The Fear of Surrender

by Morticia Knight

  “You like that a lot, don’t you? Like it when I invade the inside of your body, like it when I put my dick in there.”

  Linus whimpered, trying to form words but unable to.

  “Yes, I know.” Thomas nibbled his ear some more, snaked his tongue into the canal. “What about other things? I can put something in your ass that will make you feel so much, light your nerves on fire.”

  “Oh, I…I yes…”

  Thomas chuckled against his neck, heating the flesh. “Soon. When we go to the club. Right now I want inside, want to feel that hot, tight hole around my fucking cock.”

  He leaned on one elbow then removed his fingers. After grasping the base of his shaft, Thomas guided it to Linus’ entrance. There was brief moment of fear where Linus held his breath. Then there was a sting, like a small pinch and he knew Thomas’ tip had breached his asshole. He was stretched wider, his passage resisting, Thomas bearing down harder. He pulled back, moaning.

  “It’s like your body doesn’t want to let me go. Breathe, sweetheart. I’m almost all the way in.”

  With a final push, Thomas was flush alongside his skin, Thomas’ thighs pressed against the back of his. He lifted one of Linus’ legs onto his shoulder and Linus wrapped the other around his waist. Thomas took his mouth in a fierce kiss and while he explored his mouth, he pulled almost all the way out of Linus then slammed back into his channel. Linus grunted into his mouth and clutched Thomas’ shoulders.

  Thomas moved in him, thrusting, rolling his hips, driving Linus mad. He kept on kissing him, both of them breathing frantically through their nostrils. Linus held on, his fingers digging into Thomas’ flesh. The stretch, the burn, even the pain was glorious. He was filled with his lover and he never wanted him to leave.

  With one hand, Thomas reached under his ass then tugged them closer, adjusting Linus’ body as he did. Linus cried out, Thomas holding the both of them so that his cock would hit Linus as deeply as he could go. He’d also angled him in a way so Linus could feel that spot again—that wonderful, toe-curling place. His dick was smashed between them, sliding from the moisture he leaked as their heated bodies moved together.

  It was going to happen again. He was going to come from the friction and the place inside him that Thomas knew how to trigger. There wouldn’t be a chance to warn him. He wouldn’t let go of Thomas’ lips and he sensed Thomas wouldn’t let go either.

  He yelled into Thomas’ mouth as his seed gushed between them and Thomas immediately broke their kiss.

  “Oh, God yes, Linus. Beautiful.”

  Thomas’ cry was sharp and loud. He went rigid—one arm still wrapped around Linus’ leg as he screwed his eyes shut. Linus watched, grateful that Thomas had wanted them to face each other. It was beautiful to see and he felt so close to Thomas in that moment. They were joined and Thomas’ cock pulsed in his ass, filling him with hot cum. There was no doubt in him any longer. He belonged to Thomas.

  Chapter Six

  Cradling Linus in his arms, Thomas basked in a sensation of contentment he hadn’t experienced in a very long time. He’d lost love, but in Linus he’d found it again. He kept one leg wrapped protectively over his body, held him close so that their sated dicks nestled together. They were sticky and sweaty and he didn’t care. He was loath to wash away the evidence of their encounter too soon.

  There was the tiniest of snores from Linus and he had to repress a chuckle. He hadn’t thought past getting Linus in his bed, but he had no objections to keeping him overnight. Not that Aaron would necessarily be checking on the boy, but he was glad that he’d alerted him to the fact that he’d be seeking his company. There’d been enough worry regarding Linus’ whereabouts for one night.

  Being careful not to wake him, Thomas gingerly reached over their entwined bodies to grasp the edge of the blanket. He tugged it over them and gave in to the desire to close his eyes and drift away. Thoughts of their encounter continued to swirl through his mind, and sleep didn’t come as easily as he’d assumed it would.

  Smiling, he pressed a light kiss to the top of Linus’ head. When Linus had told him that he wanted to go back to the club, it had filled him with so much unexpected joy. He’d hoped—but hadn’t counted on—Linus ever wanting to go there again. It had surprised him when he’d realized that he would’ve wanted Linus anyway, that he wouldn’t have rejected him because of it. He loved him and knew they could be together as a Dominant and submissive man with or without any club.

  Still, Linus telling him that he wanted to go back was wonderful. There were benefits to going to Hampton Road, not the least of which was the freedom to explore their desires in a more secure environment. It would also be good to have their friends surrounding them, men who understood the unique urges they all indulged in.

  Small murmurs sounded from Linus and he stirred in his sleep. Thomas placed another kiss to the top of his head and he nuzzled into Thomas’ neck. It was almost overwhelming how his chest filled with the need to protect and care for Linus. He was his to keep—and he had no intention of ever letting go.

  * * * *

  Linus wanted to sing, to jump, to dance—he couldn’t keep still. He’d already knocked over one bag of potting soil and it had been an awful mess to clean up. Linus had apologized over and over, but Sam had told him not to worry about it. His friend had been about to ask him what was going on. He could tell from the inquisitive stares he’d received from him all morning, but Sam had been called up front to help a customer.

  That morning when Thomas had brought him back to the guesthouse, he’d promised Linus that from then on, he would make sure to be done with work no later than six o’clock each day except for Mondays and Wednesdays when he took evening appointments. He’d also told Linus that he’d be hiring help soon so that he could cut his schedule back to five instead of six days a week. The best promise was telling Linus that any of the nights he didn’t work belonged to him.

  Since Linus was no longer afraid to go to Hampton Road, he could be with Thomas then too. Even if he had a meeting there, Linus could still be in the submissives’ den. He was nervous and excited about learning to be Thomas’ submissive at the club and what it all really meant. Before he’d dropped him off that morning, Thomas had explained that he wanted to get them started right away on discovering that part of their relationship.

  He knocked over a planter right as Sam made his way up the path from the nursery. It would be yet another mess to clean up. He hoped he wouldn’t start getting charged for all the soil he was wasting. He’d been saving up as much as he could to buy a sewing machine. If he didn’t start working on clothes again soon, he might lose his touch.

  “Are you okay, Linus?”

  He glanced up at his friend. “Um, yeah. Real good.” His face flushed hot.

  Dammit.

  Sam narrowed his eyes at him. “Is the heat getting to you?”

  “Oh, um, I don’t think so.”

  He grabbed a whisk broom and dustpan to busy himself.

  “I saw Thomas driving you up to the guesthouse awful early this morning.” Sam cleared his throat. “I’m not trying to be nosy like Francesco. I just couldn’t help it. I was standing right there when the car went by. I guess you guys didn’t see me.”

  “Oh.”

  Linus tried to think of what to say. So far, talking about personal things had only been easy with Thomas. And even then, he’d had to work up to it first.

  “I’m sorry. I made you embarrassed. I’ll leave you alone. I know it’s none of my business.”

  Sam turned as if he was going to head back down to the nursery.

  “Wait!”

  He paused and looked up at Linus.

  “Yeah?”

  “You, um, you don’t need to apologize.”

  Linus took a deep breath. He liked Sam. It would be good for him to have friends, to quit being so alone all the time. Thomas certainly had a lot of friends. He should too.

  “Thomas… Thomas and I…um, I told Thomas I want
to go back to the club with him.”

  A big grin lit up Sam’s face. “Really? That’s swell!”

  Before he could stop him, Sam had enfolded him in a hug. He stepped back, still smiling.

  “Does that mean he’s your Master now—or just your fellow?”

  Having a conversation with one person about another person was harder than he’d realized. What was he supposed to say? Did Thomas mind? Had they really even decided that yet? Thomas had told him they’d be going over several kinds of things later that night.

  “Um, I’m not sure. We’re supposed to talk about it tonight when we go to the club.”

  Sam’s eyes got big and round. “Tonight? You’re going tonight?” Sam was practically jumping up and down as he chewed on his lip. “I’ll be right back!”

  Before Linus had the chance to say anything, Sam was racing down the path toward the main house. He hoped he hadn’t said something he wasn’t supposed to or done anything that would cause a problem later on. Why hadn’t he just kept his mouth shut? Another pot got knocked over but that one had a seedling in it.

  “Damn!”

  Frustration filled him as he worked to save the frail plant. He carefully removed it then got fresh soil, hoping it would make a difference. He really didn’t know too much about what he was doing—Sam had always shown him everything. When he finally got it replanted, it was slightly bent. He was afraid it would die.

  He pressed his lips together, angry at himself for not paying attention and maybe killing one of Sam’s plants.

  “I’m so stupid.”

  “Why are you stupid, sweetheart?”

  He yelled so loud he was sure he’d bring everybody up from the main house to see if he was being murdered.

  “Thomas!” he squeaked.

  His lover chuckled then pulled him in by the nape of his neck to capture his mouth. He kissed him thoroughly before letting him go.

  “Much better.”

  He smiled down at Linus, his blue eyes filled with nothing but happiness. Linus was thrilled that he was there, but surprised. He’d thought Thomas was going to be busy with clients over in Hollywood the rest of week as he got things settled with his business.

  “How come, um, I mean, I thought you said I wouldn’t see you until tonight?”

  “I couldn’t bear to wait.”

  Little flutters filled Linus’ tummy at Thomas’ words.

  “Oh. I’m really glad.” He glanced around nervously as he remembered what he’d told Sam.

  Thomas cupped his cheek. “Linus? Why were you saying you were stupid?”

  “Um…”

  “Thomas, good morning.”

  Linus almost cried out again. There was a knot in his stomach as he spied Aaron and Sam walking toward them. He lowered his chin, uncertain what to do. Things were just beginning with Thomas and he didn’t want to goof it up so soon.

  “Great to see you.” Thomas had turned to greet his friend.

  “It hasn’t even been twenty-four hours.”

  Aaron clapped him on the back, laughing. “I’m so glad we got all that resolved last night.”

  “Indeed.”

  Aaron regarded Linus but directed his words to Thomas. “Here to see your boy?” Aaron winked at him and he didn’t know what to do except blush.

  “Thought I’d have some lunch with him before I come back later to take him to the club.”

  Linus repressed a gasp.

  “Yes, Sam was just telling me that you’d be attending tonight and is pestering me to take him as well.”

  Thomas glanced at Linus, a smirk on his face. “Oh? Now how did Sam know that?”

  He wanted to crawl under one of the benches and hide. Having friends and talking to them about things was too stressful. He noted that Sam didn’t seem concerned. As a matter of fact, he was directing a big smile at Linus. Had he tried to get Linus in trouble? Was he being mean the way his cousin Arnold had been? Sam had always seemed very sweet and kind. He had no idea what to think.

  Thomas pulled Linus to his side, keeping an arm wrapped tightly around him. Linus gazed up at him and saw the same happy expression on Thomas face.

  He doesn’t seem mad.

  “What time are you planning on going?” Aaron had picked up the conversation as if nothing was wrong.

  Maybe nothing is wrong?

  He really wanted to be alone with Thomas so that he could help him figure out all the confusing thoughts battling within him. Thomas caressed his shoulder, his thumb and fingers tracing small circles on the fabric of his shirt. Everything certainly seemed okay.

  “I was going to come and get Linus at six-thirty then take him to dinner. Why don’t you join us? I’d planned on Del Rio’s, the Italian place on Colorado. We could go to the club from there. Didn’t Saul say that there was a new couple who would be doing a hot-wax demonstration this evening?”

  “Sounds wonderful. We’ll meet you at Del Rio’s. That way you can stay longer at the club if you need to.”

  There was a distinct twinkle in Aaron’s eyes and Sam giggled. His face heated again and as much as he liked them, he needed to be alone with Thomas. Relieved when they said their goodbyes, he peered up at Thomas to see if he might look like he was mad now that their friends had left.

  Instead of anger, there was only the joy Thomas had shown him ever since he’d arrived.

  “Let’s see, where were we? Ah, yes. You were going to tell me why you were stupid, which I find hard to believe. But first, let’s take these”—he held up a bag that Linus assumed contained their lunch—“and get comfortable on the picnic bench.”

  Linus followed his lover down the path to the outdoor table where they could be alone and eat whatever Thomas had brought. Once they were seated across from each other, Thomas placed the bag on the table then took Linus’ hands.

  “Talk to me, sweetheart. I can tell something’s bothering you.”

  “Oh, um, you can?”

  “Yes. See? I’m paying attention.”

  He nodded. Thomas was giving him all his attention so he deserved to hear everything. “Okay. I told Sam I was going to the club with you tonight. I wasn’t going to say anything, but, um, Sam saw you bring me home this morning. He wanted to know if you’re my Master, and I…um…” Linus let out a dejected sigh. “I didn’t know what to do.”

  Thomas brought Linus’ knuckles to his mouth for a kiss before lowering them. “Does it bother you that Sam and Aaron know? I didn’t think to ask you if you wanted to keep it private. I apologize if that’s the case. We could’ve used the back entrance to go to one of the rooms.”

  Thomas’ words threw him off. He’d thought he would be the one apologizing, not the other way around.

  “No, um, I didn’t know if you wanted me to say anything or not.” He groaned. “I didn’t know what to say, what to do. I’m not good at talking to people. I’ve never really had many friends.” He lowered his head. Oh, how he wished he could be a more interesting person for Thomas.

  “Linus, look at me.”

  Linus raised his eyes, but still kept his chin lowered.

  “You have lots of friends now and as you get to know them, it’ll get easier. Now, I didn’t ask you to keep that private between us, because I didn’t feel it was necessary. I’d already told Aaron that I wanted to be with you last night and truthfully, I want everyone to know you’re mine. It probably would have been better had I been more clear.” Thomas squeezed their joined hands, frowning with a slight grimace. “Since you’ve brought up this subject, this might be a good time for me to tell you what happened between me and my last lover—the one I mentioned when you asked me if I’d ever had anyone as my boy before.”

  “I’m sorry. If you don’t want to talk about it, we don’t have to.”

  “No, we should. You deserve to know and it’ll help you to understand more about me—about what I’ve been through, why I left Santa Barbara and why Hampton Road is so important to me.”

  “Oh, um, something bad
happened?”

  Thomas nodded then kissed Linus’ fingers before letting them go. He stared at seemingly nothing, his elbows propped on the table, his mouth covered by his hands. Straightening, he exhaled before fixing his gaze back on Linus.

  “I lost my virginity to a man back in Texas when I was only sixteen. I’d taken to lurking about the seedier areas of town, hoping for such a thing to occur. Of course, I had no idea what I was getting myself into.” Thomas gave him a knowing look. “Which is the exact reason why I’ve been so protective of you.”

  Linus swallowed. He didn’t like the way the story was going.

  Thomas continued. “He took me rough, hard. I’d wanted it, but I fought him too. It wasn’t a good experience, which is also why I was so concerned about your first time.” He shook his head. “It was strange. I hated being held down by him. I hated that my body was his to take, to do with as he wished. The entire time he used me, I wished it was the other way around. I wanted to be the one to hold him down.”

  “He raped you?”

  “God, no. Not at all.” Thomas considered him. “I’d asked him to fuck me, blatantly egged him on. I wanted to know what it was like.” He snorted. “I got my answer.”

  “Was it bad because he was being too rough, or because you don’t like, um, to have that done to you?”

  “Both, I suppose. I had a few more experiences with more decent men, but I submitted to it primarily to learn how to make my lovers feel good when the situation was reversed.”

  “Oh.” He squirmed around on the bench. He’d never had such a conversation before. If he hadn’t been talking with Thomas, he probably would have fainted away from embarrassment. “Well, um, you do make me feel good—and safe. It’s like I’m being cherished or something. I don’t know… When you cover me with your body, it makes me secure. It didn’t ever feel that way to you?” He lowered his head. The words that came out of him still weren’t as clear as he wished they would be.

  Thomas narrowed his eyes at him. “That’s what it’s like for you, isn’t it?”