The Beast Is Me (The Beast And Me Book 4)

by D. S. Wrights

  Who am I lying to? Dan definitely knows. But I’m not ready to admit that out in the open yet. Because if I do, both Austin and Dan will put this on hold, which is exactly the same thing I would do. You can’t go on a job with a wild card. But me… I need this. My beast needs this. We both have lost our mate and that’s nothing you can sort out on a shrink’s sofa.

  “We have to be quick this time,” I changed the subject and both guys looked at me as if I had grown a second head. “What? We don’t want them to retreat to the fortress, do we? What other plan do we have? Infiltrate?” I started to ramble. “I don’t see that happening. They know all three of us.”

  “Yes on being quick, no on everything else,” Dan said calmly, and I instantly knew he’d already talked to Austin. “We need to get in smoothly and get him to give us the access codes to the fortress,” he continued. “Without anyone realizing that we are actually there.”

  “And what exactly did we do last time we invaded a house?” I asked somewhat annoyed.

  “This time we will have to get him to trigger the order,” Daniel explained, still keeping his cool while I was almost steaming. “Let him report that he was able to fend us off, when he didn’t. And then piggyback his ride to the fortress.”

  “We don’t know anything about that compound,” I threw in, shaking my head.

  “We know as much as everyone does,” Austin stopped himself from shrugging his shoulders as he saw my expression. “That place was built to withstand World War Three.”

  “If my situation was different I would be all in for a suicide mission. But it’s not just my life I am risking,” I heard myself talk and I had a hard time believing that it was me.

  However, it was true. No matter how desperately I longed for vengeance, I had to be responsible. There was another life growing in me and I had to give it a chance, I couldn’t just go out there without thinking twice anymore.

  “I’m sorry,” Austin said honestly. “There is no other option. If you pluck this guy off I can’t guarantee that they won’t pull all board members into the fortress. If you aren’t getting inside by piggybacking as one member’s body guards it might take a while until you get the chance to kill the next one.”

  “So, why not go for Rook, himself? Cut off the snake’s head? Pressure them to expose themselves?” I mused.

  “They are black ops, they are untouchable. The government denies their existence and no one would dare or think of exposing them. They are too powerful,” Austin argued. “We all want to get them, we all want to hurt them, destroy them, but we are only three. One human,” he pointed at himself and then at Dan and me, “and two beasts. That’s not enough.”

  “What about the mercenaries?” I asked.

  “They are our wildcard,” Dan responded. “It’s a one-time only thing for attacking the fortress. If the board learns about them, they will increase their security staff even more. It’s already risky enough as it is.”

  “Also, our funds are limited,” Austin threw in. “Especially if you still want a fortified safe house with security yourself and money to live off once this is over.”

  For a moment my mind was blank. I couldn’t and still can’t remember that we ever had talked about something like that. Yes, about a safe house for Jay and me. Again, he seemed to have decided something without telling me. All these surprises about Jay start to be too hard to swallow, even though they come one at a time. It’s just that now I am realizing how little I really know about Jay. I might not have even know him at all. Yes, as a leader, he had to make the hard choices on his own. But I wasn’t one of his subordinates. I thought I was more than that.

  “So, we play the long game,” I sighed and exhaled deeply only to meet confused gazes as I opened my eyes. “I am not risking my child’s life for a plan that might get us all killed. I’d prefer plucking off one after another if that is what it takes. They don’t know that there are two beasts, so let them believe it’s just a fluke. Where is our next target?”

  We agreed on the one Austin had picked for us and to wait a few days, hoping for our enemy to believe that it was a one-time thing and that we didn’t have any further information about them. Fact is, we don’t know shit. Yes, we got the laptop from our last target, but honestly, at least I know that it’s worth shit because the board will order all the codes and variable information changed in order to protect them. And if not? Then, hell, they deserve what’s coming for them.

  Day 62

  I’ve waited two days… we’ve waited two days until our mission. I don’t know why I thought it would be a piece of cake for me. Hell, I knew it wouldn’t be, but I pretended anyway, because there was no alternative.

  It went down so differently from how we had planned it. Yes, I knew it wouldn’t be just as we had hoped for… but not like that. Definitely not like that. It’s fucking killing me. For the first time in a long time I am somewhat relieved that I have this book to confide in. I still have trouble processing everything. No, I can’t really believe what happened.

  Austin had gone through all the data, Daniel reviewed all the footage, we saw all the blueprints, and still I knew it wouldn’t be a stroll in the park like the last time. And with that I don’t mean that I had grown hesitant towards killing people, no, I just knew in my gut that there would be a surprise waiting for us. Still, I hadn’t been able to foresee what exactly that surprise would be. I honestly can’t say that I felt uneasy travelling to our next target.

  The feeling of dread had accompanied me every time we had agreed on playing vigilantes. And the reason for that was the black, bloodthirsty hole in my head.

  No, this time I had the feeling that we waited too long or not long enough. For me, it was a no-brainer that when they wouldn’t order the members of the board to retreat into the fortress, they would increase security for all of them. Even if they believed that there was only Daniel on the loose. Now, two days after our last attack, they would have new security protocols set up, but it wouldn’t have become a routine for anyone. They all still would be on high alert. It would make more sense to wait a month and have them believe “Four” would have given up.

  The reason why I didn’t say anything was simple. My time was running out, too. Although I still am not showing, I know that there will come the day that my pregnancy will start to limit me and I want to take down as many as possible until that day arrives. And then, maybe, there was the fact that I believed it would be too dangerous for Daniel to go out on his own. I didn’t mind him getting hurt, but I wanted him to stay alive. I needed someone capable to restrain and control an infant beast. Or that’s what I told myself to ignore my inner turmoil.

  Writing this down, I have to laugh bitterly. I’ve had enough of men keeping secrets from me because they want to protect me. Nothing good has come of it.

  We drove in silence, apart from the radio playing in the driver’s cabin. There was nothing more to say between Dan and me. We had gone through the plan a dozen times already and now, some kind of nervousness had taken over our bodies. That and giddy anticipation. The beast part of me couldn’t wait to sink her claws into her enemy’s flesh. The longer we drove, the more she drowned my worries. All the while I couldn’t keep my eyes off of Daniel. The more I allowed my beast side to take over, the more I seemed to feel the need to have him close to me, to inhale his scent, to taste his skin, to suck in the warmth of his body. I don’t have a rational explanation for this. I only can assume that it’s my instinct that wants a partner and a father for my kid. What else could it be? True attraction? I can’t imagine.

  Again, when the van stopped, there was this brief sensation of dread and even my beast was reluctant to pull me onto my feet and get out there, mauling the next board member, after forcing him to tell his secrets, of course. It was Daniel’s determination that made me shrug off that feeling and just go along with our plan.

  Austin had dropped us off a block away from our target’s house, because the surveillance of the entire street was c
onnected to its security system. They checked on every car that stopped within its vicinity, so Austin had to pretend that he was delivering flowers in order to return to the van and take a break after his ‘last delivery’. Once the system had determined that he wasn’t a threat, he would be able to stand in that street the whole night and thus be a perfect getaway car.

  Daniel and I, we had to climb through the backyards and our first target was the fuse box of the whole block. After we had created a blackout for the whole block, Daniel would proceed to our target’s location and I had to switch on the power the second he disabled the security system of the house, but not without him disabling the alarm and freezing the cameras first.

  We all had earpieces with which we could communicate and Austin would be the one giving us the go. He would gain access to all the surveillance cameras the moment we hacked into the security system of the board member’s house. It should have been a piece of cake; a part of me just knew it would be a cake made of sand.

  It all went down smoothly. Dan and I arrived at the fuse box, and he disabled the power grid of the block showing me one more time what I would have to do, once he was ready to disable the security system, before he ran off to execute step two of our plan. I just watched him leave, holding the tools and waiting impatiently, while I was pushing my doubts and instincts aside. This would go down as we had planned. Period.

  Standing there, in front of a torn open fuse box, holding some tools, waiting for the voice in my earpiece to come alive, I had one of these moments you just have during your life. I had to ask myself how I ended up here. And I knew all the answers. I could rewind my life from that exact moment to the one when I woke up in that dark, tiny cell, hearing only Severin’s voice, telling me to be a good girl.

  White was gone now, blown to pieces, as was Jay, Nina, Val, and Peter. I was pregnant with a human/animal hybrid, not knowing for how long I would be pregnant and how my offspring would end up being once it was born. My life sounded like a low budget horror movie.

  “I’m at the box,” Dan told us through the ear piece.

  “Okay, get ready,” Austin answered. “Three, two, one.”

  On my queue I returned the power to the house block.

  “Positive,” Dan said almost immediately. “Kitten, get over here.”

  Hearing my nickname I knew that he was confident this mission would be nothing but peachy. And I, I pushed back that feeling of dread to the place I didn’t want to go: the all-consuming black hole of my mind.

  Instead I shifted to my beast form, trying to merge with my instincts, rather than driving shotgun, telling myself that the beast is me. She is a part of me and I am part of her. I can’t allow myself to be torn into two pieces. I have to be whole, because in the end, the only living creature I can trust is me.

  I ran the distance in record speed, and those few seconds were bliss for me, a little trip far away from reality until I got there and saw Dan, shifted, waiting for me to arrive. He looked at me like he always did, being in awe, a little thunderstruck, and a bit hot and bothered. I had grown used to it in more than just one meaning of that expression. I knew I would use him when back home again, after we had finished the mission. At least that was what I thought right then and there.

  The next phase was getting into that mansion. It was huge, larger than I had thought looking at its blueprints and photographs. Luckily its fuse box was located next to the guard’s hut at the gate of the compound, which was vacant, now that the darkness had set in. This guy might not have been the board’s heat, that I knew was Rook, but he still was earning a ton of money. At that moment I knew I would enjoy killing him slowly. After all, he earned money from torturing people.

  The power grid was back up, the security system was down and we were ready to engage. I could feel the adrenaline, which was liquid anticipation, race through my veins, heightening my senses. I was more than ready, which made it even harder to allow Dan to take the lead, but I knew it was necessary. Being the first to go meant also being the first target and I had an unborn child to protect. I knew then that I could trust Daniel to hold himself back when it came to hurting people. I knew that he would leave that up to me. So, we ran from the hut, across the huge yard towards the mansion, which was ridiculously big.

  Running across the grass, charging towards the building was – at least for a moment – close to a freedom I had never felt before. I really felt free, bare of any sorrows or worries, only for the brink of a second, but it was there, the feeling of possibility, of hope.

  For humans this distance would have taken too long to not be noticed by any living creature patrolling the area, but for beasts it was not a problem. Dan and I rushed across the lawn like shadows and I couldn’t stop myself from grinning. We reached the terrace within seconds and I had to admit that I was a tad sad about the fact that he and I couldn’t just go out for a run.

  We already knew that we wouldn’t be able to open the glass doors and windows, but that wasn’t the weak spot. It was the door leading to the garage, which was made of sheet metal, which could not withstand the strength of a beast’s clawed hand. Once in the garage, we would just crush the keypad lock and let ourselves in.

  I watched Daniel breaking through the metal sheet easily, pulling the lock from the door as if it was a ripe fruit ready to be plucked. When he pushed open the door, a strange sensation reached my nose. It was an odd, yet familiar scent, faint, almost imperceptible. Instantly, my body was on high alert. I stared at Dan’s back, who walked into the garage determinedly, and I couldn’t believe that he hadn’t caught the scent like I had.

  That was until Austin’s voice droned through my head.

  “Fall back!”

  Of all the possibilities this was the last one I had expected to hear. I had been ready to believe that my nose had tricked me. Yes, I somewhat anticipated facing more enemies than expected, but not hearing Austin in my head, shouting and urging me to retreat halfway across the yard.

  “Get back here, now!” He yelled and I heard the panic in his voice; something was utterly wrong, at least in his perception.

  Daniel and I stopped mid track, just to look at each other, contemplating what we should do.

  “I know you can hear me, get back now!” Austin yelled.

  That was when I knew that he was seeing something on the cameras that terrified him deeply, and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to face that terror eye to eye. Looking at Dan’s face I knew that he didn’t really want to, either. So, I nodded, he responded likewise and we retreated.

  To me, it felt like a punch in my stomach. Yes, at that moment I recalled the feelings of dread and uneasiness towards this mission, but experiencing this sense to actually being right was something different entirely.

  “Come on,” I hear Dan shout at me as we charged across the grass, while I felt the strange sensation and need to turn around and look at the threat that Austin had decided to be too large for us to face.

  But I couldn’t. Daniel grabbed my hand and pulled me onward and the connection between him and I shot through my body like a hot surge. I followed him without questioning, because I wanted that warmth to continue. I guess that was what saved my life.

  Running back to the edge of this compound felt so much longer than accessing it. Maybe it was because there was a fraction of myself that was trying to pull me back, maybe it was just the typical, personal perception of things appearing to be longer when you were running from something.

  We jumped across the closed gate just like the first time. It was nothing different to our muscles, and usually it was something I deeply enjoyed. Just like jumping onto the gallery from the ground level of our building.

  I was surprised to see Austin already waiting for us in the driveway of the compound. What the hell?

  Daniel jumped in first and offered me a hand swiftly as I followed. I couldn’t help but turn around, finally seeing silhouettes in the darkness, following our tracks. They were fast, incredibly fast, inhumanly fas
t. I knew that very moment that they were beasts. It sent a heat wave through my veins and along with it a lot of thoughts and questions.

  “Hit it!” I heard Daniel yell and the engine roared loudly, while I clung to the open door of the van, staring at the shades that were trying to reach us before we escaped.

  They had beasts, not soldiers, to protect them.

  How many were there? Was this just a coincidence that we actually hit the very person that was protected by them, or were there so many beasts that they could send them to protect all the houses of the board members? My thoughts were racing as I stared at the shadows charging at us.

  “Kitten, close the door,” I heard Dan urge me and I briefly turned towards him.

  There was concern and worry all over his face. It confused me, made me frown and I turned to lean forward and pull the van’s door shut. And that, that was the moment when the world slowed down. Time became a long distance instead of a flash in front of my eyes. It felt as if someone had pushed the slow-motion button and I was stuck in the moment and in my very action. Even though I wanted to move I was stuck in my preset place, frozen. I was a prisoner of time itself.

  Spearheading the group of at least four beasts, he looked exactly as I remembered him. Tall, brown hair, glowing eyes, athletic, fast, determination all across his face.

  Jay.

  My Jay.

  He is alive.

  He was alive, and he was coming for me.

  That’s what I thought.

  My heart did hurt, my breath got stuck in my throat, so that I almost choked on it, and for a second, just one breath taking, the black holes, both in heart and head, were gone. I was complete again.

  I was about to jump out of the van, as a strong arm shot around my stomach and pulled me back. The car took a sharp left. Jay was out of my sight.

  I was paralyzed, in shock, not believing what I had seen. The only thing I could remember was the sound of the van’s door being pulled shut. My eyes didn’t perceive anything, my body was numb, and I, I couldn’t believe what I knew was true.