Accidental Arrangements

by Alexandra Warren

  Instead of accepting his apology, I wrapped my hand around the back of his neck, pulling him in for another kiss. But this time, it was me in control as I slipped my tongue past the threshold of his lips, doing a dance we had both become familiar with. A dance we had both grown to love, though now I’d have to cherish it as only a memory.

  The thought alone was enough for me to pull away, releasing my hold and using the same hand to wipe my lips as I told him, “Me too.”

  And he followed my lead, brushing a thumb across his lips when he asked, “Jules?”

  “Hm?”

  I watched intently as he pulled the single headphone bud from his ear, setting them aside before he asked, “Just one more? A tiebreaker?”

  My body reacted long before my mind did as I jumped into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck as I found his mouth for another kiss; this one being much more aggressive than the last. It felt as if I was releasing everything that had been bottled up over the last couple of months; every ounce of passion I had stored, every ounce of anger I still felt, every ounce of love I held in my heart for someone who had grown so close to me in such a short amount of time.

  And no matter how wrong it might’ve been, it felt so right as he carried me over to his bed, keeping his lips locked on mine as he gently laid me onto the mattress. Then he moved from my lips to my neck, taking advantage of everything he had learned about my body during the nights we had shared as he licked and nibbled while pushing my shirt up over my breasts which suddenly felt desperate for attention. In fact, my whole body felt desperate for attention as each part waited to be tended to, anxious for the opportunity to commit the way it felt to be touched by Levi to memory as he landed short pecks down my stomach until he landed at my waistline. I lifted just enough for him to remove the jeans and panties I was wearing, shimmying them down my legs in record time before he stood up to remove his own.

  That’s when I knew I was in trouble.

  I could get over kisses. Kisses were replaceable. But there was no forgetting the way it felt to have Levi inside of me. There was no forgetting the many nights we had shared tangled in positions we had no business trying. There was no erasing the memories of fucking each other’s life up and then teasing one another about it later.

  And it was clear I wasn’t the only one thinking long and hard about it all as Levi hovered over me, his dick scraping against my belly when he whispered, “How did I mess this up so badly?”

  “Doesn’t matter now,” was the only thing I could reply without getting even more emotional. And I was grateful that he didn’t press me on it, instead using his position to spread my legs even wider before aligning his body with mine to finish off what we had started; to finish off what we had created over his time spent as my roommate.

  I knew this was it. He knew this was it. And he took full ownership of that fact when he delivered slow, deep strokes as if he was trying to savor the moment. And while it felt as if I was able to unleash my feelings through our initial kisses, it was him who used our current position to communicate as he looked directly into my eyes while giving me everything he had down below.

  I struggled to keep mine open, struggled to look at him as the mountain of regret grew taller inside of me. But it wasn’t that I regretted what we were doing. I regretted that we had put ourselves in a predicament for this to be the last time.

  And again, I wasn’t alone in my thoughts as Levi whispered, “I’m sorry, baby.” Forcing me to snap my eyes shut so he wouldn’t see the tears welling up.

  But the second Levi drove even deeper inside of me, a few tears managed to slip out anyway as I suddenly realized what was really happening. He wasn’t just savoring the moment. He wasn’t determined to break me by giving me more inches than I could handle. He was making love to me, decidedly leaving memories much fonder than a casual fuck. Because I wasn’t just a casual thing to him. I wasn’t just chosen out of convenience. He had meant everything he said, everything he did, everything we shared.

  It was all real.

  My conclusion came with a climax so powerful I thought for sure I would burst into tiny little pieces. And I was hardly surprised to find Levi on the same wavelength when it only took a few more strokes for him to get his own, his dick still throbbing inside of me when he asked, “Why are you crying, baby? Did I hurt you?”

  I shook my head, using my weakened limbs to wipe away my tears as I told him, “No. I just…”

  Levi put a finger to my mouth to cut me off. “Shhh…. Come here, pretty girl. Let me hold you.”

  He had already moved from above me to behind me, adjusting against the mattress by the time I replied, “No. I… I can’t. This is… this is already too much.”

  “Just one last time, baby. Please,” he begged, pulling me against his frame and quickly reminding me how perfectly we fit together.

  It wasn’t fair.

  With his chin nuzzled in my hair and his arm draped comfortably over my body, I laid as still as I could, imitating sleep as I tried to remind myself why this was the end; remind myself why we really couldn’t be.

  But my thoughts became a nasty blur when I listened in as Levi whispered, “I’m gonna miss you so much, Jules. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. The best roommate ever. I hope we can still be friends someday. The best of friends. You’re gonna be so dope on the big screen, pretty girl. I can’t wait to brag to my folks about you. Can’t wait to tell them all about the girl who stole my heart. With your mean ass...”

  His little chuckle rumbled against my back as my breathing became even more calculated while I tried to digest his words without freaking out. I could pretty much assume he thought I was asleep which was why he was delivering such a heartfelt message. But I wondered how long he had been holding onto it, wondered if I would’ve ever received it if we hadn’t gone so far, wondered if I had really stolen his heart the way he insisted.

  Sleep didn’t come easy, but when it did, it came hard. In fact, it came so hard that by the time I woke up, Levi was already gone. A set of keys, his mattress, and the small collection of his t-shirts I had permanently borrowed without him knowing were the only things left; the only things that proved he ever existed.

  I hadn’t even realized how much I relied on his company until I no longer had the option. Hadn’t realized how much he contributed until I found myself in a bind, trying to put together some resemblance of a breakfast when it was usually Levi who made sure we had everything in stock. Hadn’t realized how much I enjoyed nagging him about frivolous shit like leaving his basketball shoes in the middle of the living room floor until they were no longer there.

  But this was the new reality. This was the next step. This was… for the best. And regardless of how either one of us felt about it, there was no turning back now.

  It was time to move on.

  Levi

  “Gotdamnit, Graham. Are you really that damn rusty?”

  I shook my head, more disappointed with myself than coach could ever be as I jogged to pick up the ball that I had bounced off the edge of my foot when I tried to make a quick move to the rim.

  It was an elementary mistake. One I really couldn’t afford to make considering I hadn’t exactly been signed to an official contract. But it felt like I had no control with the way my brain seemed to be consumed with everything that had transpired over the last couple of days. From the fight at The Max that thankfully hadn’t shown up on any headline, to the fight with Jules that ended things before they could really even start, to our share of equally good news - news we had both been waiting to hear - that we couldn’t even celebrate because of the terms we were on, and then the goodbye sex that was beyond anything we had ever done before.

  Basketball truly felt small scale compared to that crazy chain of events. But basketball was also my job. It was what I wanted. What I had worked so hard for. And there was no way I was going to let that all go to waste on account of my fucked up personal lif
e.

  Still, it didn’t take long for the feelings surrounding my personal life to seep back into my professional one as I caught a pass from my new teammate and went up for a shot, only for it to be an airball.

  Coach snapped immediately, blowing his whistle before he demanded, “Graham, out. Williams, in.”

  And again, I could only shake my head, mad at myself for much more than just basketball. Though that didn’t seem to matter to Damien who was wearing a tight scowl as he hung over the ledge of the section designated for agents trying to get my attention.

  For a second, I considered ignoring him, knowing nothing he had to say would help my game. But since he had been more than helpful getting me this opportunity in the first place, it felt like I owed it to him to at least hear him out.

  “Levi, I’ve worked too damn hard for you to blow this. What the hell is going on with you?” he asked the second I was close enough to actually hear him.

  And I could only shrug as I told him, “I’m just… I’m a little off today. That’s all.”

  My partial-truth wasn’t enough to stop him from scolding, “Well today is not the day to be a little off. You know you can be cut at any given moment which means your ass is right back to the car lot. And if what my brother told me about your salesmanship is true, I doubt that’s where you want to be.”

  I shook my head, wiping the sweat from my forehead with the hem of my practice jersey as I replied, “Not an option. I’ll do better. I got this.”

  “Yeah, you better,” was all he offered before sending me back to join the other players.

  I stood on the sideline, trying my best to stay in the moment as I watched the team execute flawlessly without me, earning praises from Coach as he exclaimed, “That’s the kind of offense that wins championships!”

  It was the truth. Phoenix was an excellent team. They didn’t need me. But I sure as hell needed them. And if there was anything I had learned from dealing with Jules, it was the importance of letting that be known early and often.

  So I decided to play the part of the supportive teammate, cheering the squad on until I got the opportunity to earn the same support from them. And when I did, even though Coach wasn’t exactly thrilled to put me back in, I was sure to remind him why he decided to take a chance on me in the first place, busting my ass on every play until practice was over.

  My body ached in places that it hadn’t in months, my heart rate still hadn’t gone back down, and there was already a stack of towels covered in my sweat. But I felt… great; felt like things were slowly coming back together, getting back to the normal that I had wished for all along. The only problem was, I was no longer interested in the old normal. I wanted the new normal that included Jules, included everything we had built together.

  But unfortunately for me, that wasn’t an option. We had ended things. We had said our goodbyes one way or another. I was no longer her roommate, was no longer her anything, no matter how much our last night together said there may actually be more to the story.

  Once I made it to the locker room, I checked my phone out of instinct and found a notification from Jules. Well… more like a notification of Jules since my Instagram was set to alert me whenever she posted a new picture. But even that little bit of access gave me the opportunity to stay connected to her no matter how far we got offtrack.

  I clicked on the notification which led me to the picture of Jules holding her script next to her face with the caption, “New character. Who dis?” And I couldn’t help but smile knowing she was finally making her dreams come true, no matter how much it sucked that I couldn’t share in the moment with her.

  I clicked on her profile, scrolling through the pictures I had already looked at hundreds of times since moving out. And I was almost to one of my favorites - a picture of her wearing one of my old college t-shirts - when I heard someone behind me ask, “So that’s what this is all about? That girl you left back in the city?”

  I exited out of the app, dropping my phone into my duffle bag as I told Damien, “She was just my roommate.”

  But he wasn’t convinced as he stepped in front of me to say, “Your gir… roommate, right? Lily told me all about her.”

  “Since when do you and Lily get along well enough to talk without me being around to break up the fight?” I asked, knowing how much my big sister despised him for reasons I would never understand.

  Damien was hardly fazed by the details of my question when he answered, “I was curious. And I figured she had some insight. Told me you had fallen in love.”

  “Well she lied,” I replied sternly as I exchanged my practice jersey with a fresh t-shirt, opting to shower whenever I made it back to the extended-stay I was calling home until Phoenix made an official decision of what they wanted to do with me.

  “Let me give you some advice, Levi. If you’re going to go that deep into her Instagram, you might as well just take a couple screenshots while you’re at it. Saves you the trouble later,” Damien teased as I threw my shoes into the locker that hadn’t even been labeled with my name yet which meant the situation between Jules and I was the last thing I needed to be talking about with my agent.

  We had bigger things to settle like…, “Man, do you have any real news? Or you just coming in here to get on my nerves?”

  Damien’s demeanor became a little tenser, a little more serious when he finally replied, “Coach said he has some concerns. Said you didn’t seem to be all in like he wants you to be, like he needs you to be. But he’s not giving up on you yet. He wants to try you on a 10-day contract. Maybe two so he can get a full evaluation.”

  My face scrunched instantly as I asked, “10-day? Man, that ain’t no real contract.”

  “But it’s a whole lot better than no contract. And it’s almost double what you would make in comparison to them dropping you back down to the D-League, not to mention what you would make if your ass ends up back at the car lot. You just have to take what you can get until you prove you deserve more. That’s the name of the game around here.”

  I nodded, knowing Damien was telling the truth no matter how much it felt like I was being dealt a shorthand. But since the only thing I was in control of was my skills on the court and my attitude about it all, I tried to see the bright side of things when I told him, “I’m grateful they’re taking a chance. But I’m also hungry for more.”

  “Well that’s up to you to show them. As soon as possible, preferably.”

  I chuckled, catching Damien’s hint about the payday that was waiting for him if I were to get a full contract. In all honesty, it was long overdue.

  “I got you, man. Tell Coach I said I appreciate it. And I won’t let him down.”

  He gave me a pat to the shoulder as he said, “Go ahead and get home so you can get some rest. Your first game back is in two days and those lights have surely gotten a little brighter since you’ve been away.”

  “You really think he’s going to play me?” I asked, knowing it was a stretch for me to see the court considering the all-star worthy line-up ahead of me.

  But I felt a little more hopeful when Damien answered, “Ya’ll are playing a team that has been last place in the conference for three years straight. And I mean, if you can’t get clock against them, you must really suck.”

  I laughed again, tossing a dismissive hand his way. “Man, whatever. Thanks for everything though. I appreciate you.”

  “I got you covered, Levi,” he replied with a nod just as his phone began to buzz in his hand, the picture on the screen catching my attention since it looked like the girl version of me.

  “Yo, what is my sister doing calling you?” I asked, more confused than anything since I didn’t even know she had his number.

  And I became even more curious about their involvement when Damien stammered, “I called to uh… let her know about… the contract. She must just be returning my call. I’ll holla at you later.” Before he skipped out of the locker room, letting me know that was definitely somethin
g I needed to check Lily about later.

  But for now, my focus was back to Jules as I pulled my phone out to look at the picture that had originally gotten my attention. The one of Jules doing exactly what she had set out to do while I found myself applying old habits to a new situation.

  “Not all in like he needs you to be,” were the words Damien came up with though I imagined Coach delivering them a lot less kindly. But it reminded me of the time Jules said something similar when describing what I was doing wrong. If I really expected to be with her, everything in my actions should’ve said that clearly, otherwise I was just wasting both of our time.

  And it was exactly the same with basketball. If I expected a real contract, I had to be all the way here. I had to give it my all, give it my last. I couldn’t just have my cake and eat it too because that was how things usually worked out for me. I had to contribute to the creation, make adjustments to the recipe, provide real value and recognize that it wasn’t just about me. It was about being a good teammate, being a good partner.

  I released a heavy sigh as I gathered my things before leaving the locker room, being sure to dap up a few of my teammates on the way out. And once I made it to my car, I decided to make an effort at righting my wrongs by giving Jules a call.

  Of course she didn’t answer.

  I could imagine her avoiding me to protect herself; sitting on the couch we used to share and staring at her phone as it rang the same way she used to do when a bill collector called. Or maybe she was just busy. But no matter what tactic she was applying, I knew I wasn’t giving up.

  I had to make this work.

  Jules

  It wasn’t the first time I had received flowers, but it was definitely the first time I had ever shed a tear over them. The arrangement was beautiful, an assortment of yellow roses and lilies with a few lavender carnations mixed in. But it wasn’t the colors nor the types that had me emotional, it was the sender along with scroll of the message attached to them.