Going on Red

by Lyn Gardner

  “All right.”

  “Promise me.”

  Kate let out an exaggerated sigh. “I promise.”

  “Good,” Brodie said, smiling. “Now, take your damn pills.”

  ***

  The meetings took most of the morning, and after sorting out a few more things, by the time Brodie dared to leave the office, it was almost one o’clock. She made her way to Kate’s house with a list of all the essentials needed, and after packing a small travel bag and watering some drooping houseplants, shortly before three, Brodie was letting herself back into her condo.

  It was quiet, and with the drapes in the lounge closed, it took a few seconds for her to get accustomed to the dim lighting before she made her way to the kitchen. Brodie placed the two cooler bags on the counter and then went into the dining room to set down the work she’d brought home. Taking off her coat, she draped it over a chair before tiptoeing into the bedroom.

  Brodie couldn’t help but smile at the tangled bedcovers or at the lump underneath, and when she saw the pill bottles on the table with a half-empty glass of water, her smile broadened. “Good girl,” Brodie said, her voice barely above a whisper.

  “I’m glad you think so,” Kate said, opening her eyes.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you,” Brodie said, taking a step into the room.

  “You didn’t. I woke up a little while ago. I was just doing the only thing I’m allowed to do. Relax.”

  Brodie walked nearer the bed. “Did you get something to eat?”

  “Yes. I had some of the lamb casserole that was in the fridge. It was really good,” Kate said, slowly sitting up. “I hope you don’t mind.”

  “I don’t mind at all. No nausea then?”

  “Nope. Not a wave.”

  “That’s a good sign,” Brodie said, rearranging the pillows behind Kate into a pile.

  “What time is it?”

  “Um…a little after three. Why? You have someplace to be?”

  “Not until Friday.”

  “What’s happening on Friday?” Brodie said, sitting on the edge of the bed.

  “I made a few phone calls while you were gone,” Kate said, resting back on the pillows.

  “Did you call Devon?”

  “No.”

  Brodie pulled in a breath, holding it for a second before letting it out. “Kate, the last thing Elliott said before he left on Friday was that you had refused to allow anyone to call her, and I really think she and Gina should be aware of what’s happened.”

  “Why? You and I both know they’ll cancel their holiday if I call, and I don’t want them to. It’s not like I’m going to heal any faster if they’re here, and I’m fine.”

  “You are most assuredly not fine.”

  “Okay, so I’m not a hundred percent, but those two fussing about isn’t going to make a difference. Is it?”

  Brodie wished she could argue the point, but she couldn’t, and it showed on her face. “No, I suppose not,” she said. “So, if you didn’t call Devon, who did you call?”

  “My Chief. I was trying to schedule a time when I could talk to the investigators about the accident, but he told me I couldn’t do that until my doctor can confirm I’m thinking clearly. So, I called to make an appointment, and the soonest my doctor can see me is Friday.”

  “Oh, for what time? I have a conference call at nine.”

  “It’s at eleven, but don’t worry about it. I can call a taxi.”

  “Don’t be silly. I spent part of my morning rearranging my schedule. Everything’s covered this week except for that phone call, and I’ve brought enough work home to keep me busy for a few days.” Brodie’s eyes narrowed as she looked at Kate. “Unless…unless, of course, you don’t want me to take you.”

  “It’s not that I don’t want you to, but if you have work to do, I don’t want to get in the way of that. I’ll just call a taxi. No worries.”

  “Right,” Brodie said, slapping her hands on her thighs before she stood up. “Well, speaking of work, I have more than enough out there to keep me busy. Do you need anything before I go?”

  “Uh…no. I’m good.”

  “Fine.”

  A cloud of confusion crossed Kate’s face as Brodie marched from the room. Kate looked up at the ceiling, replaying their short conversation in her head, and the cloud grew darker. What had just annoyed Brodie so much that Kate had seen the veins throbbing in Brodie’s temples?

  ***

  A few hours later, Brodie came back into the bedroom just as Kate was pushing herself into a sitting position. “You look like an angry gargoyle. Should I take you to the roof?”

  More than one giggle escaped before Kate shot Brodie a look. “It hurts.”

  “Sorry, I know it does,” Brodie said, coming closer. “I just came in to see if you’re hungry. It’s almost six.”

  “Actually, I am,” Kate said, dangling her legs over the bed. “But I’d like to take a quick shower. Did you get me any clothes?”

  “Oh Christ, I left them in the car,” Brodie said, clapping her hands to her head. “I was overloaded when I came home and totally forgot about them. I’ll run down and get them now.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Are you going to be okay in there?” Brodie said, motioning toward the bathroom.

  “Yeah, I think so.”

  “Okay, I’ll be right back.”

  Kate scratched her head. A few hours before Brodie had seemed bothered and now, she was anything but. “Maybe it’s just that time of the month,” Kate muttered as she hiked up the legs of her pajamas and made her way to the bathroom.

  Fifteen minutes later, Kate emerged from the steamy bathroom with a towel wrapped around her middle, and seeing an open travel case on the bed, she rummaged through the things inside until she found her pajamas. Without Brodie around to see it, Kate didn’t hold back on her groans, winces, or hisses as she slowly got herself dressed, and after finger-combing her hair again, she left the room.

  The preheat signal on the oven chimed just as Kate walked into the kitchen to find Brodie pulling two casseroles out of the fridge. “I thought you said you had work to do? When did you have time to make those?”

  “Oh, I didn’t,” Brodie said, glancing at Kate. She had expected to see the same rosy-faced woman she’d seen a short time earlier, but instead, Kate’s face was almost gray, and Brodie frowned. “Um…at the risk of you biting my head off, are you okay? You look a little pale.”

  “Between the shower and getting dressed, it kind of wiped me out. I’ll be fine in a few.”

  “Maybe you should go back to bed.”

  “So, you’re going to starve me then?”

  “No. I can bring you a plate.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous,” Kate said with a wave of her hand. “I’m not an invalid.”

  Brodie arched an eyebrow, and when Kate squinted back at her, she laughed and held up her hands. “Fine, you’re not an invalid. You’re just bruised, not broken—right?”

  “Exactly?”

  “Okay, so what does your bruised self want for dinner? We have beef stew or Stevie’s chicken with red peppers, sun-dried tomatoes, olives, and chorizo.”

  “Oh, that sounds heavenly. I vote for that,” Kate said, leaning in to peek under the foil Brodie had lifted.

  Kate watched as Brodie slipped the tray into the oven and then put the stew back into the fridge. “Okay, not that I don’t appreciate the gesture, but why is your receptionist making me food?”

  Brodie smiled. “Actually, he’s my Chief Financial Officer now.”

  “What? When did that happen?”

  “At lot has changed over the past four months, Kate,” Brodie said, filling a goblet with wine. “Would you like water or tea?”

  “Can’t I have some of that?”

  “Not with the medications you’re on,” Brodie said, putting the cork back into the bottle. “Sorry.”

  “Well, shit,” Kate said, reaching for a glass. “Then I guess I’ll
have water.”

  “I’ve got it,” Brodie said, taking the glass from Kate. “You go sit down.”

  By the time Kate reached the sofa, Brodie was right behind her, and waiting until they were both settled, Brodie handed Kate her water.

  “Thanks,” Kate said before taking a sip.

  A second later, Brodie saw Kate screw up her face. “What’s wrong? A problem with the water?”

  “No,” Kate said, setting the glass down. “I think I’m sitting on something.” Kate shifted just enough to reach under herself, and a moment later, she pulled out a small, purple rubber ball emblazoned with a Chadwick Orthopedics decal.

  “I’ve been looking for that one,” Brodie said, taking the exercise ball. “Thanks.”

  “Chadwick Orthopedics? What’s that about?”

  “It helps strengthen my hand.”

  “Your hand? What’s wrong with your hand?”

  “Oh…um…I broke it a few months ago.”

  “What? How?”

  Brodie’s mind drifted back to the night when she was bested by a tree root, and she scowled. “It doesn’t matter,” she said, setting the ball aside. “I also sold my car.”

  Kate’s shoulders fell. “Really? I loved that car.”

  “So did I, except every time I got into it, I remembered your face that first time at Calabria when you saw it…and it was like a snowball down a hill, and it was a hill I didn’t want to travel,” Brodie said before taking a sip of her wine. “And since I couldn’t drive it for a while, I decided I may as well get rid of it along with the memories it held.”

  “Oh,” Kate said, hanging her head for a moment. “I’m surprised you kept my toothbrush then.”

  “The car was a lot easier to part with,” Brodie said softly.

  A moment of silence passed between them until Kate noticed the aroma wafting from the kitchen. “Dinner smells good.”

  “Stevie’s a good cook, and if you liked the lamb casserole, you’re going to love the chicken.”

  “Why is he making you food?”

  Brodie met Kate’s gaze and paused to get her thoughts in order. “After you and I split up, I was having a hard time. I wasn’t eating properly, and then I broke my hand. So, Stevie began bringing casseroles to the office to make sure I was eating, and Gina or Devon would stop by here to drop something off at least once a week.”

  “I didn’t know they were doing that.”

  “I’m sure they thought there was no reason to tell you,” Brodie said with a shrug. “They knew I didn’t want to know what was going on with you, so they probably just assumed you felt the same way.”

  “Oh,” Kate said, lowering her eyes.

  “So…um…what about you? How’s the new job?”

  “I didn’t get it,” Kate said, looking up.

  “Oh, crap. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s okay. It’s just a job.”

  Brodie leaned back ever so slightly. “I thought you wanted it. Part of the plan and all that.”

  “I thought I wanted it, too, but plans change,” Kate said, eyeing Brodie. It was impossible not to notice that their conversation had become labored, weighed down by cautious words and careful looks, and Kate frowned. “Is it me, or have things suddenly become difficult between us?”

  Brodie let out a long breath. “No, it’s not you.”

  “What’s wrong?”

  There was a question that had planted itself in Brodie’s gray matter days before. Like a weed with an endless root, it had dogged her for days until she finally came up with the only plausible explanation. Now, she just needed to hear it from Kate. “Why did you tell that man I was your partner?” she said, turning to Kate.

  “Huh? What man?”

  “Your friend Elliott. That first night, after you fell asleep, I came out and talked to him for a while, and he said you told him I was your partner.”

  Kate hesitated for a second. “That’s right. I did.”

  “I’m confused.”

  “I’m not…at least not anymore.”

  Brodie settled back into the sofa, her eyes never leaving Kate’s as she folded her arms across her chest. “Is that so?”

  “Yes,” Kate said with a slow nod. “You were right. Life’s too short.”

  If Brodie had been a gambler, she would have just won a hefty sum with the wager she had placed with herself. Kate had stared death in the eye and won. Unfortunately, that didn’t change the fact that some strangers would still gawk, some friends would still walk away, and Kate’s relationship with her mother very well may have ended.

  “Let me guess,” Brodie said, swinging one leg over the other. “A near-death experience made you see the light?”

  Brodie’s remark was spot-on, but her rather flippant tone caught Kate’s attention. “Please don’t make fun of me.”

  “I’m not.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  “Kate, I appreciate what you must have gone through, but—”

  “I don’t think you do.”

  “How can you say that?” Brodie said, leaning away. “I saw the bruises, and I know you probably thought you were doing to die—”

  “Please stop making this sound so trivial.”

  “Kate—”

  “Will you please let me finish?”

  If all things had been equal, Kate would have postponed this conversation for at least another day. She wasn’t sure if it was the medication or the shower that had so successfully zapped her strength, except when she saw the look on Brodie’s face, Kate’s fortitude returned. Brodie was wearing a smug expression, not unlike the cocky one she had worn when they first met so many months before. Her chin was tipped slightly upward, and with her arms crossed, Brodie’s body language said it all. Prove me wrong. I dare you.

  There would be ample time to heal and plenty of time to sleep, but after everything she had put Brodie through, Kate knew this could very well be her last chance to make things right. So, if Brodie wanted an argument, that’s precisely what Kate would give her. “Do you love me?” she said, looking Brodie square in the eye.

  “What?”

  “You heard me.”

  Brodie took several long seconds before she spoke. “Of course, I do, but that’s not the problem. Love can only get us so far, Kate, and then it’s up to us. We’ve got to be a we, and you aren’t willing to do that.”

  “Yes, I am.”

  “Why? Because you thought you were going to die?”

  “Yes, but it’s so much more than that,” Kate said, touching Brodie lightly on the leg. “When I realized Frank wasn’t slowing down as we reached that intersection, I pleaded with him to stop. I begged for him to stop, and he just sneered at me. He was so bloody cocksure, you know? And then, seconds before everything went to shit, Frank said something…and when I woke up, his words were still in my head. Over and over and over again, it was all I could hear until my ears stopped ringing.”

  “Okay, I’ll bite. What did he say?”

  “He said…he said he was going on red.”

  “Going on red?”

  “Yeah, it means to go through a red light after you’ve come to a stop.”

  Brodie snorted. “Kate, I know what it means. I’m just not sure why it’s important.”

  “You know how they say that when you think you’re going to die, your life flashes in front of you?”

  “Sure.”

  “Well, it’s not your whole life. It’s just bits and pieces, little flashes of people and places that enter and exit your mind, one after another after another. But each of them…each of them is so clear and so real, it’s as if you’re looking through a picture book, turning the pages of your life. And when I turned mine, I realized most of them were filled with regret, and nobody else was to blame except me,” Kate said quietly. “Brodie, whenever something or someone didn’t fit into my plan, I walked away. Whenever a choice had to be made, I made it based on what was the easiest for me, never thinking about the other person’s wants or d
esires. You said it yourself, it was always about me. I was so rigid in what I wanted for my life, I forgot that sometimes…sometimes it’s okay to go against the grain, to think outside the box…to go on red.”

  “Kate, going on red almost killed you a few days ago.”

  “But it didn’t,” Kate said, straightening her backbone. “What Frank did was wrong, Brodie, but believing I was going to die was the wake-up call I needed. These past four months have been horrible, and I’ve been miserable. I kept trying to convince myself that you’d call, that you would change your mind, but that was wrong of me. That was terribly wrong of me because you don’t need to change, Brodie. I do…and I have.”

  Brodie ran her fingers through her hair, and letting out a long breath, she got to her feet. “I need more wine.”

  A minute later, wearing a somber expression, Brodie returned with her goblet filled. “Kate, no offense, but I lost count as to how many times you said you’d change, and you never did. Why should I believe you now?”

  Kate nibbled on her lower lip for a second. “Because now…because now, for the first time in my life, I know that the only thing standing between me and a life filled with happiness and love is my own stupid insecurity. So, I’ve decided that if friends walk away, I’ll get new ones, and if things become too difficult at work, I’ll transfer to another station because friends and jobs can come and go, but what I feel for you, Brodie…that’s never going to go away.”

  Brodie let Kate’s words sink in as she slowly sipped her wine, and when her thoughts were interrupted by the ring of the oven timer, Brodie got up to go turn it off. “Dinner’s ready.”

  “Brodie, aren’t you going to say anything?”

  Turning around, Brodie stared blankly back at Kate. “I wish I could believe you, Kate. I really do, but you’ve cried wolf so many times. And if this is how you truly feel and what you truly want, you wouldn’t have done what you did earlier.”

  “What are you talking about?” Kate said, getting up to follow Brodie into the kitchen. “What did I do earlier?”

  “It doesn’t matter,” Brodie said, reaching for the oven mitts.

  “Yes, it does,” Kate said, grabbing Brodie by the arm and turning her around. “Brodie, I’m trying to save us here. If you think I did something wrong then—”