Shawna

by Maggie Wells

  “That is ridiculous,” he exclaimed. “She comes here every other weekend!”

  “Oh, I didn’t realize that,” Shawna said. “I thought she was traveling for work. She never said anything.”

  The waitress brought their food and Shawna dug into her stack of pancakes.

  “Dad,” Shawna paused between bites. “Mom said that you are mad at her about me having Jack. She wants me to grant custody to Philippe and his family. She says that it is what you want?”

  “She said that?” he asked.

  “She said that if I give up Jack and move into a dorm that you will come back home,” Shawna said.

  “Where is she getting this stuff? I will be back home as soon as this phase of the case wraps up,” he said. “In a month or so. She knows that. I will have to come back for phase two but that won’t kick off until next year. I know it’s a big sacrifice for your mom but we talked about it a lot before I took this case on. And I promised her a trip to Europe this summer. It will be like a second honeymoon. What the hell is happening?”

  “So how do you really feel about Jack?” Shawna asked. “About me and Jack?”

  Her father cleared his throat. “I will be honest with you. I was hurt and disappointed when you told us that you were pregnant. Disappointed in Philippe too. We didn’t know him that well but I know that you two have been friends for a few years. We had big dreams for you—college, maybe medical school or law school. Having a baby so young—that can really derail your life plans. I know that abortion is a rough experience, a tough decision—but I thought that would have been best for you.”

  “Did you know that mom had an abortion?” Shawna asked.

  “What?” he exclaimed. All the color drained from his face.

  “When she was seventeen, way before she met you,” Shawna said.

  “I didn’t know about that,” he said. He looked relieved. “And it doesn’t matter. Her family probably felt the same way that we did—they wanted Vivian to go to college and achieve her dreams. And she has.”

  “The thing is,” Shawna said. “She says she thinks about that baby every single day. Abortion isn’t really the answer. You live with the guilt forever. And she blames herself for the miscarriages. She is afraid the abortion damaged her somehow so that she could never have a second child.” Shawna was putting it all on the table.

  Her father looked aghast. “She told you all of this and she has never told me?”

  “She is so ashamed,” Shawna said. “She made me promise I would never tell you but then she said the reason you moved out is because you are mad at her for supporting my decision to keep Jack.”

  “Now, she is just making shit up!” he exclaimed. “I’m sorry.” He glanced guiltily at Jack.

  Shawna laughed. She had rarely heard her dad swear. “Jack will learn those words soon enough, dad. He’s in daycare, remember?”

  “Look,” her father said. “Your mom and I fought about it, sure. I was opposed to you keeping the baby and I never could fathom why she was in favor of it. But I was never going to leave her or you or Jack.” He reached his hand out and Jack grabbed his thumb. “I have to talk to your mother about this,” he said, pulling his phone from his pocket.

  “Wait, call her later, okay? I need to talk to you about this stuff.”

  “Okay,” he said.

  Shawna continued with the pressing, straight-forward questions. “So how do you feel about my decision, now?” Shawna asked.

  “I think you are doing an admirable job,” her dad said. “I know how hard it is—being a single mom and going to college. And your mom and I both love Jack. We love being grandparents.”

  “Then why is she asking me to give him up?” Shawna asked. “I just don’t understand.”

  TWENTY TWO

  “NOBODY IS ASKING YOU TO GIVE JACK UP,” HE SAID. “Your mother thinks that you are overwhelmed. Everyone thinks you are overwhelmed. If Gaby is able and willing to care for Jack while you finish school, is that such a bad thing? Everyone is only thinking of you and what is best for you and for Jack.”

  “I wish I could believe you, but Mom is acting so weird,” Shawna said. “I mean, like, totally crazy. Do you think she is losing her marbles?”

  “I’ll be honest with you,” her dad said. “I really thought so last year when she encouraged you to keep the baby and said she wanted to raise him. I didn’t know where that was coming from. I guess, now I understand a little better.”

  “And now she’s talking about you having an affair and me moving into a dorm?” Shawna added.

  “I think you may be misinterpreting her words,” her dad said.

  Shawna saw that he was closing ranks with her mother and started to feel paranoid. Was everybody in on this? Even her Dad?

  “Mrs. Henri approached me a couple of months ago about sharing custody,” Shawna said. “She loves being a grandmother and Jack has had play dates at her house a few times. I sure wouldn’t mind having every other weekend off when he gets a little older and he is no longer nursing. But I don’t want to grant the Henris custody or guardianship. You are the lawyer, what do you think?”

  “I agree with you,” he said. “Giving them any kind of legal control could have long term ramifications that you can’t foresee. What if Philippe eventually marries someone else and moves to another state?”

  “What if Philippe marries someone else? Dad!” Shawna exclaimed. “How come nobody takes us seriously?”

  “You can’t predict the future,” he said. “Our current agreement covers financial support and gives you complete discretion over visitation rights. I think you are doing the right thing—involving Philippe and his family, to the extent they desire. But you need to maintain legal control. I will talk to your mother about it.”

  “You won’t tell her that I told you?” Shawna asked. “She and I are already not getting along too well. She told you about the scalding?”

  “In the bathtub?” He rubbed Jack’s foot. “It looks like he is healing just fine. You know every mom does that, right? Burns their kid somehow—in the bathtub, near the stove, in a hot car seat, a little too much sun at the beach, whatever. My mom did it to me; your mom did it to you.”

  “Mrs. Henri did it to Philippe!” Shawna laughed.

  “You see!” Her dad laughed too. “Yes, I promise that your mom’s secret is safe with me. I appreciate you telling me all of this, Honey. I think I’ll surprise her with a visit next weekend and I’ll bring flowers and maybe something sparkly. She must be feeling neglected and overwhelmed. I’m sorry she is blaming you.”

  “I am glad we got together. This was really nice, Dad,” Shawna said.

  “It was,” he said. “We should do this more often. There is a pool at the hotel. Why don’t we plan a play date? When are you off from school?”

  “School.” Shawna frowned. “About that. I am not doing too well this semester. I think I need to drop a couple of courses and cut back to part-time status. It will take me a lot longer to graduate but I’ll be able to keep up with the work better.”

  Her dad reached across the table and took Shawna’s hand. “I understand. You are trying to do too much. Cut back for now and when Jack is a little older and can stay with Gaby some days you can go back to full-time. I’m proud of you for starting classes six weeks after giving birth. I was worried that you would put it off for another semester.”

  Her dad paid the check and walked Shawna to her car. He buckled Jack into his car seat and leaned in through the driver’s-side window for a last hug.

  “Don’t tell your mom that I’m coming home on Friday,” he reminded her. “Let me surprise her.”

  Philippe showed up at one-thirty on Sunday and Shawna was still in her pajamas.

  “C’mon!” he said. “You haven’t even taken a shower yet?”

  “Jack took a long nap this morning so I used the time to finish my homework,” Shawna said. “I’m actually caught up this week. First time, ever!”

  “Wow,”
Philippe said. “You seem different.”

  “Different, how?” Shawna asked.

  “More energy?” Philippe said. “You have been acting kind of mopey lately.”

  “My mom said the same thing,” Shawna said. “I saw my dad yesterday and we had the best talk! I guess I needed to know that someone’s on my side.”

  “I am on your side,” Philippe said. “Who is not on your side?”

  “My mom, your mom,” Shawna said. “They met this week to talk about granting custody to your family.”

  “Is this about the bathtub incident?” Philippe asked, incredulous. “You know . . . ”

  “I know! I have heard it a thousand times. Every mom burns her baby!”

  “My mom dumped a whole pot of coffee on my head!” Philippe said.

  “Do you remember that happening?” Shawna asked.

  “No! I was just a little kid,” Philippe said. “But I have heard that story so many times. And she tells it like it belongs on America’s Funniest Home Videos!”

  “I don’t even think she took you to the hospital,” Shawna said. “She just dumped you in a cold bath. Unbelievable.” She squinted and looked closely at Philippe’s forehead. “I think I can see some scars.”

  “Cut it out!” Philippe laughed. “Get in the shower. I’ll pack up the car.”

  “Could you turn the radio down?” Shawna asked. As usual Philippe had the rap station playing full blast.

  “My dad says we should stick to the current agreement which covers financial support and broad visitation rights,” Shawna said. “I am happy to let your mom take Jack as often as she likes, but we are not making any legal changes.”

  “You sound like a lawyer,” Philippe said.

  “You know my dad told me for the first time yesterday that he was hoping I would go to law school,” Shawna said. “I never knew that! My family has so many fucking secrets.”

  “Does my mom know that you know about the meeting with your mom?” Philippe asked.

  “I’m not sure,” Shawna said. “And I’m not sure whose idea it was. My mom told me some weird shit about my dad having an affair because of Jack. I think she is losing her marbles. How do we bring this up with your mom?”

  Philippe gasped. “Your dad is having an affair?”

  “No!” Shawna said. “She is full of shit. Even my dad said so. I told him about my mom’s abortion and he was totally cool with it. My parents really don’t seem to know each other at all.”

  “Let’s just bring up the babysitting thing and see what my mom says,” Philippe said. “If she doesn’t bring up the custody thing, then we won’t. Just pretend we don’t know a thing about it. Okay?”

  “Frankly, I could use the help. I don’t want to start college with Cs and Ds my freshman year. I’ve got to pull my grades up. I am going to try to ask for some extra credit. Let’s ask your mom if she would take Jack a couple of evenings this week. She could pick him up from daycare and then you could bring him back at eleven? Would that work?”

  “Shawna Black getting Cs and Ds?” Philippe said. “Oh, my Lord. The sky is falling.”

  Shawna punched him in the arm.

  “Mommy is beating me up, Jack! Help, help!” Jack kicked his feet and giggled.

  TWENTY THREE

  PHILIPPE UNLOADED THE CAR AND SET EVERYTHING UP IN the living room while Shawna changed Jack’s diaper on Philippe’s bed. She had never been in his room before. The room was cluttered, the dresser and closets overflowed and she felt claustrophobic. Shawna noticed that Philippe’s bed took up all of the floor space; there was not enough room to fully open the dresser drawers or the closet door. The venetian blinds were heavy with dust and Shawna found herself wondering if Mrs. Henri had ever cleaned them.

  David walked into the bedroom and Shawna jumped. “Oh! Hi, Mr. Henri, I didn’t know that you were home.”

  Mr. Henri closed the bedroom door quietly. “Shawna, I would like to have a word with you.”

  Shawna had never been alone with Philippe’s dad before, had never spoken with him directly. “Um, sure. Let me just dump this poopy diaper. Can we talk in the living room?”

  “I would like to talk in here,” he said. The room was starting to get warm and the odor from the diaper was nauseating.

  “It’s really hot in here.” Shawna started for the door and Mr. Henri stood firm in the doorway.

  His voice was cold and stern when he said, “You have railroaded this family for long enough, young lady. It is time for you to take some responsibility for your actions.”

  Shawna was scared. “My actions?” she said. “I am taking responsibility for my actions. What do you mean, railroad? What are you saying?”

  “You made the decision to have this child, unilaterally. And you decided to keep this child, against the wishes of Philippe and me and the rest of his family. Your father forced us into a financial agreement against our will. Let me tell you, young lady, we are not in a position to support this child for eighteen years. What if you decide to send him to private school? Are we on the hook for that? What about college? Who will pay for his college education?”

  “Can we have this conversation with Philippe in the room?” Shawna asked. Where is this line of questioning going? Is he threatening me?

  “Philippe is a child,” David said. “You have manipulated and coerced him into a situation that is out of his control.”

  “He seems pretty happy with the way everything worked out,” Shawna said. “He loves Jack. I thought you loved him too.”

  “Your mother has rethought her position and wants to give up custody of the child,” Mr. Henri said, ominously.

  Shawna gasped. My mother? Custody? What? “My mother doesn’t have custody to give up,” Shawna said. “I’m the only one with legal custody. And I’m not giving it up. If you don’t want to pay child support, then fine, don’t. It’s not your obligation. It’s Philippe’s.”

  “And there’s the rub, young lady,” Mr. Henri said. “Your decision has compromised my son’s entire financial future. Did you think about that?”

  “Don’t you think Philippe should be part of this conversation?” Shawna asked again.

  “My son is too young and naïve and, frankly, too stupid to understand the long-term consequences of this mistake,” Mr. Henri said.

  What is happening here? Shawna wondered. Is everyone trying to abandon us—me and Jack? Fine, she thought. I don’t need any of you. Mom, you want to throw me out of the house? Fine! Fucking Henri family—you want us to disappear and never hear from us again? Fine! I can make that happen! I don’t think my dad will abandon us. And what if he did? So what? School costs me next to nothing. I will get a job; I will find a room to rent somewhere—maybe in some rat-infested basement apartment. We will be fine. Fine!

  Jack was rolling around on the bed trying to get up on his all fours.

  “Excuse me,” Shawna said. She handed Mr. Henri the dirty diaper. “Could you dispose of this? My son needs me.”

  She grabbed Jack and pushed past Mr. Henri.

  Shawna stalked into the living room. “Philippe, we need to go!” she said.

  “Go where?” Philippe asked. “We just got here.”

  “Well, apparently, we are not wanted—me and Jack, I mean,” she said.

  “Mom?” Philippe called out. “What is going on?”

  Mr. and Mrs. Henri came into the living room and settled uneasily into chairs on opposite sides of the room.

  “Philippe, sit down,” Mr. Henri said.

  Shawna put Jack into his bouncy chair and Philippe and Shawna sat on the sofa together. Jack bounced up and down, giggling and glancing from face to face, smiling at everyone and blowing spit bubbles.

  “Shawna and I just had a little conversation,” Mr. Henri began.

  “Yes,” Shawna interjected. “And I would like to hear from each individual in this room as to what level of involvement you would like to have in Jack’s life. Mr. Henri has made it clear that he wants no financial
involvement. That is perfectly fine with me. He is Jack’s grandfather, not his father.”

  Philippe glared at his father. “What the fuck?” he mouthed.

  “Mrs. Henri, we were under the impression that you would like to have visitation rights,” Shawna said. “If that is not the case that is fine as well. We can walk out the door right this second and you will never see us or hear from us again. I am never giving up my baby. I just want that to be clear to everyone.” Shawna was starting to feel like a prosecuting attorney.

  Gaby glanced nervously at her husband who was glowering at the floor and then steeled herself. “I would like to continue to see my grandson every week,” she said.

  “Would you be willing to pick him up from daycare and babysit him a couple of evenings each week?” Philippe asked. “I will drive him home at the end of the night.”

  “Thank you,” Shawna said under her breath. She was relieved that she didn’t have to ask that question.

  “I would love that,” Mrs. Henri said. “I want to be in his life. I want Jack to know his Grandma.”

  “So do I,” Shawna said. She felt herself begin to tear up but she took a deep breath to stem the flow. “Philippe, I have to ask you, too,” Shawna said. “Your father is under the impression that I railroaded you into this situation. Is that the way you feel? Do you want to walk away from us and waive all of your parental rights and responsibilities?”

  Philippe’s face registered shock. “What the fuck, Dad?” he shouted. “I never said that!” He looked at Shawna and took her hand. He took a minute to gather his thoughts. “I think you are awesome, Shawna Black. You are an awesome woman and an awesome mother. And you know that we have an awesome baby! I have loved you since the moment I met you—the stupid fire drill—remember?”

  Shawna blushed and laughed, “I remember,” she said.

  “I want to marry you, Shawna Black,” Philippe said. “Just like we had always planned. Our plan was to finish college and get married and have . . . whoops, okay we got that a little bit out of order.” He laughed. “But, it does not change the way I feel about you or where I see us going in the future.”