Finding Home

by Meg Harding

Jaden cracked one eye open to look up at Chase. “What?”

  “I grabbed the metal part of the seat belt.”

  He wasn't sure why he laughed, because it wasn’t funny really and he felt bad for Chase, but he found himself curling onto his side, laughter bursting free.

  Chase waited till Jaden quieted. His bout of mirth left him with hiccups. Chase said, “Yep. That’s how my day went. You ready to share?”

  Jaden’s face was pressed against Chase’s thigh now. He stayed there. He’d gone out of his comfort zone a lot today, he could have the crutch of no eye contact just this once. “My mom called. She wants me to sell Lily-Anne’s house. We got in a fight. I hung up on her.” Put like that, it all sounded very juvenile. “It’s stupid.”

  “Doesn’t sound stupid to me. You don’t want to sell?”

  Jaden shook his head. “I don’t know. I mean, I could have them buy my portion. That way everyone’s happy. I don’t think… I don’t think they’d agree to sell it, honestly. So buying me out would be logical. Safe. I don’t think they’d argue.”

  Chase hummed again.

  “She’s really smart,” said Jaden, unable to stop now he’d started. He felt hollow, a dam overflowing. “Sometimes I feel dumb compared to her. And she’s confident. I don’t think she’s ever doubted herself a day in her life. I always wanted to be like her. All put together and perfect. She never said it, but I’m pretty sure I have too much of my father in me. Not enough drive to stick with things when they’re difficult.”

  Chapter 10

  Chase’s heart didn't literally crack when he heard Jaden’s words, but it felt like it did. He knew all too well about expectations, though they’d come more from himself and those around him than anyone else. His parents hadn’t been the type to heap their goals on him. Listening to Jaden talk made him want to call them and apologize for being such a dick for so many years.

  “She wanted me to be a scientist like her,” said Jaden, his hand on Chase’s knee, fingers curled. “I’m great at math. I love numbers. She thought science would be natural for me, but I didn’t get it. Still don’t, if I’m being honest. Once she realized that wasn’t going to happen, all these pamphlets and books appeared around the house about stock brokers and financial lawyers. But I’m not big on pressure. I like a calm environment. I went into accounting for businesses because of her. It’s more lucrative and sounded better than saying I’m a personal accountant. There’s more prestige attached to it in her eyes. More skill required.

  “I’m constantly trying to make her proud. And I feel bad, ‘cause I’m always asking her for advice, so I can do what she thinks is right, but nine out of ten times, I fuck it up. And I used to think that was on me, but I’m starting to realize maybe it’s a little on her, too.” He sighed. “Is it weird that I feel better blaming myself than I do trying to put some of it on her?”

  Even after so much time, the thought of telling his story felt like Chase was rubbing salt on a raw wound. For all his meditation and his façade that he’d moved on, there was a chunk of him stuck in the past. He understood Jaden all too well. “No, it makes sense. A lot of people feel that way.” He bit his lip. The right thing to do was take the leap. “Can I tell you a story?”

  “Are you going to tell me about why Lily-Anne started a physical therapy unit at the gym for you?” asked Jaden, ever perceptive when it didn’t have to do with his own life. Chase could feel Jaden’s breath through the thin fabric of his shorts. It was warm and muggy, and his nose was smushed against Chase’s thigh.

  Chase’s heart skipped a beat. How did Jaden know? “Yeah, I am.” He steeled himself. “I’m going to be cliché here, and start with ‘once upon a time.’ So, once upon a time, there was a small child who joined football as his extracurricular. He was really good at it, and his coaches pushed him. Soon he was going to summer camps and traveling for it, and by the time he was eighteen, he had a scholarship to a college because of it. He was on the path to go pro. He got tunnel vision. Everything became about football. He didn’t care about his classes, and he shoved down parts of himself so he could fit in. Couldn’t be openly gay and play, now could he? So he wasn’t.

  “The closer he got to graduation and the NFL draft, the more pressure he felt, the more he partied—‘cause that’s what you do in college. He was in a frat. One night, at one of those parties, he drank a whole lot. He just felt off and like he needed out of his head for one night. He decided it’d be a good idea to drive himself.” Chase closed his eyes, the memory somewhat faded thanks to time, but still uncomfortably clear. “He ran his car off the road and flipped it. He got crazy fucking lucky he didn’t hurt anyone else. It was a miracle. But he fucked up his shoulder and his leg, and there went his football career.”

  He opened his eyes to find Jaden staring up at him with his wide blue eyes, sympathy etched in the lines of his face. Chase traced the crow’s feet spreading from the corner of Jaden’s left eye. He wasn't sharing this so Jaden would feel bad for him. He’d had more than enough pity directed at him since it happened. “The moral of the story is that pressure can be a bitch, and it doesn't matter where it comes from. At some point we have to realize we need more than one priority, and those priorities shouldn’t interfere with our well being. Figure out what you want, and do the selfish thing for once.”

  “The selfish thing?” Jaden tilted his head toward Chase, encouraging Chase to cup his cheek and sweep his thumb over the arch of his cheekbone.

  “Do what you want and ignore everyone else’s expectations. You lost your job, yeah? Don’t find another one like it if that’s not what you want. Go work for a tiny firm. Hell, go find a mom and pop place that needs looking after. It’s all about what’ll make you happy.”

  Jaden reached up and twined their fingers together. He pressed a barely there kiss to Chase’s knuckles, but it still made Chase shiver with awareness. Jaden’s lips were slightly chapped and his breath was warm. “Are you happy?”

  His normal response to this question—much like “are you all right?”—was an automatic yes. It came without thought. Most people weren't looking for the real answer. They didn’t want to know someone wasn't doing okay, or that they weren’t happy with the status quo. It was a question normally thrown out casually. Jaden deserved an answer with some consideration put into it.

  So Chase thought about it. He was happier than he’d been years ago. The people around him liked him for him, not for what he could do for them or the money he might make. He had Jaden’s brothers, whom he loved as if they were his own. He’d made himself a family here. He liked his jobs, and they allowed him to have a personal life. They didn’t consume him. He no longer felt the dragging weight of people’s expectations, or for that matter, his own. But at the same time, not everything was perfect. There were still people who were uncomfortable with him for something he couldn’t change. And when he went home at the end of the day, it was always to an empty house. The thought of coming home to find Jaden there, waiting for him or just absorbed in a book on the couch like he belonged, sent a warm jolt right to Chase’s heart.

  “I think I am,” he said. “Nothing’s perfect, but it’s all things I either can’t control or they aren't a permanent state of being. I’ve learned it’s best to look at everything as the glass half full.” Sometimes it didn't work for him, but Chase chose to believe if he thought enough positive thoughts they'd eventually happen. (He read an entire book about it following his accident.)

  Jaden tugged on his hand. “Come down here.”

  Chase glanced at Magneto, with his head resting on the opposite thigh from Jaden. His tongue stuck out and and there was a wet patch from his slobber.

  Jaden snorted. “If you move, he’ll move.”

  Chase gingerly dislodged Magneto and moved to lie beside Jaden. Jaden had other plans though, and yanked him so Chase was fully on top of him. He had to let go of Jaden’s hand to brace his elbows on either side of Jaden’s head. “You want me to crush you, huh?”
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br />   “You’re not that heavy.” Jaden had his hands on Chase’s waist, using his fingers to flirt with the band of Chase’s briefs.

  “If you say so.” Chase mouthed along his jawline, pressing quick, nibbling kisses the entire way.

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything.” He kissed the sensitive skin behind Jaden’s earlobe, and his heartbeat skipped at the sound of Jaden’s hitched breathing.

  “If we do this, and I leave, will you be unhappy?” His words were hesitant, and Chase didn't know if Jaden realized it, but he’d tightened his grip on Chase, fingernails digging in a bit.

  “That’s not the question someone doing something for themselves would ask,” said Chase, deflecting. He didn't think he’d be unhappy, per se. Life would of course go on. But he thought he’d be sad, at least for a little while after. With Jaden there was a… not a spark, it was more like the rush of riding a high and fast wave to the shore with nothing but a board keeping you above water. Whatever it was Jaden was doing to him, it was definitely going to leave its mark on Chase. He barely knew him and he wanted to know everything there was to know. He wanted to show him all the places he loved and the things that made him feel content. And it was scary knowing this wasn't a forever deal. Jaden would leave, and he was going to do so sooner rather than later. But Chase was done missing opportunities, and hey, positive thinking—maybe Jaden would fall in love with him and decide to stay.

  Chase nearly snorted right into Jaden’s face at the thought.

  “I don’t want to hurt you,” said Jaden, and it was sweet—really, Chase appreciated the sentiment—but Jaden was still missing the point.

  Chase grazed the tip of his nose over Jaden’s and smiled when Jaden’s dark eyes crossed to watch him. “I’m a big boy, don’t worry about me. Is this what you want?”

  In answer Jaden tilted his chin up and connected their lips. Chase could feel him forming the word “yes” against his, breathing it into a kiss that went from zero to sixty in a matter of seconds. Chase had his fingers in Jaden’s hair, holding onto the short strands as he tilted Jaden’s head to a better angle. Their teeth clicked, one or both of them getting too eager, too fast. Jaden giggled against Chase’s mouth, whispered, “Sorry.”

  Chase bit Jaden’s lower lip and tugged gently. “Sorry for what?” He didn't give Jaden time to respond before he had his tongue in his mouth, tangling with Jaden’s, scraping along his teeth. It wasn't a perfect kiss by any means, it was a little sloppy and they weren’t quite in rhythm yet, but Chase never wanted to stop. He could do this all day, every day. He wanted to learn Jaden inside and out while he had the chance.

  Every time Jaden made a noise—a groan, a gasp, a quite needy moan—heat rushed through Chase, made him dizzy with desire and shaky from all the things he wanted to do right that minute. Hint: It was a long list.

  Their combined weight sank their towel deeper into the sand, and their restlessly moving legs sent tiny grains scattering all around. Jaden was a firm line of heat beneath him, and Chase could feel the bulge of Jaden’s cock beneath his shorts. With some wiggling—and not once breaking the kiss—Jaden managed to get Chase’s thigh between his legs. Jaden began to push his hips forward and up, and Chase couldn't help but return the pressure, swallowing the increasingly loud, needy sounds pouring from Jaden.

  He cupped the side of Jaden’s face with one hand, rucking up his shirt with the other. Jaden’s skin was raised, goosebumps making the fine hairs on his stomach stand on end. Chase rested their foreheads together and they panted, trying to drag in the same air. He felt like someone had stuck a livewire in him. He buzzed, his entire body humming with a sense of rightness. He nipped at the tip of Jaden’s nose, just because he could, and grinned widely at the noise it elicited.

  “You good?” he asked. He was pretty sure he knew the answer, but he wanted to make completely sure.

  Jaden made the human equivalent of a cat purr and gazed up at Chase from beneath his long, dark lashes. His irises were nothing but a tiny sliver of blue, obliterated by his expanded pupils. He sucked his bottom lip between his teeth as Chase watched. “Better than good,” he said, and it was a breathless whisper, his lips quirking in a shy smile.

  Hundreds of butterflies took flight in Chase’s stomach, and his heart thumped so hard he was surprised something didn't break. He spread his fingers out, touched as much of Jaden’s stomach as he could. He was soft and relatively smooth, and there was a small mole to the left of his belly button. Chase thumbed over it. The skin beneath him was quivering, rising and falling sharply with each of Jaden’s breaths. “You want to keep going?”

  Jaden bit his chin lightly, licking over the spot. He moved his hands over Chase’s torso, and he paused at Chase’s nipples, flicking them through his shirt. Chase’s eyelids fluttered shut and he sucked air in quickly. “Will you still take me on a date?” asked Jaden.

  Chase needed to open his eyes because he wanted them to be looking at each other when he answered. But Jaden kept tweaking his nipples, and they were so fucking sensitive. Chase’s brain was migrating more and more toward his penis with every touch. He fought through his arousal and made eye contact. “I’m definitely still taking you on a date.” He'd take Jaden on as many dates as the man would let him.

  Jaden smiled, it was slow and sweet, and with the sun not quite gone, Chase could see the blush staining his cheeks and the tips of his ears. “All right.”

  Chase didn't know what he was expecting—more kisses, maybe just over the clothes grinding like they were eighteen and it was all (relatively) new. What he wasn't prepared for was Jaden’s hands on his shoulders and the abrupt shove, not away but rolling him. He went with it, letting Jaden’s smaller body settle atop his.

  Jaden’s hands were on Chase’s pecs, fingers splayed, and he was staring at Chase, his lip once more between his teeth. He straddled Chase rather than laying on him, his thighs spread wide to accommodate Chase’s waist. He wasn't holding any of his weight, leaving Chase to feel it all. Chase loved it. It was like he was on display, and all he wanted was to see what Jaden had planned. He waited patiently(ish).

  “Can I…. Can I try something?” Jaden’s knees tightened around Chase’s hips.

  With anyone else, Chase would ask them what they wanted to try. But he trusted Jaden, and he didn't want to scare him off. “Yeah.”

  Jaden’s shoulders relaxed. “You can—that is to say—if you don’t like it, tell me.”

  Chase was still waiting to find out what “it” was.

  Jaden wrapped his slender fingers around Chase’s wrists where they were holding onto Jaden’s sides and pulled his hands free. He tilted forward, bringing Chase’s arms up and back so his hands were pinned on either side of his head, Jaden keeping them there with his grip.

  Apparently Jaden was full of surprises today. Chase’s eyes widened in shock, and he could only describe the feeling in his stomach as a swooping sensation. The good kind. The kind that raced right to his cock and made it twitch and a wet spot bloom on his briefs. He had no idea this was a thing for him. It’d never been something he thought about, and given he was normally the bigger partner, he tended to end up being the more dominant of the two or it was a fairly equal sharing of power.

  Never before had he let someone hold him down, whether he knew he could easily buck them off or not.

  Jaden made himself comfy, wiggling his butt and resituating so he was laying down, their bodies aligned. He started at Chase’s collarbone, licking and sucking and biting his way along. Some of the bites were sharp flashes of momentary pain that had Chase’s hips jerking and air rushing from his throat. Others were gentler and Chase found he was tempted to ask for harder. For something that would for sure leave a mark. Jaden continued from his collarbone to his neck, kissing Chase’s Adam’s apple, flicking his tongue over Chase’s thundering pulse. All the while he kept a loose hold on Chase’s wrists.

  Eventually Jaden reached his mouth, once he’d left Chase
a quivering, shaking mess of a man. This time Chase relaxed into the kiss, let Jaden take control of it. He was somewhat tentative at first, like he wasn't used to being the one in charge, but as time trickled by he grew more confident, his movements becoming more sure. His thigh was snug between Chase’s legs, their hips rocking in the perfect rhythm to leave Chase hanging right on the edge.

  Around them the sun had disappeared, leaving nothing for light except the bright moon and its reflection off the calm ocean. The waves rolled in slowly, and the wind cooled Chase’s heated skin. Magneto had disappeared, and Chase had a fleeting second of concern about him wandering off, but then Jaden slid a hand underneath his shirt and pinched his nipple.

  Chase couldn't think much after that, too busy coming with a yelp of pure surprise and pleasure—he’d never yelped in his life, what the fuck—and he’d known he was close, but he didn’t think he was that close. Heat suffused him from head to toe, and he thought at least a quarter of it was humiliation. He’d just come in his pants after, what, five minutes of something that could barely be considered foreplay?

  His body was shuddering, tremors rocking his muscles and making them tremble with the rush of adrenaline. Chase rolled his head to the side, eyes shut tight. He couldn't hear anything over the sound of his breathing, harsh pants that tore raggedly from his throat. The tips of his ears were burning, and his cheeks didn’t feel much better.

  What in the holy hell just happened?

  “Chase.” Jaden’s voice was filled with… awe? It shook a little, the last note cracking.

  Chase hesitantly opened his eyes, and yeah, that was lust and awe in Jaden’s expression. Pure and simple. The urge to apologize for his lack of stamina retreated, leaving a warm, flushed feeling in his sternum. He’d put that look on Jaden’s face. The intense and darkened gaze, the firmness of his jawline as he stared at Chase. Moonlight glinted off his cheekbones, and it provided an ethereal appearance.