The Fear of Surrender

by Morticia Knight

  I said a little more. Take a little more for Thomas.

  Thomas added more slickness then pushed in with two fingers. His moan was loud as he pushed his ass against the intrusion inside him. It was good to be filled, especially as Thomas took such wonderful care of him. Thomas held on to one hip to prevent him from rutting into the air. Fucking him with the digits, he skated over the nerves again and again, and Linus thought he really would go mad. There had to be a release soon, had to be.

  The invasion of his backside came to a stop and the emptiness was all-consuming. It couldn’t be over. Something cold and hard prodded his hole. It didn’t yield, so he was sure it wasn’t Thomas. He clamped his muscles around the object as it was pushed into him, widening his opening until it burned.

  “Don’t resist boy. Breathe through it.”

  “What…what is it?”

  “Trust me.”

  “I…”

  “Mercy?”

  “No. No, Sir. I trust you.”

  Thomas placed a kiss on the bottom of his spine and he relaxed. What felt like a large smooth stone slid in, expanding his hole and filling his ass more than he’d thought possible. There was no pain, but the stretch to his rim stung a bit. The sensation of more oil on his heated skin soothed it somewhat. The thing inside him was heavy and seemed enormous to him. Thomas didn’t move it—he only held it all the way inside him.

  “Talk to me, boy. How are you doing?”

  “I’m…”

  He wanted to say it right, but it was all so strange. Never could he have imagined that men did such things with one another or that he would not only allow, but want a man to do it to him. Not really any man, but Thomas. Everything was different with Thomas.

  “Mercy?”

  “No! Don’t take it out!”

  He gasped, his face heating at the vehemence of his words. How could he have blurted out such a thing? Thomas would think… Well, he just didn’t know what he might think.

  Thomas bit his shoulder. Enough that he understood the desire, but not enough to take him away from how glorious it was to have his ass so magnificently stuffed.

  “My, my. Such a wanton boy. I see I’ll have to get something made for you to carry inside your body. How you love to be filled.”

  Thomas kept the object inserted inside him as he leaned over his back then nibbled at his lobe.

  “Turn to me.”

  Linus twisted his head. Thomas took his mouth in a hungry kiss, swiping at his tongue, his teeth, sucking and nibbling his lips. As he took his fill of Linus’ mouth, he slowly moved the stone object in and out of his passage. Its hardness pressed insistently against the electrical spot inside him and he was lost between the penetration at both ends of his body.

  The pleasure built, a surge of desire coursing through him with nowhere to go. He moaned in need, begging to be released from the agony of denial. In a lazy manner, Thomas continued to thrust the phallus inside his channel, the drag on his insides adding to the thrill of the act. The kisses remained deep and insistent. His lover flicked the tip of his shaft and he whimpered into Thomas’ mouth. When Thomas lightly brushed it, the intensity of the sensation after so much build-up brought water to his eyes. There was a tug on the ties wrapped so snugly around his dick and sac. In one fluid movement, they fell away and Thomas broke the kiss to whisper to him.

  “Come.”

  There was nothing reserved about him as he yelled through his release, pumping hot seed in long streams on the floor. His inner muscles clamped harshly around the stone object plugging him as Thomas twisted it inside his body. Even as he continued to groan and pant, Thomas removed the phallus, immediately replacing it with his own cock, shoving it all the way inside Linus’ body in one move. His knees buckled and Thomas encircled his waist, holding him tight against his stomach as he pounded into him.

  Thomas’ body covered him as he took his pleasure. It was exactly what Linus needed, what he’d wanted. He was exhausted, spent. Too wrung dry to do anything other than to submit to Thomas’ urgent fucking. Each plunge seemed to hit him deeper, seemed to open him up more.

  “Such a tight, sexy hole.” Thomas growled in his ear. “Holding me inside, fighting to keep me there.” He grunted, his thrusts becoming erratic. “Beautiful boy. My beautiful boy.”

  He cried out, pulsing inside Linus, heating his insides. He collapsed against him, pushing them both against the cushioned end of the table. Thomas’ body shielded him, holding him down, his weight pressing into him.

  Yes.

  Thomas reached around them both to disengage Linus’ grip on the leather handles, then joined their hands as he brought them up to rest above their heads. He nuzzled his face into Linus’ back, his neck. As Thomas murmured his love to him, he let himself drift away where nothing existed but the two of them, their bodies joined as one.

  Chapter Eight

  After Thomas had cleaned them both off, he’d picked up the leather sleeve from the carpet then reluctantly put it in his bag. The first thing the next morning he planned on making a visit to the designer who crafted many of the special toys for the club. He wanted to order a set of rubber plugs that graduated in size, similar to the rectal dilators that physicians prescribed for the digestive ills of unhealthy patients. He’d long suspected that the purported medical uses of such items were completely ridiculous, but the sexual benefits couldn’t be denied. Most of the men at Hampton Road enjoyed using them on their boys.

  The other article he needed to have right away. It had been obvious to him almost immediately that Linus experienced peace and security with his genitals bound. He was willing to wager that it could help center him in his daily life—perhaps even assist him to express himself more freely.

  As he drove Linus home, Thomas continued to ruminate over what had transpired between them earlier. He glanced over at the sleeping figure of his boy.

  My boy.

  It had sounded right every time he’d said it out loud, so much better than when he’d thought it in his head. And Linus had flourished each time he’d used it, had responded with more abandon as the night had worn on. It seemed as if once his fear over being at the club had been eradicated, any barriers to their interaction as a Dominant and submissive had disappeared.

  They’d spent the rest of the evening alone in the room, talking while lounging on some large throw pillows Thomas had strewn on the floor. He’d requested that Javier bring them some fruit, cheese and seltzer waters from the kitchen. He hadn’t asked Linus whether he was interested in going back to the way it had been for him when he’d first attended Hampton Road, when he’d played at being a knowledgeable submissive. It was a ruse that had almost turned out very bad for him when he’d fallen into Preston’s clutches. If Linus desired to be trained for presentation in the public part of the club, Thomas would wait for him to ask.

  Instead, they’d focused on what had occurred between them and how Linus had felt about it. Even though it had been clear that Linus had enjoyed himself—much more than Thomas could’ve wished for—he wanted to verify that Linus was certain of his own feelings. It was imperative that Linus not do anything solely because he thought it was what Thomas wanted him to do. It was okay for Thomas to lead and encourage him, push him even, but Linus’ surrender had to be genuine and from his heart.

  When his sweet boy could no longer keep his eyes open, Thomas had reluctantly directed him to get dressed so that he could take him home. As exhausted as Linus was, his disappointment was still evident. Once they’d gathered themselves together, Thomas had been mindful of taking him down the back stairs.

  They were almost to Sam and Aaron’s home. An uncomfortable sensation lodged in Thomas’ gut. He ran one hand along Linus’ arm, gently encouraging him awake. A groan of protest came from him.

  “Sweetheart, we’re almost…”

  He stopped, wondering at what had come over him. He was fighting himself, something he rarely did. Decisions were typically clear in his mind—he had a strong
sense of self. It was how he’d been able to stand up to those who would have shamed him into admitting he’d been wrong over Evan in Santa Barbara. He hadn’t been wrong, so there’d been nothing to admit to.

  Thomas stroked Linus again, adding a little shake so that he could be sure that Linus wanted the same thing he did. Linus peeked up at him from underneath his lashes, still huddled in a ball, but facing him. Thomas smiled, catching as much as he could of his boy with stolen glances, careful not to look away from the road for too long.

  “I guess we’re back at the guesthouse, huh?”

  Thomas had to hold back a burst of laughter. His disgusted tone had said it all. Apparently Linus was as uninterested in being dropped off at the lonely house as Thomas was in leaving him there.

  We’d have to get up very early…

  It would be worth it.

  “How would you like to spend the night with me?”

  He’d been stroking Linus’ arm in between caresses to his head. There was no doubt if they kept driving around in the dark often enough, he’d end up becoming an incredibly gifted one-handed driver. At his words, Linus’ body had tensed.

  “It’s really okay?”

  “Very okay.”

  Linus sighed, his body relaxing. “That would be wonderful. Thank you…um, should I still be calling you Sir?”

  “Is that what you want to do?”

  “Oh. Um, I don’t know. Would it seem funny to other people?”

  “Well, you know it wouldn’t be an issue with our friends, but perhaps at a restaurant or in other situations like that. You don’t have to answer that right now if you’re not sure.”

  “Oh, I’m sure I want to call you that, but I was wondering about the other thing. And, um, also, I mean…”

  He heard the melancholy sigh that he’d come to recognize as an expression of Linus’ frustration with himself.

  “What else concerns you about calling me Sir?”

  “You said I wasn’t ready for a Master. If I call you Sir, is that, um, is that kind of like the same thing?”

  “Kind of, but not exactly. It’s a different progression in our relationship. When you call me ‘Sir’, you’re acknowledging that I’m the Dominant man in the relationship, at whatever stage that relationship might be. Master means that we’ve decided to make our association official. That you’ve given yourself to me, that you agree that I’ve mastered you and that you’re mine.”

  “Oh.”

  There was a long pause and Thomas was imbued with curiosity over what might be tumbling around in Linus’ brain at that morsel of information.

  “Well…um, until I’m ready for the whole Master thing, I’d like to call you ‘Sir’—unless we’re at a restaurant, like you said.”

  “I’d like that very much, Linus. I would be honored.” He was a bit taken aback at how quickly Linus had embraced the notion. “Just as long as you understand that I’m not in a position to handle your submission every hour of every day. I can’t do what Aaron and Saul do for their boys.”

  “Oh, um, that’s okay. I don’t think I could be like that all the time either.” He cleared his throat. “But, um, you’ll still call me ‘boy’, right?”

  Thomas couldn’t control the grin that spread across his face. “Of course I will.” He ruffled Linus’ hair. “Especially since you’re such a good boy.”

  It was too bad it was so dark out. Thomas would have loved to have seen the blush staining Linus’ cheeks.

  * * * *

  Linus hated Mondays—and Wednesdays. So far, those had been the only two nights since their first time back at the club the previous week when Linus hadn’t been able to stay over at Thomas’ house. The guesthouse was so dark and lonely and boring. He didn’t need constant interaction, but it was easier for him to get lost in his own activities if there was someone else around. Even if he was only playing cards, reading a book or flipping through a fashion magazine to see the latest styles, it settled him if someone else was nearby.

  His time spent with Thomas simply relaxing had shown him how compatible they were. Thomas didn’t behave the way Linus had assumed a Master would—especially after observing Aaron and Sam, as well as the others together. Sometimes Thomas would work on some of his client’s books while Linus sketched costume ideas. Neither of them would talk, but they’d be in each other’s presence. Other times, they might play a game of cards or put together a meal to eat at home instead of going out. If he could also have a sewing machine and get a job making costumes—it would be a perfect life.

  And if Thomas would be my Master.

  He couldn’t say anything about it. Thomas had made it clear that it wasn’t something to be considered without serious thought and only when he’d experienced true surrender—when he understood what it meant to be mastered. And Linus had to admit he was hardly an expert at submitting.

  Wriggling on the bench where he waited for Thomas to arrive with their lunch, he gasped out loud. He’d forgotten about the plug for a moment. It was only his second day using it. He didn’t have to keep it in all the time—but it was still a challenge. Sitting with it inside made it easier in one way, more difficult in another. He was on his fifth day wearing the leather cock sleeve along with the soft bindings that encased his balls. There was nothing challenging about that, he loved it and didn’t want to be without it. It had been embarrassing to admit that to Thomas, but his lover had seemed so thrilled that he’d been very glad he had.

  The way he faced, he was able to see Thomas as he approached the clearing where the table was located. As his lover drew closer, he stopped worrying about the plug and only cared that Thomas was there with him. He placed his hands on the table as if to rise when Thomas got next to him, but he laid his hand on Linus’ shoulder, encouraging him to stay seated. He leaned over to take a kiss before straightening again.

  “I imagine you’ve had to work yourself into a reasonably comfortable position on that hard surface, so I don’t want to disturb you.”

  As always, Linus felt his skin flush.

  Thomas took a seat next to him, straddling the long bench so that they could face each other. Linus rested on one hip, while leaning against the table on his elbow. They both smiled and Thomas reached for Linus’ hand. Linus gave it to him and they laced and unlaced their fingers over and over, content in their silence.

  “I missed you terribly, Sir.”

  Thomas raised his eyes from where he’d had them fixed on their joined hands. A grin tugged at his lips. “Missed you too, boy. How do you feel about attending the club tonight?”

  “Oh, I, um… I would love to.”

  Thomas brought Linus’ fingers to his lips then placed a kiss at the end of each one before lowering them again. “In that case, sweetheart, you’ll need to remove the plug after we eat.”

  Linus was confused. He’d understood that part of the reason for wearing the plug was so that his ass would be ready for whenever Thomas wanted to fuck him. Didn’t he want to do that with him? It had been a few days after all. He hadn’t stayed over the night before, and prior to that, Thomas had suggested they take a break.

  Thomas had been concerned when inserting the plug into him for the first time and had seen how red his anus had looked. When Thomas discovered he’d been sore but hadn’t said anything before Thomas had fucked him, Linus had managed to earn his first punishment. Thomas had kept him over but had made him sleep in the spare bedroom. It had been awful to know that Thomas was right there but that he couldn’t be close to him. He would never hold anything back from Thomas again.

  “I don’t understand, Sir.”

  “I know. Trust me?”

  “Yes, Sir. I really do.”

  Thomas cocked his head to the side, a secretive smile on his lips. “Good.”

  “What?” Linus felt like a bug under a magnifying glass.

  “I’m greatly looking forward to tonight.” He frowned. “Your hole is no longer tender?”

  The things we talk about. />
  He had the urge to giggle, which was something that never happened. “No, Sir. I promise.”

  “I trust you too, Linus. You’ll be taking the plug out after lunch then cleaning yourself the way I showed you.”

  “Oh. Um, I see.” Linus peered around, wanting to make damn sure there was no one else coming up the walk who he hadn’t noticed. “But I don’t have the…um, the stuff, and I’ll have to shower after and the sleeve has to come off so it doesn’t ruin the leather and I’m not allowed to…”

  He shook his head, unable to go any further. He’d managed to get most of his thoughts out before everything had shut down again. Fortunately, Thomas had been around him long enough that he always knew what Linus was saying. That wouldn’t get him off the hook entirely though—Thomas consistently worked on getting him to express his thoughts on his own.

  “That was well done. Better than usual. What aren’t you allowed to do?”

  “I’m not allowed, um, not allowed to undo the ties or the sleeve myself. They’re um… They’re for you to control.”

  “Do you trust that I have you, that I’m always going to take care of you?”

  He exhaled, wondering what had gotten him so worked up. Probably because he was at the guesthouse doing all these things he’d never had to do on his own before. Thomas took care of the sleeve and everything else when they were at his place. It struck him that since they’d begun using the items on him, that he’d only spent two nights away from Thomas, and had availed himself of a shower before leaving in the morning. Thomas had always been there.

  “Yes, Sir, I do. Um, I’m sorry.”

  “It takes some getting used to, doesn’t it?”

  “Sir?”

  “Submission. This is why I want you to be sure.”

  “Oh. Yes, it does.” He rubbed a thumb across Thomas’ hand. “But I love it, even if I’m not, um, used to it yet.”