Finding Us

by S. K. Hartley

  Jesus.

  “It’s going to be pretty ugly, isn’t it?” I asked, but in reality I knew the answer. I wasn’t naïve: hopeful, but never naïve.

  Jace was one of only two people I trusted. One of two who I had no doubt would kill to protect what we built. He saved me once, he’d do it again.

  “It’s going to be one hell of a battle, babe.” He sighed. “Just remember what brought you to this point in the first place, that should be enough to help you pull through it.”

  “I wish it was that easy.”

  “Life’s as easy as you allow it to be.”

  Jace’s parting words vibrated through my mind throughout the rest of the evening.

  Life’s as easy as you allow it to be.

  I didn’t believe it for one second, but just watching Jace’s relaxed posture as he said those nine little words to me filled me with more hope than I’d had in six years. Always hopeful, never naïve.

  “You’re quiet tonight,” Neva said as she took a seat next to me on Logan’s sofa.

  I had walked from the coffee shop after my meeting with Jace and ended up at Logan’s front door; it wasn’t a conscious thing. I suppose it was my mind’s way of telling me that something big was about to go down and I needed to spend time with the people who I surrounded myself with.

  “Just tired. Dr. Voxen is pushing papers on us nonstop right now.” I sighed. Another lie. Another heart.

  “Tell me about it. My music class is becoming suffocating. It still gives me the creeps walking into that classroom,” She replied.

  I understood that. Neva had met Angel Walker in that very classroom: the man who gave her reason to heal only to break her back down again. I’m surprised this woman was still standing after everything she had been through. She was tough, no matter how weak she may think she is.

  “Baby, dinner’s almost ready,” Logan shouted from the kitchen.

  The scent of tomato and basil quickly surrounded my nostrils as I inhaled hard. It smelt delicious, whatever he was making.

  “You know, he has to be the most domesticated man I’ve ever met.” I laughed, turning to Neva.

  “I know. But he was the man of the house after his dad left. He had to learn how to cook, clean, and do what he thought his father should have done for his mother. It’s in his bones. Let him have his little moment.” She giggled.

  “If I find him in a pink apron, I’m totally bailing.” I smiled.

  “My lips are sealed,” she said, grabbing my hand and dragging me into the kitchen.

  One minute I was being dragged into a room, the next I was almost on the floor laughing. Logan wasn’t in a pink apron—he was in a naked male apron. The front of the apron sported a model with abs so tight it looked unnatural, and funny as hell.

  “What the hell are you wearing?” I said between howls of laughter.

  Logan flashed his signature smirk over his shoulder, winking as he placed the wooden spoon into his mouth and groaning. I heard a small gasp escape Neva’s lips. I rolled my eyes.

  “If you start fornicating on the dining table, I swear I will cut you both.” I groaned.

  “Want some?” Logan laughed, holding out the wooden spoon to me like a child.

  I raised my brow. “Have you had your mouth around that spoon?”

  He looked at the spoon before looking back at me. “Yeah. Why?” he asked, taking a step towards me with the offending spoon.

  “I’m not putting that thing in my mouth if it’s just been in yours. I have no idea where it’s been.”

  A small snort burst from Neva’s lips as she took a seat at the small dining table. Logan winked at her before shrugging.

  “My point exactly,” I pointed out as Logan dished out the food.

  Taking a seat at the table, I almost moaned out loud from the aroma laid before me on a plate. Logan had made spaghetti in a tomato and basil sauce. My mouth watered.

  “You can cook,” I said between bites. “Who knew?”

  Logan winked. “I have a very particular set of skills,” he started.

  I laughed as Neva dropped her fork against her plate, groaning as she placed her head in her hands.

  “Skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you,” I continued.

  “If you let my spaghetti go now, that’ll be the end of it.” Logan smirked as he took a bite from his plate.

  “Enough. What the hell is it with you two and Liam Neeson?” Neva said, shaking her head.

  “I will not look for you, I will not pursue you,” Logan carried on, chuckling at Neva as she groaned again.

  “But if you don’t, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.”

  Turning, I watched as Tate walked into Logan’s apartment, flashing me a wink as he finished off the quote.

  “You’re all conspiring against me! I hate that movie,” Neva said, standing, grabbing her plate she walked to the kitchen counter and placed it by the sink. Shaking her head, she made her way over to the sofa and sat down with a heavy sigh as she turned on the flat screen tv, turning up the sound as if to drown us out.

  As Tate took a seat at the table, Logan and I burst out laughing, Tate smirking as his sister sighed dramatically.

  “You know you love it, baby girl,” Tate yelled over the tv to his sister. She waved her hand over her head in response. He chuckled deep as he plated himself some of Logan’s spaghetti, his left hand wandering to my right thigh under the table.

  The small touch made me shiver and damn if he didn’t notice. Looking up through my lashes, I watched as Tate’s eyes turned hooded and dark, laced with desire as his hand wandered farther up my thigh.

  Just as Tate’s hand came to rest on the very top of my thigh, Logan’s door flew open, in walking the twins and Ace.

  “Dude, you laid him the fuck out!” Colt cheered, punching the air in front of him. “You must have got some serious pussss… Hey!” Colt stopped mid-sentence as he became vastly aware of his surroundings and company.

  “Is that Logan’s mom’s tomato and spaghetti I can smell?” Ace asked as he moved towards the dining table, Zane and Colt peering behind him.

  “Am I the only one who didn’t know Logan could cook?” I asked, taking another bite of the deliciousness from the plate.

  “You always doubt me.” Logan winked as he left the table, indicating to the guys to grab a plate as he took a seat on the sofa by Neva, wrapping his arm around her.

  Ace, Colt and Zane all took a seat at the table, diving into their meals as if they had been starved for days. I sighed contently watching as the people around me, all of who had a special place in my heart… including the twins.

  I watched as the guys joked around, discussing Ace’s last fight and talking about the twins’ latest conquests. Each and every one of them holding genuine smiles for those around them, each one seemingly happy. There was just one person within that room who didn’t hold a genuine smile: me. I had been using a mask for so long I no longer remembered what a real smile felt or looked like. I knew it wasn’t real, but how do you teach yourself to smile when deep inside you’re crumbling?

  After filling our stomachs, everyone I held dear to me relaxed on the sofa. We watched our favorite movie Taken with Liam Neeson, everyone repeating the quote, including Neva. I sighed once more as I laid my weary head on Tate’s shoulder, his masculine scent surrounding me as he held me close.

  That night, I placed two black hearts into the jar.

  One hundred and sixty little lies. One hundred and sixty explanations of why fighting might not be good enough in the end.

  Chapter Eight

  Moisturizer.

  Concealer.

  Foundation.

  My very own recipe for the perfect mask.

  My scars were hidden, the brightness of my blue eyes taking everyone’s eyes from the area where they were sure they saw something hidden beneath the makeup. I could see it in their eyes as their gazes would dr
op just a fraction, staring for a little too long, trying to see something they had no idea was there.

  I sighed at the thought, throwing my mascara back into my makeup bag before adding a coat of gloss to my lips. I looked into the mirror, checking to ensure I was fully covered, that no scar was visible. I couldn’t see any. Well, that wasn’t strictly true. I could always see them, even with my expert hand of hiding it. You can’t hide what’s already tainted.

  I ran my fingers through my blonde hair, trying to stop it from frizzing against the rising spring humidity. Once I was sure I could pass as Low Parker, I left my dorm room and exited the building. I didn’t have any classes today; it was my only day of freedom against the persona I had created. Today I just wanted to spend some time alone, to think over things.

  My heels clanked against the cobbled ground of campus as I walked towards the coffee shop. Coffee really was my addiction, my down fall. Amongst other things. I basked in the light breeze that gathered around my bare calves, swishing my floral dress in its wake as I rounded the corner to the coffee shop. As I got closer, I spotted Jared behind the counter, his usual chipper self as I noticed him singing along to yet another hit song.

  Shaking my head, I entered the coffee shop. The music was on louder than usual but I didn’t mind. It was usually a sign that the manager had gone on a break and this was Jared’s way of saying ‘I don’t care.’ We all knew Jared had a crush on his manager: his very male, very straight manager. He made sure to remind him every day too.

  “Jared.” I sighed, stepping to the counter. “I’m in need of a hit. Fast.”

  Jared’s warm, lazy grin flashed across his face as he leaned both his elbows on the counter, holding his face in his hands.

  “Is that so?” he chimed, smiling at me like the damn Cheshire cat. “What am I going to get in return for your hit?”

  I rolled my eyes. “My god damn money?”

  “Hmm, I don’t quite think that’ll cut it today, Low.” He smirked, his eyes deviating to the left as he noticed his manager stepping back in from his break. “You get me a date with Preston over there, and I’ll give you a double shot skinny frappe with a mile of cream every day for the rest of the year. On me.”

  “You wouldn’t!” I gasped.

  “Oh, I would. I might even throw in some of those mini marshmallows you love and… I might just sit my fine ass down with you while you devour it,” he added.

  I couldn’t resist his challenge. Never wanting to back down from a challenge, I bit my lip as I nodded to Jared.

  “Better warm up the machine, baby. I’m going to need that double shot skinny frappe in an extra-large mug.” I winked.

  Jared laughed as I made my way over to Preston who was wiping down a couple of tables in the far back of the shop.

  I assessed him from afar. He was cute. His hair was a dark shade of brown, his eyes a warm blue. He was athletic, not too built, but enough to know beneath those clothes there’s no doubt some impressive muscles.

  “Hey, Preston.” I smiled, stepping towards him. “Got a minute?”

  Preston’s eyes locked with mine and he smiled warmly.

  “Sure, Low. What can I do for you?”

  “Well,” I said, winking over my shoulder at Jared who was leaning towards us, clearly trying to eaves drop on our conversation. Turning back to Preston, I immediately dropped the act. “Look, I know you’re as straight as they come, but your friend over there has a raging lady-boner for you and he just challenged me to get him a date with you and he would reward me with coffee.”

  “Ooookay?” Preston replied, clearly shocked by my non-sugarcoating of the truth.

  “I have a real addiction to coffee, Preston. So I’m going to make you an offer. I’m going to slip you five hundred bucks.”

  Preston’s eyes nearly bugged out of his head at the mention of the money. I wasn’t stupid, I knew Preston was struggling; his mom was sick and he could really use the money.

  “If you accept that five hundred bucks it means you’re going to take Jared out to dinner. I know you’re straight as an arrow, Preston. But for Jared, for just a couple of hours, be as straight as a fucking circle.”

  “I… uh. I. Hmm.”

  “Don’t talk.” I laughed gently. “Just nod your head if you agree to the terms.”

  Without hesitation, I watched as Preston’s head nodded slowly. Thrusting my hand into my pocket, I slid my cell number into his apron pocket that sat around his waist. “Call me. I’ll set up the bank transfer.”

  With a tight nod, Preston quietly went back to wiping tables. A smile played on my lips as I turned and walked to Jared who was standing there looking about as nervous as a child on his first day of school.

  “Coffee.” I smiled sweetly.

  “What the hell?” he whispered. “Do you know how long I’ve been lovingly violating him with my eyes? How did you do that?”

  “I have skills, Jared.” I laughed, thrusting out my hands and doing a gimme gesture. “Coffee.”

  With a smiling eye roll, Jared went to work on my coffee, sliding it across the counter into my hands in a takeout cup.

  “Thank you, baby.” I winked, “I’ve got some things to take care of. You remember I like my coffee at 9am sharp, right?”

  “Get out before I shove this cream somewhere where cream should never venture,” he threatened, pointing the can of cream at me.

  I squealed, running for my life out the door and out onto the sidewalk.

  I slowly made my way down the streets of Spring Water, stopping by small clothing stores on the way. I sighed heavy into the small hole on my coffee lid, clothes shopping seemed like such an ordinary thing to do. Pretty much normal. I wasn’t normal. Even being out on the streets was a risk.

  The thought made my bubbly Low persona wilt back in fear. I needed to get back to campus and get some studying done.

  With a little more rush in my step, I walked back to campus. Throwing away my empty coffee cup as I threw myself onto my bed with a thud, I let my mind wander as I closed my eyes; for a second, I smiled. Just the action of being remotely normal with friends was something of a rarity, and this always happened after the happiness bloomed. Reality would high-five me in the face and chant “Don’t be such a fucking moron.”

  With thoughts consuming my every breath, I slowly fell asleep. My mask still pretty much in place but doing nothing to stop the dreams that broke through the walls I had built around me.

  “Answer the fucking question.”

  The dark and husky voice penetrated the walls of the Manor, ringing out like a horror movie.

  I sat at the top of the first level staircase on my front, my chest squashed against the hardwood flooring. It was uncomfortable, but I didn’t care. I don’t know what pulled me to my spot, I hated this life, but something inside me told me to investigate.

  “You better answer him or this pretty little blade will be sticking out of your kidney.”

  The voices were muffled from the echo of the large manor, so I couldn’t tell who was talking. That only spiked my curiosity more. Then I heard it, the blood-curdling moan of pain that would forever be etched into the back of my mind. It was a cry that I recognized, a cry that would stay with me until my last dying breath.

  Suddenly, I heard crashing, as if someone was smashing plates against the floor, but I feared it was probably against the very person who was crying out. I was frozen to the spot, not wanting to leave but knowing my gut said otherwise. I pushed back the bile hitting the back of my throat and burning with ridiculous intensity.

  “Little Willow.”

  As that voice that made my skin crawl danced on the skin of my bare shoulder from behind me, I instantly shrunk back.

  “Y-yes,” I stuttered, still frozen in place on the floor.

  “I didn’t know you liked to watch.”

  With that, my body was quickly flung into the air, landing onto a very masculine shoulder. With my ass in the air and my head near a jean-covered ass
, I suppressed the scream that started creeping up my throat. I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction.

  I stayed silent as the man carried me down the staircase and into the very room where I had heard the screaming just moments before. I couldn’t see anything, only the thick carpet beneath me.

  “What the fuck’s this?” the deep and vile voice asked.

  “She was listening in. Thought I’d bring her down to see what all the commotion was about,” the man carrying me said.

  “Drop her.”

  I landed with a hard thud against the carpet, hitting it head first. I heard my lips burst before I felt it; blood trickled down my chin and onto my white t-shirt as I scrambled to my knees.

  I gulped back the involuntary gasp that wanted to escape as I took in everything around me. We were in a room I wasn’t supposed to be in for another couple of years. A table stood right in the center of the room, twelve chairs surrounding it with one single large chair at the very head. But that wasn’t what tried pulling the involuntary gasp from my lips. No, it was the sight of Amelia on her knees, a knife sticking out of her stomach as she cried in utter pain.

  Amelia. My god, Amelia. She had been disowned by her mafia family, and now she was in a room with the rival family of the mafia family she had been kicked out of. What the hell was going on?

  “Amelia,” I whispered, trying to get her to look at me. It was no use though. She knew her place right now, and it wasn’t a place where she could even imagine looking at me.

  “Silence!” a voice boomed from my right. “Amelia, such a pretty name for such a piece of trash.”

  I winced at his words. He was goading her and I had no doubt it was working. Her bottom lip trembled uncontrollably as she tried not to move, the knife not deep enough to cause internal bleeding, but enough so the knife would bounce every time she breathed.

  “I’m sorry,” I cried softly, still frozen in place on the floor as I stared at her blood-stained face.

  I watched as she finally looked me in the eye. Acceptance of my apology evident as she nodded slightly.

  And I screamed.

  Amelia’s face turned from submissive to completely defiant in one swift movement as she pushed the knife further into her body. Blood pooled around her: the crimson a color I would forever hate.