Just Breathe (The Blue Series Book 1)

by Chelle C. Craze

  “Is he in jail?” Lucas asks through his teeth as his body stiffens in anger. I’ve never heard his voice sound so cold and full of hate. Honestly, it’s quite unnerving.

  “Yes, he is, or at least, he was. I’m not so sure after finding that note.”

  “I hope his life is exactly what he said. Hell! How could anyone want to hurt you? Fuck, Cassandra! Fuck!” Lucas yells as his body starts to shake. He jumps to his feet and tensely paces the floor.

  I sigh as I walk over and turn on the lights, aware of what comes next.

  He closes the space between us as his eyes search my face. The emotion that takes over his entire body is one that is all too familiar…sympathy.

  “I don’t know, Lucas, but please, don’t look at me like that. This is exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. You are looking at me like everyone else has been for years. There is nothing you can do to change the past.” Trying to lighten the mood, I decide to make a joke. “That is, unless you have a time machine.”

  Lucas’ breathing starts to level from the uneven pattern it was moments ago, as he gives me a half-hearted smile. “I wish I did, love. I really wish I did. There are several things I would go back and change. I don’t believe it’s safe for you or Dartanya to stay here. We need to call the cops.” Lucas unclenches his fist, revealing a crumpled white ball.

  Even though fear and heartbreak are seeping through every pore in my skin, I know I have to calm him. I caress his cheek and clear my throat. “Lucas, I can’t keep running from him. He’s in jail, and he can’t hurt me anymore.” Although I don’t believe that for one millisecond, hopefully, Lucas will. I release his face, stand, and pull out my phone and dial 911.

  “911, what is your emergency?” a comforting female voice asks as sounds of typing start in the background.

  “Yes, ma’am, my name is Cassandra Blair Anderson. I live in apartment number 234, Parkway Drive in Bluewood, West Virginia. I have to be transferred to the state police. Harold Capps, who is incarcerated at Sanesville Correctional Facility, has contacted me. He was detained nine years ago for first-degree sexual assault, and I was his victim.” I hear the words flowing from my mouth, but I don’t feel like I’m saying them. Lucas watches me as I sit on the sofa and pick up a pen lying on the coffee table, nervously twirling it between my fingers.

  “Is anyone injured or in immediate danger?” she questions.

  “No, I don’t think so.”

  “Please, stay on the line.” I hold the phone to my ear while counting internally, trying to remain calm, more for Lucas’ sake than myself. “Cassandra? I have Deputy Varney on the phone. He will assist you from this point on, okay?”

  “Okay, thank you, ma’am.”

  Deputy Varney greets me, and I tell him what I had just explained to the dispatcher. He informs me that his ETA is thirty minutes, and I should ‘hang tight’ until he arrives.

  Deputy Varney arrives promptly in thirty minutes and takes statements from both Lucas and me. He then takes the letter, or what’s left of it, for evidence. After he seals it into the evidence bag, he gives me his card.

  “Miss Anderson, I’ll be in touch, but if you need anything, please, do not hesitate to contact me.” He scans me quickly then glares at Lucas. “Excuse me, miss, but it’s protocol that I ask. How did you hurt your knee?” He tugs a pen from his shirt pocket.

  “My what?” Instinctively, I look down and see my knee is covered in dried blood. “Oh, I fell out of the car when we got here.”

  “You’re sure?”

  Does he really think Lucas would hurt me? I close my eyes and exhale, trying to maintain my cool.

  I nod. “I’m sure. This man…” I nudge Lucas with my shoulder as I continue, “would never hurt me.” Lucas nods in agreement, then smiles down at me as his arm comes around my waist.

  Deputy Varney reports that Harold could possibly be held in contempt of court, and some other technical term I don’t understand, due to violating a part of his sentencing that he wasn’t to contact me. Deputy Varney lifts his hat and wipes his brow. “There is one problem. I’m afraid, ma’am, that all court cases are public knowledge, so we will have trouble proving Mr. Capps sent the letter.”

  Although I am certain he sent it, I specifically remember not telling anyone he called me ‘Kid’ in my testimony. I felt so disgusting sitting in front of everyone in the court as he openly undressed me with his eyes, so I only answered the questions the attorney asked.

  Deputy Varney steps outside the door, leaving Lucas and me alone. Lucas protectively holds me tight in his arms, “I am so sorry.” He repeats that sentence several times before I’ve had enough and stop him, before he tries to say it again.

  Shaking my shoulders, I wiggle out of his death grip and clear my throat. “Lucas…I…Am…Fine!” Slowly, I emphasize the words, reminding myself of a linguist trying to teach someone English for the first time. This is my burden, not his. He doesn’t need to carry this for the rest of his life.

  Deputy Varney opens the door and interrupts me, “After making several calls, I can confirm that Harold Capps is still an active inmate at Sanesville Correctional Facility. Ma’am, I am sorry you had to go through something like this, and I will get to the bottom of it.” What is with everybody and their sympathy? This isn’t the worst thing Harold has done. I know they are both being polite, but I am just so fucking fed up with people feeling sorry for me.

  I groan as I wipe my face with my hands. “Thank you, deputy. Have a nice night.” He tips his hat and then leaves my apartment. Lucas’ phone dings, and he fishes it out of his pocket to check the screen. His eyes fill with more sadness than before as he reads the message, and then he shoves his phone back into his pocket.

  “Cassandra, I have to go. I know we made these plans last night and I’m sorry to leave you like this.” He closes his eyes and pinches the bridge of his nose. “But, I really don’t have a choice in the matter. Would you at least let me take you to my house? I think you would be safer there.”

  Standing on my tiptoes, I reach up and take his wrist in my hand. “Lucas, it’s fine. I’m fine, see?” His eyes widen as I lay his hand along the curves of my body. “You can feel for yourself.”

  “If you’re trying to get rid of me, I can assure you this will only do the opposite.” He stops his hand on my hips. Greedily, I run my fingers along his defined stomach muscles and then up his chest. His phone starts playing the “Moonlight Sonata,” and he takes it from his pocket. As he backs away from me, he looks at the screen. “Leaving you is the last thing on my mind, but I really do have to go.” His eyebrows knit together, and he runs his fingers through his hair. He kisses me on the nose and then leaves in a hurry, after making me promise to text him soon.

  Although Lucas seemed sincere with what he said, his warm brown eyes were telling another story. He felt sorry for me. The exact feeling I hoped he would never feel for me. I throw my hands up into the air and fall backward onto my bed.

  I’m mentally drained. Lucas would be a lot better off without me. After tonight, I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. The odds aren’t in my favor. He may be the nicest man I’ve ever met, but everybody has a breaking point, and I’m betting that after finding out he’s dating damaged goods, this will be his.

  I put on my pajamas and begrudgingly crawl back into bed. Forcing my eyes to close much more tightly than necessary, I try to fight back the tears I know are inevitable. They will come. I can’t outrun something like that. Lucas believed I’m all right, but I know in my heart I am a long way from that. Heartbroken, every fucking cell in my body falling apart, and an emotional disaster would be more of an accurate description of my current state. As my eyes start to spill, I curl into a fetal position and let my tears fall.

  I’m glad no one is here to see how pathetic I am. I haven’t seen Dar in a few days, so I assume she’s with Hunter. If I can’t be happy, at least my best friend is. The only thing I look forward to is the pile of paperwork I left on my des
k Friday. I sniff back a few tears and pull the covers over my head, hiding my face and embarrassment. My only wish for the night was to have a nice dinner with Lucas, not the shit storm that brewed and spiraled out of control.

  Chapter 10

  In a perfect world, there is no hate

  Lying is not even real

  In a perfect word, children only know laughter

  Crying only when they feel glee

  In a perfect world, this would all be possible

  The truth would set you free.

  Lucas

  It never was my intention to leave Cassandra alone, and I certainly didn’t wish to leave her in the dark about Amelia. However, after what happened at her apartment, this was not the way to tell her without causing her to suffer more. Telling her seemed selfish, almost as if I would be asking her to forget her own troubles and find pity for me. I never want someone to look at me in sympathy again. After Lilla broke my heart, people passing on the street would look at me with pity in their eyes. Rumors travel fast in a small town, even though this was no rumor.

  Felix asked me to leave Cassandra’s to come here, the hospital, to sit with Amelia. He wanted to be home with Arya. She isn’t naïve. I tried to keep her preoccupied with everything I could before leaving her with Felix’s mom. Although, there are only so many tea parties and piggyback rides Arya will do before she starts asking questions.

  As I sit beside my sister’s hospital bed, the words Arya asked still haunt me. “Luke, is she dying?” The only thing I could tell her sounded more like a cheesy poem than an answer.

  “Sweetheart, we are all dying from the first breath to the last.” Those were the last fucking words I could tell my niece as Grandma Annabelle, Felix’s mom, pulled her away from my car. I watched in the rearview mirror as Arya’s heart broke, and she cried in Annabelle’s arms.

  The doctor told Felix even though the cancer has weakened Amelia’s immune system, it wasn’t the cause of her current state. After several tests, they found a brain bleed, or an aneurysm rupture, that landed her in the hospital.

  I rake my fingers across my face and then look at Amelia lying motionless in her bed. Her skin is as pale as the sheets. If it weren’t for the drops of blood on the bed, you wouldn’t even know she was lying there. The nurse told me her paleness could be the bleeding in her brain. She’s currently receiving her second bag of blood, or it could be the third. Who knows? At this point, I can’t keep track. I’m exhausted, and I’ve fallen asleep several times while sitting here.

  A knock at the door causes me to jump and makes me look up at the door. Dartanya comes in first. Seeing her makes my heart race. I didn’t call her, but if she knows about Amelia, then Cassandra must also. My eyes watch the shadow move behind her in the doorway, but it looks too tall to be Cricket. I sigh when I see JD shake water from his blonde hair onto her, and she shoves him with her hand.

  “Hey, Lucas,” she says with her eyes down.

  “Where is Hunter?” Those two have been inseparable since he came back. I thought I was going to have to hose them down to get them out of his room the day after he got home. Hunter and I have lived together for three years. Two of those years he was overseas.

  She looks down at her feet while JD pushes past her. “He…uh…had something else to…” He coughs while saying, “do.” Flipping around the seat beside me, he swings his leg over one side and plops down. “Enough about him, you look like shit, man. Are you doing okay?” Of course, I look terrible. I haven’t really slept in forty-eight hours.

  “Yeah, how are you?” Dartayna asks in a small voice as she sits beside him, letting her eyes dart between us.

  “I’m good.” There is no way I’m going to tell them it feels like my insides are being torn out. Amelia is lying in a comatose state and isn’t showing any signs of improvement. I sit uncomfortably in my seat, letting go of Amelia’s hand to pull at my shirt collar. “Have you talked to Cassandra?” I quickly change the subject, hoping they’ll quit grilling me. I know it’s polite to ask, but I really wish they wouldn’t bother.

  Dartanya swallows hard. “I haven’t really talked to her much. She texted me today, telling me something about going out for drinks. Her crazy ass has been working night and day.” She crosses her arms in front of her body. “When I went home to get more clothes, she was passed the fuck out on the couch.”

  That would explain why I haven’t talked to her much this week. I thought she was avoiding me. It’s as if all communication came to a screeching halt the night I left her apartment to come here. Of course, I can’t blame that on her. She did open up to me, and then I just left. I knew she would understand if I told her the reason I had to go, but I didn’t want to upset her any more than she already was. When she saw the note hanging on her door, her face showed nothing but pure terror. She must truly fear whom she believed was responsible for sending the note. Even if she didn’t want me to notice, I did. She may have thought she was convincing when she said she was okay, but I knew better.

  JD stands and stuffs his hands into his pockets. “So, yeah.” He bounces up and down. “I figured you could use some rest. Go home and get some sleep, man. Nate is on his way here, and I don’t believe it would be the best time to have a family reunion, given the circumstances.” He nods his head toward Amelia.

  The last time I saw Nate was right after I beat the shit out of him. I don’t know if I could handle him right now. I’m a mess. Just hearing his name pisses me off, but I did promise Amelia I would try to get along with him, and I intend to keep that promise. I crack the tension from my knuckles while blowing out a long breath. “Quit being a chick. Everything will be fine.” I brush off his concerns and shrug my shoulder, hearing a sarcastic laugh float from the hallway after I speak.

  I blink, trying to make out the person who enters the room and wishing him to be a hallucination. My brother slips his business card into a nurse’s pocket and whispers something that causes her to blush as they part ways. As unfortunate as it would be to imagine the man strolling farther into the hospital room isn’t my older brother, it’s definitely Nate. He has a certain cockiness about him that women love. It is as if the moment they lay their eyes upon him, they have the undying urge to please him. Of course, Nate is only too willing to accept each offer regarding pleasure with any female. It’s not often he lets anything come between him and getting laid, but I thought our sister being in the hospital would be important enough for him to reserve his habits. Once again, I’ve given him too much credibility. He’ll always watch out for number one and toss the rest of us to the wayside to rot.

  He tips his baseball cap. “Little Brother, Jace,” he licks his lips as he continues, “always a pleasure, Dartanya.” He gives them a questioning look while his eyes dart between her and JD. They both nod in his direction and then walk to the door.

  JD awkwardly rubs the back of his neck. “Uh…yeah…we’ll be at your place, dude.” He makes an excuse to leave as he and Dartanya wave and disappear out the door.

  I can’t help but scrutinize Nate as he bends over and kisses Amelia’s forehead. Watching his lips graze her frosty white skin makes me sick. I can’t stand the sight of him. There was a period in my life I looked up to him, but that was before he was protecting me by sleeping with Lilla, as he so eloquently explained himself. I wouldn’t let him further elaborate on how his dick single-handedly saved me from the biggest mistake of my life. He even manipulated JD to side with him. JD reasoned that although he didn’t agree with Nate’s tactics of ruining my relationship, Nate did have good intentions in what he had done. There wasn’t an adequate amount of liquor in this world to make me numb enough to watch or listen to how he became a pitiful excuse of a fucking brother.

  “I heard you have a new crush,” he says with false cheerfulness, pretending he cares about what is going on in my life. Sarcastically, I laugh to myself, knowing damn well he doesn’t give a fuck about anything unless it directly affects him or his dick.

  �
��You don’t get to come in here and talk about her!” I sourly spit out, trying to remain calm and biting my bottom lip so hard I taste blood. “Look, she’s not Lilla. You won’t come within ten miles of her if I can help it. She’s different. I …” I stop the words from spilling out and rest my head in my hands before I say too much. I had thought I loved Lilla, and when Nate found out, he fucked her. There isn’t a chance in hell I will stand by and let him do it again.

  “You might what, little Bro? Love her?” He shakes his head in disbelief. “Sounds just like you. That bitch has been stringing you along, and you fall for her. I can’t always step in and rescue the day like I did with Lilla.” He throws his hands up into the air.

  “I can’t do this.” I stand and lean over the plastic bed railing, as my voice escalates with frustration. “Do you seriously believe that was what you did? In what alternate universe does one rescue his brother by fucking his girl?” I jab my finger in the air toward where he is sitting. “You’re the only person who would do that and think they had done someone a favor.”

  Amelia’s body convulses, rattling the bed frame, and the monitor above her flashes while alarms sound. Soon after, a swarm of nurses floods the room. One chick in green scrubs pushes me out of the way and starts punching buttons on the machine, silencing the alarm. Another nurse shoves Nate out of the way. “You all need to step out. Now!” She refers to the door. Helpless to what is happening around us, we hang our heads and leave the room.

  Nate leans against one wall, and I walk past him to the other. “I promised Amelia I would try to get along with you, but what a fucking mess that has caused!” My hands start to nervously shake, and I hear the throbbing of my heartbeat in my ears. The promise I made to my sister is getting harder to stand true to when Nate is being such an asshole. I’d be willing to bet he only brought up Cassandra to get under my skin, and I’ve let his words spread through me like my very own Black Death.