Downfall

by Jay Crownover

  She was the trophy. One neither Solo nor I had any intention of letting the other side win.

  Solo

  Orley wasn’t kidding when she said Noble was going to need a shit ton of stuff for a few days. I felt like I cleaned out the little girl’s entire room by the time I was done collecting everything on the list. The other side of that coin was the very few things Orley listed for herself. She really did always put Noble first, and I should’ve known that squirreling her away without running the plan by her first was going to backfire. If Orley only had to consider herself, I had no doubt she would go with the flow and defer to whatever idea was best; she was too smart and too afraid not to. But when her child was involved, she turned into an immovable wall, impossible to get around and hard to break through. Noble was lucky to have someone so determined in her corner. Her mother was not only going to look out for her entire life, but more than that, she was going to teach her how to advocate for herself. I couldn’t remember the last time someone who was so much smaller than I was physically stood their ground and refused to budge, even when I pushed them. Orley was so much stronger than she appeared to be. Tougher than she gave herself credit for.

  On my way out of the building, I stopped by Carmen’s across the hall and Erica’s a few flights down so I could ask them to keep me updated if Lester showed up. Both women noticed he was missing and were worried about the older man. He might never come inside the building, but the homeless man was still considered a neighbor; he was as much a part of the Skylark as the broken elevator and the bad smells in the stairwell. For those of us who didn’t step over the man like he was trash, he was part of our everyday lives… he was family. I still thought the timing around his sudden disappearance was too coincidental. There were two people Channing Vincent would have to go through to get to Orley… me and Lester. With us out of the way, snatching Noble away from her mother would be infinitely easier.

  Erica asked a million questions about what was going on, and Riley chimed in that she wanted to make sure Noble was okay. I promised to have both of the Vincent ladies check in as soon as it was totally safe. Erica easily read between the lines and assured me she would let me know if anything seemed off in the neighborhood while I was gone.

  I was in the drive-thru of a popular fast food joint, knowing Noble couldn’t say no to chicken nuggets, when my phone rang. Seeing the Boss’s info on the display, I touched the screen on the dash to connect the call, figuring he was calling to see if I was at the garage.

  “What’s up, Boss?” I crept forward as the minivan in front of me started to move slowly.

  “Hey.” His unmistakable baritone growl immediately made me sit up straighter, and my wandering attention sharpened to focus on his every word. “Where are you right now?”

  I blinked as the car in front of me moved again. “At a drive-thru. Had to grab something to feed my girls.” Whoa. I claimed them just like that to the person I looked up to the most in the world, and it didn’t even freak me out… well… only a little.

  “Need to tell you something serious, kid. Get somewhere you can talk for a minute.”

  The Boss sighed and I could practically see him running his hands over his face or rubbing that star tattoo near his eye. He only did those things when he was stressed out or thinking really hard about something. All hopes he was calling just to check in flew out the window. I told him to wait a minute when it was my turn to pay, then found a place to park in the lot so he could tell me why he called.

  “Okay. I’m ready. Hit me.” I took a deep breath and braced myself for what was inevitably bound to be bad news.

  “You know my old lady used to live in your building, right?” He asked the question quietly, which immediately sent all my instincts on high alert. I grunted an affirmation and stared unseeingly out the window. “While she lived there, there was a homeless dude who kept his eye on her. He got roughed up a few times trying to keep her safe when her brother got her into some trouble. After she moved into my house, I tried to set him up in the apartment at the garage to say thanks, but he never wanted to take me up on the offer.”

  “Lester. His name is Lester, and he’s been missing the last few days, which is why I wanted the girls in the apartment. Something doesn’t feel right about him suddenly disappearing.”

  The Boss sighed again and I heard the sound of ice rattling around in a glass. The man wasn’t much of a drinker, so the news had to be worse than bad. A sinking feeling took my guts all the way down to my toes.

  “My brother called me a couple hours ago to head down to the coroner’s office to identify a body. He had one of my old lady’s business cards on him. The cops are calling it an accidental overdose. It looked like he got ahold of some bad stuff.” The Boss sounded pissed.

  I sucked in a breath and felt my lungs contract painfully. “More than likely, someone gave him a hotshot.” There wasn’t a scenario I could think of where Lester would turn down a hit. It would take very little effort to get him to shoot up something that was laced with a bad cocktail of drugs.

  “That’s what I told my brother. Lester came back from Vietnam an addict. He was a junkie, but he wasn’t stupid. He knew his limits. The cops won’t budge, but after you asked if you could stash your girls at my place, I got a bad feeling all of this might be connected.” The ice rattled again and he swore. “Plus, my brother said he broke up that private fight you took on the other night. Got a call things were getting out of hand. He told me you looked like you were in over your head. Seems like someone wanted you and Lester out of the way.”

  I swore back at him and dropped my forehead to rest on the steering wheel. The thump didn’t do a thing to distract me from the pain twisting around my heart. Hearing that Lester was gone felt like losing a favorite uncle. The guy was a mess, but he was always there to remind me to do the right thing when I got sidetracked. There were times when it felt like Lester was the only person checking in on me while I took care of everyone else.

  Something wet hit my leg. I blinked in surprise when I realized I was crying a silent, steady stream of tears. They were landing on my track pants, making a small damp circle. I couldn’t remember the last time I was moved to tears. Probably the last time I was with my mother on a really bad day and she couldn’t remember who I was. Those days inevitably led to a tear or two, but I had no clue that losing Lester would affect me in the same way.

  “I’ll fill you in. I think all of this has moved beyond something I can handle on my own. I know how to fight with fists and the occasional weapon, but I have no clue how to fight back against money and privilege.” I’d never had either of those things. “I might be in over my head and I can’t risk drowning.” Not with Orley counting on me, and not with Noble in the middle of the playing field.

  I had to clear my throat and rub the back of my hand across my face before I could speak again. “If no one is going to claim Lester’s body, tell your brother I will. He needs a proper burial.” Not just because he served his country, but because he served our city. He deserved to be laid to rest with respect.

  The Boss made a noise and I heard the sound of his chair scraping backward over the floor. “Don’t worry about that. I called you before I broke the news to my girl. She’s got a soft spot for the old guy. I’m gonna make sure he gets a proper send off. I do need the details of what you’re dealing with, though. I don’t know how to fight with cash either, but we both know a few people who do. Not gonna let anything happen to you and your girls, kid.”

  He hung up without a goodbye and I let the phone fall in my lap. The fast food made my car smell like French fries, and for some reason it reminded me of the night Orley came to pick Noble up smelling the same way. I wondered if I would ever smell the greasy, delicious scent without remembering how she felt underneath my hands for the first time.

  Pushing out a deep breath, I shook my head and determinedly wrestled my emotions back under control. I was sad about Lester, but there were people depending on me; I
couldn’t let emotions get the better of me. Everyone who lived here long enough learned how to compartmentalize their feelings in order to keep their eye on the prize, which was normally escaping the city limits. If you allowed sadness, disappointment, and anger to consume you, the city would never let you go. Here, you had to be stronger than all the things trying to break your heart on a regular basis.

  I drove back to the garage in a slight daze, and when I walked through the door of the hidden apartment, it took everything I had inside of me to plaster on a normal face and shove the worry and sadness aside. Orley picked up on the change in my mood right away. I could see the concern on her face and assured her nothing was wrong. The worry didn’t leave her gaze, and I realized she thought the reason I was being so distant was because of our little dust up earlier. It was the first time we’d really clashed, and now I couldn’t look directly at her without picturing her bringing Lester something warm to eat when she came home from work. I didn’t want to explain what happened to the older man in front of Noble. The little girl already had so much change thrust upon her, she didn’t need to have the entire concept of death laid out in front of her before she turned four.

  After a quiet, tense dinner, I showed Noble how she could FaceTime Riley and helped Orley make up the fold-out couch into a bed for the little girl. At some point, the apartment had been renovated from a spartan studio to a spacious one bedroom. Apparently, I was just one in a long line of people using the place to hide out, and the Boss decided to make it a more comfortable place to crash. It was actually nicer than either of our apartments at the Skylark.

  I told Orley I could crash on the fold-out so she and Noble could take the king-size bed in the bedroom. She waved me off and told me Noble would be fine tucked in, surrounded with pillows. I got the sense she wanted me in the room so she could give me the third degree about my sullen mood. I collected my phone from a sleepy-looking Noble and made my escape into the bathroom. There was only one, and at the moment it looked like a sanctuary.

  I tossed my clothes in a messy heap on the floor and turned on the water as hot as I could stand. I flinched when I climbed under the spray, and it opened the floodgates. Face hidden in the fall of the fast-moving water, the tears and emotions I’d kept on lock-down flowed freely. I pounded my fist on the slick tiles in front of me and breathed like I’d just finished running a marathon. It was impossible to think about going home and not seeing the unidentifiable lump of dirty clothes covering the bottom step. I was supposed to be immune to losing the people I cared about. That was the first lesson I learned living in this city, but I couldn’t stop the pain of that loss from taking me to my knees.

  I wasn’t sure when or how I ended up on the tiled floor of the shower, but that was where Orley found me. I heard the door click open somewhere in the roar between my ears, but I couldn’t bear to look up. I laced my fingers together and put them on the back of my head as I let the water wash away all evidence of my sorrow.

  The glass door opened and the air shifted as Orley slid into the enclosure behind me. A moment later, her arms wrapped around me as her front pressed against my back. She was so close, there was no room for the water to run between the places where our skin touched. I felt her lips touch the back of my neck as her hold tightened when I started to shake.

  She rested her cheek on my shoulder and made the same soothing noises I heard her make when Noble was upset. It was sweet. The last person who held me when I fell apart was a nurse whose name I never caught, the night my mother was shot.

  “It’s going to be okay. I don’t know what happened after you left, but whatever is wrong, we can fix it.” Her voice was a whisper that almost got lost under the water.

  It was my job to tell her that. It was my job to make sure things really did end up okay. I doubted I would ever have the words to show Orley how important it was, how special it was to have someone in my life who helped carry the weight of my very heavy world for once.

  This would be the moment I looked back and realized I was in love.

  This would be the moment I would remember forever when things felt like they wouldn’t be okay, because as long as she was there, as long as she took care of me and let me take care of her, things really would be okay no matter how bad they got.

  Orley

  I was relieved Solo hadn’t locked me out of the bathroom when he disappeared, his heavy, dark mood lingering behind him. He was obviously trying to put on a happy face so Noble didn’t pick up on whatever had thrown him off his game, but he was only slightly successful. She asked me no less than five times why Solo was sad when I got her settled into bed, knowing it was going to be a minute before she fell asleep in this new, industrial place. I read her a short story, hoping that would help the process along, but all she wanted to talk about was the odd way Solo had acted when he returned from our apartment complex. I answered her questions to the best of my ability, not knowing what was going on in that handsome head of his. Eventually, Noble’s eyes got heavy and she seemed sleepy enough that I dared leaving her on the pull-out so I could go check on the man who had made it his personal mission in life to protect both me and the sleepy little girl.

  I wasn’t ready for the sight that greeted me when I walked through the bathroom door.

  Solo had been in the shower for so long, I was sure he had to be simply hiding out to avoid my questions. Instead, the tiny space was filled with steam and fog so thick it was hard to breathe. Solo was on his knees in the glass enclosure and his wide shoulders were hunched over and shaking ever so slightly. I gasped in surprise and put my hands over my mouth to muffle the sound. I didn’t want to interrupt his moment. He was clearly lost in his own feelings, and now was not the time to force him to deal with mine. When someone as strong as Solo was brought to his knees, it was going to take someone equally as strong to lift him back to his feet. I wasn’t sure I was that person, but there was no way I wasn’t going to try to be. It was the least I could do after he lent me his strength so many countless times.

  I quickly stripped out of my clothes and tiptoed into the shower enclosure behind him. He didn’t lift his head or move in the slightest aside from the tiny tremors working their way through his entire body. His breathing was ragged and his hands were curled into fists so tight his knuckles were as white as the tiles where he knelt. The stark environment made the mottled bruises covering his entire side seem even angrier and more severe than when I initially wrapped him. Seeing this leviathan of a man on his knees, clearly emotional over something monumental, was a vivid reminder that he wasn’t invincible after all.

  I wrapped my arms around him and hugged him as hard as I could. His skin was hot, and every muscle in his back was as tense as a tightly strung guitar string. He felt like he was going to shatter if I moved wrong. The water was still warm, which was a miracle considering how long he’d been holed up in here. I kissed the back of his neck and did my best to soothe away whatever hurt he was feeling.

  He didn’t say anything for a long time. He was quiet while I rocked him softly and whispered the same sounds in his ear that Noble liked when she was having a moment. It wasn’t until the water started to chill that Solo finally seemed to shake off the shroud of sorrow he’d been wrapped in so tightly. His fists unclenched and one reached for my hand, while he used the other to pull us both to our feet. His face twisted in a small grimace of pain when he used his core strength in a way his ribs weren’t entirely ready for yet. My knees protested at the sudden change in position, and I shivered as the droplets of cold water traveled down my skin.

  With one hand braced at the base of my spine and the press of his body, Solo effortlessly backed me against the slick tile wall. His dark head dropped to the hollow where my neck and shoulder met, and I felt the brush of his lips against my collar bone.

  “Is Noble asleep?” His voice was a husky rasp, which sent an entirely different kind of shiver through my naked body.

  I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and n
odded. I kissed his temple and pulled him closer, partly for comfort and partly for warmth. It was getting cold without the warm water surrounding us. Luckily, his big body emanated heat like a furnace.

  “She was on her way when I came to check on you. Do you want to fill me in on what’s going on with you tonight?” I ran my fingers along the nape of his neck and he leaned more fully into me.

  We were pressed together so tightly there was no room between our bodies for anything to fit, including the water still clinging to our skin. My nipples beaded into tight, painful points against his chest, and my legs moved instinctively when he shifted one of his knees between mine. The wide palm resting on my low back slid downward until it was caressing the curve of my ass, and his breath was warm and damp against the pulse at the base of my neck. He roughly whispered, “Not right now. I feel so bad inside, but holding you, it feels so good. I’d rather focus on that.”

  The strong thigh shoved between mine moved and my hips shifted involuntarily in response. I used my thumb to trace little circles on the back of his neck and moved my lips to the curve of his ear. “But you will tell me?” Having Solo shut me out was almost as bad as having him make all my decisions for me. He promised we were going to be on the same team, and if that was the case, then he needed to let me play the game, win or lose. We would do either together or not at all.

  He lifted his head and stared at me with those unreadable, midnight eyes. They were so fathomless, and so cold where the rest of him was like touching an open flame.

  “Talk later. This now.” I didn’t argue when he lowered his head so he could touch his lips to mine.

  Solo usually kissed with care and a touch of consideration. Not tonight. Tonight, he wasn’t kissing me like the guy who lived next door. This wasn’t the man who playfully raced around with Noble and watched out for an elderly veteran who slept on the steps. This wasn’t the loving son who did everything he could to care for his mother, even when the odds were stacked against them.