Finding Home

by Meg Harding

  Phoenix snorted. “Zane was right. You’re afraid. And so is Jaden. Too dumb to see it, too. I’ve got news for you, that man is head over heels for you.”

  Then why is he leaving? Chase pushed to his feet. “I’m getting back to work. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” Phoenix didn't look like he was going anywhere, so Chase left. Phoenix could clean the damn attic. Chase would find something else.

  A smart man would call it a day and retreat to his home. Chase was apparently a very dumb man. He was going to miss Jaden just as much whether he lived in his pocket for two more nights or not.

  He might as well stay.

  Chase stepped from the shower and gave drying off a half-ass effort before wrapping the plush towel around his waist. He had plans for how he wanted to take advantage of their remaining time. He wouldn’t be needing clothes for them.

  He expected Jaden to be in the bedroom, stretched out on the covers where Chase left him reading his Kindle. Jaden spent the whole day looking tense, the lines around his mouth and eyes more obvious. He’d been quiet and hadn’t laughed once. Chase wanted to fix that. It was his mission for tonight. Put a big ass grin on Jaden’s perfect face and hear his snorting laughter.

  With this in mind, Chase came out of the bathroom doing a ridiculous shimmy with his hips that sent his towel fluttering to the ground and his goods bouncing.

  Except the bedroom was empty. Well, Magneto was in the room, but there was no Jaden. Chase quickly retrieved his towel and covered himself, his cheeks blooming with heat. “I’m so sorry,” he said to Magneto. “I’ve probably just scarred you for life.”

  Magneto put both of his paws over his eyes and whined.

  Chase sighed. “Where’d your dad go, huh?”

  Magneto flopped to his back, legs sticking straight up and his tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. A wet spot was forming on the sheets beside him. “You’re either asking for a belly rub or telling me Jaden’s playing dead.” Magneto’s tail repeatedly hit the bed, making a whump, whump sound. “I’m gonna go with belly rub.” Chase obligingly scratched Magneto’s bared belly while he decided his next course of action. Keep the towel on or change and put sexy-time to the back burner?

  The optimist in him said to stick with the towel.

  He found Jaden in Lily-Anne’s office. It had been taken apart, the book shelves barren and the file cabinet gone. Elliot had taken the cabinet with him and the books were in boxes in the foyer, waiting to be donated. Jaden sat with his legs crossed on the floor, photo albums spread around him and a shoebox in his lap. He stared intently into it.

  “Hey,” said Chase softly. He propped himself against the door frame. “Whatcha looking at?”

  Jaden licked his lips but didn't glance at Chase. “I found the key for the locked desk drawer. She had this in there.” He held up a small notebook, with a worn black cover and papers sticking from between the pages. “It’s a list of all dad’s phone numbers, his addresses. Notes about money she ‘loaned’ him.” He flipped it open and tossed something across the floor, it slid along the tile for a second.

  Chase bent to get it. It was a polaroid of Jack Bannister standing in front of the Eiffel Tower. He smiled widely, one arm wrapped around a tall brunette with an equally happy expression. Chase turned it over. Hope you’re doing well, mom. I got a gig in Paris, and I’ve fallen in love. Her name’s Cindy. I think she might really be the one.

  Jaden dropped the notebook. “It’s full of things like that. Pictures of him wherever he’s been with notes to Lily-Anne on the back. Everything is always ‘I think this is where I’m meant to be’ or ‘Getting married. I think this time it’s the real deal.’” He scoffed, the noise harsh and ugly. “The second he finds something new, something shinier, he moves on. Completely oblivious to what he leaves behind.” Jaden tapped the cover. “You know, he knew she was dying? And he didn’t come back, because he’d met a girl in fucking Hawaii and that was more important.” Jaden’s face was red, his eyes misty.

  Chase crossed the room to him and settled beside him, tucking Jaden against his side and holding tight. “You knew he was a shitty person.” He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to say—if anything was appropriate—but he didn't know what else to do. Silence didn't feel like the answer. Nor did cracking a joke about the woman in France not really being “the one.”

  Jaden tucked his face against Chase’s neck. “You’re wet,” he said, breath tickling Chase’s skin.

  “Mhm.” Chase pressed a kiss to the top of his head. There was dust from all the cleaning in Jaden’s hair, and Chase blew at it, trying to shake it free.

  Jaden sighed and it wavered, breaking halfway through. “If I went through all the numbers in the notebook, I’d be able to find him. I’d be able to speak to him for the first time. Everything I need is right here.”

  Chase sensed there was a ‘but’ to the sentence, so he waited.

  Jaden rolled his forehead over the knob of Chase’s shoulder. “I’ve always had this… this image, I guess, in my mind. Like a little movie of what my meeting him would be like. I’d ask him why he left and never came back, and he’d give me some fantastic logical answer and all would be well. And even after hearing about him and being here, I still somehow had that image. This stupid fucking hope.”

  “It’s not a stupid hope,” said Chase, low. “It’d be seriously depressing if we didn’t have hope. It’s easier—healthier in my opinion—to focus on a positive outcome. And it sucks when we don’t get it, but at least we didn’t spend all the previous time dwelling on the negative. You came up with a narrative that allowed you to function and be all right.” He stroked the palm of his hand over Jaden’s hunched spine, tracing the bumps through his shirt.

  “The narrative’s ruined now.” Jaden laughed, not a happy sound. Not the kind of laugh Chase was planning to coax from him. “He’s immature and self-absorbed. I don’t want to track him down. I don’t want to hear his excuses.”

  “Then don’t.” Chase squeezed Jaden. “He’s never been in your life, and given his track record, his absence was for the best. Leave him out of it. Cut him from your narrative. You’ve got three brothers who would do anything for you. Paint them into the picture and go about your business. Focus on the people who are here and who care. Fuck everyone else.”

  “Yeah?”

  “Yeah.” Jaden leaned heavily against him and comfortable quiet settled around them. It wasn't broken until Jaden asked, “Why’re you wearing a towel?”

  “I wanted to make you laugh.”

  “With a towel?”

  “I was going to do a strip tease, strut my stuff. And then, you know, we’d get it on. That part would be less funny, more ‘Oh God, Chase, yes, please, harder.’” He tried to imitate Jaden’s sex voice and got an elbow to the side for it.

  But Jaden laughed. An honest, happy noise that bubbled from him. “I don’t sound like that,” he said between stretches of mirth. “And if that’s what you hear, you have permission to gag me.”

  Chase pulled away so he could see Jaden’s face and quirked an eyebrow. “Oh really? Well, I like the noises you make. And I like when you tell me what to do and say my name. But I think we can mix things up. After I prove to you my imitation was spot on, of course.”

  Jaden clambered into his lap, knees spreading wide to bracket Chase’s waist. He rocked against Chase slowly, dragging his hardening cock over Chase’s abdomen. He wrapped his arms around Chase’s neck, playing with the tiny curls at Chase’s nape with his fingers. “I’m up for the challenge.”

  “Literally.” Chase reached between them, popping the button of Jaden’s jeans and then sliding his zipper down. Very. Slowly. Jaden squirmed, thrusting his hips forward. “Impatient,” noted Chase, leaving the zipper to slide his hands down the back of Jaden’s pants. He cupped Jaden’s ass under his jeans but over his briefs, digging his fingers in and lifting, bringing Jaden that little bit closer.

  Their lips met in a passionate exchang
e. Jaden tangled his fingers in Chase’s hair, directing the angle of the kiss with slight tugs to the shower damp strands. He had Chase’s head tilted back, his neck barred, and he abandoned Chase’s mouth to explore his throat, the bump of his Adam’s apple and the fluttering of his pulse.

  Chase’s eyelids fluttered shut, his breath leaving him on a slow exhale at the scrape of teeth over his skin. Restlessly, Chase shifted his hands from Jaden’s ass to his back, hiking up his shirt to feel his warmth. He groaned when Jaden sucked at the hollow of his throat, and then moved on to flick random patterns over the sensitive flesh with his tongue.

  “Fuck.”

  Jaden laughed against him. “Sounds like you’ll be the one begging.” He followed his words with a sharp, brief bite to Chase’s collarbone.

  Chase shuddered and pulled him closer, fingers curling, his nails scratching. He whined when Jaden leaned away, a smirk gracing his handsome face. He felt cold where they no longer touched.

  Jaden pushed at his chest. “Lay back. I want this time to be fast and messy. We can move to the bed after and take our time. You can watch me open myself for you. My fingers preparing my hole for your cock. I’ll ride you till you come for a second time, and I won’t stop until I come. You’ll be so sensitive.” He brushed the palm of one hand over the lump under Chase’s towel, grinding down with his heel in an almost-too-much movement.

  Chase gulped in air, a shiver wracking his spine. “When the hell did you become good at dirty talk?”

  Jaden’s cheeks flushed adorably, and the tips of his ears glowed red soon after. “I watched some videos. I thought you might like it.”

  “I do.” Chase nodded enthusiastically. “I really do.”

  Jaden beamed, smiling goofily and then trying to look serious less than a second later. He pushed at Chase again. “On your back.”

  Chase complied, easing down and stretching his legs out without bucking Jaden. “Hands over my head?”

  Jaden’s eyes were hooded, and he shook his head slowly. “No.” He brought his hands to Chase’s groin. “Lift.” He fumbled at the knot in the towel, undoing it and letting the sides fall. Chase’s cock sprung free, and he shifted his thighs anxiously, wanting more. Jaden freed himself next, and then lowered to lay over Chase, pressing them together from head to toe.

  He propped his elbows on either side of Chase’s head and rocked forward, dragging their cocks alongside one another. They were both leaking, making the glide slick and somewhat easy. Chase hitched his hips to meet Jaden’s movement and they found a rhythm quickly, the pace steadily increasing with every passing minute. Chase was panting and Jaden was muttering low, bossing Chase around, asking for him to move this way, push up with more force, pick up his speed.

  And then he grabbed Chase’s hand, bringing it between their bodies, wrapping it around their cocks and directing their strokes. He controlled the friction, the movement, and Chase felt himself tumbling toward the edge. Everything in him was tight and hot, and the noises leaving him were getting higher and breathier as he lost himself.

  He came over their joined hands, smearing it on their stomachs and Jaden’s shirt as it spurted in steady, draining pulses between them. Jaden followed soon after, releasing onto Chase’s cock while it was still twitching with aftershocks. Jaden left enough space between them that Chase could watch, and at the sight of Jaden marking him, his cock valiantly managed the tiniest of dribbles from its glistening slit.

  Jaden collapsed on him, knocking out any air Chase might have still had in him. “Who won?” Jaden’s voice was husky and somewhat slurred with exhaustion.

  Chase patted Jaden’s butt as an answer, then decided it was a pretty good spot to leave his hand. He cupped the warm curve of a butt cheek and closed his eyes. A short nap and he’d be ready for round two….

  Jaden lifted the last of his luggage into the trunk of his car. The shutting of the lid was final, punctuating the brisk morning air. Chase stood to the side, feeling like an elephant was sitting on his chest and crushing his lungs.

  He didn’t want to say goodbye.

  The words like ash in his mouth, he asked, “Are you happy to be going back?”

  Jaden approached him, wrapping his arms around Chase’s waist and squeezing. His breath washed over Chase’s skin. “Yes and no. It feels… important. There are things I have to do, for myself.”

  Chase wouldn’t argue with that. He pressed his lips to Jaden’s temple and inhaled deeply. “Have a safe trip,” he said, long moments later. Stepping away from Jaden was difficult, his fingers twitched.

  Jaden smiled, somewhat strained. “Thanks. You’ve got my number. Don’t be a stranger.” His smile became easier, wider. “You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. I don’t want to lose that.”

  Chase’s eyes definitely weren’t watering. “You won’t.” He swallowed the lump in his throat.

  Behind him, one of Jaden’s brothers—probably Zane—scoffed. Right, they had an audience. Chase twisted to glare at them, only to find their gazes boring into him, disapproval radiating. Phoenix had a brow arched meaningfully, and he tilted his head toward Jaden. Chase shook his.

  He left while Jaden said his goodbyes to them, fleeing the scene so as to avoid being alone with their weighty judgment.

  The door to Chase’s house clicked shut behind him. The sound echoed in the empty home. Or maybe it was all in Chase’s head. He wasn't feeling so good. He flicked on the hall light. It was the middle of the day, but he hadn’t been home in ages except to pick up clothes, so all the blinds and curtains were closed.

  If the place felt lonely before, it felt like being stuck on a deserted island now. Chase had gotten used to another person in his space. In his bed. Eating meals with him. There wouldn’t be any of that here. His other person had gone back to their life.

  “I’m being melodramatic,” he said aloud. A rebuke.

  He went through the house, letting light in.

  His phone pinged, probably more texts from the too nosy brothers, hounding him about what they viewed as his stupidity.

  Not at their relationship, but at Chase’s unwillingness to ask Jaden to stay.

  He scowled at his refrigerator full of expired items. They didn’t understand. Jaden had always been told what he should do. Chase didn't want to be another person who took advantage of him.

  “Now I’m making excuses for myself to myself. I don’t need to explain my actions. They were the right thing.” He thunked his forehead against the freezer door. “And now I’m talking to myself. Clearly, I’ve lost my mind.”

  He hunted through his pantry for his secret stash of dark chocolate mint brownie mix. He was going to bake and eat his emotions away. It was the truly mature way to handle things.

  Two hours and seven minutes later, he’d demolished half a pan of brownies and his stomach was about to stage a mutiny. So maybe it wasn’t his greatest idea, but they sure had tasted good. Even with his stomach feeling ten times its normal size, he was tempted to eat another. Just one more.

  He picked up a corner piece.

  “Put the brownie down.”

  If Chase wasn’t weighed down by a million brownie calories and the lethargy that came with a sugar crash, he’d probably have fallen off his chair. As it was he managed a barely there twitch of surprise and a glare at Phoenix standing in his kitchen doorway. Just to be ornery, he took a bite even though his common sense was telling him no. He chewed slowly and exaggeratedly so Phoenix knew he couldn't tell Chase what to do.

  This earned him a snort from the man in question. “I can see maturity is your strong suit today,” said Phoenix, pushing off the frame to walk toward him. His hair was pulled back neatly. His gate was long and lazy. Strolling was a good word for how he moved. He was very graceful. “Can I talk to the twenty-nine-year-old man or does the inner five-year-old have the reins for today?”

  Chase flipped him off and returned to staring at the brownies.

  “The five-year-old then. Hmm. I can’t say
that I know how to talk to a child. Is it like talking to a stubborn dog?” He took Chase’s brownie from his fingers, and then proceeded to flick Chase in the nose.

  Chase flinched back, not expecting the contact, and frowned fiercely. His eyes crossed trying to see the tip of his nose. “I have never once seen you flick a dog.”

  “That’s because I haven’t. I tap their noses when I want them to let go of something. Flicking you just seemed more enjoyable for me.”

  “You’re an ass.”

  “An ass that cares.” He moved the brownie tin to the far counter, and then started to clean Chase’s mess, placing bowls in the sink and wiping down the countertops. “I brought you something.”

  Chase waited, but Phoenix didn't say anything else. He was washing the dishes now. “Are you going to make me guess?” he finally asked, raising his voice to be heard over the rushing water.

  “I was going to make you wait till I finished cleaning up, but guessing sounds fun. Go ahead and give it a try.”

  Chase dropped his head to the table and covered it with his arms. “How did you get in?”

  “I didn’t catch that. Speak up.” There was a loud clanging noise as he dropped something in the sink.

  Chase elevated his chin enough to audibly say, “Don’t break anything.”

  “And what’d you say before that?” Phoenix held up a glass measuring cup. “Answer or the cup bites the dust.”

  “If you break it, you’re buying me another,” muttered Chase. Louder, he said, “How did you get in?”

  “I walked through the door. You didn’t lock it.” He set the cup down—gently—turned the water off, and then settled in the seat across from Chase. “You know, this is your fault and you don’t get to be all mopey about it.”

  If Chase had to resort to pinching the bridge of his nose one more time, there was going to be a permanent indent from this last month. “If you’re supposed to be cheering me up, I don’t think you’re going about it the right way.”