Tonight I’ve sat around my apartment battling with myself. A part of me wants to reach out to him...tell him I miss him. However, the scared part of me yells every single time the thought crosses my mind that if he was suffering as badly as I am right now, he’d be here...but he’s not.
Tears fill my eyes as I scroll through the music on my phone and find Sam Hunt and select Take Your Time, and fall back on my bed with Blue curled up beside me sleeping as I allow the tears I’ve been holding in all day to fall freely.
Thanks to Killian Miles I can’t even enjoy a goddam Sam Hunt song now because every time I hear them I burst into tears.
Why does love have to suck so badly?
Why can’t life for once be like a fairytale?
Girl meets boy, boy sweeps her off of her feet, and they run away together, living happily ever after.
I swear, God has it set in stone that Summer Williams is to never have a happy ending. I try so hard to not let the bad that I’ve lived define who I am or who I become, but when life gives you blow after blow, you begin to wonder just how many times life can knock you down before you finally decide maybe you’re better off not getting back up? Maybe if you don’t, it’ll finally move on and go ruin someone else’s happiness.
Chapter Twenty-One
I don’t realize I’ve fallen asleep until I awake to the sound of banging on my door. It startles me awake, making me wake up in a foggy daze with my heart racing in my chest. I sit up and look around the room wondering if maybe I dreamt it—but then I hear the loud banging again. Setting my phone down on my night stand, I jump out of bed and run to the front of my apartment. My feet freeze when I get to the front door and push the curtain aside to find Killian, soaked to the bone thanks to the down pouring rain outside, standing on my door step.
I don’t know how long I stand there in shock. The sound of Killian tapping his fingers against the window startles me out of my shocked induced state. Unlocking the door, I swing it open, “Killian?! What the hell are you doing?”
As soon as he steps through the door, he shrugs his soaking wet jacket off of his shoulders. I quickly grab it from him and lay it on my kitchen floor. I’ll worry about the puddle later. I grab a towel out of my bathroom before making my way back into the living room. “Thanks,” he says in a soft defeated tone as he takes the towel and begins drying his hair. His face looks freshly shaven but he still looks as tired as he had in the photos from a few days ago. “I know you are probably pissed that I’m here. I’ve tried to stay away but I can’t keep going on like this.” Lifting his head, his beautiful green eyes are filled with longing and sadness as they stare back at me with a curtain of inky black hair falling around them.
Seeing the pain that I’m carrying around reflecting back at me feels like a sucker punch to my gut. I bring my hand to my chest, pressing it against my heart that is still racing. The pain in my chest is almost unbearable. “I’m not angry Killian. I was never angry...I understood why you hid the things you did. I just don’t understand why, when you knew my history, you would still pursue me? You had to have known a history of drug abuse would’ve been a deal breaker for me.”
He begins pacing slowly in front of me as his fingers slide through his wet hair that’s hanging around his face. The entire time he speaks, his eyes remain locked onto mine. “I was selfish. I wish I could go back in time and fix this. If I could, I would do so many things differently. But one thing I won’t ever regret is falling in love with you, Summer. I was terrified that if I told you the truth about me that you would refuse to come with me. I know now I was right to assume that because look where we are now. I needed to be with you and because of that, I was selfish. I kept it a secret from you and along the way found myself falling more and more in love with you every day.”
Walking over to my futon, I plop down on it and pat the seat beside me, silently asking him to sit down beside me. “I’ve been thinking a lot since we parted ways, Killian. One thing I’ve concluded, truth or no truth from you, is: Before that road trip, I would’ve gone anyways because the pull I feel to you is stronger than anything I’ve ever felt in my life. I fell in love with you hard and fast when I least expected it. I’ve prayed every day since you went back to Los Angeles that I’d fall out of love with you just as quickly—but I found instead —even with us apart, I was falling more and more in love with you every single day. It’s been pure hell trying to get through these last two weeks without you. I hate myself because if I would’ve ignored the fear in the back of my mind and fought for you when we landed in L.A., maybe things would've been different. But then I let that tiny voice in the back of my mind tell me that it wasn’t up to me to fight for us... it was up to you...and you didn’t. Just like everyone else in my life, you left.”
Shifting to face me, Killian reaches out cautiously, before gently cupping my face in his hand. His fingers are cold from the rain but I still find my body warming from his touch. Even now, through all the tears that have been shed, a part of me still starves for his touch and aches to be near him.
“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do—even harder than rehab. When you got out of the car, everything in me was screaming to get out and beg you to listen to me, try to convince you that we would be okay. But I knew that would be yet again being selfish yet again only thinking of myself and not about you. I want to be honest with you about everything, and that means admitting to you everything I’ve done. I went a year without drinking a drop of alcohol or touching drugs while in rehab. Even the last few months when I was out, I didn’t touch anything drug or alcohol-related…that is...until South Carolina.”
Images of him taking shots at the bar the night of his performance and drinking beers during our game of pool play on a loop in my mind. I hate that I didn’t know because I could’ve helped him somehow resist that urge to drink. But I know from losing my mother, even the strongest love doesn’t hold a chance against an addiction.
Drugs outweigh love almost ninety-nine percent of the time. That’s the scary thing about addiction. It’s as if it goes into the addict's mind and blocks the part of their brain that helps them love and be loved. Instead, all their brain worries about is their next fix. If Killian wanted to drink, there would be nothing I could say or do to sway his decision.
His fingers lovingly run through my hair, making a shiver run through my body. With every passing second he spends here, I find my heart only aching to have him more. He’s slightly broken but is that reason enough to refuse him when I know deep inside of me that I want him...this?
His hand finds mine and I allow our fingers to lace together on my lap. He drops his gaze to our hands before continuing, “I knew our time was running out. Once our week was up and we got back to the real world, my lies and secrets would implode on me, and in the process, send you running as far away from me as possible. So I found myself turning to alcohol. I was drinking to have fun and celebrate the amazing trip we were having, but that’s how it always starts. It soon turns to drinking for fun, drinking because I’m sad, because I’m angry or because I need to numb the pain. The night I performed in Endings, I was drinking for all of those reasons.”
The need to comfort him and be comforted consumes me as I sit here next to him. The pain I see on his face and I feel inside of my body is all too much. I run my hand through his hair and then down to his face causing his eyes to look up and lock back onto mine, as I confess, “I hate that you were feeling that way when you were with me. This is why I’m scared, Killian. I can’t lose anyone else. The thought of losing you terrifies me.”
“I’ve spent the last two weeks attending my AA meetings and talking daily with my sponsor. I’m trying to do whatever I can do be the man you deserve. Once I got my shit together and everything with my label straightened out, I was going to come for you. I never stopped loving you, Summer. These two weeks apart have been the same for me as they have for you. I’ve only wanted you more since we’ve been apart. I finally caved and
drove down here because the pain was getting to be too much. I couldn’t go one more day without you in my life. I know loving me terrifies you, and the fear of what could happen is in our faces but for me you’re worth every single struggle and obstacle I have to face because if it means I get to spend my life with you, I’ll never stop fighting.”
I’m physically and emotionally exhausted. There is so much to think about and to figure out but I can’t do it tonight. Standing, I take Killian’s hand, “Come to bed with me please. I’m so tired...I want to find a way for us Killian...I really do. All we can do is try. We’ve tried being apart because that is logically the best choice, but the reality of it is, we’re both absolutely miserable without the other. What’s the sense in torturing ourselves when we’re both here right now willing to do whatever it takes to be happy?”
A ghost of a smile appears on his lips. “I love you, Summer. I promise you we will find a way.” Tugging gently on my hand he pulls me into his arms and holds me tightly in the most amazing hug of my life. I’ve missed this...missed him. We stay like this for a few minutes, just Killian and me wrapped up in each other’s arms saying absolutely nothing with our mouths, but with our hearts a million words are spoken in that single moment.
It’s been a month since Killian showed up at my door step in the middle of the night in the down pouring rain. Mila had a field day with it when I called her the next day. She went on and on about how our love story could be a Nicholas Sparks movie it’s so sickeningly sweet. I had a good laugh over that. Only my best friend could have those words come from her mouth.
Our love is far from some sappy romance story. It has its dark pages, and bumps along the way— but all epic love stories do. It’s what makes them epic. If they were easy, it wouldn’t be worth it. True love is the kind of love that no matter if it’s at the sweet stage or the crying buckets part, or even the dark and depressing stage of your relationship, your love for one another never falters and you never stop fighting for the person who owns your heart.
With Killian and me, we’d go to the ends of the earth to hold onto the once in a lifetime love we share.
Right now, we’re at a tattoo parlor for you guessed it—my very first and probably only tattoo I’ll ever get in my life. My best friend Mila is sitting on my right side holding my hand, while Killian is sitting above my head holding my other hand, as the tattoo artist who has piercings in every place you could possibly poke a needle works on my tattoo. I’m getting the quote I told Killian about back in at the Happy Endings Resort on my ribcage just under my left breast. It hurts unlike anything I’ve ever felt before but the pain and the tears I have running down the corners of my eyes is worth it because when it’s finished, I’ll have my life’s motto tattooed forever on my body.
“It looks amazing,” Mila says as she watches the tattoo artist finish up what little bit he has left.
Staring up at her with excitement and pain mixed in my features, I blurt out, “Really? Oh my God...I can’t believe I’m doing this. Is it almost done now? I’m dying to see it.”
I hear Killian laughing behind me before I feel his lips press softly to my forehead, as he says, “It looks amazing, babe. Believe me, you’re going to love it.”
The buzzing of the tattoo gun stops, causing me to whip my head towards the man who’s been tattooing my skin for the last hour. “You’re all set. If you sit up, you can walk over to that mirror and take a look at it and let me know what you think. Then I’ll get it all bandaged up for you and then you’ll be good to go.”
I’m shaking from the adrenaline that’s coursing through my veins as I try to get up. My legs are wobbly so Killian comes around to my right side, helping to hold me up. I step in front of the floor length mirror and my jaw drops. I think it just landed on the floor. “Wow. It turned out even more beautiful than I had imagined,” I say in almost a whisper as I take in the site of it.
The quote is written in a beautiful cursive font and around the edge of the quote are beautiful swirls and two stars. One for my mother and one for Killian. The darkest day of my life was losing my mother, but losing her lead me onto my path that brought me straight to Killian, who is the star that shines brightly in my life each and every day.
There’s no telling where our lives are going to take us from here, but as long as I have Killian by my side, I know that every single day together will be the most amazing and exciting journey.
The End…for now!
I hope you enjoyed Killian and Summer’s story! & I hope you check out all the other amazing Happy Endings Resort Novellas. There’s a new one out at the end of every month.
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Now here’s a sneak peek at the Happy Endings Resort Book 3!
Chapter One: Drunk On You
Sneak Peek at Book 3 Happy Endings Resort
By: Glenna Maynard
Drunk On You Chapter 1
Three Months Ago
Izzy
“Izabella, you aren’t dropping out of college to be a lifeguard!” My mom has her hands on her hips with her eyes narrowed on the suitcase strung open on my bed as I shove my swimsuits inside. “What about school? You already lost enough time chasing after Justin.” I take a good look around my room, wondering if I am forgetting anything of importance.
My room is filled with memories of the lie I have been living. I was so blissfully unaware of the truth. I scan my shelves, trying to avoid the photos of Justin and me. Nothing stands out that. I can live without most of the things I haven’t packed already. Oh well, if there is something I am forgetting, I will have my mom bring it, when she comes to visit me in a few weeks.
“I’m doing this,” I tell her with determination burning through my veins. “Justin humiliated me. Do you have any idea what it’s like to walk onto campus and have everyone whispering behind your back and laughing at you?” I stop packing and look to her for her answer. She looks down trying to come up with any reason to make me stay. “Exactly! Mom, I know you are worried about me going off on my own but I can’t stay here and be known as that girl.” That girl meaning the girl who caught her fiancé in the arms of another man four months ago.
I don’t know why I was so shocked really. Justin kept putting off having sex with me, said he wanted to respect me. Wait until our wedding night he said. In reality my fiancé, the man I had dated since eighth grade loved me, but not in the way, I thought he did. I can’t believe I never saw it coming. The signs were there. The way he touched me never seemed fully passionate. I always downplayed it to our inexperience, when in reality I just didn’t have the parts that turned him on.
Slamming my suitcase shut, I grab the handle and proceed to taking it out to my car that is packed with my most prized possessions, which isn’t much since Justin has tainted anything that I ever really cared for. My mom is standing on the porch watching me cautiously as I shut the trunk of my yellow beetle bug car. Well technically, it is a VW but I refer to it as my beetle.
“Izzy!” My mom calls for me, her voice cracking with emotion. “I know you need this, it’s just the mom in me. Call me once you have gotten settled,” she chides me. Deep down I know a part of her doesn’t want me to leave because once I am gone she will be alone. My mother has always been very codependent upon me. She hates being alone.
I smile and wave as I climb into my car and set out for Happy Endings Resort.
When I came across their ad for a lifeguard, it was as if a magnet was drawing me there. I have all of my certificates; I have worked as a lifeguard at the local pool during summer break since I was eighteen. I need this fresh start.
Throwing caution to the wind, I roll down my windows, turn up the radio as I leave my old life behind, and head for my new beginning…
A few hours later, I am pulling up to the gate of the resort, and a security guard named Ross greets me. I show him my ID and he checks his clipbo
ard and waves me into the resort. I park at the central office and eagerly go inside. The property manager has me signing documents and finishing anything else they need to complete the hire process. I am so excited to be starting this new chapter.
I will have my very own place for the first time since ever, but it is time, I am twenty-two for crying out loud. I am renting a trailer in the employee court. The thought of decorating my own place has me so excited. I am glad it will only be me and that no one here knows who I am. It means I won’t have to answer awkward questions and I am free to be whomever I want to be. Here I will just be Izzy as opposed to back home where I am that girl, the one whose fiancé was gay.
Justin always shot me down when I mentioned us moving in together before we got married. And our wedding well that was a whole other battle. He refused to marry me until we both were through school. Looking back, I was so foolish. Who really wants to get married at such a young age anyway? I was an idiot. There is so much I have yet to discover on my own.
Rory, the owner of the resort is escorting me to my new digs. I am following behind her in my car. She said she is on her way home and my new place is on the way. She has a cabin near where I’ll be living. She pointed it out to me on the map I was given of the property. I had no idea this place was so big. She seems really nice. Told me some story of how she inherited the place. Some guy wanted to break up the land and develop condos or something. The story she told me sounded like something out of a movie. I am glad she decided to keep the resort, or else I might not be getting my new start.
Anywhere With You Page 10
