The Beast Is Me (The Beast And Me Book 4)

by D. S. Wrights

  I left Three behind like a forgotten toy and strolled slowly towards One, who was doing his best to crawl away. Mindlessly I brushed my hand across my lower lip and licked it, tasting blood, and I must admit that it excited me. My senses sharpened instinctively and I realized that I could see perfectly well in the almost darkness.

  I knew One could hear me approach him, but he didn’t beg, didn’t utter a word, but continued pulling himself forward with his hands and elbows, dragging his lifeless lower body along with him. I kicked his left foot, but he didn’t notice.

  “Dang, I paralyzed you,” I told him, stepping next to his head, walking with him as he was continuing to haul himself further. “How are you going to rape girls now?”

  Hearing that question, he stopped, and gave up, turning his head to look up at me. I almost expected him to respond with something like ‘You don’t say’, and maybe he would have, if my beastly face hadn’t shut him up.

  “I almost believed you, you know,” I admitted as I squatted down next to him, “I might have even considered your offer, but then…”

  Shaking my head, I stopped myself. I wasn’t feeling like making a speech. These men almost had raped me, who knew how often they had succeeded? I got up, stretched my neck to the left and right.

  “Meet your maker,” I told him, leaped into the air and jumped on his head.

  It made a cracking and splashing sound, but he wasn’t dead. I was simply not heavy enough. I kneeled down, grabbed his head and smashed it against the ground, over and over again. I pushed my breath through my bared teeth as his blood squirted and sprinkled onto my face. Eventually, as I had grown tired, I slashed his throat with my claws, just to be sure. And then I panted, pulling in air. I felt languorously strained, better than after any training session or sparring with Dan. But I wasn’t finished. I needed to check on Mr. twisted back, just to be sure. No one was allowed to see me as Beast.

  Getting back up to my feet slowly, I quickly found the body I had wreaked my fury on. I was curious if he was still alive. Technically, if I hadn’t torn any of his blood vessels and his body hadn’t gone into cardiac arrest out of shock, it was quite possible.

  As I went down onto one knee to check his pulse I could see that he was still breathing.

  “Son of a…” I mumbled and was about to bring my hand to his throat as I heard something familiar.

  Somewhat far, yet close, I could hear Daniel shout my name in worry. I harkened, focusing on his voice, and could hear him pant. He was jogging and searching for me. It was a strange sensation for me. It made me smile. He really cared for me. Despite what he had done in the compound. Living in beast form for that long definitely took its toll on anyone. Right now I was experiencing how powerful it was to be an unstoppable, unrestrained force.

  Bringing my attention back to number three, I decided to simply snap his neck, because I had grown bored. After that, I rose to my feet.

  “Four,” I whispered, not knowing why exactly I had chosen this name.

  I knew he heard me. I was excited all of the sudden, rejuvenated by the idea of him finding me and my work. And then there was the name I called him, echoing in my head. Four. I had cut down three men, easily. All the time he had trained me, Dan had made me feel that, despite my superior speed, I was no match for him. He was stronger and more experienced and both were advantages I would never meet. Yet, I always went to bed with the feeling that – although a beast – I wouldn’t win a fight without having Dan around. And now, now I knew that was wrong. Now, I wanted to prove that I was his alpha not only because he had chosen me to be, but because I was able to defeat him.

  The ecstasy of three easy kills rushed through my veins. The taste of blood was on my lower lip, and the sticky feeling of it on my neck chest and hands. Signs of my triumph.

  All the time I had sparred with Daniel, I had been divided in two halves, my mind and my beast, but then, as now, the beast is me.

  I heard him before I saw him. His heartbeat racing, his breath panting, approaching the scene as a mere human. Pathetic.

  “Meg…,” he saw me and then my battlefield.

  For a second there I hesitated. He was worried, confused and relieved to see I was okay.

  Yet, I was ready to pounce, and fight him. He was Four, after all. He was saved by the bell of the diner’s door opening.

  “Where are those assholes?” A man grumbled, and I assumed he was talking about my failed rapists.

  There was a different number four, but I was still willing to cut him down, too. And Daniel knew it.

  I was faster than him, and that was no secret. He would never get to me in time, before I attacked the man calling for his mates, who were dead or dying. I didn’t care if he wasn’t a rapist, he was friends with them, and for me that was enough. Daniel wouldn’t catch me and that fact was an additional rush. There was only one thing he could do, and that was something I wasn’t aware of. He howled.

  I had never heard this sound before and it made me freeze and stop. I could hear my prey panic and run back inside the diner, yet, it left me cold and unfazed. This howl, it was a challenge to me, and exactly what I wanted to hear. The pleasure of killing weaker opponents had died with those three men that had laid their hands – and more – on me.

  I turned around to face the one who had challenged me and I wasn’t surprised to see Dan – Four – standing there, just a few feet away, waiting for me to attack. That expression on his face, trying to be prepared, willing to take me on, it was somehow incredibly sexy.

  Maybe it was the rush of cutting down mere humans, maybe it was the fake of him being the actual number four, maybe it was me becoming lightheaded because of the reality that no one was able to stop me. I was an unstoppable force meeting an unmovable object. At least that’s what it felt like looking at him. Somehow I knew that I starting the attack would end up with me being defeated. Yet, there was something that I sensed, which appeared to give me an advantage. He cared, and I didn’t. I had only one obvious weakness, which actually wasn’t one by my standards, but a big one for Dan.

  I leaped towards him, using my speed and all. He barely managed to step out of my reach. Not being satisfied by him avoiding me, I kept attacking him, forcing him to retreat with every hit, every lunge, every step forward.

  I concentrated on him and his movements, his reaction, as he was the target, but a part of me knew it was wrong. Yet, the larger part of me didn’t care. All I saw at that moment was an opponent and I charged him as such. Full speed and dexterity.

  Dan met my prowess with a stoic patience, and while I was the tide, going full power, he met me with the patience of a ten thousand year old stone. It drove me mad, made furious and yet I was incapable of feeling any negative emotion towards him. He took my beating, my claws, my rage, as if it was something he had faced a thousand times.

  His apparent indifference made me furious with jealousy. And I hated myself for it. No matter how and from where I attacked him, he already seemed to know what I would do before I knew it, which just fueled my rage and blinded me, made me incapable to come up with something I hadn’t already thrown at him during our training and sparring sessions. But that wasn’t what enraged me further, it was the fact that he – not once – attacked me. No, he went for the long run, waiting for me to exhaust myself. And I – stupid little, young, inexperienced beast – I almost fell for it.

  I was so used to him being the emotional one, being the irrational one, that it took me way too long to realize that he was counting on me burning myself up with my own emotions. Realizing this hurt more than any real slash.

  When I wanted to change my strategy – if I had any – it was already too late. Dan grabbed one of my wrists and forcefully pulled at it, which made me stumble and my back collide with his chest. Before I knew it he had my arms crossed in front of me tightly, pressing my body against his. There was no space between us.

  “Calm down, kitten,” he whispered into my ear and his voice and that line di
d all different kinds of things towards me, but, hell, I wouldn’t give up that easily.

  I pulled down my arms forcefully and bent over, sending him headfirst over my back and into the dirt. This wasn’t something he had taught me; this was Nina’s lesson in self-defense. I just didn’t expect him to use the momentum and turn it into a somersault. Not allowing the surprise to paralyze me, I pounced on him. Dan anticipated this and sped up, running out of my reach and making a back flip and turn, which made me run right into him, which was our downfall. While he landed on his back hard, I collided with his chest, but he wrapped his arms around me tightly, catching my arms between our bodies.

  “Stop,” he told me and I growled in response. “Bad kitten,” he added, and I grumbled in return. “Meg,” he whispered softly and I was breathless.

  He only let go of me when all the tension had left my body, but I didn’t move, I stayed where I was, on top of him. There it was again, his scent. I can’t really describe it. The worst thing is: I can’t even compare it to Jay. I don’t remember his scent. No, that’s not entirely true, I just can’t put it into words, not anymore. They are somewhat alike and yet not. What they share must be the beast in them. And then, I knew, it was my beast that responded. I had beat myself up over it. I felt like I was cheating on Jay, no matter how he had betrayed me with closing that door. But I, I wasn’t that girl anymore. I had changed. I wasn’t human anymore. I am a beast.

  I’m not sure if that was what was in my head at that moment, but I lowered my head and kissed him. I kissed Dan and I was in my right mind when I did it. I wasn’t overwhelmed by scent or emotion. Right then, I really just wanted to kiss him, to taste him, and to feel his reaction to what I did. And that was instant. He was my toy to play with. I knew that right then and there. He didn’t care that I was covered in blood, or that we were out in the open, or if this was right.

  Somehow, I managed to kick off my shoes and open my pants. I didn’t care for romance, or tenderness. All I cared about was the feel of him inside me, hard and hot. And, oh hell, he delivered. I didn’t defeat him by force, or superiority. I didn’t defeat him at all. I won by him surrendering to me. And that pulled at my heartstrings.

  Lowering my bare hips on him made my eyes roll back in their sockets. I was full beast, and he was too, and yet, it was so gentle. I didn’t even know that was possible. Getting it on with a beast always had been animalistic, beastly, but with Dan… damn it made me want to find out what sex was like when we both were in human form. I wasn’t even sure if that was possible. I wasn’t even sure if I wanted that. Dan made me feel perfect as I was. Despite me being a beast, a one of a kind unique kind of beast. He kissed me as if it breathed life into him, as if it gave him purpose. And I, I didn’t want to move my hips up and down, feeling the friction he created inside of me, sending those delicious jolts through my body, exploding at the end of my nerves. He made me feel like I was in control, while letting go of myself. And the best thing about it was how he clutched to me, pulling me down so he could dive as far into me as he possibly could. I heard him growl lowly into my ear, just to encourage me to pick up the pace. And I did. Hell, I did, and while I was at it, pushing him as deep as possible, I dug my claws into his flesh. He hissed and then he purred. He loved the pain as much as I did and responded just the same. I could feel him pierce the flesh on my back just as deeply as I had on him. I could feel his blood trickling past my fingertips just as I could feel my own blood slowly run down my back. It ignited my body and I felt as I was set ablaze, ready to dance, tumble, jump eagerly over that edge, taking his hands and jumping into free fall without any fear or regret.

  All I wanted to feel, sense, think, was his hard cock sliding into me, spreading me, giving me bliss whenever he entered me. For all I know Dan is my only chance at happiness. And he doesn’t care that I’m carrying another man’s child. He wants me, emotionally and – oh hell – physically. And he knows what I need so perfectly.

  I didn’t even notice him pushing me off him and onto all fours. All I knew was him plunging into me from behind, clawing into my hair and just fucking me. It was simply perfect, hard, demanding, possessive. He made me feel as if I was his drug, his heroin and he couldn’t get enough of me, of fucking me. He made me forget. It all. All that I felt was his cock sliding in and out of me, spreading me, releasing me, diving into me, leaving me. And all I wanted was to feel him fill me up and make me whole, make all these missing chunks disappear, and for some pristine, rare moments, he did.

  He made me cry again, but he ignored it. He gave me a release in so many different ways I hadn’t known about. He didn’t ask, didn’t pretend to understand, didn’t try to console me. All he did was hold me, staying silent, waiting for me to speak and accepting when I didn’t.

  I don’t deserve him, or his gentleness, or his care, or his understanding. He doesn’t deserve me, me pining over someone who willingly abandoned her, me, whose heart is still broken over a dead man. I honestly don’t understand him. I did understand Jay, I could feel for him, but Dan… no, he completely evades me.

  I hated him, despised him, wanted him to die. He was the last one I wanted to pull from that rubble and now I am grateful that it was him. How pathetic I am, willing to accept anyone’s love… but am I really?

  Dan was beyond hope. I witnessed that a whole month and now… now he is hell bound to be there for me, serve me, obey me, protect me. How can I despise someone who pledges his life to me, who… loves me?

  He didn’t say it, and yet I feel like he has. Did he whisper these words while I was asleep? Just as he had carried me back home those miles from the diner?

  Do I feel the same? All I know is that he couldn’t be more fitting to fill the vacant space Jay so easily left behind. Somehow he’s healing me, although I fought it.

  When I woke up early in my bed, he was there with me, on top of my sheets while I was lying beneath them. If anyone would have told me that Dan of all people would be considerate and well mannered, I probably would have burst out in hysterical laughter. Now, I can only smile. Now, I only can fight my impulse to draw the lines of his face with my index finger.

  We both are far from content, or healed, or in the right state of mind. We both are deeply damaged. We are damaged equally. Jay was haunted by self-loathing and guilt. Dan and I… we are tormented by loss and by the ecstasy being a beast makes us feel. We both can lose ourselves in the creature that gives our primal instincts a form. It’s so easy to leave humanity behind and just be a creature, and animal, free of regret, free of worries about the future. Yet, we both know that we are more than that, we are also human. And that’s the true torment.

  I watched him until he stirred, just to pretend to be still asleep. I know avoidance is not the right move here, but what is there to say? It’s my beast that is attracted to him, that is attracted to his beast. Yes, I can’t deny that I like him now, that I am drawn to him, because I have this strange feeling that he understands me. But, he doesn’t understand all of me. Not really.

  He can never take Jay’s place. No matter how angry I am at him for abandoning me. He’s the father of my child. Our connection is strong, and old, and deep. It cuts right into my heart. Dan… Dan’s just a band aid for an open, festering wound that will take years to heal. It’s not fair of me to give him the wrong idea.

  I honestly can’t say if he knew that I was awake and he went with it, or not. But I can’t just pretend that he’s oblivious to everything. I know that I am hurting him. I’m hurting him with everything that I do and he… he’s just accepting it. I don’t know if that’s really fair to him, no matter how he acted at the compound. I know he genuinely cares for me. I just don’t know why. And I don’t have any time to think about it. I need to bring down the board.

  Day 60

  Today, Austin presented us with our next target. I haven’t spoken to Dan all day and he’s apparently pretending as if yesterday never happened. Which means to me that he knew I was awake and acting aslee
p when he left and that I hurt him. I actually can’t believe his patience with me. But then again, I was patient with Jay. Am I the monster now that needs a gentle hand and understanding?

  “This one is actually close by,” Austin explained as he showed us surveillance pictures and blueprints of the house we were supposed to break into next. “But it’s security system is more advanced. It has two independent circuits, being dependent on the public grid. So if you cut off the power there will be a silent alarm. They will instantly know that there hasn’t been a general power outage.”

  “So, we just cut the secondary first,” I shrugged.

  “Which is within the compound,” Austin shook his head. “As soon as you get over that fence, they will identify you as intruders.”

  “So, we make them believe it’s a false alarm,” Dan came to my rescue and gestured at the screen. “There’s a tree branch hanging in the yard, a squirrel or cat could easily stumble into the yard and trigger the alarm.”

  “I’m not sure,” Austin stayed skeptical.

  “What alternative is there?” I demanded to know as Austin looked at me like a deer in headlights; that’s when I realized that he actually was afraid of me, and I wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad thing.

  “They have pizza Friday,” he brought out hesitantly.

  “Nonono,” I shook my head vehemently. “No family. We don’t involve innocents.”

  Both Dan and Austin looked at me quietly and it took me a while to understand their reaction.

  “I was bluffing!” I threw my hands up in the air, exaggerating my response.

  Hell, I knew that when I threatened that man’s family I meant it and that probably was what made him believe me and spill the beans, but that didn’t mean I had to admit that I – on occasion – lost control.