The Fear of Surrender

by Morticia Knight

Aaron was right. Where the hell had the notion come from that Linus would want to be disciplined and put in charge of all the household duties while Thomas slaved away at his accounting firm? That had never been brought up by either one of them. Linus had only spoken of his dreams to make costumes, to work at the studios or in a theater one day. He’d said nothing of turning every hour of each day over to Thomas. It occurred to him that his sudden concerns were a result of his fears about his own life and had nothing to do with Linus. What was he making them wait for?

  “Thomas?”

  “Sorry, I was thinking about what you said.”

  “And?”

  “I need to go see Linus.”

  “Attaboy. Glad to know you still have some sense.”

  Thomas smacked him good-naturedly on the arm as he rose from the love seat. “I wish there was a phone in that guesthouse of yours so that I don’t scare the dickens out of him.” He rubbed his chin. “Perhaps I’ll get one installed.”

  Aaron laughed, shaking his head. “Don’t know why I didn’t think of it earlier. I’ll take care of it right away.”

  “I didn’t mean for you—”

  “Would you please do us all a favor and go take care of Linus? Let me worry about telephones.”

  Thomas patted his shoulder. “Thank you. For everything.”

  After he’d gathered his suit coat and hat from the front hall, he found that he was very anxious to get to Linus as soon as he could. The nights were staying warmer the more they advanced toward summer and Thomas wondered if it might not be nice to go out of town with Linus somewhere. They still had to have a discussion regarding what Linus did want from a Master, but more than ever, Thomas was sure talk wasn’t what was needed any longer. The only way Linus could discover his potential as a submissive would be to experience it.

  When he reached the familiar dirt driveway, he resisted the urge to barrel up the rutted path. When he drew nearer to the guesthouse, he saw that all the lights were out. He tamped down his disappointment that Linus wasn’t awake. At the same time, he didn’t know what he’d expected. It wasn’t as if Linus had had any reason to stay up. He would have to be very careful not to frighten him.

  Once he’d parked, he exited the Buick then strolled up the path to the front door. He knocked loudly, but called out as well.

  “Linus, its Thomas.” He smiled. “I couldn’t stay away.”

  He stilled, waiting for what he was sure would be Linus’ footsteps to the door. He pictured him with mussed hair and sleep-hooded eyes. The mere thought had his shaft hardening in his trousers. A few minutes passed, and he marveled at what a sound sleeper Linus must be. He tried again. And again.

  An icy finger of alarm stole over him. He jogged around to the back where the bedroom window was. There was enough of a moon out that when he cupped his hands and looked inside, it was clear that the bedroom was empty. Running back to the front door, he checked the knob and saw that it was unlocked. He barged in, scrambling around for a lamp. Finding one on a table, he pulled the chain to turn it on.

  He glanced around the room. Nothing seemed amiss. One of his first thoughts had been that Preston had somehow found out where Aaron lived and had discovered Linus in the guesthouse. He swallowed against the nausea that threatened at the idea of Linus being forced away by Preston. The only thing he noticed about the room was the soft ticking of an odd clock that rested in a carved owl and a brochure of some sort on the coffee table.

  Thomas bent to retrieve the paper item and saw that it was the rail schedule. It was folded in a way that showed the stops near his home.

  Could he have…?

  Perhaps Linus had been much lonelier than he’d let on. Thomas had certainly had the idea to surprise Linus. Sighing, he prayed that Linus had really gone to his house. He didn’t like the idea that he’d gone off on his own after his last rail car experience, but it was preferable to believing Preston had somehow gotten a hold of him. Regardless, there was no reason to remain at the guesthouse any longer.

  He hurried to his vehicle then drove as quickly as was prudent back to his home. If Linus wasn’t there, he wasn’t sure what he’d do. The Colt 45 he’d brought with him from Texas was in the bottom of one of his desk drawers. If there was no sign of Linus, he’d grab it, contact Aaron then pay Preston a visit. He couldn’t take a chance with the man he loved.

  * * * *

  Linus startled awake. His neck was sore from being at an awkward angle for too long. Rubbing at it to loosen the muscles, he wished he had a watch to know what time it was. He’d dozed off while sitting on Thomas’ front porch to wait for him to return. He’d been leaning against the front door, his form shielded by the darkness from possible passers-by. The sun had already gone down by the time he’d arrived and either Thomas had forgotten to turn on the outside light or wasn’t in the habit of doing so. It was one of those miniscule details he wished he knew about the man he thought he’d fallen in love with.

  The more he woke up, the more concerned he became regarding Thomas’ whereabouts. He didn’t want to question Thomas’ promises about not seeing other men. Could it have really taken that long to have a board meeting at Hampton Road? He had no idea. There was so much about the club he didn’t know. But what really worried him at that moment was how Thomas would react to finding him on his porch.

  The more time had passed, the more unsure of his rash behavior he’d become. Thomas hadn’t invited him. Even if he’d said he’d rather be with him than doing anything else, wouldn’t he have asked Linus to come over after his meeting if he really wanted him there? He wondered if he would ever understand how couples were supposed to act in a relationship.

  It had to be late. Definitely too late to get a train back to the guesthouse. He might be able to walk there, but it would take a long time and he’d be wandering around in the middle of the night all alone. His stomach clenched in fear and he knew he would never attempt it. The only choice that remained was to wait until Thomas came home. He dropped his head into his hands and groaned.

  I hope I didn’t just ruin everything.

  The sharp glare of headlights made him jerk his head back up. He shielded his eyes as a car pulled into the driveway. It had to be Thomas, but he couldn’t tell for sure yet. He pushed himself up to a standing position right as the lights shut off. It was Thomas, and despite all his worries over his reaction, he couldn’t stop the thrum of excitement under his skin at seeing him. As Thomas jogged toward the porch he noted his expression of concern.

  When he reached Linus, he grabbed his upper arms.

  “My God, what were you thinking?”

  Linus swallowed down his emotions. Thomas didn’t want him there after all.

  “Let’s get you inside. How long have you been here? It’s not warm enough for you to be sitting out on the cold deck. You scared me half to death.”

  Thomas let go of him long enough to unlock the door then put an arm around his shoulders, guiding him inside. He continued to unleash a barrage of words as he searched around for lights, led Linus to a long sofa in the main area then removed his hat and jacket.

  “I went to the guesthouse and when you weren’t there, I thought the worst. My God, Linus. Why didn’t you call me at the club? I could have come and gotten you. Remember what happened the last time you were on a rail car? It could’ve been a horrible outcome if I hadn’t been there.”

  At last, Thomas lowered himself onto the couch close enough to Linus that their knees touched. Linus swallowed hard, his face heating the way it always did when he was around Thomas. He felt like an idiot.

  “I’m sorry.”

  Thomas sighed and collected Linus’ hands in his. “Sweetheart, you can always call me whenever you need me.”

  “But you didn’t call me back earlier, and I…I just really miss you a lot and I wanted to tell you something.”

  Thomas nodded, his lips pressed in a hard line. He laced their fingers together, tightening his hold. It reminded Linus of the safety he
felt within Thomas’ care.

  “You’re right. I let you down and I apologize for that. I realized something today. I’ve been taking things slow with you, but I’ve only focused on what I need as well as what I think you need. I should be guiding you, not forcing you.”

  Linus frowned, completely lost as to what Thomas was trying to say. “Um, you’re not forcing me at all. And you have been going very slow.” Linus looked away. “Too slow.”

  “That’s exactly what I mean. I haven’t been paying close enough attention to what your actions tell me or really allowing myself to understand you. Instead, I’ve come to conclusions about what you require from a man based on what I’m dealing with in my life. That’s completely unfair of me. Please forgive me.”

  “Oh, um, that’s okay. But aren’t you supposed to be telling me what to do? Because of the, um, the Dominant thing.”

  Thomas brought Linus’ hands up to his lips and placed an earnest kiss on his knuckles. He closed his eyes before locking his gaze on Linus. “Yes. No.” He shrugged. “Maybe? It’s different for every single person. That’s why I wanted to get to know you all over again as if we’d never interacted as Dominant and submissive before. Start fresh, remember? That way we could discover what we both like with each other and whether it might work out for us.” Thomas’ voice lowered. “If we might want to make this more permanent.”

  Oh.

  “Well, um, that was the thing I wanted to tell you.”

  “What did you want to tell me?”

  “I want to start doing all those things we did before at the club. And, um, I want to do them while we’re at the club. I’m ready to be with you like that.” Linus took a big breath. “Please?”

  Thomas appeared stunned. Slowly, a smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. He gathered Linus up in his arms then pulled him onto his lap.

  “That’s the most wonderful thing I’ve ever heard.”

  Thomas engulfed him in a searing kiss. Even when he’d been with Thomas before, even when Thomas hadn’t known how inexperienced Linus was, he’d never kissed him with such abandon. Thomas didn’t tease his lips apart, he demanded entrance with his tongue, pushed his way in. With each tilt of his head, Thomas retreated then plunged deeper. His stubble scraped across Linus’ chin, his upper lip, his cheeks. Linus went limp in his arms, allowing Thomas to take him, answering back with his own swipes.

  When Thomas pulled back, his breath coming in quick pants, Linus reached up to cup his face. Thomas smiled down at him, his eyes glittering in the soft light.

  “I’m taking you to bed to make love to you the way I should have for your first time.”

  “But I liked my first time.”

  Thomas’ brow furrowed as an expression of pain clouded his features. “Oh, Linus, how I wish I’d known. I took you from behind, your wrists tied, a mask covering your beautiful eyes. I want you face to face. I want to see what you look like when you come.”

  Their shared kiss had already made Linus so very hard but Thomas’ words made his dick leak, his balls ache. Thomas eased Linus off his lap, then after intertwining their fingers, he led the way to the bedroom. Tension turned to trembling. The last time they’d been together, he’d been so intent on pretending he wasn’t a virgin, he hadn’t had time to completely appreciate everything that was happening to him.

  “Let me undress you, Linus.”

  Thomas was slow, gentle. He undid the buttons to his shirt then slid the garment off his shoulders, dragging the suspenders along with it. As Thomas loosed the closures of Linus’ trousers, he placed feathery kisses along his brow, across his temple, then down the side of his neck. Linus gasped and imagined he was a bow string, pulled back, taut and ready to snap. Thomas lowered to his knees, removing the rest of Linus’ clothing, trailing his lips along Linus’ freshly exposed skin as he did.

  He’d been naked with Thomas before. Acting as if it was something he was used to had somehow made it easier for him to overcome much of his shyness. The fact that he’d craved Thomas’ touch, had been so drawn to him, had also shielded him from much of his fear. Now he was completely exposed to Thomas, his body and his soul. There was nothing left for him to hide behind.

  He moaned when Thomas’ mouth reached his abdomen. Each time Thomas exhaled, the heat of his breath made goosebumps rise on his flesh. Thomas snaked out his tongue, licking, then retreating.

  “Oh…”

  Linus tossed back his head as he grabbed Thomas’ hair, clutching it between his fingers. His cock pulsed, the blood rushing through his veins. He wouldn’t be able to wait for Thomas, couldn’t wait. Thomas swallowed his entire shaft right as Thomas yanked him close, running his hands up and down Linus’ body, kneading and massaging him.

  His nuts tightened abruptly, and before he could yell out a warning or tell Thomas to stop, he was shooting cum down his lover’s throat. The release was harsh enough that it brought water to his eyes, dizziness threatening to bring him to his knees. Thomas held on, didn’t let him fall. Staying with him as he softened, Thomas sucked the remainder of his seed from him then lapped at his balls.

  “Mmm. Let’s get you on the bed.”

  “Thomas, I…”

  What could he say? He’d come too early and there was nothing he could do to change it.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Shh, sweetheart. It’s okay. I’m taking care of you. We have all night.”

  All night.

  He sighed, a contented sound. Thomas rose then lifted him. Linus gasped, hanging onto Thomas’ shoulders and wrapping his legs around his waist. The expression in Thomas’ eyes made him blush again. He didn’t want to turn away but it was difficult to return his stare. There was such raw lust reflected back at him. Thomas took his mouth in another impassioned kiss and desire still burned just under Linus’ skin.

  After Thomas laid him on the bed, he straightened then slowly removed his own clothing. He never stopped looking at Linus, sometimes raking Linus’ body with his gaze, sometimes locking eyes with him.

  “So beautiful.” Thomas whispered it almost as if he’d been talking to himself.

  Once he was nude, Thomas crawled up from the foot of the bed toward him. He shivered, anticipation building in his belly again. He’d only been breached one time and Thomas was the only man who’d ever entered him. There was no reason for him to be afraid, only excited.

  As soon as Thomas touched his wet, warm lips to Linus’ nipple, he hissed and arched his back. Thomas licked and teased, gave small nips then soothed the spot with his tongue. He wrapped one arm around Linus’ shoulders, pulling him closer. Then he used his other hand to hold Linus down on the bed by his hip. He never let up, moving from one pebbled nub to the next until funny, pleading noises fell from Linus’ mouth.

  Thomas stopped, releasing him before sitting up on his haunches. Linus was breathless, jarred from the suddenness of being let go. He glanced up at Thomas who grinned back with a wild look about him, his greased hair loose and tangled. Thomas winked before leaning over to open a small drawer in the nightstand. He pulled out a cylindrical bottle which he then propped against a pillow.

  Linus remembered feeling something cool and wet that Thomas had used on his entrance before he’d breached him. He’d been grateful for the mask, grateful that he’d been turned away from Thomas when it had happened. Otherwise, he wouldn’t have been able to hide his inexperience. There had been a gentle prodding before Thomas had pushed a finger inside him. It was the first time he’d ever felt something inside there and it had been strange. More slickness then Thomas had added another digit, moving them within Linus. Soon, Thomas had skated over a place inside his body and he’d cried out in pleasure, Thomas murmuring soft words that had soothed him. After that, he’d gladly accepted Thomas’ cock in his ass.

  Linus watched, fascinated as Thomas dribbled the gel-like substance onto his fingers. After setting the bottle down, he ran his clean hand across Linus’ torso until he reached the nest of dark curly hairs surr
ounding the base of his lengthening erection. Thomas excited him so much and he was sure he’d get to come again. Thomas played in the curls and Linus hardened completely.

  “Yes, that’s it. Lift your knees for me.”

  His breathing sped up and he felt hot and cold at the same time.

  “Spread your thighs wider. Now lift.” Thomas sighed as he leaned down between Linus’ legs, pushing on the backs of his thighs to expose him. “Perfect, just as I remembered. Such a sweet rosebud, begging for me to taste it, penetrate it.”

  Linus keened as Thomas licked in his crease, a long, slow swipe which he then repeated several more times. Soon he concentrated his efforts on Linus’ hole, his warm, wet tongue teasing Linus’ entrance, flicking the rim. Thomas moved the hand he’d used to hold Linus down to grasp Linus’ sac. He kneaded it with enough pressure to be pleasurable, but not quite painful. Thomas’ breath fanned across his sensitive skin once he stopped licking him. He started from the sensation of Thomas pressing against his opening.

  “Relax, sweetheart. Let me in. Let me get you ready for my cock.”

  He exhaled, remembering how much he’d liked it from before. There was a slight burn as Thomas sank a finger in, and he was reminded of the strangeness of the act. Thomas pulled back out before touching the bump inside him that drove him crazy. After he added another digit, he pushed deeper for the spot that gave him so much pleasure. It was a jolt that went right to the end of his dick and he could feel how much it made him leak, made him want.

  Thomas added a third finger then twisted them around inside his passage. It was weirder, more like he remembered it had been when Thomas had fucked him. There was the impression that he was too full, but then Thomas skated over the special place inside him and he writhed, tried to force Thomas to give him more.

  “My God, you’re incredible.”

  Thomas kept his fingers inside him, but leaned down so his lips were next to Linus’ ear. He kissed behind the lobe, licked him then took a nibble. Linus was worried he’d come too soon again, but couldn’t protest. He didn’t want Thomas to stop anything he was doing.