Jude

by Linda Warren

  Zane grabbed his backpack from the backseat and Jude noticed the trophy sticking out and once again he thought he should say something. But Zane broached the topic first.

  “Dad, would it be bragging if I showed off my trophy?”

  “Yes, I think so, especially around Dudley and the McCrays. Why don’t you take a couple of pictures and you can show Erin and Jody and all your girl friends.”

  “Dad.” Zane sighed in irritation. “I have guy friends, too.”

  “I didn’t notice that many on Saturday.”

  Zane removed the trophy from the backpack, took several pictures and then laid it on the backseat. “I’m a chick magnet. Maybe I take after Uncle Elias or Uncle Paxton.” Zane laughed as he slipped on his backpack. He then hobbled toward the entrance to the school.

  Jude waited until his son was in class before he went to see the principal to let him know what had happened and that he wanted Zane watched by all the teachers. The principal said he would take care of it. On his way out, he met Annabel in the hall.

  “Jude, how nice to see you. How is Zane?”

  He told her everything that had happened and added, “I’d appreciate it if you’d look out for him.”

  “No problem.” She looked squarely at him. “How’s it going with Zane’s mother? I saw her and she really was amazing, the way she took care of his injuries.”

  “Yeah, she’s an accomplished doctor, but things aren’t going all that well. Zane refuses to see her and we’re kind of in a holding pattern right now.”

  “I’m sure it will all work out.” Her tone was different than it had been before. Cool and professional. Not like the extra-friendly teacher she had been.

  “Thank you.”

  She walked off down the hall and Jude knew whatever they’d had was over. No one affected him like Paige. He might as well admit that. Also, he wasn’t sure anything would’ve happened with Annabel even if Paige hadn’t come back. Something was always holding him back. Or someone.

  As he drove away from the school, he wanted to tell Paige how her son was doing. He wasn’t apologizing for yesterday. He had to take a stand, even if it hurt. But he so badly wanted her to know that Zane was okay and back in school.

  At the stop sign, he pulled out his phone to text her. His thumbs paused over the keypad. He couldn’t keep doing this. He had to maintain some distance and texting her wasn’t going to help their situation. He slipped the phone back into his pocket.

  *

  AFTER SHOWERING AND changing clothes, Paige was in a better state of mind. Seeing and talking to Staci was what she’d needed to get her head straight. After Staci left, she drove to the antiques store and bought a nightstand, a lamp and a picture frame.

  She put Zane’s photo in the frame and placed it by her bed. Again, she was just going through the motions. She had no plans to live in the house, only to keep busy, and she wanted her son’s photo beside her.

  The house had so many memories, but they weren’t dragging her down like before. With the new paint, everything was fresh and bright, which was the way she wanted to feel inside. She would get there. It would just take time. She went to her mother’s room and sat on the carpet cross-legged, staring at the red wall. All the yelling, screaming, crying, drunken binges, different men trailing in and out of their house, and people talking behind their backs cumulated into a hard ball in her stomach.

  She sucked air into her lungs and she saw her mother for who she was: a needy person, a person who desperately needed to feel loved. And she’d gotten that love the only way she’d known how. It had hurt her children, but her mother had never seen that. Paige sucked another breath into her chest and released it. She had to let go of all the bitterness and resentment. It was over and she couldn’t keep reliving the moments that tainted her life, her future.

  Drawing another breath, she whispered, “I forgive you.” The ball in her stomach rose up, and instead of giving in to the nausea, she swallowed hard and let go. The ball dissipated and she felt relief for the first time in years. And just like the room, everything was fresh and new again.

  She sensed she wasn’t alone and she didn’t need to turn to see who it was. His presence was undeniable. Jude.

  Without taking her eyes off the wall, she said, “Did you get your second wind?”

  “You asked me to talk and I did. I’m not apologizing for that. Zane is always my top priority.”

  She scooted to face him and then wished she hadn’t. He leaned against the doorjamb in tight jeans and a blue shirt. His dark hair fell forward over his forehead as if he’d just removed his hat. Raw masculinity seemed to reach out and touch her and she desperately wanted to jump up and wrap her arms around him, to just feel his heart beating against hers. But she couldn’t do that. As he’d said, Zane was now their top priority.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “I took Zane to the doctor this morning and he said everything was healing nicely. He just needs to rest his ankle for a few days. The doctor suggested crutches. I took him to school because he insisted and the doctor okayed it.”

  “I’m glad.” She rubbed a paint spot on her jeans. “Did he open the box?” She didn’t want to ask, but she couldn’t help herself.

  “No, it’s sitting on his dresser. I don’t think he’s even glanced at it.”

  She bit her lip to keep the revelation from getting to her.

  “I thought you’d like to know that he doesn’t want me to file charges against Dudley McCray.”

  “Why? He viciously beat Zane.”

  “The sheriff and the DA came out to the house to talk to us. Dudley has his own problems with his father, and Zane doesn’t want him to get into any more trouble than he’s already in. Dudley is on probation. If he screws up, he’s going to juvenile hall.”

  “That was very understanding and compassionate of Zane.”

  “Yeah. That’s how he is. He’s upset now because you’ve come back, but give him time.”

  Her heart felt heavy from the warmth cradling it. The fact that Jude had come over here to tell her that made all the difference in the world. There was no one like Jude. And her son was just like him.

  “Thank you.”

  He pushed away from the doorjamb and said, “It’s red.”

  “What?” She had no idea what he was talking about.

  He nodded toward the wall. “You were staring at it as if you didn’t know what color it was. It’s red. Bright red.”

  She smiled. An honest-to-God smile that reached inside her and would buffet her emotions for days to come. “Uh…yeah. It’s red.”

  Before the pregnancy had rocked their world, Jude used to tease her all the time, trying to cheer her up. He had a dry wit that always brought her out of the dumps and she was reminded of that today.

  Without another word, he walked out of the room and out of the house. That was okay. That was pure Jude and she understood him better than anyone.

  She got to her feet, feeling more optimistic than she had in a long time. Whatever the future held, she was ready to face it. With a man like Jude waiting on the sidelines, there was nothing else she could do. Or wanted to do.

  *

  IN THE AFTERNOON she decided to tackle the washer and dryer in the garage to see if they worked. She managed to pull the washer out and saw the hoses were cracked. A box of Luke’s tools was in the garage. She removed the hoses and took them down to the hardware store to see if she could get new ones.

  Bubba Wiznowski, Angie’s brother, was in the store and he helped her to find what she needed and then came to the house and put them on. In no time, he had the washer working. And to her amazement, with a little cleaning, the dryer came on, too. Her first load of clothes was in the rinse cycle when she heard the doorbell.

  She ran to the door in hopes it was Jude again. It wasn’t. Rachel stood there.

  “I don’t mean to bother you.”

  “Come in. You’re not bothering me.”

  “I don’
t have time. I’m on my way home. Since Zane is on crutches, Jude picked him up and I thought I’d stop by for a minute. Once a month we have a ladies’ night out at Angie’s office. We eat, drink, talk, laugh and have a good time. I was hoping you would join us. We’d love to have you come.”

  “Thank you, Rachel, for thinking of me, but under the circumstances, I don’t think so.”

  Rachel rested her hand on the top of her stomach. “Just think about it. We get there around seven.”

  “Maybe next time. Thank you for being so nice.”

  “If you change your mind, we’ll be there.” Rachel turned away and Paige thought of something.

  “Oh, Rachel. Does Mrs. Brimhall still teach at the school?”

  “Yes, she’s still teaching and a stickler for perfect English.”

  “Thank you. I might stop in to see her.”

  Paige waved to her friend as she drove away. It was nice of Rachel to ask, but she wasn’t ready to face the people of Horseshoe. She had to see someone else first to exorcise the ghost from her past.

  It was a little after four and she quickly drove to the school, feeling Mrs. Brimhall would still be there. Paige was in luck. A thin woman with salt-and-pepper hair sat behind a desk in Paige’s old English classroom.

  “Mrs. Brimhall.”

  The woman looked up and pushed her thick wire-rimmed glasses up the bridge of her nose. “Yes, dear. Can it wait until tomorrow? I was just closing up for the day.”

  “You don’t recognize me, do you?” Paige walked farther into the room, and at the puzzled look on the woman’s face, she added, “I’m Paige Wheeler.”

  “Oh, dear, how nice to see you. Should I call you Doctor now?”

  “You can just call me Paige.” She didn’t want to go into detail. She just wanted answers. “I was looking for Mrs. Carstairs. I would like to see her while I’m in town.”

  “She moved away years ago.”

  Paige already knew that. “Do you have any idea where she lives?” Mrs. Brimhall and Mrs. Carstairs were close friends back then and Paige was hoping she would know where the woman lived now.

  “Poor Nancy. She’s had a rough time.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “She and her husband so desperately wanted a child and they had an adoption all set up, but it fell through. Nancy never talked much about it, so I don’t know what really happened, but afterward she and her husband divorced and Nancy moved to Austin to be closer to her sister. We stayed in touch for a while, but then she met Fred and he is really controlling. I haven’t heard from her in years.”

  “So she remarried?”

  “Yes.” Mrs. Brimhall’s forehead crinkled. “His name was Fred Wilhelm. Like I said, a grouchy, controlling man. I didn’t like him, but Nancy was pleased about the marriage. He had three kids and she was happy to be their mother.”

  “I was so hoping to get to see her.”

  “Sorry. She lives in Austin now.”

  “Thank you, Mrs. Brimhall.” She looked around the room at the desks, a chalkboard and the computers. “Everything looks the same, except for the computers.”

  “Oh, yeah. The world is changing, and I must say, I’m so happy that Horseshoe has a success story.”

  Paige left while she could. She had the information she wanted and now she would see Nancy Carstairs face-to-face. She couldn’t even begin to heal until she saw the woman who had tried to steal her baby.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Paige was in Austin by seven that evening. She would have made it sooner, but the traffic was heavy. A gas station was on the right, so she pulled off the freeway to fill up. Afterward she sat in her car and did some checking on her phone to locate Nancy. It didn’t take her long to find the address of Fred Wilhelm.

  The house was in a nice subdivision in south Austin. She parked at the curb and checked out the redbrick home with a manicured lawn. Blooming flowers decorated the flower beds and hanging baskets hung on the porch. The suburban lifestyle. The good life.

  Nancy had certainly moved on and Paige took a moment to question what she was doing here. It wasn’t going to change a thing, but something in her needed to see the woman who’d led her down a path to total devastation. Before she could go forward, she had to deal with all her feelings about Nancy Carstairs.

  Getting out of the car, she took a deep breath and marched up the brick walk to the front door. She rang the doorbell and waited. The door opened and Nancy stood there looking much the same as she had almost thirteen years ago. Her blond hair was now streaked with gray and she’d gained some weight, but she still was the woman Paige had trusted with her life.

  “Can I help…? Oh…Paige!”

  Paige walked past her into the foyer before Nancy could shut the door in her face. “Yes, it’s me. I bet you thought you would never see me again.”

  “Please leave.” Nancy’s voice was shaky. “I have nothing to say to you.”

  “That’s too bad, because I have a lot to say to you. I trusted you and I trusted that you were giving me good advice, but instead you were devious and underhanded and did everything you could to make sure I gave my baby away.”

  “The baby was a burden to you and I offered you a good solution to go off to college and have your dream.”

  “As a naive teenage girl, I believed every word you said. I was conflicted and torn, but I wanted my baby to have the very best of everything. And you told me many times that my home environment was not a place to bring a baby into. You also told me that it would be detrimental for me to hold the baby or to even know the sex. All of that was bull. You see, I’m in obstetrics now and we stress to teenage girls that it is very important to hold their baby and to say goodbye. If they can do that, then they can deal with the aftermath of giving the child away.”

  “What do you want from me?”

  “Nothing. My mother passed away and I came home from the funeral to learn that my son was being raised by his father. It was a shock at first, but now it’s an incredible gift that I will always be grateful for. And I will forever be grateful that Jude chose that moment to stand up and speak up for our child.”

  Nancy twisted her hands nervously. “I would’ve given that baby a good home.”

  “He has a good home, the very best, with his biological family.”

  “Why did you come here? Yes, I deceived you, but it was for a good reason. Your baby would’ve been well taken care of and I would’ve loved it. I didn’t feel I was doing anything wrong.”

  Paige stepped closer to her. “It’s wrong to deceive a teenage girl so you can have her child. I’m sure it’s illegal, too, but that’s all over with. I just have this need to see your face so that I can put it all behind me.”

  “Nancy,” a male voice called, and in a few seconds a man entered the room with three young children behind him. “We’re waiting for dessert.” The man looked at her with a deep frown. “Who is this?”

  “It’s a student from Horseshoe. She stopped by to say hi.”

  “It would have been nice if she had called. This is our dinnertime.”

  Paige faced the man with the accusing voice. “Yes, it would be nice if people were considerate.” She turned and walked to the door and Nancy followed her. At the door, she said, “I was going to tell you that I hoped you rot in hell, but I think you’re already there.”

  She drove away with a feeling of elation, as if she’d slayed the dragon and victory was hers. But victory was short-lived. She had a long way to go to banish all the ghosts from her past.

  *

  WHEN JUDE DROVE up to the house with Zane, Phoenix was just rolling up on a Polaris Ranger. “Hey, Zane, this is what you can use to get around on until your ankle heals.”

  “Why didn’t I think of that?” Zane hobbled to the ATV and climbed on. He revved it up. “I’m going to check on Bear.” And off he went to the barn. Jude and Phoenix followed.

  “How’s he doing?” Phoenix asked.

  “Trying to forget that h
is mother exists.”

  “That can’t be good for him. He doesn’t have to love her or anything, but in my opinion, it would be good for him to talk to her without all the anger. A lot of mistakes were made back then, but now’s the time to make it right again.”

  “Yeah, but I’m going to give it time. I just don’t know how long Paige is going to stay here, though. She never answered me.”

  Phoenix stopped walking and stared at Jude. “Then ask again. Speak up, for heaven sakes, Jude. Don’t let her get away with evasive tactics. Zane is involved, too, now. You know you’re never going to love anybody but Paige. Everybody knows that. No one in Horseshoe has ever asked about Zane’s mother, because they know. They just don’t know how it happened. And no one is brave enough to ask that to your face. It’s time to bring all this out into the open and figure out your life with Paige or without her.”

  Jude stared off to the evening sun sinking in the west. Phoenix was right. He had to figure out what was best for all of them. But first Zane had to understand why his mother had done what she’d done, and he didn’t know how long that would take.

  He’d told himself that morning that he wouldn’t stop by and see Paige. But he’d found himself at the little house all the same. He’d known she was hurting and he was the cause of some of that hurt. That bothered him because he didn’t like hurting people. And then she was staring at that damn wall and he couldn’t figure out why. Of course, he hadn’t asked. At that point, he’d rather not have known—he was sure it had something to do with her mother. Her whole life revolved around a mother who’d never loved her or cared about her and he sincerely hoped she was finding peace with that.

  Later, Zane was tired. Walking on crutches took a lot of extra energy. After supper and a shower, Zane was out for the night. And the box was left unopened on the dresser.