Just Breathe (The Blue Series Book 1)

by Chelle C. Craze

  He crosses the small hallway by making two large strides, putting his hand on my shoulder. “Little Brother.” I shrug off his hand. Everything he touches turns to shit, and I’m not about to suffer from his acidic influence. “Lucas, I know you won’t believe me, but hear me out,” he says with a hint of desperation.

  I tilt my head back and pinch the bridge of my nose. “Fine. Tell me what the hell is so fucking important.” At this point, curiosity overwhelms me. I have to know what he’s thinking when he should be concerned about our sister. I run my hand down my face and rub my facial hair. He pulls his hat over his eyes in a clear attempt to avoid looking at me while he lies. “Well, I’m listening.”

  He adjusts his cap and looks at me. His face is unreadable. “You can think whatever you want, but I really was trying to help. She was fucking cheating on you, man, but I knew you wouldn’t believe anybody, so I had to show you. I didn’t know how else to get it through your thick skull. I only went over there to get some type of proof, but I was shit-housed after killing a bottle of rum, and honestly, I don’t remember most of what happened. Please, believe me. I was only trying to show what a slut she was, and I guess I did. I know I went about it the wrong way. I was fucking stupid. I’m sorry.” He pinches the bridge of his nose and releases sigh. “After Mom and Dad died, you were my responsibility. I had no fucking clue what I was doing, dude.”

  “Let me get this straight. You expect me to believe you were saving me with your dick?” I thought he could come up with something better than that. He’s still a liar. Even after he’s begged for me to hear his excuses, he still can’t admit he was a selfish bastard whose main goal was to get off. I guess some things never change.

  “Think about it, man. You were the one that told me you thought she was cheating. Well, guess what? She was! Everybody knew it except you! If you don’t believe me, call Jace.” He pulls out his phone and gives it to me after dialing JD’s number.

  I put the phone to my ear and hear a female giggling. “Uh…hey, man, am I interrupting?” I ask JD, considering ending the call.

  “Nah, what’s up?” He shushes her. “Is Amelia okay? What’s going on?” he asks frantically.

  I stare at Nate. “You’ll never believe the load of bullshit Nate is trying to feed me.”

  JD cusses under his breath, and I hear him close a door. “Man, he isn’t lying. I was trying to tell you, but you wouldn’t listen. Like I’ve said for years, I don’t agree with the way he went about it, but he had his reasons.” I close my eyes and feel a fist between my shoulder blades, causing me to reopen them. Nate is quick to withdraw his hand and looks as if he’s hurt. “Yo, Luca, you still there?” JD questions into my ear.

  I begin to stutter, “Uh…um…yeah, thanks for letting me know. I have to go.” After all these years, I find out Lilla was screwing anything that wasn’t nailed down. Hell, for all I knew, she could have been doing that, too. At a loss for words, I hold out Nate’s phone for him, and he stuffs it into his pocket.

  “Are you all Mrs. Morgan’s family?” a tiny woman inquires as she approaches us, pulling on her thin black ponytail.

  “Mmm…hmm,” I mumble through my clenched teeth, trying to brace myself for what she is about to tell us.

  “We’re her brothers.” Nate nods his head in agreement.

  “I see.” She pushes up her glasses. “I am sorry, but your sister had another seizure. She is stabilized now, but she needs to heal without distractions.” I look down and read ‘Dr. Dempsey’ on her name tag. “I’ve consulted with Dr. Javen. He and I agree that she shouldn’t have visitors currently. If her health status changes, we’ll promptly contact you, but until further notice, we are going to request you all abide by normal visiting hours. They are 9 AM to 4 PM and then 7 PM to 9 PM.” She looks at her watch. “It’s now five o’clock. She may have one visitor stay with her at all times, but I suggest that be her husband.” She once again adjusts her glasses and then puts her hands on her hips. “The two of you are welcome to sit in our waiting room,” she sternly adds, leaving no question she isn’t going to let one of us stay by Amelia’s side.

  She is throwing us out. I can’t say I blame her after our yelling match. I run my hand across the back of my neck. “May we see her before we leave?” I skeptically ask. After the formal speech she just gave us, I highly doubt she’ll let us. She exhales while opening the doors and then waves us inside.

  I graze Amelia’s arm with the back of my hand, and sigh. I take her hand in mine and look at Nate. He takes her other hand.

  “Sis, we have to leave, but I’ll call Felix and tell him to come here. Don’t worry. You’re going to be fine.” After speaking, he breathes out loudly and places her hand onto the bed. For his sake, I really hope he doesn’t believe what he just said. I’m certain she won’t be okay. I’m terrified to leave her alone, even if it will only be long enough for Felix to come here.

  Dr. Dempsey leans her head into the room and looks at us. “Fucking A, okay!” I yell in her general direction. Nate walks over to me and nudges me with his shoulder.

  “Come on, Lucas. She’ll be here when we get back. Let’s grab a bite to eat.” My stomach growls at the mention of food. I can’t remember when I ate last. After we both kiss Amelia’s cheek, we leave the hospital. Although I haven’t completely forgiven him, I decide to ride with Nate. I really shouldn’t be driving as tired as I am. Nate starts his car, grips the steering wheel, and then changes gears before asking, “How do hotdogs sound, Little Brother?”

  “They sound fine to me, man.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and call to update Felix. After hanging up, I rub my temples. “He said he’d leave as soon as we get to their house.”

  Chapter 11

  Chipping and Crumbling

  Breaking bricks from the wall

  Pounding and Panting

  The ship rises and then falls

  Twisting and Turning

  Dotted lines reach an end

  Fighting and Flapping

  A flightless bird catches wind.

  Cassandra

  As promised, I texted Lucas daily for the next week, but always avoided actually having to see him. The thought of facing him again killed me. I didn’t want to see what I had seen in his eyes before he left my apartment that night. Things between us were moving way too fast anyhow. Maybe some time apart would help clear my head.

  Work is exactly what I need to distract me, but my boss, Laura Nibert, was slowly becoming the bane of my existence. It seems no matter how fast I review the applications for future employees and forward them to her, it isn’t enough. If she isn’t satisfied with me being the Human Resources Department Head at Jacobs & Sons Printing Agency, then she should hire someone else. The fact a large portion of the applicants applied for my job scares me a little, but not enough to cause worry. Laura couldn’t find her ass without me telling her where to look. That little tidbit of information actually manages to make me smile.

  It feels strange to smile. I haven’t done much in a little over a week now. I’ve tried to stop myself from thinking about Lucas, knowing that it’s pointless to do so. Keeping him on my mind only encourages a false sense of hope that there is still something between us. I’ve decided it would be best to forget about him completely and the way he made me feel.

  “Cassie, could you please come to my office? I need to speak with you,” Laura barks across the intercom she and I share. She insists on calling me that name, despite the many times I’ve told her I prefer ‘Cassandra’ or ‘Cass’. The gruffness of her voice makes me a little on edge, as it usually does. It is too deep for a tiny woman like her.

  “I’ll be right there, Laura.” My voice is so quiet that I wonder if she could even hear me, but I get to my feet and walk the twenty feet to her office.

  “Cassie, please, come in and take a seat. We have several things to discuss.” She motions for me to sit as soon as I walk through the door.

  “Oh, do we, now?” I ask, surprising eve
n myself with the sarcasm in my voice. This new change of attitude must have come from Lucas. He is so confident of himself. Well, Project Forget Lucas seems hopeless at this point. Even when I’m not thinking about him, he finds some way into my head, and his smart-ass comments flow from my mouth. I roll my eyes, thinking of all the rude comments Lucas could have come up with regarding my mouth.

  “Did you really just say that and roll your eyes at me?” Her mouth gapes open. “Actually, that is kind of what I would like to discuss with you. Your attitude.”

  “My what?” I squeak. I’ve been working long hours to help her get caught up, and now she wants to talk about my attitude? Considering my rude behavior since coming into her office, I don’t much blame her. This week just keeps getting better. I nervously straighten an imaginary wrinkle out of my skirt and cross my legs.

  “Just a few moments ago, I was going to tell you that you’d been mentioned in a board meeting for consideration of a raise due to your hard work and go-getter attitude.” She pauses and starts to smile. “But now you’ve got me reconsidering the raise as well as your job.” Shit. That seems about right. I am finally being considered for a raise, and I screw it up in two seconds.

  “I promise, Laura. I wasn’t rolling my eyes at you. I was thinking of something else entirely. The comment I made earlier, I actually have no excuse for. Maybe too many chai lattes?”

  She scrunches her nose, sticks out her lips, and laughs at my confused expression. I think this is the first time I’ve seen her actually laugh in the two years I have worked here.

  “Cassie, honey, I wasn’t serious about reconsideration or about firing you. You have always spoken your mind, which is why I suggested you receive a promotion.” She stirs her coffee, making a clinking sound as she scrapes the bottom with the metal spoon and then sets it onto her desk. “Of course, there will be additional expectations for your position,” she says after blowing the steam from her mug. “You will hold a chair on the board and be one of five on the New Employee Hiring Committee. The proposal that was given to me was to offer you eight more dollars on the hour. If you choose to accept, I will notify our CEO at once. Oh, and your hours will change as well. You will work nine-to-five, Monday through Friday. You will have weekends and holidays off. What is your answer?”

  Abso-effin-lutely. Knowing that it wouldn’t be proper to curse, as she has just offered me the position of a lifetime, I choose more appropriate words before I speak. “Yes, I would love to accept the proposal. This is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and I would like to express my undying gratitude to you.”

  My hands writhe and I adjust the silver charm bracelet around my wrist to hide my nervousness.

  “What the hell, Cassie? You may speak like that when we are in meetings; otherwise, don’t ever let me hear you speak with such formality. It’s not you.” She points in my direction and almost knocks over her coffee mug. “I am used to the girl who has no filter. She has spice and fire. That is the main reason I think you will do so well. You don’t put up with bullshit. Now, go back to your desk and finish. We will have drinks at The Hot Spot in three hours with Charles and the rest of the board of directors,” she says, leaving no room for me to decline, even though the meeting will be held at the one place I’m sure to see Lucas.

  With a curt nod, I excuse myself and head to my desk. Lucas isn’t stupid. He has to know I’ve been avoiding him, but he hasn’t mentioned it at all. Perhaps he won’t be there. Maybe he has found someone else to occupy his time and has forgotten about me. I only partially hope for this. It would kill me to know he’s already moved on while I can’t seem to stop thinking of him. Yet, in the end, it would probably be best for both of us. I don’t know how to explain to him that I’m afraid of relationships, especially when I’m currently in one with him.

  As if right on cue, my phone begins to vibrate on my desk. I look at it, and the message is from Lucas.

  Lucas: Look, Cassandra. I am sorry if I offended you in some way that is unknown to me. I just get the feeling that you have been avoiding me. I know things were moving quickly, and I just wanted to apologize for the way I acted before I left your house. (Message 1/3)

  Immediately, the next appears so quickly I almost don’t finish reading the first.

  Lucas: I just need to see you, okay? Can I please see you tonight? I promise to be on my best behavior. ;) You would enjoy me at my best, I’m sure. (Message 2/3)

  Lucas: I am going fucking insane without you, which by the way is one of the strangest sensations in the world. I’ve now come to the conclusion that you’ve turned me into an addict and have left me shaking for my next hit. Thanks for that, love >: -I (Message 3/3)

  A huge smile of adoration pulls at the corners of my mouth, and my heart flutters, telling me there is no way in hell I can forget him. My body is all too aware of him. His words alone make my breath hitch. I shift uncomfortably in my leather chair, as it seems I can’t sit still picturing him at his best. This is fabulous. I’ll have images of Lucas and how many positions of the Karma Sutra we can master running through my mind while meeting with the board of directors.

  In hopes I won’t get caught texting, I tap out a quick response to Lucas.

  Me: I am sure you are right. I would, in fact, enjoy you at your best. I actually have an appointment at your bar tonight with the “higher-ups” to discuss my promotion, but I don’t think I will be able to really spend much time with you. :(

  Lucas: You have an appointment at my place, and I’m not invited? Oh, hell no! If there is an orgy going on at my place involving you, I have first dibs! You’re my girlfriend, so if you’re getting off, I’ll be the one to cause it! ;)

  Instantly, I’m glad he can’t hear thoughts, especially the vividly sexual ones that passed through my head earlier.

  Me: Lucas, you are such a sashay! I received a promotion today, and they are taking me to The Hot Spot for drinks to celebrate! I just realized this. Did you name your bar with sexual innuendos in mind?

  Lucas: Ha-ha! Why, yes, I did. I can’t believe it has taken you this long to figure that out. Congratulations on the promotion. It sucks I won’t be able to see you. I’m babysitting Arya this evening. And, what is this about me being a sashay?

  Me: FML! Not a sashay, an ASS-HAT! You… Are… An… ASSHAT! Autocorrect fail :( I hope to see you soon. :)

  I don’t think I could handle seeing him right now. I’m so torn between wanting him and simply pushing him away like I have every other man.

  Lucas: If I saw you right this very second, it wouldn’t be soon enough for me. Enjoy the time out with your co-workers. Call me if you need ANYTHING, especially if that anything involves the two of us at my place. ;)

  Me: I’ll take that into consideration. Be careful, Lucas.

  Great, I am practically panting like a mad woman at the thought of going to Lucas’ place. Thinking of him naked causes my entire body to tingle. Thankfully, everyone who has a desk near mine has already left for the day, or they would see what my sexual frustration looks like. It’s probably a good thing I won’t see him tonight. I would probably tackle him to the ground and ensure he followed through with at least three of the fantasies I have pictured us doing. Time is exactly what I need to figure out where to go from here. I need to decide if I’m strong enough to give him my heart and let down every barrier I’ve hidden behind for so long, or if I’m able to push him away and lose him forever. The mere thought of losing him brings on a gut-wrenching pain, and I know I want him in my life.

  Trying to occupy my mind with anything other than Lucas, I pick up an application that is on the top of the messy stack of papers in front of me. Cursing under my breath, I read the name on the application, “Lacey Byrne.” It can’t be the same Lacey that works with Lucas. Is that possible? The same Lacey that calls Lucas her boyfriend? Thinking about her infuriates me. I crumple the application and throw it into the wastebasket under my desk. I could get fired for that, I think as I pull it out and set it back dow
n while smoothing it out.

  As I sit looking at the piece of paper, I realize I probably won’t get much work done this afternoon. I’m too nervous. I pick at my fingernails, twirl my hair, and yawn as I call Laura to ask if I can go home and change before we go out with the “higher-ups”.

  “Cassie, you know our policy on leaving early, but considering this evening holds extenuating circumstances, I’ll make an exception. I’ll have a taxi pick you up at five o’clock sharp, so be ready. Since you are being permitted to change, wear something risqué.” I can hear her laughing as she hangs up the phone.

  Today is proving to be a very peculiar one. My boss is in her office snorting, I’ve received a promotion, and Lucas was basically sexting me.

  *****

  This day has already revealed so much that I am almost afraid for tonight. I enter my apartment, thinking about all that has happened today and notice it is eerily quiet. I had forgotten how much noise Dar really makes. Since Hunter has returned from his tour in Iraq, I haven’t seen her much. She has been staying at his place, which, come to think of, I have no clue where that is. Some best friend I’ve turned out to be. I’m bothered more than I should be by not knowing where she is or what she is doing. I nervously pick at my nails and take a deep breath inward. A poor attempt in keeping my anxiety at bay.

  Giving in to my worrisome thoughts, I take out my phone and call Dar.

  “Hello?” she answers groggily, telling someone, “No,” in a playful tone.

  “Dar, I miss you so much! I realized I never asked where Hunter lives, and I’m the shittiest best friend in the world. I’m sorry, but I’m worried about you. Oh, yeah and I got a promotion today.” I pace the floor in the living room, noticing the area rug needs to be swept.

  “Cass, I miss you, too! Have you talked to Lucas recently?” She is avoiding my question. I can tell by the way she changes the subject.

  “We texted earlier. What gives? What’s with all the secrecy?”

  “You really should ask him yourself, Cass. Hey, I have to go, okay? I have somewhere to be. I love ya.”