Shawna

by Maggie Wells

  Shawna looked at Philippe in a panic and then stammered. “Um, I’m pregnant.”

  Mrs. Henri looked like she was going to have a stroke. “And?” she asked. “Are we to assume that Philippe is the father? Do we need a paternity test?”

  “No, Mom,” Philippe said. “We don’t need a paternity test. Geez.”

  Mrs. Henri regained her composure. “Thank you for telling us. I can’t say that I am shocked. The lunch invitation was kind of a giveaway. I’ve been close to hyperventilating all the way over here.” She moved around uncomfortably, and then finally leaned forward in her seat. “I apologize for my son’s irresponsible behavior. We are happy to pay for the procedure.”

  Shawna was shaking now. She never expected to have to face Philippe’s mother. “I’m not getting an abortion,” she mumbled.

  “What?” Mrs. Henri asked. “You are going to ruin your life? My son’s life? Is that what you want? Is this some kind of revenge?” She glared at Shawna’s mother. “Is this how you raised your daughter? Did you know that she was sexually active?”

  That phrase again, Shawna thought. “I’m not!” she screamed. “Philippe and I have been together since freshman year and we only did it once. We’re not active!”

  “Gaby, please,” Shawna’s mom said. “We’re supporting Shawna’s decision. She considered abortion and decided that it wasn’t right for her.”

  “My son isn’t ready to be a father,” Mrs. Henri said. “He’s going to college. He has plans for his future. You can’t make this decision for him.”

  “Philippe doesn’t need to change his plans,” Shawna’s mom said. “I’m going to raise the baby so both of the kids can go to college and start their careers.”

  “You’re what?” Mrs. Henri screamed. “Philippe has rights, we have rights.” She looked at her husband. “Why haven’t you said anything?”

  “Um,” Mr. Henri said. “How does this work exactly? Are we supposed to pay some kind of child support? What if Philippe wants custody? What if we want visitation rights? This is our grandchild we’re talking about. Who will pay for the child’s education?”

  “Charlie is an attorney,” Shawna’s mom said. “Charlie, what do you think?”

  “David,” Shawna’s dad said, looking right at Phillipe’s father. “This would not be my first choice either. Shawna has made her decision and for some reason that I can’t fathom, her mother is supporting her in this. I’m sure we can draft an agreement on custody, visitation, and support that is mutually agreeable to all parties. Philippe can have as much or as little involvement as he desires. The same applies to you and Gaby.”

  NINE

  “SHAWNA MADE A DECISION?” MRS. HENRI SCREAMED. “Philippe, did you make a decision?”

  “I wanted Shawna to get an abortion,” Philippe said. “I thought she wanted it too. I drove her to the clinic.”

  “I’m sorry,” Shawna said. “I couldn’t go through with it.”

  “So, what exactly is your plan?” Mrs. Henri said, looking at Philippe and then back to Shawna. Her voice had turned cold. “Shotgun wedding? Forgo college, and get minimum wage jobs, rob yourselves of any future?”

  “We didn’t have a plan,” Shawna said. “And I wasn’t asking Philippe for anything. I didn’t know my mom would offer to help.”

  “What makes you think we’re going to give up our rights?” Mr. Henri said. “We can’t control your decision to have this child but what if we want custody? If Shawna doesn’t want to raise the child maybe Gaby does? Our customs are very different from yours.”

  “I never said I didn’t want to raise my child,” Shawna said. How did this get so fucked up, she wondered. Everyone is fighting over my baby!

  “Shawna is not giving up custody,” Charlie said after seeing Shawna’s face turn ghost-white. “That’s never been on the table. I think what Vivian meant to say is that she will babysit while Shawna is in class. I’m sure Gaby would love to babysit as well, am I right?”

  “Vivian, you’re a tenured professor, correct?” Mr. Henri asked. “Are you planning to quit your job to stay home with the baby?”

  “I really did not see this conversation going in this direction,” Shawna’s mom said. “We only just learned about the pregnancy. We haven’t thought through all of the logistics. There’s time for that. The baby isn’t due for six months. The point is, we are looking at this as a blessing.”

  “Where did you see this conversation going?” Mrs. Henri asked.

  “I know it’s shocking news,” Vivian said. “This baby is going to change all of our lives forever. It’s a big decision—Charlie and I understand that. But I thought you’d be happy to know that we are stepping up to support Shawna, and Philippe, too, if he wants to be involved. The child will want for nothing. The kids will finish college and maybe one day they will choose to marry. But they will be able to avoid any hardship that this pregnancy may have caused. We thought you’d be happy about that,” she said again.

  Philippe’s parents rose to leave. “Draft your proposal and send it over,” Mr. Henri said. “I’ll have my attorney review it. I assume you’re covering our legal fees?”

  Charlie scowled and looked at his wife through narrowed eyes. “Sure,” he muttered.

  “Well, it was lovely to meet you,” Shawna’s mom said in that weird singsong voice again. “I’m sorry it couldn’t have been under better circumstances. I hope we can figure this all out—together.”

  “I’m sure we’ll be seeing a lot of each other from now on,” Mrs. Henri said without smiling. “Philippe, let’s go.”

  Shawna stood in the doorway and watched them drive off. Philippe was sitting in the back seat slumped over. Mrs. Henri was screaming something that Shawna couldn’t hear.

  Shawna’s mom walked up behind her. “Well, that didn’t go as well as I would have hoped,” she said.

  “You think?” Shawna muttered and stomped upstairs to her room.

  Shawna logged onto Facebook to see what the girls were up to.

  Jasmine: Someone is fighting every day to live. How do you spend your days?

  Shawna: I’m keeping my baby. My mom wants to raise it. Is that weird?

  Luci: You saw the US Weekly thing about how Jack Nicholson was raised by his grandmother?

  Izzy: I know, right? And look how fucked up he turned out to be.

  Aleecia: When my boyfriend and I found out we had no idea what to do, and of course the first thing that comes to mind is abortion. My mom helps out too. I think it’s normal.

  Candy: My mom is a total bitch. I have to pay the housekeeper to help out.

  Shawna: My boyfriend’s parents are pissed. I think they would rather have the baby murdered.

  Candy: My baby daddy’s parents feel the same way. They wish me and the baby would dry up and blow away.

  June 15. Weight 135

  Dear Diary: We told the parents. Now everyone knows. Philippe’s dad is pissed! My parents are fighting. I can hear them in the kitchen. I’m ruining everything! What if my parents get divorced? Will Mom still be here to help me?

  Shawna texted Philippe: Call me. Within minutes, her phone buzzed. She picked up.

  “Hey,” Shawna said. “What was your mom saying to you in the car?”

  “You don’t want to know,” Philippe said. “She said a lot of really nasty things.”

  “About me?” Shawna asked.

  “Like I said, you don’t want to know.”

  “But your parents know that we’re doing this together, right?” Shawna asked.

  “Seems like it.” Philippe sounded depressed.

  “Did your dad say anything about not paying for college?” Shawna asked.

  “A lot of things were said,” Philippe responded. “Let’s give them some time and let everyone cool off, okay?”

  “My parents are fighting too,” Shawna said. “Everybody is mad at me. I feel like the whole world is against us.”

  “I know,” Philippe said. “Are you really sure? Have
you really made up your mind?”

  “Yes.” Shawna said. “And it’s final. I need your support on this. It’s hard enough as it is!”

  Shawna had taken to hanging out in Nurse Bailey’s office between periods regardless of whether she felt nauseated.

  “Are you really sure about this?” Nurse Bailey asked at school the next day. “Is there any chance you could change your mind? You could still get an abortion. It’s still legal in California up to twenty-four weeks.”

  “How is that even possible?” Shawna asked.

  “You would have to get a Dilation and Evacuation abortion,” Nurse Bailey said. “It’s a surgical procedure and it usually takes about thirty minutes. The day before they would give you some meds to soften your cervix and then you go back the next day to have the fetus removed.”

  “That sounds so horrible!” Shawna exclaimed. “And the baby comes out in pieces, right?”

  “I guess you’ve read about the Planned Parenthood videos,” Nurse Bailey said. “Abortion is not pretty. As we’ve talked about, it’s not a decision that women take lightly.”

  “Well, it doesn’t matter because I’m not doing it anyway,” Shawna said. “I’m keeping my baby.”

  TEN

  TWO MONTHS LATER, SHAWNA ENROLLED IN PRENATAL classes. Vivian took Shawna’s hand as they approached the community center to attend their first class. Shawna looked at her mom, bemused.

  “I’m your partner, sweetie,” her mom said.

  Shawna nodded. Mom’s hand feels so warm, she thought. Or maybe my hand is just cold.

  Shawna and her mom were greeted with warm smiles and she began to relax. Nurse Bailey was right about the prenatal class—there was an interesting mix of couples here. All skin colors and ages. This might not be so bad after all. All of the couples were holding hands and caressing each other. Some of the women look even younger than me and some look old enough to be grandmothers, Shawna thought. And then she realized her mom was about to become a grandmother. Shawna squeezed her mom’s hand.

  “Good evening, moms and partners,” said Cindi, the instructor. Cindi wore yoga pants and had put her blonde hair in a high, tight ponytail off the top of her head. “Welcome to our first class. To start off, I want to go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves and tell us how you feel about having a baby.”

  Shawna felt that weird tightness in her chest again. She wasn’t prepared for all the gushy, emotional crap. When it came to her turn she introduced herself. “And this is my mom, Vivian,” she said, hoping to skip the feeling part.

  “And what are your feelings about your baby?” Cindi asked.

  “We’re just so excited!” Vivian exclaimed. “It’s a miracle!”

  There was a murmur of agreement around the room.

  Thanks, Mom, Shawna thought. I’m glad somebody is excited.

  After class, her mom suggested they go for ice cream.

  “Would you like Philippe to be your Lamaze partner?” her mom asked.

  “Why would I?” Shawna asked.

  “Do you think he’ll want to be with you at the birth?” her mom asked. “I still feel a little uncomfortable with the way his parents behaved. But doesn’t he want to be involved?”

  “I think his parents are pissed about his ‘involvement’ to date,” Shawna said. “If you catch my drift.”

  “I know, sweetie,” her mom said. “They don’t share my perspective. They haven’t lost a child. But I think we should at least invite Philippe to participate. If he says no, so be it.”

  When they got home Shawna texted Philippe.

  Shawna: Hey.

  Philippe: Yo.

  Shawna: I went to my first prenatal class tonight. It’s pretty cool. You learn all kinds of stuff about babies and shit. Do you want to go with me next week?

  Philippe didn’t respond. Shawna waited five minutes and texted again.

  I guess that means no. I’m cool with that.

  Philippe: I didn’t say no.

  Shawna: Is that a yes?

  Philippe: I guess it’s a maybe.

  Shawna: I’m going in for an ultrasound tomorrow. Do you want to come? We’ll actually see the kid. Find out if it’s a girl or boy. Do you want to know?

  Philippe: okay. I’ll come. Tomorrow I mean.

  Shawna crossed her legs and gritted her teeth. The doctor’s office had told her not to pee until after the ultrasound. Her bladder needed to be full. I am in agony!

  “I can’t hold it much longer,” Shawna said to Philippe. “I’m going to wet my pants right here in this waiting room!”

  Philippe approached the receptionist. “How much longer? She really needs to pee.”

  The receptionist handed him a Dixie cup. “She can void about four ounces. No more.”

  Philippe walked back with the Dixie cup.

  “Are you kidding me?” Shawna said. “Once I start to pee, there will be no stopping!”

  Just then, the ultrasound technician called her name.

  “Oh, thank God!” Shawna said. “I’m dying here.”

  “It will be a little better once you lie down,” the technician said. “Once we get the pictures, you can use the restroom. Trust me, it will be worth it.”

  Shawna hobbled after the technician and climbed onto the examining table. The nurse covered Shawna from the hips down with a paper sheet and pulled her top up to reveal her naval.

  “This is going to be cold,” the technician said. She squirted some gel on Shawna’s belly.

  “Holy shit!” Shawna exclaimed.

  The technician peered into the monitor as she moved the paddle around Shawna’s abdomen. Now and then, she stopped and pushed some buttons on the keyboard.

  “He’s doing somersaults,” the technician exclaimed. “He won’t stay still long enough for me to measure him.”

  “Him?” Shawna asked. “It’s a boy?”

  “I can’t tell yet,” the technician said. “I call them all he so I don’t give anything away. Do you want to know the sex?”

  “Yes,” Shawna said.

  “If we see a penis, I’ll let you know,” the technician said. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell.”

  She pushed a little harder on the paddle and studied the screen. Suddenly, she hit a couple more keys. “There, got it.”

  “Everything look okay?” Shawna asked.

  “Everything looks fine,” the technician said. “Should I get the daddy?”

  “Yes, thanks,” Shawna said. Daddy, she thought. Philippe is going to be a daddy! Now I understand why he is so freaked out.

  The technician swiveled the monitor so it was facing Shawna and then went to the door to call Philippe. He stood next to her and held her hand. Together they studied the dark clouds on the monitor.

  “What are we looking at?” Philippe asked.

  “Here’s the head,” the technician pointed to a dark area near the top of the screen. She moved the paddle around. “Here’s an arm, here are the legs.”

  “I can’t see anything,” Shawna said.

  “Me neither,” Philippe said. “Oh wait. Is he sucking his thumb?”

  “Yes, he is,” the technician said.

  Suddenly both Shawna and Philippe had a clear visual of their baby sucking his thumb. His head seemed much too big for his body.

  “Whoa,” Philippe said. “What’s that, his penis?”

  “You got it,” the technician said. “It’s a boy!”

  “Oh my God!” Philippe was giggling and holding Shawna’s hand in a death grip. Shawna had never seen him this way. Her heart swelled with emotion.

  Shawna squinted at the screen. “Yes, I see it! It does look like he’s sucking his thumb. Look! He’s waving at us! Hi baby! Hi Sawyer!”

  “Sawyer?” Philippe exclaimed. “What?”

  “Some crazy name my mom dreamed up,” Shawna said. “Sorry!”

  “No way you’re naming my baby Sawyer,” Philippe said. “Jean-Jacques, maybe,” he added, pronouncing it “janjak”
in his French accent.

  “Your baby?” Shawna said. She grinned from ear to ear. I am having Philippe’s baby! “Oh man, I gotta pee so bad!”

  “To your right,” the technician said as Shawna bolted from the table.

  ELEVEN

  “HAVE YOU SPENT MUCH TIME AROUND BABIES, Shawna?” Nurse Bailey asked.

  “Not really,” she said. “I’m an only child. Apparently my mom wanted a second child but that didn’t work out.”

  “What if I gave you a baby to take care of for a week?” Nurse Bailey asked.

  “Huh?” Shawna said. “How does that work?”

  “It’s really kind of a game,” Nurse Bailey said. She walked over to her cabinet.

  “You have a baby in your cabinet?” Shawna asked.

  Nurse Bailey smiled. “You’ll see.” She pulled a bundle out of the cabinet. It was wrapped in a baby blanket. She handed it to Shawna. “Here you go. Here’s your baby. He’s a big one—ten pounds!”

  Shawna took the bundle and looked at it. “What is this?” She pulled the blanket away and saw that she was holding a sack of flour.

  “This is your newborn baby, Shawna,” Nurse Bailey said.

  “This is stupid,” Shawna said. She shoved the bundle back at Nurse Bailey.

  “I know it seems stupid, but humor me,” Nurse Bailey said. “There’s no real way of understanding the responsibility of being a mom until you’ve actually been one. All I want you to do is try it for one week. That’s nothing considering that your real baby will be with you for twenty years at least.”

  Shawna sighed. “What do I have to do?”

  Nurse Bailey rocked the sack of flour. “He’s crying, Shawna.”

  Shawna rolled her eyes.

  Nurse Bailey heaved the sack onto her shoulder and began to pat it. “Maybe he’s hungry. Or maybe his diaper is wet. What is your baby’s name?”

  “Jack,” Shawna replied.