Finding Home

by Meg Harding

  Jaden gripped the back of a chair, trying to work his anxiety out through his white knuckled grip. “Can we just eat first? Please?” If what he wanted to discuss made them angry with him, he’d rather have a brief period of companionship and niceness beforehand. Deep down he knew he was stalling because he was scared.

  “All right.” Elliot patted him on the shoulder, shaking him gently, as he scooted around him to take a seat.

  The other two followed his example and once they were all seated, Jaden allowed himself to relax marginally and settle as well. He methodically cut his chicken into bite-sized chunks to keep busy. “Your financials are good,” he said, glancing briefly at Elliot. “Not millionaire good, sorry.” He quirked a small smile. “But the gym is making money. Decent money. I’ve still got a bit left to get through. Whoever you have organizing is more into chaos than calm.”

  Zane snorted. “We don’t have anyone doing them. Lily-Anne used to take care of it. I mean, we know how to check and see if we’re sinking or swimming, but accounting, or taxes or whatever this all is, isn’t our shtick.”

  Jaden’s brows furrowed. He could feel the telltale wrinkle forming on his forehead. He was gearing up for a lecture on business responsibility and just how important keeping up with these things was. They could end up in serious trouble if they weren’t careful.

  As if sensing the onslaught, Elliot raised his hand palm out. “We know,” he said. “Believe me, we know. We’re working on it.”

  Phoenix tapped the butt of his knife on the table, shaking the bread crumbs clinging to the blade onto his paper towel. “Speaking of accounting. Any chance I could get you to look over the sanctuary’s earnings before you leave? I’ve got a guy, but we normally communicate over the phone, and I don’t necessarily understand everything. So if you could sit down with me and maybe dumb it down? I’d appreciate it.”

  “I… yeah.” Jaden shook his head in bewilderment. He made a mental note to do some research for firms in the area whom he would trust to handle the gym’s accounts when he wasn't around anymore. You could stay. They want you to. It was incredibly tempting. Maybe… maybe once he had things settled in New York, he’d come back. He’d have to see, and until he knew for sure, he wouldn’t give anyone false hope.

  They moved on from discussing work to town gossip, the mood in the room lightening with each passing second. Jaden had learned from his near month spent in Serenity that the gym was a hub for people to meet and share everyone else’s business, and by proximity all four brothers become involved in the game of telephone.

  Of which it’d become painfully obvious Jaden was a hot topic.

  His brothers tactfully steered around the elephant in the room for a while, luring Jaden into a false sense of complacency before they ripped the rug from underneath him.

  “Where’s Chase? We thought he’d be here too since you’ve shacked up,” said Phoenix, casually, slipping it into the conversation at random.

  Jaden swallowed a bite of chicken parm wrong and spent the next minute choking. Zane (un)helpfully smacked him on the back. He spent the following minute trying to regain the breath Zane shoved from him. His face was probably as red as the sauce on his chicken when he could finally speak. “We’re not shacked up.”

  “Oh?” Elliot raised one eyebrow. It was an extremely judgmental expression, and Jaden squirmed under it. “Because we’ve heard he’s been staying the night. Every night. In fact, people rarely see his car outside of his own home anymore.”

  Jaden wanted to have an adult, mature conversation with his brothers tonight. He didn’t want to have this one. He could clearly recall every word Elliot said to him on the beach when he told him not to hurt Chase. Guilt twisted his stomach. “We’re… enjoying our time together.”

  The eyebrow went up a notch.

  “We know what we’re doing. It’s not shacking up.” He was definitely getting defensive. Hopefully they picked it up in his tone and let the subject drop. He knew Chase liked him, and he knew his own feelings were veering toward a more serious place. He’d missed the point of the whole thing. Chase was supposed to be his rebound. Chase went into this knowing Jaden was leaving. Expecting it. So he may like Jaden a lot—maybe they'd still talk when Jaden left—but Chase didn’t go into this looking for forever.

  Jaden wasn't going to ask for it.

  Be selfish. He brushed the thought away. He’d been plenty selfish of late, taking everything from Chase that he could. He wasn't going to take this. Not if it wasn’t freely given. He rubbed the spot on his forehead that was starting to throb. Logically he knew this whole situation probably had a simple solution, but it felt complicated and he was human. When did humans ever figure out the easy way? They don’t because the easy way is a myth. His eye twitched, joining the party of frustration.

  He needed to change the subject.

  “Let’s talk about why I asked you over here.”

  “It wasn’t for our stellar company?” asked Phoenix, smirking. His expression was a tad self-deprecating “You weren’t looking for an inquisition into your personal life?”

  Jaden’s shoulders loosened a smidge. He smiled softly. “No, can’t say that I was.” He scratched his jaw. Time to bite the bullet. “My mom wants me to talk you into selling this house and splitting the profits.”

  Elliot leaned forward, resting his elbows on the table. “And what do you want?”

  Jaden had never been asked that question so many times in his life as he had since coming to Serenity. “I don’t think we should sell. At least, not because of her. I do think we should do something with it, though. I don’t think it should be left to sit here like this.” A couple weeks ago he wouldn’t have felt like he was in a position to say such a thing. Like he had any right to. But now he knew his opinion was valued, and this was his family. He was allowed to put his ideas out there.

  Zane mirrored Elliot’s posture. “What do you think we should do with it?”

  “She liked helping people. The things you don’t want to keep, to take to your homes, could be donated to charities. And the house itself is gorgeous. It could be a vacation rental, or if you find someone interested in running one, a bed and breakfast.”

  “Why not just sell?” It was Elliot who asked, his eyes hooded.

  “This house has meaning to you. It holds memories. If it makes you feel connected to Lily-Anne, then I think you shouldn’t let it go.” Jaden grimaced. There was no way to say this tactfully. “Just maybe don’t keep it as a shrine. Those are sad and she wasn’t that kind of person. You want good things to keep happening here.”

  Elliot’s chin was resting on his folded hands. He pursed his lips, expression contemplative. “Why does your mom care about selling? She wouldn’t be seeing any of the profit.”

  “I’ve got a life to rebuild in New York. She’d like me to move out of her house sooner rather than later.” Jaden shrugged. At first he’d been stung by her words, but he’d since gotten over them. It wasn't like he wanted to live with her forever, either. “I’ve got enough money to get an apartment. I don’t need to take from you guys. I won’t.” The latter was spoken with conviction. They’d given him so much in the last month, he could at least do this for them.

  “And the gym? Are we buying you out?” asked Phoenix.

  Jaden had done a lot of thinking about this. Making them pay for something they'd put so much time and effort into, something that meant so much to them, didn't sit well with him. “No.”

  “But you’re not staying?” Zane frowned.

  Jaden nodded. “I’m not. I want you to recycle earnings for my share into the PT wing. Consider this me donating my share of the business to the three of you—with the one stipulation.”

  Elliot reclined in his seat, folding his arms over his chest. He didn't look happy. “So you’re leaving and taking nothing with you.”

  Would it be too dramatic for Jaden to bang his head on the table? Of all the reactions he’d considered from these men, this wasn't
one of them. “That’s… a weird way to look at it. I’m leaving you with everything you had before.” Three sets of eyes narrowed pissily at him. Clearly he did not say the right thing. “Did you want me to leave here with your money? I don’t get it.”

  “It’s not about the money,” said Phoenix. “But all of this seems like you’re doing it just for us. You even said, ‘The things you don’t want to keep, to take to your homes, could be donated to charities.’ Is there nothing you want? Can’t we give you anything?”

  Jaden rubbed his forehead. “I want my share to go to the PT wing. I said that.” He didn't understand. “Can one of you please just explain in plain English where I went wrong in this conversation?”

  “You’re washing your hands of Serenity. Are you going to leave and that’s it? We never see you again. Never hear from you again.”

  Jaden’s mouth dropped open. “I….” He shook his head. “That’s a large leap of logic—or not logic as it were. If I was planning to have nothing to do with you, I’d have taken my share of everything and left weeks ago. That’s what people who don’t care do. I care. A lot. I’ll visit and we’ll text, and I’ll ask for updates. You’re my brothers and even in such a short span of time, you’ve made me feel like we’re a family. I want what’s best for you.”

  He watched them visibly absorb this, mentally going over his words with a fine tooth comb.

  Phoenix scratched at his jaw, looking apologetic. “So we might have let our fears lead us to make an assumption. It’s just… you always say ‘you.’ It’s never ‘we.’ And even from a distance, you can have a voice. We want you to feel like you do.”

  It felt like someone had his heart in a vise. Jaden never gave much thought to his choice of wording. He wasn't used to being a we. Not even with Drew. There was “I want” and “you want,” but rarely ever was there “we want.” “I do,” he said, throat tight. “I feel very included. I never meant to make you think I didn’t. I mean, in the beginning I felt off-kilter, but not now. I thought you knew.”

  Elliot reached for his hand, and then squeezed. “We’re a little bad at reading signs and taking hints.” He smiled. “We need it spelled out. So, in case there’s any confusion on your part, we love you, Jaden, and you’re one of us. If you ever need anything, you ask. We’re more than happy to let you take from us when you need it. We want to be your support system.” His soft smile slid into a crooked grin. “Within reason. If you need millions, we’re the wrong tree to bark up.”

  Jaden laughed and it was watery. “You and the millions,” he said, trying to keep his voice from wavering. “You’ve got a fixation.”

  Chapter 14

  Two days. In two very short days, Jaden would leave Serenity and Chase behind.

  Chase wasn't ready to say goodbye—not by a long shot—but he didn't think any amount of time would make it easier. Not when he didn't want to see this end. He looked at Jaden and he saw the future.

  He was so fucked.

  They were cleaning out Lily-Anne’s house, sorting through her belongings to see what could be given to charity and what the brothers wanted to keep. He wasn't entirely sure how he got roped into helping—he couldn't actually remember agreeing to do so. The simplest assumption was Jaden batted his pretty, blue eyes and while Chase was busy losing himself in his gaze, Jaden asked him. Chase had a hard time saying no to Jaden, especially when he wasn't paying attention to his words. It wasn't his fault everything about Jaden was so attractive. He couldn't help but be distracted.

  Thanks to Chase being a weak, weak man, he was stuck sorting through the attic. He knew exactly how he ended up with this shitty assignment. He lost at rock paper scissors. If only he had resisted Jaden’s baby blues….

  “Find anything good up here?”

  Chase slammed his head into a beam when he startled. “Son of a bitch.” He clasped his now vibrating appendage, hunching over and silently begging for the throbbing to stop. He’d glare at Phoenix, but if he opened his eyes they were going to water, and then Phoenix would think he was crying. Which he wasn't. His brain was just leaking through a crack in his skull it felt like. No biggie. “Am I bleeding?”

  He could hear Phoenix carefully stepping his way over to him now that he was in the attic. The wooden supports creaked beneath Phoenix’s weight. “Didn’t mean to concuss you,” said Phoenix. “Who knew you were so jumpy?” His footsteps fell silent and Chase could feel Phoenix’s presence beside him. “I’m gonna touch you. So expect it and don’t go crazy.” He pried Chase’s hands from around his head, and then used his fingers to probe and torture Chase. “I’m not seeing any blood.” He pressed on a lump and Chase’s breath whistled in through his gritted teeth. “There’ll be one hell of a knot, though.”

  “I hate you,” said Chase fervently.

  “Oh, hush. You’re being dramatic. You didn’t even pass out.” He put a finger on Chase’s forehead above his eyebrow and dragged it up, pulling on Chase’s skin.

  Chase blindly swatted him away. “What’re you doing?”

  “Trying to open your eyes. I need to see your pupils to make sure I haven’t brain damaged you.”

  “I’m not brain damaged yet. Leave me alone.”

  “Yet?”

  “If you keep talking I will be.” Chase held both arms out and slowly lowered himself to the floor of the attic. He attempted to lift his eyelids, but a stab of pain raced through his brain and he closed them. There was no hurry. He could take his time. The wooden floor shifted when Phoenix sat opposite him. “Why’re you up here?”

  “Checking on you.”

  It was such a direct answer, it took Chase a minute to parse the words. “You don’t trust me to clean out the attic?”

  “I could give two shits about this attic,” said Phoenix, a note in his tone implying the sentence ended with a silent moron. “I’m checking on you. And don’t give me some bullshit answer. I can see right through them. Zane’s about a second away from knocking heads together. We thought I’d give it a go before physical violence became necessary.”

  Chase scowled. “This is about Jaden. It’s always about Jaden. Did you guys stop to ever think this might be none of your business?” He didn't want to talk about his feelings. If he said them, they'd be more real. They would be out there, in the world. In some universe, this was a logical belief.

  “I fully agree, technically it’s not our business. But you’re family just as much as him, and we want you to be okay. We worry. And this whole thing, it’s not like you. It’s very unlike you. So don’t bottle everything up. Spit it out, and we won’t do anything but listen. Hell, you can tell me, and I won’t tell Elliot or Zane anything. It’ll be our secret.”

  Chase finally opened his eyes, and yep, Phoenix was smirking. He winked when he saw Chase looking.

  Chase sighed. He was going to cave like a house of cards. He always did for Phoenix. “I’m fine. Really.” He lifted a hand to run it through his hair, and then thought better of it. He returned it to his lap, picking at a hangnail instead. “It’s going to suck fucking ass when Jaden leaves. And I don’t want him to, if I’m honest. I want him to stay more than I’ve ever wanted anything else in my life, and that’s saying a lot. But I’m finally starting to get the hang of the be grateful for what you can have, when you can have it shtick.”

  Phoenix made a beeping noise, interrupting Chase. “I’m sorry,” he said. “You can continue. My bullshit meter was just going off.” He moved his hand in a go on motion.

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I wasn’t bullshitting you.”

  Phoenix raised his eyebrows as if to say “oh really?”

  Chase tilted his head to look at the exposed beams of the ceiling and emitted a growl of frustration from deep in his chest. “Fine. So. I’m pissed I can’t have more time with him. But I shouldn’t be pissed cause I went into this with my eyes wide open to how it was going to end. He was always leaving.” Saying the words felt like ripping something from inside him. It p
hysically hurt. “I’ve been so careful to protect myself. I wouldn’t even get another pet ‘cause I didn’t want to get hurt. And then I saw Jaden, and I just wanted. I wanted and wanted and self-preservation went out the window.” He closed his eyes. He wasn't crying. They were just watering from residual head pain. “I’ve been making excuses to myself since the beginning.” He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. White spots burst behind black lids. “Why did you have to make me admit it? I liked my self-made veil of ignorance.”

  Phoenix circled Chase’s wrists, dragging his hands away from his face. “If you feel this way, why don’t you do something? Tell him. Jesus. I don’t get it. If this was some residual hang-up or trauma from your past about losing football, I’ve got to tell you it’s not the same. Just because one thing went south doesn’t mean they all will.”

  “I can honestly say this has nothing to do with football,” said Chase after he took a moment to double check his thoughts to make sure it was somehow not a deep, dark lurking reason in a dusty corner of his mind. “I mean, unless you count this as another example of me making poor decisions.”

  “Ah, we’ve hit the pity party portion of the evening.”

  Chase reopened his eyes. “I thought you were supposed to listen and not judge.”

  “I lied. Turns out I suck at keeping my two-cents to myself. So, here it is. If you tell him how you feel, then you’re not making a poor decision. Boom. Problem solved.”

  There was a method to Chase’s stupidity. A rock solid reason for why he needed to keep his feelings under lock and key from Jaden. He wondered how to explain it to Phoenix so he’d finally leave Chase alone. I want him to want to stay. I don’t want him to decide to stay because I told him I want him to stay.

  “This needs to be Jaden’s choice,” he said, a trace of steel in his tone. He could be stubborn when he believed it was called for. “He’s done nothing but remind me of the fact he’s leaving. I went into this with my eyes wide open.”