Perfecting Patience

by Tabatha Vargo

“You must be the infamous Zeke,” she said with a welcoming smile.

  “Yes, ma’am, that’s me. It’s nice to meet you.” I gave her hand a shake.

  “Well, you weren’t kidding, Pay.” She lifted her straw hat and peeked over at Patience. “He’s a sexy beast, for sure. No wonder you were a mess over him.” She laughed.

  A red flush crept up Patience’s cheeks and she covered her eyes with her hand. “Please don’t embarrass me, Aunt Sarah.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh.

  “What? All I’m saying is they didn’t make ‘em like that when I was growing up. Let’s get out of this heat,” she said as she headed for the front door. “Y’all are just in time for dinner. Zeke, has Patience told you about my famous spaghetti?”

  I talked with Sarah and Sydney at the kitchen table while Patience got a shower. I was loaded down with some of the best spaghetti I’d ever tasted and asked question after question about all the famous people I’d met.

  It was nice talking to Sydney. I’d never had a younger brother or sister, but I was always curious what it might have been like. Sitting there talking with her was like a small taste of having a younger sibling.

  She was nothing like Patience in the looks department but still cute in her own way. Her thin-rimmed glasses enhanced her bright eyes. She batted her lashes at me and giggled a lot, which was sweet. I could see the beauty she was going to be once she matured.

  Sydney was a good kid and I was glad to see she didn’t seem affected over all the drama. I had no idea if she knew the real story, but it wasn’t my business to tell. I could see what Patience had tried so hard to protect. While I didn’t know what it felt like to have someone younger to watch over, I knew the feeling of needing to protect someone. That need to protect will make you do some crazy things.

  Patience’s influence on her was obvious and it made me proud of my snowflake. She was just a kid when she had to start taking care of her sister. And she did all of that while dealing with some of the most awful abuse a person could be dealt.

  Just thinking about what I’d seen that day in the kitchen at the governor’s mansion and remembering everything Patience told me when she confessed what her life was like made me want to break someone’s neck. I had to shake the overwhelming feeling to murder so the ladies I sat with didn’t see the angry flush that ran up my neck.

  By the time I got myself under control, Snowflake came around the corner with wet hair, tiny shorts that made her legs look ten times longer, and a cute tank top with a pair of sunglasses on the front. It wasn’t the sexiest thing I’d seen her in, but my cock started to get hard just looking at her. I had to shake myself again, for a completely different reason. Florida looked damn good on her.

  “Did Aunt Sarah stuff you with spaghetti?” she asked with a knowing smile.

  Patting my stomach, I smirked.

  I sat at the table with the three of them and told Sydney about California as Snowflake slurped spaghetti and sipped her sweet tea. It was such a normal family feeling. It made me wonder what my dad was into and in turn made me think of my mother.

  Sydney and Sarah walked us to the car when it was time to go. Patience had a small duffle bag of stuff on her shoulder and a beautiful smile on her face.

  “Don’t get in too much trouble please. Call my cell if you need anything. Be safe, y’all,” Sarah called out as we jumped in the car.

  “Have fun!” Sydney yelled.

  Patience just laughed, told them she loved them, and pulled away.

  “So where to?” she asked.

  “Back to the hotel?” I said as I ran a finger up her bare arm.

  She looked amazing, and all I wanted to do was make up for the time I’d gone without sex. Not that it was everything, but I’d spent the night getting what I’d missed for months, and now I was addicted. Shit, I’d always been addicted to Snowflake.

  “Stop that!” She laughed and swatted at my hand.

  I stopped touching and watched her as she drove. There was a difference in her since the last time I’d seen her. Her posture was different. She walked with her head up and the tension in her shoulders was gone, but there was still a small amount of tightness around her mouth and every now and again when I looked at her, a brief flash of dark shadows would cross her eyes.

  The beast was still inside her. Hell, I couldn’t blame her. There was still a beast in me from being beat to shit all of my life, but I let my beast out on occasion. Patience kept hers tucked away and pretended to be all better. I wasn’t sure if that was healthy, but years of being in a fucked up environment told me probably not.

  “Now that you don’t have me trapped between your legs, how have you been?” I asked.

  Her hands tightened on the steering wheel. The lights from oncoming cars slid across her face and the tension pulled at her eyes again. I felt bad for bringing up the past few months, but I wanted to know what her life had been like.

  “I haven’t had you trapped between my legs.” She reached out and pushed playfully at my knee.

  I grabbed her hand and held it in mine. Giving it a little squeeze, I asked again. “Don’t change the subject, snowflake. How have you been?”

  Her fingers flexed against my palm.

  “I’ve been good.” She nodded her head as if she were trying to convince herself.

  “Are things all settled back home?”

  This time I felt her hand go stiff in mine. Why was I asking these things? It shouldn’t have mattered, but it did. I wanted to know she was okay. I needed to know she was better.

  She turned to me with a tight smile that I understood. Things were definitely not okay.

  “Yep. Everything’s good to go.”

  She squeezed my fingers reassuringly and I decided to let it drop for now. We were just reunited. Things like that could wait. I could wait.

  * * *

  We ended up spending some time at a local bar with the boys while Patience laughed at them as girls kept approaching. I only had eyes for my snowflake, but the boys seemed to be having a good time flirting and trying to figure out which one to take home.

  “So what about you? No girls in here do it for you?” Patience turned and threw her arms around my neck.

  She was standing in front of my barstool, looking like a sweet angel surrounded by demons. She was possibly the only sober person in the bar. I’d offered to be the DD, but she wasn’t having it.

  “Just you. As a matter of fact, you’re doing it for me right now.” I pulled her to me and filled my hands with her sweet little ass.

  This whole situation was different for me, but I liked it. I was a one-woman man for the first time in my life, and she was openly displaying her affection for me. The entire place knew we were a couple, and I had to admit it was fucking wonderful. I couldn’t even remember the time when Patience was untouchable. I couldn’t remember all the struggles we went through. All I knew was that she was there in my arms.

  The night flew by in a haze of shots and secret touches. I drank a lot—too much, in fact—and I was almost positive I spent the entire night making out with Patience in the corner. I didn’t remember the ride back to the hotel, but I remembered kicking Chet out. The rest of the night was a blur. When I woke up, Patience was naked, draped across me with a soft smile on her sleeping face.

  I crept from under her arm, careful not to wake her, and went to get a shower. The hot water washed away the memories of the previous months of hell I’d been through, and when I stepped out of the shower into the steamy bathroom, I wiped the foggy mirror and looked at the happiness that I couldn’t wipe from my face. Things were more than perfect.

  I wrapped the towel around my waist and popped open the bathroom door. Snowflake was standing there wearing one of my T-shirts. I loved it when she wore my clothes. My eyes worked their way from her tiny feet, up her long legs, to the bottom of my shirt. Knowing she didn’t have on any panties made my old guitar T-shirt look even better on her. It was a massive turn-on and I a
lmost dragged her back to the bed.

  I strutted across the room with a smile on my face. My smirk disappeared quickly when she didn’t smile back. In our world, things were never great for long and a part of me expected things to go downhill. That was my life for so many years it was hard to not wait for the fall.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “Finn stopped by. He said you guys were leaving in an hour.” She looked down at her feet as she dug her toes nervously into the plush carpeting.

  Just like that, the good feelings were gone. How could I have forgotten we were leaving? I was so caught up in the moment that I didn’t think about the world outside the hotel room. I didn’t think about the tour or the band because none of it mattered when we were together.

  The fact of the matter was I wasn’t leaving without her. We had an hour until it was time to go, which meant I had an hour to make sure she was on board with going away with me.

  “Come with me,” I said as I reached out and pulled her into my arms.

  She fit perfectly and felt amazing. I rested my chin on the top of her head.

  “Say you’ll come with me. I won’t leave here without you.” I pulled back to take a look into her eyes and that’s when I saw it. The panic. The fear. And some other indefinable emotion that told me I was in for more hell.

  She shook her head with sad eyes. “I can’t.”

  Her soft words were like a stab to my chest. The air I was breathing so easily became thick and hard to inhale.

  “I’m not going with you.” Her bottom lip trembled.

  “What do you mean you’re not coming? But I thought…” I couldn’t even finish the sentence. The words got stuck somewhere in my throat and were beginning to block any oxygen from my lungs.

  Didn’t she know we were no good without each other? At least, I wasn’t worth shit without her. Just the thought of being without her made my chest tight with anxiety. For a guy like me, who’s never been afraid of anything, it was like a blow to the gut. I was seriously contemplating dropping to my knees and begging her to come with me.

  Her eyes filled with moisture and I watched as a single tear wobbled on the edge of her lashes. Her chest heaved with heavy emotional breaths and I knew in that moment she was hurting as bad as I was. I never wanted her to hurt. I’d seen her hurt enough in the time that I’d known her and I’d rather die than see her go through anything painful again.

  “I’m sorry, Zeke. I think after a lifetime of protecting Sydney, it’s engraved in my DNA. I can’t breathe when I think about leaving her.”

  The tear finally escaped her lashes and rushed down her cheek. Pulling her to me, I used my thumb to wipe it away.

  “But she’s safe now, baby. You said yourself that Sarah was taking great care of her. I promise we can come back and visit anytime you want. All you have to do is say the words and we’ll hop a flight to Florida.” The pressure in my chest expanded when more tears rushed her cheeks. “I need you, snowflake, and I think you need me, too. Please… come with me.”

  She put her head down and I watched as her tears dropped onto my chest and worked themselves down my abs. I delved my hands into her hair and brought her face back up to mine. “Please.” The word was rough and it burned my throat.

  I’d never begged for anything in my life, but I had to beg. I needed her to understand I was nothing without her.

  Her eyes dug into mine and I saw the moment her decision was made.

  “I love you, Zeke, more than you could ever know, but she’s my little sister. I’m sorry, I can’t.”

  And just like that, her tears flowed freely and my heart stopped, knowing the decision I had to make.

  Three

  Patience

  I shut the door behind Finn and my heart felt as if it were bruised. I felt hollow, as if I wasn’t full of breath, blood, and bones. I was spread out and sucked dry.

  I was going with him, whether he wanted me to or not. I couldn’t go back to the dark place I’d been in without him. We had an hour to get to Aunt Sarah’s house, pack my stuff, and say good-bye to her and Sydney.

  Sydney. My thought process screeched to an abrupt stop. How could I have forgotten about my baby sister? I’d only spent every waking moment of my life since he started coming to my room protecting her. Would I be able to just walk away and move across the country without her?

  Everything froze because I knew as soon as that question ran through my mind that I couldn’t. As badly as I hated the dark place I went to when I wasn’t with Zeke, I hated the idea of being without her even more.

  The look on his face when I told him I couldn’t go broke my heart into a million pieces. I never wanted to hurt him. Since the moment he met me, all he did was protect me and care about me, and all I did was hurt him.

  “Then I’ll stay here,” he whispered sadly.

  His words swarmed around me like yellow jackets stinging me on every piece of my exposed skin. Looking in his eyes, I could see the finality to his words. He was going to give up everything he loved, his band, to be with me, and there was no way I could allow it.

  My heart swelled with love for him, knowing the extent he’d go to be with me, but then the guilt set in. He’d give up his career for me, but I was too selfish and mentally fucked up to leave behind my perfectly healthy little sister. It was wrong and every cell in my body screamed for me to go with him, but my dysfunctional brain wouldn’t allow it.

  Pressure built behind my ribs and worked its way up into the pit of my chest. Tingling numbness followed behind it. I’d never felt anything like it and it alarmed me. I’d said before that I felt like I was dying without him. Was this a sign that I really would when he got on that plane and left?

  The pressure and numbness in my chest expanded and I suddenly couldn’t get enough oxygen into my lungs. The room spun around and my head felt too light. I bent over and rested my palms on my knees. The blood had left my brain and I needed to help it get back. If I didn’t, I was going to pass out.

  That’s when the chest pains started. Pains radiated from my chest, down my arms, and up into my neck. It was the classic symptoms of a massive heart attack. No way was I having a heart attack at nineteen, but my chest was so tight and the sharp pains zapping through my shoulder were telling me differently. In an attempt to breathe, I sucked in as much air as I could as fast as I could, but nothing reached my lungs.

  The blood in my veins felt like it was moving too fast. It streaked through my body like lightning and I felt stiff with its steady movements. Numbness filled my fingers and toes and a heated flush rushed down my face.

  “Snowflake, are you okay?” I heard Zeke ask from a million miles away.

  I looked up to see him bending over with me. His face was in front of mine and the worry in his eyes startled me even more. That’s when my entire body started to shudder.

  I shook as my body wracked with vibrations. The tiny quake that took over made my teeth chatter. I was having a heart attack and a seizure at the same time. I didn’t know that was possible.

  I was dying. After years of torture, I was finally dying. Right when I thought everything was perfect in my world, right when I had everything I wanted, I was going to drop dead. What else could I expect? I should have known something like this would happen.

  I felt Zeke’s arms come around me and I fell against him, gasping for air. I was in the final stages of accepting this death when suddenly the pressure on my chest lifted and I was able to gobble up as much air as my lungs could hold. Everything slowed down and the shudders that wracked my body began to ease. My head cleared and I didn’t feel like I was going to pass out anymore. Just as quickly as everything started, it went away.

  I wasn’t sure what just happened, but I knew it wasn’t normal.

  “Are you okay, baby? Do I need to call someone?” Zeke asked as he softly pushed the hair away from my cheeks.

  My face was covered in sweat. I felt a tiny drop fall from the tip of my nose and roll down my
lips. It took a minute to respond, but when I did, the words hurt my throat.

  “I’m okay. I don’t know what just happened.” I wiped at my sweaty cheek with the back of my hand.

  “You just scared the shit out of me. Are you sure you’re okay? Let me take you to the hospital and get you checked. You’re so pale. You looked like you were about to pass out.”

  I looked up into his brown eyes and I hated the worry I saw there. Since the moment he met me, he’d had to worry about me. I knew what that felt like. I’d worried about Sydney for most of my life and there I was about to walk away from the person I loved because of it. He was trying to do the same by staying here with me instead of finishing his tour with the band. I couldn’t let him do it.

  “No, I’m okay. I promise.”

  As the world came back to me completely, I understood that I’d just had a massive panic attack. I remembered my mom having one at the doctor’s office years ago. The doctor had given her a shot of something and she calmed down quickly. I could remember reading about them and thinking it didn’t sound as bad as it looked. I was never more wrong. It was crazy to feel like I was dying slowly.

  For months, I thought I was getting better. I thought I was moving past my past, but in that moment I realized I was just as sick as I always was. Sadness swooped in and filled me. My aunt Sarah had once suggested I seek medical help, but I blew it off and told her I was fine. I thought for sure my depression was somehow linked to Zeke and the fact that I missed him so much, but maybe it was more. Actually, I was positive it was more.

  I wanted to be good for him. I wanted to be well for him. I didn’t want to be some sick girl that tagged along with his band or some selfish bitch that was the cause behind him giving up something he loved so much. Ten years from now, he’d hate me, and there would be nothing I could say because I’d hate me, too. No. I couldn’t allow it.

  I wanted to be with Zeke. I loved my sister, but nothing was holding me in Florida. I knew in the back of my head that she didn’t need me anymore and if asked, she would tell me to rush off into the California sun with the man I loved. But I felt panic just thinking about it. I felt anxiety thinking about leaving Sydney, and I felt it thinking about being without Zeke.