Choices

by Sydney Lane

  When we finally return to the cabin, Brody sends me to the living room to watch TV while he gets some things ready for dinner. I don’t know if I am more shocked that we aren’t going out or the fact that he knows how to cook. I listen to him banging around in the kitchen and think that he’s full of surprises.

  I know I need to call my mom, so I go upstairs to get my phone. I have 3 text messages – one from Declan and two from Jenna.

  Declan: Missed U 2night

  Jenna: Going home?

  Jenna: Call me :)

  Knowing Jenna will freak out if she doesn’t hear from me soon, I text her first. I’m not sure what to tell her yet.

  Me: Not home. Will talk later.

  When I read Declan’s message, I have mixed emotions. I missed our late night chat, too. I also feel guilty because I’m having so much fun with Brody. But I remind myself that I’m not dating anyone. I am free to do what I want.

  Me: Out of town. Missed U 2.

  I am wondering what to tell Jenna because I know she will ask. I have never lied to her, and I won’t start now. My phone beeps, and I smile when I read her message. She is so predictable.

  Jenna: Where R U?

  Me: Have fun, Jenna :)

  Jenna: Quincy!

  I finally call my mom. She seems tense, and I can only imagine what Katie has done now. When I ask, she is vague. But I know enough to know that something is wrong. We’ve all learned how to keep secrets. Even when they hurt.

  Chapter 25

  When I go back downstairs, Brody is sitting on the sofa watching TV. I wander over and sit next to him. He puts his arm around my shoulders, pulling me close. “Hey, I’m not going to bite. Remember, nothing will happen that you aren’t ready for.” He mistakes my mood for nerves.

  Wanting to reassure him and needing his touch, I turn toward him and move across his lap. Straddling him, I look into eyes the color of the ocean. I lean forward and brush my lips lightly across his. Closing my eyes, I deepen the kiss. His tongue slides across my lips and into my mouth. Reaching behind me, he pulls the band from my hair. When my hair falls forward, he wraps his hand in it, pulling me closer. He takes control of the kiss, and I feel him between my thighs. He groans and pushes his hips into me. “Damn, girl. What are you doing to me?”

  “Touch me, Brody.” My body is on fire, heat flowing through my veins. An ache builds between my legs. This is not enough.

  He quickly shifts my body and stands with me cradled in his arms. His mouth never leaves mine as he walks up the stairs. I wrap my arms around him, needing him closer. He gently lays me on the bed. “Slow down, Quince. I want to memorize every detail of your body. I want to know where every freckle is, and I want to kiss every one of them.”

  Pushing off the bed, he stands. His eyes never leave mine as he reaches over his head and pulls his shirt off. Slowly, he lowers his zipper and shrugs his shorts off. Standing in front of me with only boxer briefs on, he is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. His eyes captivate me, and I cannot look away.

  Smiling, he crawls over me. “Baby, I am going to come unglued if you keep looking at me like that.” Positioning himself between my legs, he presses into me. I think I might die if he doesn’t kiss me. Instead, he lowers his head to my neck, and my back arches off the bed. His lips barely graze my chest, his breath heating my sensitive skin. Pushing my shirt up over my stomach, he lowers his head. I gasp when I feel his lips there. I can’t control my breathing, and I struggle to catch a breath. Slowly, so slowly, his tongue tortures me, tracing circles from one hip to the other. I moan when he moves higher.

  He leans up on his elbow and pushes my shirt up. I raise my arms as he pulls it over my head. With one hand he unclasps my bra and slides it over my shoulders. While kissing my neck, his hand moves to my zipper, gently pulling it down. When he begins to tug my shorts lower, I lift my hips off of the bed so he can remove them. Kicking them off with my foot, I realize how exposed I am.

  I move to cover my breasts with my arm, but he pulls it away. “Oh, no, baby. I want to see every beautiful inch of you. Every. Single. Inch.” He punctuates each word with a kiss, and I writhe beneath him.

  After kissing his way down my stomach, he backs away. This time, when he lowers his head, he kisses my inner thigh. I say his name. I don’t know how much more I can take. He continues kissing, licking his way up my thigh. Reaching above his head, he begins sliding my panties down over my hips. As he pulls them down, he leans back, until he is kneeling between my legs. “My God, you are beautiful. And you have no idea. No idea what you do to me. I don’t deserve this.”

  He settles over me, and our bodies meld together from head to toe. His kiss takes my breath away. I open my legs for him, wrapping them around his waist. “Brody, please.” I don’t know how to tell him what I need, so I reach for his waistband, and tug it down. Pushing himself up, he helps push them down and off.

  When he begins kissing me, I can feel him against me. “Quince, if you want to stop, say it now. If we go any further, I’m going to lose my mind.”

  I stare up into his face, unblinking. A lock of hair is hanging across his forehead, and his lips are swollen from our kisses. I run my hands down his back. His breathing is labored and rough. Unable to speak, I nod my head. Kneeling between my legs, he reaches over me to the bedside table. I hear the sound of plastic tearing, and I watch, entranced, as he rolls the condom on and lowers himself onto me.

  When he kisses me this time, he is so gentle it hurts. He slows the tempo of our movements, allowing me to feel every touch. He is sweating, and he smells like the woods. I am lost in this moment.

  When I feel him against me, I tense. “Baby, relax. I’m going to take it slow. Open your legs for me.” I allow my legs to fall open, and his hands move under me to cup my hips. He continues to kiss along my neck as he presses into me. There is some discomfort, and I hold my breath. When he pulls my hips into him, I feel a sharp pain. I flinch and release my breath. He lies still on top of me while continuing to caress my body. His kisses relax me as I adjust to his body. Desire flares within me, and I wrap my legs around him. He moves his hips slowly, and the pain fades into pleasure. Skin to skin, lips to lips.

  Pressure begins to build, and I cry out as I explode from the inside out. Brody tenses, pushing his hips into me hard, and I feel him shudder as I run my hands down his back. Pulling me with him, he rolls off of me. We lay there, holding each other, until our breathing becomes even. “Let me go take care of this.” He stands, removes the condom and throws it away. I cannot take my eyes off of him, afraid that if I blink, I will realize this has all just been a dream.

  Coming back to bed, he crawls in beside me and pulls me close to his side. “Are you alright, Quince? The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.” He sounds concerned, anxious even.

  “Brody that was the most amazing thing I’ve ever experienced.” Jenna had told me that with the right person, it could be beautiful. And it was.

  “Me, too, babe.” He kisses the top of my head and hugs me tighter. “Me, too.”

  Chapter 26

  I open my eyes and realize I must have dozed off for a while. It is dark outside, and Brody isn’t with me. I do not like waking up alone. And naked.

  When I sit up, I’m a little stiff and sore in places I’ve never had to worry about before. I want a shower, but I am so hungry, I decide to get dressed and go downstairs. Brody is in the kitchen, preparing our plates. I lean against the doorway and watch him while he works. When he notices me, he hesitates for a moment, a smile spreading across his face. “Hey, I was going to wake you when I had everything ready.”

  “I woke up hungry. So, what are you working on here?” I gesture toward the plates. I don’t know why, but I am surprised that he cooked for me.

  “I marinated some chicken earlier, so I grilled it with some veggies. I hope you like it. It’s one of my mom’s recipes.” Ah, so his mother taught him to cook. That explains a lot.

  “I’m st
arving, and I love anything grilled.” The truth is, I would eat cardboard right now. “Is it ready?”

  “It’s almost finished. Why don’t you go have a seat, and I’ll bring it to you?” He looks so proud of himself, but there is also a hint of awkwardness. We really don’t know each other very well at all.

  I wander into the dining room, and the table is set for two. He’s been busy down here while I was sleeping. My cheeks flame as I remember why I was so tired. I’m really not sure how I’m supposed to act now. I am pondering this when he brings in our plates. Wow! It smells delicious.

  He leans over me to set my plate on the table, and I think that he smells better than the food. Sitting in front of me, he turns serious. “Quince, are you OK? I mean, you know. Are you in pain?” Because he looks genuinely concerned, I hold back a nervous giggle.

  “I’m a little stiff and sore, but nothing major. I’ll feel much better after I eat and shower.” I say this to reassure him. But I’m really trying to reassure myself. I fluctuate between being appalled at what I’ve done and wanting to do it again.

  He visibly relaxes, and I force myself to take a few controlled breaths. When I finally dig in, the food is wonderful. We make small talk while we eat, and I relax under his gaze. At least he’s stopped acting like I might fall to pieces any minute.

  We jointly attack the dishes, and for a moment, we almost look and act like a normal couple. “You’re doing it again.” Brody’s words shock me back to reality. He comes to stand in front of me. Placing his hands on my shoulders, he quietly says, “Don’t think too much.” He sweeps his hands around the room and says, “This is something I’m not very good at. It’s new to me, too. I’m trying here.” I hear him talking, but I can only nod my head in understanding. It’s hard to think with him this close to me.

  Taking my hand, he leads me upstairs to the bathroom. “Let’s take a shower first. I think it will make you feel better.” I panic. Does he seriously think we are going to shower together? When I start to back away, he pleads with me. “Come on, Quince. I have already seen you, and I want to take care of you.”

  “Will you turn the lights off?” I am so not ready for this.

  “We will do whatever you’re comfortable with. OK?” He opens a door and pulls out some towels and washcloths. I’m watching him as he moves, and I know there is nothing I want more in this world right now.

  “OK, but only in the dark.” He walks toward me, and when he is standing in front of me, he reaches over my shoulder to flip the switch. He gently pulls me into him and closes the door. It is so dark I can’t see anything at all.

  I shiver when he whispers in my ear, “I think this could be fun.” There is something very exciting about being touched by someone you can’t see. My skin comes alive as my other senses are heightened. I may not be able to see him, but I can hear his every breath, feel his heart beating under my hand, and smell his very essence.

  He turns on the shower, and returns to undress me. He gently removes each piece of my clothing before removing his own. Placing a hand on my lower back, he guides me into the shower. He is behind me, and his body presses against me. He places a kiss on my shoulder, making my body tingle all over. I feel him move away, hear the opening and closing of a bottle. When his hands return, he begins washing me with a cloth. I breathe in and smile. He is using his body wash, and I like the idea that I will smell just like him.

  After washing my back, he kneels to wash my legs. I have never felt anything so sensual, even earlier. Turning me around, he begins moving up my legs until he is standing. And when he reaches my breasts, the touch of the cloth feels so good, it is almost torture. He washes down my stomach, then lays the cloth aside. I hear him open the bottle again, and I jump when his hand glides between my thighs. He washes me so tenderly, I forget that I am sore. I feel his breath on my neck, sending tremors throughout my body. When his tongue glides along my shoulder, I almost collapse. He pushes me against the wall, holding me up. “Don’t think. Just feel.” He lifts my body up and steps between my thighs. I tense because I know I am still tender. “Baby, this is all about you right now. I won’t hurt you.”

  I relax against the wall, arching my back when his mouth grazes my breast. Without warning, I shatter in his hand. I cry out his name, and he continues to kiss me everywhere. My neck. My shoulder. My forehead. And finally, my lips.

  “Brody.” I say his name as I try to gain some control of myself. I am speechless.

  “Just remember that, baby. When you close your eyes, you remember this. I did this to you.” His words are forceful and full of passion, but it feels like he is saying goodbye.

  I need to touch him. I reach out to rub his chest and then wrap my arms around him to pull him close. My hands roam over his back. “Can you hand me the cloth and soap? I want to wash you, too.” My hands shake when he hands me the cloth. I lather it and begin washing him. Over his shoulder, down his chest, then his legs. I kneel in front of him, and when I rise, I feel him brush against me.

  He flinches and draws in a deep breath. “Quince, if you don’t stop, I’m going to lose control. This was for you. I can wait.”

  I want to make him feel as good as he makes me feel. I want to make it as hard for him to forget me as it would be for me to forget him. And although I’ve never done this, my instincts take over. When I touch him, he hisses. I continue rubbing him while I kiss his neck and chest. He leans into me, with his hands on the wall. He moves his hips, showing me how to touch him. Suddenly, he tenses and groans. “Baby, this is crazy. You barely touch me, and I’m exploding already.”

  I smile to myself, knowing I did this to him. But doubt lingers in the back of my mind, like an old friend. I know I don’t know what I’m doing, and there’s no telling how many girls he has been with. The thought of him with someone else makes me ill.

  He turns off the water, and reaches for our towels. While he dries my body, I am amazed by these new feelings within me. I step out of the shower, and he dries himself.

  Leaving the lights off, we walk back to his room. I slowly dress, and he pulls on some boxers. Lying against him feels so intimate, and I know that without a doubt, this night will not be enough. One traitorous tear rolls down my cheek as I try not to think about tomorrow.

  Chapter 27

  Brody and I decide to go back to Knoxville on Sunday. We don’t have class tomorrow, but I have to work. I also need to study and catch up on laundry. Even though I would love nothing more than to stay, I know we can’t hide here forever.

  When he tells me a story about his sister, I realize that he is actually very funny. I try to relax and enjoy his company. Although I have several opportunities to discuss myself, I am not ready to do that yet. I just want to savor these moments with him while they last.

  The drive goes by quickly, and in no time, we are back at Player’s. While he puts my bag in my car, I wait awkwardly. I don’t know how this is done.

  When I turn to say goodbye, he is close to me. He puts his hands on my waist and walks me backward, pushing me against my car. His lips whisper across mine, and I suddenly wish we had stayed at the cabin for another day. “Quince, I meant what I said. I don’t share. I don’t know what’s going on with you and Declan, but when he looks at you, I can see his feelings written all over his face. Seeing him looking at you like that is driving me insane. If I didn’t love him so damn much, I would kick his ass.” His body is tense, and his eyes pierce right through me. “He’s my brother, Quince.” He takes a deep breath and backs away.

  I nod and look away. “I know, Brody. I will talk to him.” In this moment, I mean every word I say. My feelings for him are so intense. When he’s near me, looking at me like this, I would promise him anything. And I’m not even sure what he’s asking.

  When I am unpacking, I glimpse my reflection in the mirror. Entranced, I stare at myself. I look just like Quincy Priest, but I imagined I would look different somehow. Like there would be a sign on my forehead proclaiming that I
am no longer a virgin. Standing there, examining myself, I realize I’ve crossed a line that I cannot erase. If not on the outside, but most certainly on the inside, I am forever changed. I stare until my vision is blurred by tears. Maybe I’m not the person I thought I was. Blinking the tears away, I try to push those thoughts from my mind.

  The dorm feels abnormally quiet without Jenna. The halls are empty, as most students won’t return until tomorrow. It gives me a chance to catch up on things, and I feel pretty productive. My phone rings when I am putting my books away. Declan.

  “Hey, Declan.” I answer because I don’t want to be alone with myself.

  “Hey! I didn’t expect you to answer. So when do you come back?” Hearing his voice makes me realize just how much I’ve missed him. He always makes me feel better.

  “I came back today. I needed to study and get caught up before work tomorrow. What about you? What are you doing?” Since his family lives in town, I figure he must be close by.

  “I was just planning to watch TV and go to bed early, but then, I talked to this awesome girl. Now I just want to see her.” I can hear the smile in his voice. I love it when he teases me. “You wanna come hang out at the house? Nobody is here but Brody and me.”

  I swallow and get choked. Coughing, I say, “Um, why don’t you come over here? I mean, it will make it easier for me to do my laundry.” I know I can’t see Brody right now, not with Declan around.

  “Sure. Just give me a few minutes, and I’ll be right over.” He sounds excited, as if there is nothing else he’d rather be doing.

  I finish putting my things away, and when he calls, I go down to get him. Stepping out of the elevator, I see him first. He is so darn handsome that I would have to be blind not to notice.