The Battle Within

by LaShawn Vasser

  “You know you’re pretty good at that.”

  He turned towards her, “What?”

  “Handling babies. After seeing you with Jay, I wouldn’t be surprised to hear the pitter patter of little feet running around you soon.”

  He paled, “I…I love kids, but I don’t plan on ever having any of my own. I’ll just be the doting uncle.”

  Sandy put their drinks on the table and then sat down next to him. It was obvious that Franklin would be a great father but for whatever reasons he decided fatherhood wasn’t for him. She couldn’t help think that…that was…sad.

  Jay let out an enormous burp. She laughed as she leaned over to caress his cheek, “My goodness. That was a big one little guy. And, it answered an age old question. Are guys born knowing how to burp loudly or is it learned? Now I know…you’re born with the knowledge.” Sandy handed him a napkin, “Your shirt is wet, but Jay seems full and content. His eyes are getting heavy. I better change his diaper before he goes to sleep.”

  Franklin laughed a bit too, “I never knew you were curious about that. I could have given you that answer way before tonight. All you had to do was ask. Of course, we’re born knowing how to do it, and we take great pride in doing it well. However, some of us do it better than others.” He winked.

  Was he flirting?

  “I changed him while you were in the kitchen.” Franklin couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this…carefree. He was always able to be this way with her.

  Ignore it. That was her plan…just ignore it. Sandy looked at Jay in awe. Whispering so she wouldn’t wake him, “He’s gone. He’s sleeping.”

  “I’ll take him back up to his bed.”

  “Please, let me do something.”

  Franklin handed Jay over into Sandy’s arms. He watched her expression. She was positively glowing. She looked up to catch him gazing at her, and her smile faltered. Neither of them dared to breath or move. They were too scared of what might happen next. But, finally, Sandra was able to tear her eyes away from his.

  “I’d better take him up.”

  Franklin pulled back and wiped his hands up and down on his thighs, “Right.”

  As soon as Sandy left the room, he sat back on the sofa and rested his head. Then, pinched the bridge of his nose, “I’m cursed.” He was sure of that now. Being alone with Sandy was complete torture. He should leave right now and go home because if he was tested…he might just fail.

  It would probably be a good idea to call Jason and let him know he was leaving. Franklin pulled out his cell and dialed his number. Of course, his call went straight to voicemail.

  After about ten minutes, Sandy came back downstairs, “They’re both sleeping peacefully. Although, I probably won’t get a lick of sleep tonight.” She took a seat on the opposite end of the couch. She needed to keep a little bit of distance between them.

  “Franklin…you don’t have to stay over. I’m all prepared to be here until tomorrow morning.”

  “I tried to call Jason to let him know we were both here but of course it went to voicemail. I’d hate to leave without talking to him first.”

  Sandy laughed, “If that’s what you’re waiting for you’ll be here until tomorrow morning. Those two are getting reacquainted, and I can’t imagine, unless the hotel was on fire, anyone getting through to them tonight.”

  He nodded and smiled, “True. In that case, I’ll guess I’ll be staying.” The push-pull of wanting to stay but knowing he should leave was intense. Instead, he decided to occupy his mind by watching a little baseball. “Do you mind if I turn on the sports channel?”

  “No, not at all.” Sandy curled up and grabbed the blanket from off of the back of the sofa. She threw it over her legs, “Can you pass me that book on the end table next to you?”

  Franklin picked it up and flipped it over to read the title, “A Storm Is Coming?” He looked at her with a raised eyebrow.

  Sandy gave him a half a smile, “Don’t judge me.”

  He tilted his head, “No judgment here…if you want to read porn.”

  She rolled her eyes, “It’s not porn. It’s a romance novel.”

  “What’s the difference?”

  “There’s an actual story in-between along with some hot love scenes.”

  He didn’t believe her at all, “Really?”

  “Yes!”

  “What’s it about?”

  She laughed, “Why don’t you watch your sports and give me my book?”

  “Just what I figured. It’s porn.”

  Sandy crawled down to his end of the couch to try and take her book, “Give me my book, Franklin!”

  He raised his arm straight up in the air so she couldn’t reach it, “If it’s not porn then tell me what it’s about?”

  “Read the blurb. No…just give me my book!”

  They laughed and tussled for it. Until, somehow Sandy ended up falling into his arms. Both of them breathing heavy and realizing the precarious position they were in. Their lips were only mere inches apart.

  Neither was sure who moved first, but all of a sudden, their lips came down hard upon each other in an urgent and demanding kiss.

  Franklin didn’t even realize how much he needed to taste her until he’d thrust his tongue inside the cavern of her mouth. Sandy snaked her arms up around his neck as she took every bit of what Franklin had to give and gave it back just as eagerly.

  God…his touch. Try as she might, Sandy couldn’t think. She could only feel as he held her in place by wrapping her hair around his fist and kissing her senseless. Their kisses weren’t gentle but frantic and desperate. He broke the connection only to kiss his way down the soft curve of her neck.

  Sandy was heating up from the inside out as he dragged his tongue along the smooth planes of her neck caressing pleasure points that she was surprised he even remembered. And, it drove her crazy. Somehow, she managed to wrap her fingers into his hair as she pressed him to her. Her body felt like it was truly alive for the first time in a long time.

  Their heavy breathing and moans only worked to fuel a fire that had never really gone out.

  Franklin somehow managed to unbutton her shirt and unhook her bra. Sandy was so lost in the sensation of his touch that she wasn’t even aware until he’d pulled one of her tight buds into his mouth and closed his lips around it. She arched into the heat of his mouth.

  “God, Sandy…you taste so good.”

  It was at that exact moment April chose to leave. She’d been standing in front of the window watching everything from the time Sandy tried to snatch a book or something from Franklin’s grasp. But, before she left, she held up her cell phone and took a picture.

  She was more angry than hurt. So, this was why he was so gung-ho about babysitting tonight because she was going to be there.

  April almost went back to the house and rang the doorbell twice before finally getting into her car and leaving. She had to keep her head. They would pay for this. He didn’t get to do this to her! And, with that trifling bitch!

  Wasn’t she engaged? What was his name…Roman? He definitely should know about this too! April drove away thinking about how she was going to use this situation to her advantage.

  At the sound of Franklin’s voice, Sandy froze, “Oh my god!” What the hell was she doing? She released his hair and gently pushed against him. She tried to speak but it came out in a whisper, “Franklin…we…we can’t do this.”

  He was so lost in the euphoria that he didn’t even hear her. Sandy almost slipped back into the overwhelming feeling of desire too. No. She couldn’t. Roman. He didn’t deserve this. She pushed against him a little harder and this time her voice didn’t betray her, “Franklin…please.”

  Something about the desperation in her voice pulled him out of whatever trance he’d been under. He stilled. Then, moved away from her heaving chest but not completely releasing his hold.

  “I’m sorry…I…I don’t know what came over me.”

  Sandy quickly tried
to cover herself. She looked deeply into his eyes, “Probably the same thing that came over me. I’m sorry too.”

  She sat up and hurried to re-fasten her bra and button up her shirt. Then, scooted down again to allow a bit of space between them on the couch.

  “Franklin, we need to talk. I mean really talk.”

  “You’re right. We do.”

  “I want to move on with my life but every time we’re in the same room together…” She looked down at her hands, “I feel like I’m stuck. Maybe if I could just understand what happened between us…I could get past this?” Nervously, she bit her lip, “Why was I not enough? Why did you choose April?”

  He could hear the pain in her voice. He owed it to her to be as honest as he could, “Sandy…it wasn’t you. As cliché as it may sound, it really was me. There are things going on with me…in my life that I couldn’t imagine burdening you with.”

  “But, you could with April?”

  “No. Not with April either.” He whispered, “April could never replace you. I loved you like I’ve never loved anyone.”

  “I don’t understand? If you loved me then why did you choose April?”

  “Sandy…you’re full of life. You’re one big ball of energy there was no way I could take that away from you.”

  “Take it away? What you’re saying doesn’t make any sense. You’re telling me that you loved me, but you chose April. Wouldn’t you take away the same things from her that you took from me?”

  “No. Our relationship is not like what we had.” He stood up walked over to the draperies and closed them. He needed to do something to keep his hands busy. “Our relationship was full of love and passion. My relationship with April is different…it’s what she and I both need…for now.”

  Sandy stared at him for a while still unable to fully comprehend what he was trying to tell her. Finally, her eyes widened, and she walked over next to him and touched his arm, “Franklin what’s going on? Are you sick?!”

  He pushed a curl out of her face, “No. Nothing as dramatic as that. But, I want you to know that I loved you enough to let you go. I don’t want you to think it was easy for me because it was hard as hell.”

  “Do you love her?”

  He took a moment before responding, “Not nearly as much as I loved you. But, I want you to be happy. Are you happy with Roman?”

  A tear slowly slid down her cheek; she nodded, “Yes. He makes me happy until I think about us…and what we had. That’s why I need to get past this. He’s a good man and he’s good to me. Otherwise, you and I would probably still be on the couch making love…instead of trying to find closure.”

  Franklin leaned in and kissed her forehead, “Ahh…the dreaded closure.”

  “Yes. We’re always going to be in each other’s lives because of Jason and Vicky. And, because we’re Angel’s and Jay’s god-parents. We need to figure this out. Then, hopefully, one day…we can be friends.”

  “Double dates and everything, huh?”

  Smiling, she responded, “I can’t see us ever being that friendly.”

  “I don’t want you or anyone else to get hurt because of me and my decisions. As much as I will probably always love you…I think we both know that there will never be an us again. As much as it hurts, I want you to find happiness with Roman.”

  Turning serious again she spoke, “Franklin…thank you for…this. For not letting me think what we had wasn’t special, for the opportunity to start over fresh with each other someday as friends…and with April and Roman.”

  Tonight would probably be the last intimate moment they would ever have, and the last thing Franklin wanted was exactly what he needed to do. He genuinely needed to let her go. And, he loved her enough to do just that.

  Sighing, “I know how you hate sports. So, how about we just find a good movie?”

  He wiped away a tear from her face, before she spoke, “Okay. But, no romantic comedies or mysteries.”

  “I think I can do that.”

  Chapter 15

  Vicky called out “We’re home” as she and Jason entered the kitchen glowing. It was clear that they’d had a fantastic evening. It wouldn’t be a surprise to anyone if in the next few months a third Rutherford baby was on the way.

  Sandy was sitting at the breakfast table giving the baby a bottle while Angel sat chatting away as Uncle Franklin finished making pancakes. She squealed at the sound of her mother’s voice. Hopping down from the table, she ran smiling into her arms, “Mom and Dad!”

  Jason looked over at Franklin with a devious smile on his face, “Well…isn’t this a lovely sight. My two best friends are looking awfully domestic. I’m actually really surprised to see you both here?”

  Franklin flipped a pancake then sarcastically said, “Yeah…right.”

  Vicky walked over to Sandy, who had remained silent but made direct eye contact with her as she reached for Jay.

  “Were the kids good?”

  The sarcasm in the room was contagious because it spread to Sandy too, “Mmmhmm…the kids were great. They slept most of the night. Then, we woke up early and played a few games, not unlike their mom and dad. The game playing that is.”

  Vicky bit her lip to keep from laughing, “Well…I for one definitely had fun playing the games we played. I hope you did too.”

  Sandy stood up from her seat, “Victoria Rutherford! May I, please speak to you in private?”

  Vicky kissed Jay on his temple and handed him off to Jason, “Can you hold him until I get back?”

  He laughed as Vicky and Sandy walked out of the kitchen, “I don’t think either of us should be alone with Sandy or Franklin for a little while.”

  *****

  Vicky followed Sandy into the family room and closed the door.

  “What in the hell Vicky?”

  She put her hands up as if surrendering, “Okay…okay…I’m sorry. It truly was an accident.”

  “I don’t believe that for one second! You know I love you and Jason but what you guys did last night was wrong. It was disrespectful to Roman, April and our relationships with them.”

  “You’re right, and we’re sorry, but it truly was an accident. We didn’t plan it. It just kind of worked out that way. After our parents extended their trip, Jason knew I wasn’t going to leave the kids with a nanny overnight, so he called Franklin. I was busy running around with my appointments, the kids, and you know I’m helping Miriam with their annual wedding anniversary party, so we didn’t connect for him to tell me.” Vicky pressed her hand against her chest as she continued, “Me…not knowing he’d called Franklin….I turned around and called you for the same thing. We got our wires crossed, and neither of us knew you or Franklin were coming until after I’d already left. So…again. I’m sorry. And, I do hear you about respecting boundaries with your relationships and will try to do better.”

  Sandy didn’t think she looked the least bit sorry.

  With her eyes sparkling, Vicky couldn’t resist, “Now, tell me what happened last night.”

  “Ugh…you’re impossible!”

  “Oh…come on! Yes, we were wrong, and it won’t happen again but I know you’re not as angry as you’re trying to project. As a matter of fact, when I walked into that kitchen, the energy was different. I haven’t seen you and Franklin this relaxed around each other since you broke up. Something obviously happened, so spill it.”

  Sandy couldn’t stay mad at Vicky for anything, “You don’t deserve to know, but I’ll tell you what happened. Franklin and I talked.”

  The gleam in Vicky’s eye dimmed a bit, “And…”

  “And…I mean we really finally talked. I needed closure so that I could finally move on with my life.”

  Vicky didn’t like the sound of that, “What did he say? And, did you get it?”

  Sandy was silent for a moment before responding, “Franklin has his reasons why he ended our relationship, but I now know what we shared was real. And, that I can’t trust myself or my instincts.”

&
nbsp; “I just never understood the whole thing.”

  “Me either but maybe it’s not meant for us to, you know? The bottom line is…we loved each other deeply. Enough to let each other go. If it’s not right, it’s just not right. So, we did what two people who really love each other can do when it’s not right…Franklin and I let go. So, yes. I think I actually did find closure. I feel free.”

  “Wow. I can’t say that was the outcome I’d hoped for, but you guys do seem more at ease. You were even laughing together when we came in the kitchen.”

  Sandy smiled, “Yep. We’ll always be connected in some way…but as friends. Sort of a new beginning for us. Franklin and I had to let each other go so that we can be fully present in our lives and the people in them. I hate to tell you this, but you and Jason have to let it go too. I love Roman, and I want to make a life with him.”

  Vicky slowly sat down on the couch. That was the first time since Sandy started dating Roman that she’d ever heard her say she loved him. “You do…don’t you?”

  “What?”

  “Love Roman?”

  “Yes! And…I’ve been dragging my feet second guessing myself, wondering about what-ifs, when I have a wonderful man at home that loves me and that I love. I’ve only got a couple of weeks left to plan for this wedding. So as my matron of honor, I’m going to need all of your help in making it my version of my very own fairytale!”

  Vicky hugged Sandy, “Of course I will. Let’s plan your dream wedding!”

  *****

  Franklin and Jason were sitting at the kitchen table drinking coffee while Sandy and Vicky left to go talk. The nanny had come in a bit earlier than usual and had taken the kids upstairs.

  He sipped from his cup, “You know that you and Vicky have got to give up this campaign to get Sandy and me back together.”

  “You love her.” Jason said it matter of factly, “I know you better than you know yourself. Those unguarded moments when you think no one else is watching, I see you. So, while we didn’t ambush you two on purpose, I’m not sorry about it. I’m just waiting for you to stop being so stubborn, stop pretending you want April, and ask for forgiveness for whatever your ridiculous reasons were for breaking up with her. You are not your father and Sandy is getting married in less than two weeks. You don’t have much time left to be stupid.”