhdessar had once told him the same, but Yvar hadn’t expected Nigesanla to know such things. “You seem to know what you’re talking about.”

  “I have to do something with all my spare time,” she laughed. Her face immediately turned serious again. “It places everything into perspective. Compared to the vastness of the universe, our trials and tribulations mean nothing. A star that has died, still shines on. Us humans will never be able to do that. All we can do is leave a mark on this planet. The universe will remain long after our death. Nothing that we can do will change that.”

  “There’s a God that, according to some, will soon destroy the world, because he is displeased with mankind.”

  Nigesanla shrugged. “I don’t know that religion. I only know what Margal teaches us.”

  During the subsequent silence, Yvar let his gaze travel the night sky, looking for the stars that formed the dragon. After he had found the constellation, he turned to face Nigesanla. “Why are you so interested in the stars?”

  “I hardly ever left my father’s palace. Therefore, I devoured books about the world, preferably with lots of illustrations. However, they were only pictures, but I could see the stars and planets from my room. They were real, so I became absorbed with them.” She gazed at the sky. “At home, I can look at the exact same stars as you. Amazing, don’t you agree?”

  “It might help you to feel a bit more at home here.”

  Nigesanla averted her eyes. She shivered.

  “Why am I making you nervous?” Yvar asked. Nigesanla didn’t say anything. “I’d like you to answer me.”

  She sighed. “You are impure.”

  “Is that really how you see me? As a dirty man? Do you truly believe that I imbue the world with evil, and that my presence poisons you now that you stand so close to me?”

  Nigesanla trembled. “Yes… no… I don’t know.” She hid her face in her hands.

  “It must be so hard for you that your father means to leave you here.”

  Nigesanla looked surprised. “You’re right that it wasn’t my own wish.”

  “I won’t force you to stay here. I’ve told your father this as well. And if you’d rather leave right now, you are free to do so.”

  She thought for a while. “My father and mothers expect me to stay longer, and it would be a disgrace if you were to reject me. You shouldn’t worry about me.”

  “But I do.” Yvar sat down. Nigesanla took the other chair. “Tell me something about your home.”

  “What’s there to tell? Us women spend our time reading or embroidering and such. And we take care of the children, of course, until they leave home.”

  “I noticed that some of your mothers are younger than you are. Do most girls leave home at a young age?”

  “Yes, they do. I’m already too old to still be living at home.”

  She sent him a furtive look to see how he would r
eact. Yvar understood why. Zuzeca’s gift wasn’t so special after all. Maybe Nigesanla was becoming a millstone, still unmarried at her age. A disgrace for a pontifex.

  “How old are you?”

  “Twenty-three,” she said insecurely, followed by another inquisitive look. “Do you think I’m too old?”

  “For what?”

  “To be your wife?”

  Yvar was astounded. He shook his head. “You’re moving too fast. We haven’t reached that bridge yet, if we ever come to it.”

  Nigesanla blushed deeply and she bowed her head. “I thought… I’m sorry.”

  Again, Yvar felt sorry for her. “You’re definitely not too old. How could I ever think that? I’m twice your age.” He smiled. “So maybe you think that I’m too old?”

  It worked. Nigesanla looked up with a shy smile on her lips. “I always thought I was going to marry a very old man, so you don’t disappoint.”

  They both laughed. Nigesanla was clearly relieved.

  “Would you like to tell me why you’re still unmarried?”

  “The man I was promised to died.”

  “I’m sorry to hear that.”

  “Why? I didn’t even know him. His death meant nothing to me. What’s more, the news of his death was the first I ever heard about him.”

  Nigesanla shivered. This time because there was a cold wind blowing up. Yvar got up to get her a blanket and a cup of tea. He looked at her silhouette through the open doors. The strange conversation made him think.

  He had to start a family soon. He had come to realize that a while back. With Caliste’s death, his future had vanished, but it shouldn’t jeopardize Merzia’s future. If he were to die without an heir, Merzia would have to deal with a civil war on top of all else. Maybe Zuzeca’s gift wasn’t so bad after all.

  Yvar’s fingers touched Nigesanla’s as he handed her the cup of tea. She automatically withdrew her hand, spilling tea in the process. Ashamed, she looked at him.

  “Do your mothers also find me repulsive because my ancestors were shapeshifters?”

  “Some of them do,” she whispered.

  “You’re culture is very strange. Your people despise people like me so much that they perform cruel rituals to make us pure. As long as the ritual hasn’t taken place, we are children of the devil, capable of doing God knows what. Nevertheless, your mothers did their utmost earlier this evening to make you attractive enough for me to share my bed with you.”

  She was clearly confused. “That’s always the reason why my father summons one of my mothers. They won’t believe it if I tell them that you only wanted to talk to me. But you’re right, it’s strange. I don’t know what my father’s intentions are.”

  Yvar shrugged. “Tell me something about your father.”

  Nigesanla sipped the hot drink. “He is pontifex of Otunwahe, but I’m sure you already know that. It’s his job to make sure that his subjects adhere to the right religion. His goal is to become Pontifex Maximus. I think he stands a good chance, but I’m not sure how reliable the information is that I’m given, since the messengers are supporters of my father.”

  Yet another remark that Yvar hadn’t expected. Maybe she was more like Caliste than he had thought. He smiled. Nigesanla was the same age as his wife had been when they got married.

  “You’re not telling me anything new. I was hoping for some personal stories about him.”

  “I don’t have any. My mothers and the children, me included, live in another wing of the palace. The children usually don’t have much contact with the pontifex. Especially the girls will only speak to him once in their lives. In a one-on-one conversation I mean. And even that is only to inform us about something.”

  “Did Zuzeca tell you that you were coming to Merzia?”

  Nigesanla nodded. “He told me what he expected of me. I think he told me what he tells all my sisters when they have to get married.”

  “Which is?”

  “Mainly that I should always obey you.”

  Yvar nodded. He wanted to take a drink but his cup was empty. “Would you like some more?”

  Nigesanla handed him her cup and leaned back. Yvar walked inside.

  On his return, Nigesanla was fast asleep. Yvar bent over to wake her up, but thought better of it. He sat down and stared at her. The wind was playing with her hair. Without waking up, she brushed away a wisp of hair that was tickling her cheek. Yvar couldn’t deny that he had feelings for this woman.

  He wondered if Nigesanla could be his wife. All of a sudden he realized that it wasn’t important. He was looking for a mother for his heirs, and Nigesanla was perfectly suited for the job. She had been told her entire life that her duty was to produce children and raise them.

  Yvar lifted her and carried her inside. He carefully laid her down on the bed. Was he willing to force her into that role? Despite her aversion to him? Zuzeca had given him the power to do so. He had to seriously think things through. Without a noise, he left the bedroom.

  10

  Ferhdessar was glad to commence the landing. The suspense had kept him awake most of the night, so he had left at the break of dawn. Which was now a few hours ago. The first test flight in his flying machine had gone well, but there were still some things that required his attention. Such as the machine’s propulsion. Lilith had been right when she had remarked that pedalling wasn’t a very effective way to operate the wings.

  The airplane cut through the low-hanging fog. Ferhdessar was launched forwards when the anchor found its grip and the plane came to a halt right in front of the shed. He jumped out and caressed the body of the plane that was wrapped in black fabric. He folded up the wings and pushed the aircraft inside.

  “For a moment I thought that Kasimirh had sent his black dragon to Nadesh, but then I realized that the flying object heading this way was lifeless.” Zuzeca walked into the shed. He circled the plane and gave a nod of approval. “A fine piece of workmanship.”

  Ferhdessar beamed with pride. It was nice to be able to share his success with someone. The people in the palace had always laughed at him whenever he talked about flying.

  “To be honest, the dragon did inspire me.”

  “But you had been working on this before you saw the dragon?”

  Ferhdessar nodded.

  “How do you come up with something like this?”

  “Man walked the earth before he could swim. For a long time, the sky seemed out of limits, but before long we shall conquer it. Thanks to me, mankind will know how wonderful it is to fly.”

  “It seems a dangerous occupation to just be doing for fun.”

  “I believe that my invention will change the lives of many. Distances can be covered easier and, more importantly, faster. Which comes in handy when someone requires help. The fact that it’s fun is a pleasant bonus.”

  “And your invention can be used in the coming war.”

  “Exactly. I’m still working on a flamethrower to be mounted on the front of the plane. Once that is all working to my satisfaction, I’ll make more planes to use against Kasimirh and his dragon.”

  Ferhdessar fell silent. He realized that he had let himself be enticed into divulging information that he hadn’t wanted to share. He decided that no harm was done. They were going to battle side by side, so Zuzeca would have found out sooner or later.

  “Impressive. He won’t be expecting such an attack.”

  “That’s the object.” Ferhdessar left the shed and waited for Zuzeca to follow.

  The pontifex cast a last critical glance at the plane. “Will you be able to find soldiers willing to fly this thing?”

  Ferhdessar locked the shed. “I don’t think that will be any problem.”

  “They’ll need nerves of steel.”

  Ferhdessar shrugged. Zuzeca didn’t fit the prototype of a pontifex, but it probably wasn’t very wise to tell him that he was thinking of birdshifters as pilots. Should anything go wrong up in the air, they would still be able to return to the ground s
afely. “If you’d excuse me, I’m wanted by the king.”

  Zuzeca took a step back. Ferhdessar rushed into the palace without waiting to see if the pontifex followed.

  He was going to visit Wigg’s temple together with Yvar. There was going to be a short service, after which the king would ask permission to enter the temple’s sanctuary. Even thinking about it made Ferhdessar happy. He had heard about the rituals performed by Wigg’s priests, but he had never witnessed them himself. At the time of the war against Margal, Ferhdessar had still been an apprentice.

  In good spirits, he opened the door to Yvar’s room. Yvar and Nigesanla were still at the breakfast table. Surprised, Ferhdessar stood still. “Am I too early?”

  Yvar wiped his mouth with a napkin. “No, you’re exactly on time. You must leave now, Nigesanla.”

  She nodded and got up. “Thank you, for yesterday and today. It was nice talking to you. You’re so different from what I imagined.”

  “It wasn’t hard to surpass your expectations. I enjoyed your company as well.”

  Ferhdessar waited until the woman had left the room and asked amused, “Talk?”

  “If you think anything more happened, you’re wrong,” was Yvar’s blunt response.

  Ferhdessar frowned. “She’s gorgeous, so I can think of more than enough ways to spend time with her, but talking to her for an entire night, just talking…” He shook his head.

  “Do you think that beautiful women can’t be intelligent?”

  “You know that I don’t think like that. Caliste was beautiful and intelligent. I just don’t expect much of Naftalian women, that’s all. Their culture doesn’t stimulate women to develop themselves.”

  “You two should talk sometime, you have a lot of common interests.”

  Ferhdessar’s good mood was subsiding. “I’m not going to waste my time on her, and neither should you.”

  Yvar smiled. “Oh yes, I should.”