Finding Us

by S. K. Hartley

  “Everything okay, babe?” Tate’s arms quickly wrapped around my waist. Ace’s arm fell from my shoulder as he gave a sharp nod.

  “Remember what I said, Low,” he said before making his way down the corridor, disappearing from sight.

  “What was that about?” Tate growled into my ear, squeezing my waist tighter.

  “Oh, just talking about Dr. Voxen’s class,” I mumbled, my gaze dropping to my feet.

  “You sure?” Tate asked, turning me around in his arms, our faces inches apart.

  “P… positive,” I stuttered, trying to get my tongue to wrap around the words I needed to get out.

  I couldn’t help but shrink a little in his arms; his pointed stare made me quiver but also made me quake in need. My physical and emotional reaction to Tate was becoming unbearable, the pull towards him was strong, yet my heightened emotions were suppressing the pull at every turn.

  “Good.” He groaned as he place a gentle kiss on my neck, inhaling my scent as he did so. “I have practice tonight, do you want me to come over after I’ve showered?”

  What the hell do I do? For the first time in a long time, I was so damn confused I couldn’t think straight. Tate was no longer my best friend’s brother, he was someone who could melt me, mold me, and bend me into the person I could become, the person I’ve been dying to be for so long. And that right there was the most dangerous thing of all.

  “Not tonight, I’ve got a major headache coming on and I have to get a paper written for class. Tomorrow though?”

  It was a cheap move, but it had to be done.

  “Okay.” He whispered, “You sure everything’s alright?”

  “Promise.” I smiled.

  The smile didn’t reach my eyes, no matter how much I tried; lying to Tate was ripping me into tiny little shreds. I was so screwed.

  I placed my head in my hands as I sat at my desk in my dorm room, the pounding of a slow throb in my ears becoming unbearable. I had been working for a good two hours, trying to get this paper written. It was no use, my mind was elsewhere. Namely with Tate.

  Flicking my notepad closed, I got up from my seat and made my way into the bathroom, ready to take a shower, hoping to wash away some of the sin I could feel against my skin. Just as I reached out to turn the knob, I heard the dorm room door slamming.

  My heart jumped to my throat, and my hands suck uncontrollably. Who the hell was that? Tiptoeing behind the door, I waited.

  “Low, you in here?”

  I sighed as I sidestepped the door and walked back out of the room. Sitting on the floor was what looked to be a very upset Neva. Her eyes were rimmed a deep shade of red, while she hugged her legs in a childlike manner.

  “Hey, what’s going on?” I said as I crouched down beside her.

  “We had a fight.” She cried, fresh tears springing to her eyes.

  “So you spoke to him?”

  “Yeah, it didn’t go very well.” She sniffed, wiping her nose. “He said that he would never hold anything back from me, that he loved me. But, I still feel like he isn’t telling me the whole truth.”

  I bit my lip at her words; she was right, he wasn’t telling her everything, and it made me angry. I suddenly forgot my own insecurities and feelings, suppressing them to try and get a level head, hoping I could help my best friend.

  “I’m sorry, sweetie,” I comforted, pushing a stray piece of hair behind her ear. I had no idea what else to say. I couldn’t tell her what I knew.

  “I just don’t u—”

  The room door suddenly flung open, and in walked a very pissed off Logan, his shirt absolutely nowhere in sight, only his jeans covering his bare body. Even his feet were bare. This couldn’t be good.

  “Neva, get your ass back to the apartment, or I’ll drag you there myself,” he growled, stepping into the dorm and kicking the door shut behind him.

  Stepping back, I watched as Neva crossed her arms in front of her chest, clearly not interested in cooperating with him.

  Turning to me, Logan eyed me suspiciously and grunted, “What have you said?”

  “Don’t look at me like that, Logan White, I haven’t said shit, much like you.”

  I couldn’t help it, it just slipped out. The moment the last words fell from my lips my hand instantly covered my mouth. Oh shit.

  “What do you mean ‘much like you’?” Neva said, standing up from her position on the floor. “What the hell aren’t you telling me?!”

  Her eyes flickered between Logan and me, her eyes prosecuting every inch of us.

  “This is sooo not my place,” I said, throwing my hands up in surrender.

  Logan growled from beside me before stalking over to Neva, her hands dropped by her sides as he stepped against the front of her body.

  “I love you,” he whispered, placing a tender kiss against her lips.

  Suddenly Neva was screaming, her body flung over Logan’s shoulder as she pounded her fists against his back, her legs flailing in the air.

  “Logan White! I hate your very fine ass right now!!” she yelled as he laughed, carrying her out of the door and down the corridor.

  “Well that was interesting.” I sighed, throwing myself onto my bed, flinging my arms above my head.

  Closing my eyes, my mind rolled back to the text message, to my mom who was now on a plane to Vegas. How had everything gone so wrong so quickly? I wasn’t naïve, I knew this day was going to come eventually. I just didn’t think it would be when I was so close to unravelling. Minutes ticked by as I thought about what I was going to do, how was I going to fix the situation. But my body decided enough was enough, and I quickly fell into a deep, hellish sleep.

  I gulped hard, slowly pointing the barrel of the 9mm at the woman who knelt in front of me. I had to do as I was told, I had to do this. The barrel pushing hard against the back of my own head reminded me why I was here, what I needed to do. The tears fell silently as my finger moved to the trigger, resting gently, waiting for my signal.

  “Remind her why she’s on her knees, little Willow,” the voice that made my skin crawl whispered into the shell of my ear.

  “You’re in this position because you broke the family code. You lied, cheated, and snuck around, all for your own personal gain. Personal gain isn’t tolerated, the only gain you should be searching for is the gain for this family. You created a… a bastard within the family. He can never be heir.”

  The words poured from my mouth but broke my very core. I stared into the somber eyes of the woman kneeling before me, silently begging her to fight, to kick back, to do something that would get her out of this situation. I didn’t want to hurt her, I didn’t want to do this. The gun that was pointed to my head moved back; it was no longer crushing against my skull.

  “Good. Now make her beg for her life,” he said in a slow, calm voice.

  My body shivered from the cool tone of his disgusting voice, making my skin crawl. I had to make her beg; if I didn’t, it would hold consequences, consequences that would cause unimaginable pain.

  “Beg. Tell me why I should keep you alive,” I whispered, the tears falling with every word that fell from my lips.

  This was wrong, so wrong, I knew that, yet I was still here.

  “You shouldn’t,” the woman said simply, not once flinching. “I would rather be dead than spend another day in this life, the life I was forced into. So, please. Shoot me.”

  I watched as the woman closed her eyes, turning her head and looking away from me. She couldn’t look at me. Hell, I couldn’t look at myself most days. She didn’t want this life, and I was right there with her. I wanted to get out too.

  “Do it,” the male voice said from behind me. “Make her pay.”

  He wanted me to shoot her? I may have been trained to use a gun, but I knew my body wouldn’t physically allow to me to do it. He was trying to win a losing battle. I wouldn’t do it.

  “No,” I whispered.

  The woman’s eyes quickly shot open, her head snapping to min
e. She knew exactly what I had done. I had defied him, I had told him ‘no.’ No one tells him ‘no.’

  “You stupid bitch!” he growled.

  I suddenly dropped to my knees as pain sliced through the back of my skull, blurring my vision and sending the worst kind of throbbing ache through my body. I knew the sharpness of that pain, I knew it well. I had been hit on the back of the head with the butt of the Glock.

  Blood trickled down the back of my neck as my fingertips grazed the deep gash. More stitches. I looked up into the eyes of the woman who only moments before had asked me to kill her, her face a picture of pain as she watched the tears fall.

  “I’m sorry,” I begged.

  Then I felt it. The butt of the gun struck once more.

  My eyelids snapped open so quickly I thought they were never there to begin with. My heart pounded as the blood rushed straight to the scar on the back of my head. My hand fumbled as I probed the thick blonde tresses, seeking one of the reminders of my past.

  It was right there right then I finally decided enough was enough. I had been hiding for long enough, I had been denying a part of me for nearly six years. I was in too deep. I had people I cared about now, my heart was no longer my own; it was shared between the relationships I had made. I couldn’t ignore the warning, I had to finally face the music – even if it killed me.

  That night I placed five little hearts into the glass jar. Four for the lies I had given and one for good luck. I kissed each one and shed a small tear for the very last.

  One hundred and fifty-eight reasons for me to start… fighting back?

  Chapter Seven

  Me: How long?

  Unknown number: Soon.

  Me: Keep me informed. Protocol is essential.

  Unknown number: Understood.

  I hadn’t slept. My brain had been working at frightening speeds since I’d texted the unknown number back. I looked down at my wristwatch; I was already twenty minutes late for a class I wasn’t sure I’d walk into again. Everything had escalated so rapidly it made my head spin and my heart hurt. Nothing was ever going to be the same.

  My finger stroked the rim of my coffee cup, collecting the condensation as it soaked into my skin. I’d been sitting in coffee shop two towns away for the last hour, trying to hold back the nerves that were trying to escape and consume me. I pushed down the fear with a large gulp of black coffee, hoping the nerves would blend deep in my gut with my cheap, nasty coffee.

  “Can I get you another?”

  I balked back, almost toppling over my lukewarm coffee as I reared back in my chair. My jittery nerves quickly calmed when I noticed the smiling face of the waitress.

  “Um, yeah. Please.” I smiled tightly.

  The waitress nodded and wrote down my order, making her way behind the counter to make my coffee. As disgusting as the drink was, I needed to do something with my hands.

  I had strategically placed myself in the far corner of the coffee shop, the table slightly hidden by a large pillar just behind the empty seat in front of me. I needed to be shielded from prying eyes, and this was the best place I could get on such short notice.

  “There you go, my love,” the waitress said as she placed my steaming cup in front of me.

  My hands instantly cupped the off-white mug, the burning sensation warming my unusually cold hands but did nothing to heat the stillness of my bones.

  “Thank you.” I smiled, watching as the waitress moved around the room, filling more coffee cups as she went.

  My eyes were suddenly drawn to the door on the opposite side of the shop. A figure dressed in black stood just inside the threshold, eyeing the surroundings. The figure’s head was tilted down, masking their face with a cap and hood as they made their way towards my table.

  I brought my cup to my lips, my hands shaking slightly in the process. Taking a large gulp, I winced as the burning liquid hit my tongue and throat, scorching its way down to my empty stomach. It tasted like mud, but I couldn’t deny loving the burn against my tongue.

  “You drag me all the way out here and you don’t even get me a coffee?” The figure grunted at me, taking the empty chair in front of me. “Where are your manners, Willow?”

  He made no move to pull down his hood or remove his cap. Instead he slouched in his chair, crossing his arms across his broad chest.

  “Skip the bullshit, Jace,” I said, sliding my cup across the table. He caught it without as much as a glance in its direction. “We need to cut to the chase.”

  “So cut to the chase,” he said, taking a long pull from the cup, not once wincing at its foul taste.

  “It’s started.”

  I could feel the blood draining from my face as his heated stare met mine, his eyes hooded from the shade of his cap, but I could still see the deep, dark brown irises hiding underneath the shadow. I noticed the smallest frown line appear just beneath his plump bottom lip: he knew exactly what I was talking about.

  “When did this happen?” he grunted, taking another large gulp of coffee.

  “Last night,” I muttered.

  “Last night?” he said, sliding the coffee cup back to me, completely drained of its contents. “This happened last night and you’re only telling me now?”

  “I’m telling you now, aren’t I?” I fumed, the nerves inside my gut morphing into anger the more his eyes penetrated mine.

  He rolled his eyes, breaking the tension that sat between us. “Next time, you fucking tell me as soon as you know. Are we clear?” he said, cocking his brow at me. I didn’t respond. “Are we clear, Willow? I’m not fucking around here, this isn’t a game. You have some serious decisions to start making, and soon.”

  As much as it pained me to say it, he was right. Hard decisions needed to be made, big girl panties had to be pulled up, and balls needed to be formed. This wasn’t just a game kids played, it wasn’t the movies. This was real life, and we were right in the thick of reality.

  “Fine. Understood. Jesus,” I said, running my finger over the rim of the cold and empty mug. “What do we do now?”

  “We just go with it. There isn’t anything we can do to stop the inevitable, we’ve just got to damn well hope that we come out of the other side of this fuck up.”

  “I don’t know if I can do it,” I muttered, closing my eyes. It wasn’t really a matter of not knowing. I was pretty sure I couldn’t do it, no matter what the god damn outcome was.

  The thing is with secrets, lies, and deceit, they tend to catch up with you. Past. Past has to be the most insignificant word in the damn dictionary. It’s defined as ‘gone by in time and no longer existing.’ Since when has the past ever just been the past? Decisions, mistakes, demons: they creep up on you, walk all over you and spill open, exposing your present and future to the murky depths of your history. Yeah, past… not really that insignificant after all.

  “You don’t have a choice, Willow,” Jace muttered, pulling me out of my thoughts.

  “I know but it doesn’t mean I have to fucking like it,” I seethed.

  I was done with this conversation. I didn’t want to think about it. I knew I had to go back to normal, to make others believe I didn’t have a history, that I was Low Parker. It was becoming exhausting, and I’d had enough.

  “I’m not saying you have to like it, just… just deal with it, Willow, for all our sakes.”

  Dammit, I hated when he did this. I rolled my eyes like a petulant child.

  “Fine,” I grumbled, crossing my arms over my chest.

  “You’re cute when you go all pouty on me, Willow.” He smirked, leaning across the table.

  His left hand suddenly cupped my cheek, running the pad of his thumb over the skin that had quickly broken out in goosebumps. Crap.

  “Hands off, Jace. This isn’t a free-for-all. If you want to keep your dick attached to your body, I suggest you remove your hand right now.”

  I didn’t know what had come over me. Maybe it was the shitty coffee combined with my delicate nerves, but w
hatever it was, I couldn’t let it stand in my way of carrying out what I needed to do.

  Jace’s deep and throaty chuckle pulled me out of my thoughts, his large, warm hand leaving my cold flesh, folding back into the warm cove of his chest. He stared me down, the slither of sunlight through the windows illuminating one side of his face. I could finally see the deep brown depths of his eyes, like a never ending sea of dark chocolate.

  “You know, your threats never really did anything to make me back off, Willow. Instead, they only made me want to come at you harder, faster… stronger,” he said, placing his elbows upon the table, leaning forward. “You don’t scare me.”

  The smirk on his face irritated me to the point of committing violence. I really wanted to punch him in his deliciously thick throat, but at the same time kiss that smirk right off his face. What the fuck was wrong with me?

  “You and I both know,” I matched his smirk, “that you’d be intolerably stupid if you didn’t fear me.”

  I watched as his smirk turned into a full mega-watt smile, chuckling under his breath.

  “I wouldn’t count on it, babe.” He winked, his smile morphing into a deep growl that did nothing for my conflicting thoughts.

  “Jace, I have no idea what I’m doing right now,” I confessed. I instantly regretted my moment of weakness when he dropped the hood from his head, staring me down with his brown eyes.

  “Who the fuck does?” he said, pointing his finger in my direction. “Do you think I have any damn idea how to get out of this unholy mess? If I did, Willow, you’d be the first person I’d rescue from this shit.”

  I let out a small chuckle, the image of Jace on a white horse coming to my rescue taking over my messed up thoughts.

  “My knight in shining armor, huh?”

  “Damn fucking straight.” He smiled playfully. “And don’t you ever forget it, princess.”

  “How are things going your side?” I asked, noting to punch him in the throat if he called me princess ever again.

  “There’s movement, not much, but they know something big is about to happen.”